Shrouded in Blackness

by Karlsson, Norma Jeanne

  “So you’re just gonna go from criminal bachelor to what, fake husband and father? How quick before we’re in your way and I’m out on my ass again? You’ve been good to us, Kieran, but I live in the real world. I know this has an expiration date. And based on the look on your face when I just said the words ‘husband and father’, I’m guessin’ that date’s sooner than later. I get it, we’re a lot to take on. I don’t expect anyone to do it. I’ve got a plan that’ll get us outta your hair and keep us off the streets. I just need a little time to figure it all out.”

  “Okay,” is the only response my mouth produces. My brain is working overtime to figure out half the shit she just said. First of all, yes my face turned in a strange twist when she said fake father and husband. I’ll analyze the flip my stomach performed later.

  Whatever she’s got planned is a bad idea. I can tell. I know a good plan when it’s swimming in someone’s head. Her plan is shit. I may have to tie her to a bed to keep her here after all. I’ll be damned if I let her carry out some harebrained mission she’s created on limited sleep after giving birth and committing sensational murder. Quinn’s out of her mind to think I’d be down with that. I’ll play along for a few days until I can pin her down.

  “We still need some stuff for the kids. Even for just a few days.”

  “Sure,” she says with a shrug.

  I press my palm into the small of her back and she doesn’t move away from my touch this time. She lets me lead her from behind through the house and out the back door. I could use a cigarette right about now, but I’ll hold off. I also need to hide all of the booze in the house before Jack gets here and lock the gun safe in the basement.

  I put Quinn in the SUV and head toward the baby store nearest to my house, according to the GPS. I need the assistance because I’ve never been to a baby store. Quinn has her hood back up and is pressed to the door again. I can’t take it so I reach across and pull her tiny frame toward me. I grab her hand, interlacing our fingers and rest (pin) her arm beneath mine on the console. She doesn’t fight me at any stage, just keeps her gaze faced forward. This is better.

  We drive in silence for the entire ride. This silence is less tense than before, but it’s not completely comfortable, either. I suppose driving to a baby store to buy things for your kids for the first time ever is a bit overwhelming for Quinn. It certainly has my ass in a daze. This is the shit couples do at happy moments in their lives. A part of me wishes that’s what Quinn and I were doing, instead of the reality that faces the criminal and the homeless girl.

  Quinn

  Kieran pulls up in a large shopping area with stores and restaurants all around. There aren’t a lot of people out, but the crowds are building. I just want this to move along so I can get back to the kids. I’m worried about them. I’m worried about Kieran’s hot cop cousin. I’m worried about Russians coming for retribution. I worried about being alone with Kieran any more than I have to be. He’s doing the right thing by me and the kids, but I can see on his face he’s uncomfortable.

  I don’t want to wear out our welcome before I can get some identification and a plan in place to access my father’s money. I haven’t had time to think it through, but I have an idea that might work. It means having to be visible again, which I swore I’d never do. I’ll need Kieran. He’ll have to keep the kids safe for me.

  We walk in the store after Kieran finishes his cigarette in the parking lot. Things are tense between us. It’s better now that we talked, but shit still isn’t right. Maybe it never will be. Committing murder together doesn’t seem to have been a bonding experience.

  I thought I’d have nightmares and feel unbearable guilt after gutting that monster, but I don’t. I feel something that’s a mix of relief and fear. If I were on the streets, I would feel more settled. Living at the gym and now moving to Kieran’s is way outside my comfort zone. You’d think having walls and massive fighters around me would bring me peace and it does a little. But more than anything, I feel vulnerable taking their help.

  I just want to get the money and get the hell out of here. Buy a cabin in the woods where I can see anyone coming for miles. Then I’ll feel safe. I wasn’t lying when I told Kieran how I felt in his arms last night. Stupidest damn thing I could have told him, like he needs me clinging to him right now. What he did last night with the washing and the holding was some primal base-brain behavior. I know it didn’t mean anything more than what it was. The resulting safe feeling I had was the intention, so I refuse to feel bad about it. I’m just never bringing it up again.

  We walk through the automatic sliding doors and come to a screeching halt. Holy-baby-products-two-stories-high! I’m overwhelmed. How much stuff can a baby need? I can’t do this. I start to back up and leave when a perky girl in a pink polo painted on her giant tits comes bounding up to Kieran.

  “Hi, I’m Kylie. Can I help you find anything today?” She beams like sunshine at him without a hint of acknowledgment of me. I’m pretty much hiding behind him at this point so that could be why.

  “Babe?” he calls over his shoulder at me, I’m assuming.

  “Yeah?”

  He reaches his hand back in my direction, waiting for me to come to his side. I wait for a moment, uncomfortable in my surroundings as well as with the perky cheerleader.

  “Quinn,” he growls when I don’t move. I roll my eyes and step to his side without taking his hand. He drops it and stuffs both hands in his pockets.

  “We need a bunch of stuff,” Kieran says sweetly to Kylie.

  “I can help with anything you need,” Kylie says suggestively like I’m not standing here. I don’t give a shit. He’s not my…well, anything. But, really? Get some class.

  “I don’t doubt that,” Kieran purrs. Jesus, this is getting uncomfortable. Intense eye-fucking has now commenced and I feel like a voyeur. I turn my gaze to the floor and wait it out. I need to get out of Kieran’s life so he can go back to girls like Kylie.

  I can’t stand here anymore so I walk toward the sign that says car seats. When I get in the aisle, my heart pounds with force at the never ending choices before me. Why I thought this would be simple, I don’t know. There’s an area with infant seats so I start there.

  I look for the cheapest one. No point in spending a bunch of money. I’ll get a better one later. I find the least expensive one for eighty bucks and grab the tag to retrieve it from the counter. I move over to the big car seats next. Jack’s six, but he’s small. I weighed and measured him last night after Kieran left. Jack weighs forty pounds and is forty-three inches tall. Based on the charts everywhere in this store, he’s the size of a four year old, like I thought. I’m excited when I find an even cheaper car seat for him that’s sixty bucks. I’ve got enough cash on me now that I can pay for it.

  Back in my silo living quarters, I buried a metal box with all the cash I took with me eight years ago. My father kept that box under his bed, so I grabbed it before I ran. It had ten thousand dollars in it. I’ve spent about fifty on myself per month for the last eight years. Having money and being homeless don’t go together. It attracts unwanted attention so I go without most of the time, eating at shelters and missions, buying only when I absolutely have to survive another day. I keep a few hundred in the lining of my backpack at all times, though. I should be able to pay for myself today.

  I move over to the baby carriers. If I could have my arms free, it would make life so much easier. I find one for thirty dollars and grab it off the shelf. Then I come upon the strollers. That would be helpful. There’s an ugly orange one that has a normal seat in front and bench seat behind it for big kids, the description informs me. It also says that you can put the car seat I’m getting for Ash in the front to make a travel system. Whatever the hell that is.

  “Can I help you with that?” a deep voice calls from behind me. I reach in my pants for my knife as I spin around and find a sweet-looking kid in the same pink polo as Kylie, only his fits him.

  “Maybe,” I respond,
releasing the grip on my knife. I can do this.

  “This is a good one if you have two kids. Your older one can run around or ride along. Helps to stop the fits that come from exhaustion, you know?” Doug says. I’m thankful for name tags at times like this.

  “That would be nice,” I lie. Jack would never have a fit from being tired. He’s lived a different life from the kids Doug and the rest of the people in this store are used to.

  “Best part is, this is a floor model so it’s on sale for fifty percent off,” he says through a sweet smile.

  “I’ll take it,” I respond, beaming him a large smile.

  He starts folding the stroller down while I watch, hoping to be able to remember the process. Once it’s collapsed, he stands back up and reaches his hand out to me.

  “You want me to ring those up for you too?” he asks. Ah, he wants the tags and carrier I’m holding.

  “Thanks.”

  “How old are your kids?” Doug asks as we make our way to the counter.

  “I have a three day old and a four-year-old,” I respond coolly. I probably should have lied completely, not just about Jack, but I’m not really on my toes right now. Where the hell is Kieran? Probably in a public bathroom banging Kylie.

  Doug rings me up and I hand over a lot of my cash, grimacing a little and then letting it go. Another kid brings the car seats up to the register and it’s time to go. Kieran is still nowhere to be seen. I have his keys in my pocket because I sat in the car while he smoked. I guess I’ll go to the SUV and wait.

  Doug follows me out to the SUV and loads the back for me. The tailgate is too high for me to grab and close it. When I jump a little to reach it, I miss and slip on a patch of ice. Doug throws an arm out and catches me behind my back before I bust my ass.

  This, of course, is when Kieran appears around the back of the SUV, finding me in Doug’s arms. Kieran’s face fills with rage as he balls his fists. I cut my eyes to him in a warning to back the fuck off.

  “Thanks, Doug.” I smile sweetly and stand up straight. He lets me go, steadying me a little first.

  “Thanks, Doug,” Kieran mocks from behind him.

  Doug spins around quickly, in shock that someone is standing there talking to him. Then the men stare each other down for a moment before Doug speaks.

  “You okay here?” he asks me softly, perceiving Kieran as a possible threat to me.

  “I’ll be fine as long as I don’t take up ice skating,” I joke, trying to break the tension. “Thanks again for your help.”

  He smiles broadly at me.

  “I hope all of this works out for you. Come back if you need help installin’ your car seats. We have a service. Congratulations on your baby. You look great, by the way,” Doug says moving past me with a wink. I feel my cheeks flame bright red at the compliment. And then what do I do? I giggle. That’s right, I giggle like a little girl, which makes my face grow shockingly red.

  “Have a good day,” Doug says through a chuckle and pats my arm walking around the opposite side of the SUV from Kieran.

  I follow in Doug’s path before climbing in the passenger seat. Doug looks over his shoulder and throws me a two finger wave and I offer him a giant smile. Kieran slams the back of the SUV shut, cutting off my smile as the vehicle bounces from his force. He climbs in the driver’s seat and slams that door even harder. Okay, Kieran’s pissed at something. Maybe Kylie wasn’t a good lay.

  “Don’t. Fuckin’. Do. That. AGAIN!” he roars in my face. I close my eyes and will myself not to grab my knife. It’s a battle.

  “You wanna tell me why you’re screamin’ in my face like a crazy person?” I ask calmly before opening my eyes.

  “You walked off from me, leavin’ me with that nightmare, Kylie. Once I scraped her off I couldn’t find you. When I did fuckin’ find you, you’re in some douche bag’s arms,” he growls.

  “I was givin’ you privacy, or at least alone time, with Kylie and your eye-fuckin’ session. I went to buy the things you instructed that I purchase. I then came to the SUV to load the stuff in the car and slipped on some ice, when Doug caught me you walked up. I didn’t do anything so back the fuck off, Dad,” I sneer. I tried staying calm. It’s not working.

  Kieran breaks into a menacing evil laugh. This version of him is scary and I’m considering climbing out of the SUV when he starts it up and peels out of the parking lot.

  “You’re so fuckin’ lucky you’re a girl,” he scoffs after we ride a few miles in painful silence.

  “You’re lucky you’re drivin’,” I counter, not taking kindly to the threat.

  “This isn’t gonna work, Kieran. Take me to the gym and then go home alone. I’m not fightin’ with you in front of my kids. It’s not worth it. They’ve been through enough. They don’t need this shit too.”

  “And whose fault is that, Quinn? I didn’t force you to live on the streets with your kids and let them get worked over by a pedophile. That’s on you, Shorty,” he seethes.

  Kieran pulls up at a red light and I hop out of the car before I slit his throat. We’re only five miles from the gym. If I run, I’ll make it in forty minutes. I cut through lanes of traffic and then slip between buildings and alleys, Kieran’s screams fading in the distance.

  Kieran

  I have beyond fucked up and I have no clue what to do. Quinn flew out of the SUV and disappeared like a ghost. I drove around for twenty minutes trying to spot her, but never did. So now I’m sitting outside the gym waiting for her.

  Let me clear something up…I was not eye-fucking Kylie. I was attempting to be nice to get us some help. When Quinn ran off, that girl turned into the scary chick that gives men nightmares. I didn’t expect Quinn to shop on her own and leave me there. I figured she was finding a distraction to rescue me from the claws of clingy. No such luck. I finally got away from Kylie by telling her I needed to find my wife. Kylie paled at that and let me go.

  I made my way around the store twice and couldn’t find Quinn, so I went out to the SUV thinking she got overwhelmed in the store. Then I find pretty boy holding her in his arms. I saw red. And to top off my fury, she giggled at him. I’ve never heard her giggle. She gave him that and I lost all common sense. I said horrid shit to her and chased her away. I need help.

  “Hey, Kieran.” Shannon’s sweet voice fills my ear.

  “I fucked up,” I admit in a defeated voice.

  “That didn’t take long.”

  “No shit.”

  “How bad?”

  “Bad.”

  “Kieran,” she sighs. “Tell me.”

  So I launch into the whole story from last night to right now. Shannon’s silent until I finish.

  “Holy fuckin’ shit, Kieran. I don’t even have words. Good for her. Fuck, I’m jealous I didn’t get to see her in action. I’ve had fantasies about doin’ someone like she did the Russian. But you said she’s not like me and that shit’ll fuck with her in one way or another. If she says she’s fine she probably is right now, but this just happened. Two months from now the nightmares could creep up on her. She needs to talk to someone. Someone you can trust not to turn her in. It’s important, Kieran.

  “Now for your bullshit. Are you completely fuckin’ stupid? Don’t ever again in your life say something like that to a woman who’s lived the life you think she has. You haven’t got the first clue what happened to her son or how. God forbid somethin’ worse was happenin’ to her while that little boy was tortured, you inconsiderate prick! Rein in that temper of yours and do it quick. You run her off and you know you’re puttin’ her in danger.”

  “I know,” I huff.

  “You want her?” Shannon growls.

  “She just gave birth, Shannon,” I admonish.

  “Answer the fuckin’ question this time.”

  “Yeah. Okay, yeah. She’s gorgeous and soft. She doesn’t need me to, but she lets me take care of her. A woman like you’d drive me insane. I need someone like Quinn,” I admit.

  “No shit. Y
ou couldn’t begin to handle me. You pulled some shit on me like you just pulled and there’d be a bullet in your head. Good for her for not slittin’ your throat. Though from what you said, I’m guessin’ she ran to keep herself from doin’ just that. Are you really ready to jump in and be partner and Daddy? That’s a lot, Kieran,” she finishes softly.

  “I feel better when they’re with me. I feel like I’m more than a criminal and a fighter. I feel sick for what I did to her today. You know me Shannon, I don’t give a shit about anyone. Other than you.”

  “Then you treat her how you treat me. You weren’t in my life for ten years and in the last seven weeks, you’ve done any and everything for me and never been cruel. I’m easier than she is so give her softness, Kieran. Give her what you’ve given me. And if you want her you do it right. Tell her and don’t act like a caveman because some kid’s helpin’ her after you deserted her. You do this and it’s a lifetime commitment. There’s no goin’ back.”

  “You think I can do it? I’m not changin’ who I am, Shannon. I can’t. I’m not a good person. Probably safer for them to let ’em go,” I say defeated.

  “Of course you can do it. If you’re not a good person then neither am I. So weigh those words carefully. What you did last night was gruesome, but it was honorable in my opinion. You’re a good man with twisted morals. That doesn’t mean you deserve any less happiness in life. Make this right and be happy. Someone in our family needs that right now,” she says in an emotionally exhausted voice.

  “God, I’m an asshole. You doin’ okay? Collin said everyone’s worried about you. That you’re not lookin’ good.”

  “I’m fine. I just want my man and the baby home,” she whispers.

  “It’ll happen. I feel it. You need me for anything, just say the word.”