“Oh, I’m fine, baby. This Trent guy sounds very special and important to you.”
“He’s becoming that way, Mom. Can you believe I’ve known him since I was a freshman in college? He’s from Montgomery. Did I already tell you that? Mom, are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes, Ray-Ray. But I have to be honest and tell you I’m still praying that you’ll find some nice young lady and make me a grandmother,” she said softly.
“Even after my last visit home? Didn’t I make myself clear?”
“Yes, and I think I understand.”
“Because I love you so much, Mama, I wish I could tell you it was going to happen. But I’m learning sometimes you have to give up old dreams to be happy today. That’s what I’m doing, Ma, I’m letting go of the old dreams and you have to do that too.”
“Yes, baby, I hear you. I don’t want to give up my dreams of being a grandmother but you know I just want you to be happy. For the first time in a long time you sound happy.”
“Yes, I’m very happy and your dreams may come true. I get the feeling Kirby will help you out with that dream.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. Maybe I should change my dreams and prayers,” Mama laughed. It was a warm, reassuring laugh.
“Mama will you and Pops be supportive of Trent and me?”
“Supportive?”
“Yes. Can I bring him home? Will you accept him?”
“If he’s as great as you say he is I don’t see why not.”
“What about Pops?”
“He handles it better than I do sometimes but I’m getting help.”
“Getting help?”
“Well, I did some research after you came home and I called this group called PFLAG.”
“PFLAG. What’s that?”
“Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, I think.”
“Did it help?”
“Yes, it did. It cleared up a lot of questions I had. I think all my misunderstandings came from my fear of the unknown.”
“Ma, I love you. I love you for loving me so hard and never giving up on me. A lot of people like me never have the type of love I get from you and Pops.”
“I love you too, baby, and I know your father does. We’re very proud of you for the way you supported Kyle and the way you’re facing up to the things you don’t understand. Now if you go to Seattle then you have to come home as soon as you get back. We have a few surprises for you.”
“Okay, Ma, I will. Tell Pops and Knucklehead I love them.”
“I will.”
When I hung up the phone from the conversation with my mother I knew what I was going to do.
Forty
The summer I was waiting for all my life happened. It seemed just when I was preparing to give up on straight black men and fairy tale endings, a shining ebony prince, namely Jared Stovall, flew into Little Rock.
Jared joined me for my family reunion and to visit the place where I grew up. The first evening he was there my mother asked him to say grace before dinner. Jared prayed with such a fervent tone that it took me by surprise. I felt a certain kind of power emanating from his voice, so much so that I shivered slightly as if something cool and wondrous had blown through my body. Jared held my hand tightly. It was during this prayer I realized power was in the eyes of the beholder. This wasn’t the first time Jared had prayed with me—he had become my prayer partner after my split with Shelia—but this was different. His prayer was so powerful that both my mother and aunt were in tears before he finished.
It was love at first sight for Jared and my mother. In fact, every one of my family members was drawn to his warm personality. After dinner, as Jared and I were preparing to go to our downtown hotel, my mother grabbed my hands and pulled me to her bedroom and said, “Don’t be no fool and let him get away, girl. Marry that man today.” It was advice given in a warm and friendly tone like we were good, good, girlfriends. I smiled and told my mother if Jared ever asked I would certainly take her advice into consideration. She pulled me close to her bosom and whispered she loved me and was glad I was home. She also suggested we go to the cemetery and visit Daddy before I returned to New York.
Jared had reserved a junior suite at the Excelsior Hotel in downtown Little Rock. The beautifully decorated suite included a large canopy bed and a view of the moonlit Arkansas River. Jared insisted the suite include a VCR. When I asked him why, he said it was a surprise.
After a nice romantic walk through downtown Little Rock, Jared and I retired to the suite where a bottle of chilled champagne was waiting on the small dining table.
“I’ve got a special copy of Boomerang,” Jared said.
“Boomerang? I thought you’d already seen it,” I said.
“I did but this is a special copy a friend made for me. It has a different ending.”
“A different ending?”
“Come on, get up here with me. You’ll see what I’m talking about.”
I climbed into the bed with Jared and began to watch the movie. I had seen it before so I decided I would critique Robin’s and Halle’s performances. Jared removed his shirt and I lay against his chest. I felt its warmth when I laid my head against him and the strength of his arms when he held me close. I looked up at him and enjoyed the sweetness of his smile and he said, “Don’t watch me, watch the movie.” I wondered what was so important about Boomerang.
When the movie ended I was thinking maybe I missed something as the credits rolled when suddenly Jared appeared on the screen dressed like Eddie Murphy in the final scene.
“Nicole,” Jared began from the screen, “Eddie had to learn the hard way but I realized I found the woman of my dreams the first time I kissed you.”
Jared pulled away from the bed and pushed the pause button, leaving his face on the screen, and slowly got down on his knees. He was shaking and goose bumps covered his naked shoulders.
“How did you do that?” I asked.
“I’ll explain later,” Jared said.
“Come on, Jared, tell me. I didn’t know you knew Eddie and Halle.”
“Nicole, please be quiet. I’m nervous enough,” Jared pleaded.
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Nicole, I know this is really fast but it’s something I’m certain of … absolutely certain about. When I first saw you at Spelman so many years ago, I thought you were one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. When I saw you again in New York, the same thing rang true. To find out you’re even more beautiful on the inside is a miracle. No, it’s a blessing.” I felt my eyes filling with tears as I hung on each word. Jared’s words blended together and wrapped themselves around me like the overture of a Broadway musical, the warmth and rhythm of his voice filling the suite. Jared took a deep breath and then continued as he reached under the bed and pulled out a small black box.
“Well, in case you don’t know where this is leading or what I’m trying to say, I guess I’ll just spit it out. Nicole Marie Springer, I would be honored if you would consider becoming my wife.”
My heart was pounding like a war drum; everything I had ever longed for was coming together in a way I could not have dreamed of a short time ago.
“Jared, I’m shocked. I mean I love you but this is so sudden,” I said.
“I know, baby. But I’m willing to wait until you’re ready. Just say you’ll wear this until you’re ready,” Jared said as he opened the tiny black box revealing a sparkling diamond engagement ring.
“Oh, this is beautiful, Jared. It really is.”
“Will you wear it, Nicole? Will you make me the happiest man oh this earth?”
“I don’t know, Jared.”
“Do you love me, Nicole?”
“Yes, Jared. I know that,” I said.
“Then trust your feelings, baby. Pray for direction,” Jared said. “Please know, Nicole Springer, that I promise to always give you the things that I can give for free. Something we can always give to each other until the end of time.”
>
“What’s that, Jared?” I smiled.
“Honesty and love. I promise to always be honest with you, no matter what.”
“Honesty?”
“Yes, honesty.”
This was too perfect, I thought. He was promising me something I always dreamed a man would offer me. I looked into Jared’s eyes and down at the ring. It seemed as though his large body was shaking as he remained on his knees. He took his hand and gently touched my face. No man’s touch had ever made me feel so warm and breathless at the same time. I reached for the ring and touched the surface of the diamond.
“It will look a lot better on your finger,” Jared said.
“You think so?”
“Let’s see,” Jared said as he placed the ring on my finger. It looked beautiful.
Jared went on to say he was willing to have a long engagement so I could be certain, but he knew his feelings for me would only grow stronger. He wanted to ask my mother for my hand in marriage before he left. He said he supported whatever I wanted to do in regard to my career and he was willing to move to New York.
Later in the evening I lay against Jared’s warm body staring at the ring and listening to Will Downing’s seductive voice piped from the tiny radio as Jared stroked his fingers through my hair. I turned toward Jared and positioned my body so my lips could be close to his and then I kissed him. Jared responded warmly and his lips and tongue suddenly left my lips and started to explore my neck, my chin, and finally my thinly covered breasts. At first I resisted but it felt so good and then something inside me let go and my body seemed to melt against Jared’s. Jared slowly slipped off my silk undergarments and I felt no shame, only pleasure as he stripped down to his underwear. He pulled me close to his chest and I kissed him softly. I could feel his heart pounding beneath my lips. He looked at me and said, “Are you sure you want to do this? I love you, Nicole, and I’ll love you even if you make me wait.”
“Do you have protection?”
“Yes,” Jared smiled and jumped out of the bed and dashed into the bathroom. When he came out he proudly held up two gold-wrapped condoms.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to go all the way but I wanted to make sure he was prepared.
Jared started to kiss my lips and breasts as he slowly moved his tongue down my stomach as though it was a paintbrush painting a straight line to my navel. He tenderly pushed my thighs apart and kissed me until I almost passed out from pleasure.
Moans of our sexual delight filled the hotel suite as our bodies passionately entwined. Jared was a skillful lover and each nerve ending of my body responded to his touch. He gently fitted his body into mine, every curve and every muscle, as we drifted from the bed to the carpeted floor. Jared made love to my body with a combination of strength and tenderness. How I had missed the ecstasy of a man’s body connected with mine. Hours later, naked and adrift in the memories of our lovemaking, Jared smiled with clear and honest eyes. His body was still warm and his erect sex indicated he was ready for more.
“So when are you going to answer my question or have you already give me my answer?”
“What do you think?” I smiled.
Forty-one
When I was a little boy learning the map of the United States, Seattle, Washington, seemed like the end of the world. How could I have known this beautiful city would be the beginning of my perfect world?
The five-hour United flight seemed to take forever. All during the trip my thoughts swirled like a cotton candy machine at a busy state fair. I was thinking about Trent and what this trip would mean to the both of us.
I didn’t read any of the books I brought on the plane or look at the work from the office. My stomach was free of food but stuffed with nervous energy. I was so deep in thought the charm-free flight attendants didn’t phase me.
As the plane was landing, I looked out the window and saw a beautiful summer day. Somehow I thought it would be raining. After I got off the plane and entered the gate area I immediately saw Trent—his face radiating a warm and enticing smile. He moved swiftly toward me, gave me a firm hug, and whispered, “I didn’t think you were going to show up. Happy birthday, boy!”
“Trent, thank you. It’s great seeing you. How are your meetings going?”
“Great! Did you bring a ton of luggage?”
“No, just this garment bag and my overnight kit,” I said as I admired Trent’s brown body in white baggy shorts and a purple muscle T-shirt. I could suddenly smell the cologne Trent transferred to my body with his hug.
“So what do you want to do first? This is your treat,” Trent said.
“What hotel are we staying at? I need to call and let Jared know where I’m staying,” I said as we walked through the automatic doors and into the clean warm fragrance of the stunning summer day.
“We’re staying at the Westin. We can drop your stuff off and then maybe go to the Space Needle.”
“The Space Needle. Do they have a bar there?”
“Yeah. It’s at the top. You worried they won’t have cranberry juice?”
“No, I think today is the day I give up the cranberry juice for a while. I think I’d like a nice glass of champagne.”
Trent stopped at the door of the rental car and gazed at me. He bit his lower lip and then glanced away. When he turned to face me I saw a single tear in the corner of his eye. “Did I hear you right? Did you say you want a glass of champagne?” Trent asked with a nervous giggle.
“Yes, you heard me right. Let’s go get a bottle of the most expensive champagne they have. Forget about the hotel. It will wait.”
Trent didn’t answer he just smiled broadly and jumped into the rental car.
“No matter how much I love you, Trent, the odds are against us,” I said as I sipped my second glass of champagne.
“The odds were against us being successful in our chosen careers. They were against us reaching age thirty. We are black men and we’ve been defying the odds all our life, Raymond.”
“Yeah, but how long can we keep beating them? There will be so much against us,” I said as I looked into his soulful eyes.
“Then why should we be against each other? We could be like the song.”
“What song?”
“ ‘You and Me Against the World,’ ” Trent smiled.
As I watched Trent drink from the slender glass flute, a great love for him and life swept through me and I wondered how I’d survived for so many years without it. Trent was absolutely convinced our relationship could last forever. For the first time I had the chance to enter a relationship with no secrets. A relationship with someone who was already deeply in love with me and who knew me fairly well. A relationship based on truth and honesty. No man had ever spoken to me of love in such a positive and confident manner as Trent did. This was about love—and not based on sex.
“So where do we start?”
“First thing we have to promise to always be honest with each other and to tell the truth no matter what,” Trent said.
“I agree. Does that mean when I’m attracted to a woman or another man?”
“Yes, though I think after we’ve consummated our relationship you won’t have the desire to stray,” Trent said confidently.
“What else?”
“We have to keep it exciting. Never take each other for granted. I want to romance you to the end of time.”
“What about our families? Your son? And my desire to have my own children?”
“I’m sure Trent Junior is going to love you like I do. My mother won’t be a problem and neither will my father once he gets to know you. If you really want your own children, we’ll work it out.”
“So, we’ll always be honest with each other and always tell the truth, no matter what. I like that. What if you meet some other guy you’re attracted too?”
“Ray, I see fine men in Chicago on every block every day and that’s what they are … fine men. I don’t think you understand how much I love you. How having you in my life is what I’ve
wanted for a long time. I’m not some fickle queen who just wants to sleep with you or be with you because of how you look or what you do. I know you and I know what kind of man you are. I know what I want.”
I was falling in love not only with Trent, but with Seattle. We drove through sprawling mosaic neighborhoods and down perfectly paved streets with perfectly placed trees lining them. A summer mist lingered over the city. It wasn’t a humid mist but more of a warm, supportive one.
“You know one year from now we might consider moving here,” I said.
“Get outta here,” Trent yelled. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
We rushed to the hotel room because Trent said we had to hurry for a surprise he planned. Once we got to the oversized room illuminated with brilliant colors and with a wonderful view of the city, Trent quickly went into the shower. I thought about joining him there, but it might have spoiled his surprise and besides we’d agreed to wait for sex. We just hadn’t said how long.
I smiled when I saw Trent’s open suitcase sitting on the bed. Right on top was several pairs of new underwear. All types from the jockey boxer to silk bikini briefs. I could tell they were new because the price tags were still on them. My garment bag was filled with the same things. Trent came out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his body and came over and gave me a kiss.
“Come on, you’re wet,” I protested.
“Come here,” Trent said, pulling me close to him and guiding my hands to his solid buttocks.
“Aren’t you glad you came?”
“Came? Did I come? I mean you feel good but not that good,” I joked.
“Get in there and take your shower,” Trent said.
We enjoyed a pleasurable seafood dinner in the hotel and then went to a jazz bar also located in the hotel. The dimly lit room featured a black female singer with a marvelous voice. I thought about Jared and Nicole in Little Rock as the singer unspooled beautifully arranged ballads like scenes from vivid technicolor dreams. When she finished her song she asked for the house lights to be brought up.
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