Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs

by Jen Calonita

  “Tom, maybe we can drop this line and put something simple in its place so that things are left up to the viewer’s imagination,” says Max. “We don’t start unfolding Colby’s motive for a few more episodes anyway.”

  He’s kidding right?

  “That’s true,” says Sarah, an FA writer who has been around for years. “It’s probably better to give the story a chance to breathe before we change gears. Besides, it’s just one line.”

  No! Nooooo! It’s not just one line! She’s angling to get a permanent role. Why can’t they see it? Tom, don’t listen to them!

  “It is just one line,” Tom seems to agree. “I guess it’s okay.”

  SOB!

  “BUT,” he warns, “Alexis, next time you want to make a suggestion about your character’s fate, you take it up with me before filming, not during the middle of a scene.” Alexis puts her head down and nods. “I have the final say when it comes to storyline, not the writers, not the cast. While I can’t say your idea hasn’t crossed my mind in recent weeks,” Tom adds, causing me to feel a little dizzy, “it’s not something I’m ready to change my mind about just yet. It’s my decision and I don’t want to be questioned again in front of my entire cast and crew. Understand?”

  “Yes,” Alexis says simply, a smile beginning to curl at the corners of her full lips. “Completely.”

  I’m a little rattled. Yes, Tom put Alexis in her place, but he also seemed open to possibly changing the course of Alexis’s storyline. That means she could be sticking around longer! I think I need to go lie down.

  “Good,” Tom is saying. “Now I’ll go get Melli. Let’s try to get through the scene without another delay this time.” He glances meaningfully at Alexis.

  Max scribbles some notes on his script. “Let’s try a few other sentence ideas.”

  Everyone flips to the page in question and starts throwing out suggestions. “Can’t wait?” “You rock?” “Thanks, Sam?” They settle on “Thank you. Thank all of you,” making Colby sound like a saint. I bite my lip to keep from screaming.

  “Thank you!” Alexis coos, hugging Max. “You’re the best writing staff in town.”

  Sky turns away in disgust. “How would she know?” Sky says so quietly that only I can hear her. “What did she do before this? A Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial?”

  We both snicker. We look at each other, realize that we’re sharing a moment, and quickly turn away.

  Twenty minutes later, we wrap the scene and I walk off set. Nadine stops me before I reach the soundstage door leading to the dressing rooms.

  “That scene took FOREVER. What was the delay?” Nadine asks. She’s been holed up in my dressing room this morning finalizing next week’s schedule and setting up some phone interviews. Today Nadine’s wearing a fitted navy tee, worn jeans, and running shoes. I’m too tired to explain what happened. My stomach does it for me, growling in protest. “That upset, huh?” Nadine asks. “I’ll get right to it then. Good or bad news first?”

  I stop in my tracks, afraid to hear what’s happened now. I fix the cuff on my capri-length Dr. Denim jeans. I’m wearing a fitted floral silk tank by Prada with a sash around my waist and ballet flats. “Did Mom find out about my permit test?” I ask, sounding worried.

  Liz and Austin got me so pumped up about getting my license that I went right home that night and asked my parents if I could take my permit test. Mom looked at me like I had just asked to be a guest on Jerry Springer and said, “Why would you want to do that when you have a driver to take you everywhere?” I tried to protest, but I could quickly see I was getting nowhere fast. Mom didn’t get the bigger picture. I thought Dad would, being a car junkie and all, but he was Mr. Serious about it. “Driving a car is like lifting the hood of your Cadillac and trying to fine-tune the engine,” he said. “If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to make a mess. I don’t think you’re ready, Katie-Kins.” I tried appealing to their career sense and asked them what would happen if a potentially Oscar-winning movie role came around and I couldn’t take it because my character needed to know how to drive. How would I do that if I didn’t have my permit? They both laughed and said stars don’t usually drive cars in the movies anyway. It’s easier to shoot a car scene if the car is pulled along by a flat-bed truck. I stormed out of the room after that.

  Feeling slightly rebellious, and concerned about the betterment of my career, I did something I’ve never done before — forged my mom’s signature. Then I forced Nadine to sign me up for my permit test. Nadine thinks I should confess to my mom about the test and I will.

  After I pass.

  Nadine and I duck into an empty guest dressing room and Nadine pulls a magazine out from the Bible. That’s what we’ve dubbed the binder she keeps my schedule — and basically my whole life — hidden in.

  “Your mom hasn’t found out about the permit test,” Nadine assures me. I breathe a sigh of relief. “But I still think you should tell her.” I give her a look. “Okay, fine. That’s not the bad news anyway. The bad news is that the new Hollywood Nation is out and you’re in it again,” she says. “An unnamed source says that you held up filming last week due to exhaustion. Stupid, huh?” Neither of us laughs.

  “I’ve never delayed filming!” I complain. “Not once. Mom even makes me come in when I have a cold!”

  “I know.” Nadine touches my shoulder comfortingly. “Everyone important knows you didn’t actually do it.”

  “Sky just can’t quit, can she?” I say angrily.

  “If Sky planted it, she isn’t laughing too hard. There’s an article bashing her in here too.” Nadine turns the page.

  I look at the spread Nadine is holding and gasp. SKY MACKENZIE BATTLES BULIMIA.

  I’ve always suspected Sky managed to get less negative press by giving reporters fake articles about me to run instead. I’ve never done it, but I know stars who do. Some will do anything to avoid bad publicity. But if that’s what Sky did this week, it backfired. The article says that Sky is lollipop thin because she worships the porcelain throne. On the page, there’s a huge picture of Sky wasting away next to one from last year where she’s supposedly heavier. Personally I think it’s just the dress she has on. One is a muumuu and the other is made of spandex.

  “I can’t believe I’m defending Sky, but I don’t think she makes herself throw up,” I admit. “Even she’s not that insane.” I frown, flipping back to the article about me with the headline KAITLIN BURKE COLLAPSES ON SET! If Sky isn’t out to get me, then someone else is for sure.

  “We should do some damage control,” says Nadine.

  “Okay,” I say, feeling suddenly depressed.

  “Ready for the good news?” Nadine sounds more cheerful. “Guess who’s waiting for you in your dressing room?” I shrug. “He’s cute and couldn’t care less what the tabs say about you.”

  “Austin’s here?” I squeal. “Can I deal with this article later and go see him?”

  Nadine nods. “I’ll call Laney,” she says and opens the door for me.

  I sprint down the hall and trip over someone’s foot as I reach my dressing room.

  “Watch it!” Sky moans.

  What is she doing here? “What do you want?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest.

  “I have a bone to pick with you about that vicious story you planted in Hollywood Nation.” Sky has a defiant look in her dark eyes.

  I snort. “Please. Why would I tell them that? Even if someone did make up a story about my supposed exhaustion.”

  Sky actually looks surprised. “Well, it wasn’t me.”

  Deep down, I kind of knew it wasn’t Sky, but I don’t have it in me to admit it out loud. Instead I shrug.

  “So if I didn’t give them that story about you and you didn’t give them that story about me, who is planting this garbage?” Sky asks.

  I’m so aggravated by the latest tabloid assault, and annoyed that Sky is ambushing me to discuss it, that for a moment, I don’t even care. “I don�
��t have time to discuss it,” I say, knowing I sound unreasonable. I just want to get past Sky, kiss my boyfriend, and forget all about this morning’s ugliness. “If you’ll excuse me . . .” I trail off and reach for the door.

  “Fine,” Sky huffs and stomps away.

  I take a deep breath and then peer inside my room. Austin sees me and grins. He’s looking particularly cute in warm-up pants and a long-sleeved thermal with a blue lacrosse tee over it. He always looks hottest at his most casual.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, feeling flush with happiness. I lean down and give Austin a kiss and then see Matty sitting next to him. Oops.

  “We had a half day for parent conferences.” Austin grins. “I thought I’d surprise you. I ran into Matty down the hall. We’re just hashing out a little problem he has.”

  “Are you okay, Matty?” I ask worriedly. “Is it the schedule? Is it too much on you with all your schoolwork and lines and everything?”

  Matty shakes his head. “It’s not that.” Matty won’t look at me. “Man, did you have to tell my sister?” he asks Austin.

  “Just tell her,” Austin insists. Matty shakes his head. He looks really embarrassed. I look at Austin. Now I’m nervous.

  “It’s girl trouble,” Austin explains.

  I breathe a sigh of relief. Awww . . . my younger brother has a crush! He’s only thirteen and a half, but I guess it’s about time. “Matty, that’s adorable. Who is she?” I ask. “Are you going to ask her out?”

  Austin nods encouragingly. “No offense, but I couldn’t tell you first,” Matty says slowly. “You’re my sister. I can’t talk about girls with my sister. Are you mad?”

  “Of course not.” I can’t stop smiling. “I wish you had confided in me though.”

  “Yeah, but I wasn’t sure you would approve.” He frowns.

  I hit him in the arm. “What are you talking about? Of course I approve of anyone you want to date.” I look at Austin. “This is so cool. We can double-date!”

  “Would you come with us on our first one?” Matty looks hopeful. “I’m so nervous. I was thinking of asking her to the Ivy.”

  I shake my head. “Way too public for your first date. We’ll think of someplace romantic and very private. So who’s the girl? Do I know her?”

  “Yeah, you do.” Matt shifts uncomfortably and looks away again.

  Uh-oh. I clutch my chest. “Please don’t tell me you’re in love with Sky!”

  “NO WAY!” Matt looks disgusted. “I would never disrespect you like that.”

  “Good.” I’m relieved. “Then who is she?”

  Matt looks at Austin. Austin looks at Matt. Then Austin looks at me. So does Matt.

  “It’s Alexis,” Matt whispers. “I like Alexis.”

  “ALEXIS?” I screech. They both jump. “You CAN’T. You just CAN’T!” I blurt out. I sound like a maniac. I just know it. But I don’t care.

  “I knew you’d react this way!” Matt moans. “I told Austin you would.”

  “What do you mean?” I demand.

  “You’re jealous of her,” Matt says.

  “I AM NOT JEALOUS,” I yell, feeling very flush.

  “It’s obvious.” Matt sounds mad. “It’s hard not to be the object of everyone’s affections anymore, but take it like a lady, Kates. Alexis is hot right now. That doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t still like you.”

  “I know t-that,” I stutter. I can’t breathe. I seriously can’t breathe. Someone must have just sucked all the air out of the room.

  “Do you?” Matty asks. “Because all you do is complain about Alexis getting so much attention. I hear you talking to Nadine and Rodney on the way to work. You should be ashamed. She has been nothing but nice to you.”

  I open my mouth to respond and quickly shut it again. What can I say? That Alexis is a two-faced manipulative diva? Matt is so blinded by his crush, he probably wouldn’t believe me. Besides, what proof do I have? Overhearing her being catty in the wardrobe room or witchy on the red carpet? No. Until I know for sure that she’s up to something, I’ve got to keep my mouth shut. “It’s not that I’m jealous or I don’t like her,” I say instead. “I just think she’s too old for you.”

  “Well, you’re wrong,” Matt huffs and he heads straight for the door. “And I’ll prove it. Thanks, Austin.” He slams the door behind him.

  “Austin, I hope you tried to dissuade him!” I’m jumping up and down like a spoiled two-year-old and I don’t care. “She’s too old for him! She’ll break his heart! But more importantly, she’s not who she says she is. She’s a FRAUD! I don’t want her sinking her teeth into my baby brother!” My chest is pounding.

  Austin chuckles and puts his arm around me, pulling me into a fierce bear hug. I bury my head in his chest, which smells like laundry detergent, and breathe deeply.

  “Calm down, tiger,” Austin says softly. “I’ll talk to him again. I promise.” He hugs me. “But you know how it is — when you fall for someone, you fall hard. You can’t turn it off, even if you know the odds for success are as bad as a big star deciding to date an average Joe.”

  I blush. “I see your point.” He kisses me. “Hey, at least he has good taste, right? Alexis is gorgeous.” I pull away. “You think she’s gorgeous?” I know I sound annoyed, but I don’t care. I am annoyed!

  From the wide-eyed look on his face, I can tell Austin immediately realizes what he’s done. He’s broken relationship rule number one: Never talk about another girl in front of your girlfriend. Austin begins hacking and I can’t tell if it’s real or fake, but it sounds so awful that I let him off the hook.

  For the moment.

  TUESDAY, 10/1

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Wed. BE AT “LOCATION” 4 PERMIT TEST AT 7:15 AM!

  Wed. STUDY TONITE!

  Wed. Call time: 8:15 AM

  Thurs., Fri. Call time: 5:15 AM

  Fitting w/ Kristen 4 next episodes: Tues. 3 PM (prepare 2 stay 3 hours)

  Fri @ 7 – date w/ A :)

  Spa day (hallelujah) w/ Laney, Liz, Mom – Oct. 5

  Six: Bliss Interrupted

  Liz sighs. “Tell me again why we don’t do this more often?” Her voice is muffled. Our heads are buried deep in plush face pillows as we lie on side-by-side massage tables at the Argyle Salon and Spa in West Hollywood getting four-hand massages. (Two massage therapists working on one person. It’s pure heaven!)

  “We should make a weekly appointment.” I feel relaxed and woozy from the scent of the Jacqua Buttercream Frosting lotion that Liz and I requested for our massage. “I think I might have to reserve us a permanent room here.”

  “If you don’t, I’ll ask Dad to do it for us,” Liz says, her voice jumping as the therapists pound her back. “I still can’t believe this was your mom’s idea.”

  “I know.” The masseuses are busy working out the tiny knots that have taken up permanent residence in my neck and shoulders thanks to the recent bashings in Hollywood Nation and on Celeb Insider this week about my supposed bad behavior on set. I could blame them on Sky. She seemed agitated when we had that confrontation outside my dressing room after Alexis’s line-tweaking delay last week. And she’s done it countless times before. But Sky doesn’t seem immune to the bad press either. No, Nadine and I have talked about it and we’re convinced Alexis is behind this latest wave. Not that we have proof, but Nadine is working on it, and until she has it, I’m determined to keep quiet. I just don’t understand Alexis’s motive. She’s getting enough great press to last for years. Why is she determined to take us down in the process?

  “Mom even had Nadine cancel an interview I had today so that my schedule would be clear,” I add. “She said I needed a day off.”

  “That’s a first,” Liz teases, her voice echoing in the cavernous room. Mom reserved Argyle’s oversize spa suite, which can host up to eight people at a time, and invited me, Liz, and Laney (I thought Nadine would be upset about not being included, but she was thrilled to have a “Laney-free day,” as she p
ut it). The room is like a super-lush hotel suite, with fabulous silk drapes and a giant ninety-eight-gallon soaking tub for body treatments that is filled with rose petals and tiny candles. There was even a breakfast spread waiting for us when Rodney dropped us off. Since the spa is tucked inside the Sunset Tower Hotel, you can have meals catered to your room. Laney had a breakfast, and Mom said she had an appointment, so neither of them will be here till eleven, which is fine by me, because it gives Liz and me some much-needed bonding time.

  “We’re finished, Kaitlin,” one of my masseuses whispers in my ear. “Take your time getting up. The herbal tea you requested is waiting for you on the table. Your manicure and pedicure appointments will start in half an hour.”

  “Thank you.” I sigh happily. “That was incredible.” We both lie on our tables till we hear the door close, and then Liz and I slowly get up, tuck ourselves into the plush white robes and slippers the staff have left behind, and meander over to the couch. On our packed schedules today are a group manicure and pedicure, facials, and then private body wraps. Liz and I chose the Argyle Signature body wrap, which is a mix of avocado, chocolate, almond, coconut, clove, cinnamon, orange, and vanilla. I rest my head on a pillow and breath in the deep scent of freesia that pervades the low-lit room. The only sound I hear is ocean waves, courtesy of the relaxation CD playing in the room. “I want to hear everything you’ve been up to this week.”

  “I think they should make this place a prerequisite for taking the SATs,” says Liz, her wild curly brown hair tucked in a ponytail and a Louis Vuitton head scarf. “That’s honestly all I’ve been doing — studying. That and working with Daniella on your movie. Wait till you see some of the scenes at the private screening in December, Kates. You look so fierce. You’re definitely going to give Angelina Jolie a run for her money in the action business.”

  “I don’t know about that.” I laugh. My face feels so fresh for a change. Maybe that’s because my ivory complexion isn’t covered under a mask of foundation and bronzer. I didn’t even wash my hair this morning. Instead, I fixed it into a low bun to keep the creams and oils away from my highlights. “Did I tell you I asked Monique to give me some SAT practice tests? They’re really hard, but I think they’re helping. I may not know what I’m doing about college, but at least if I get a good score, I’ll have options.”