The Will to Love

by Selene Chardou

  What the hell was Laurel talking about? She had a lot of explaining to do and all Will wanted was to be in the loop. He felt like there was a huge piece of her life missing and she’d never had any intention of telling him about it.

  Karl stared from Laurel to Will and meeting those aquamarine eyes, his crystal blue irises tried not to turn away. “Will, so nice to see you again.”

  He nodded. “Karl.”

  “I take it Laurel is your girlfriend although you are a hard core homosexual who swore off women a long time ago. Don’t feel too bad. If anyone can turn a gay man straight, it’s this firecracker right here. You should have seen her on DVD. I must have murdered her a dozen times and the punters knew they were fake snuff films because they kept requesting her over and over again. They just loved to see her fuck and be ‘killed.’ It was crazy. I could take Faith’s leaving but this one here…she was a blow. Not only for my customers but for me as well.”

  All the sudden, everything made sense and Will continued to focus on Karl as opposed to looking at Laurel. “She worked for you?”

  “My parents cut me off,” Laurel interrupted though she stared at Karl and not Will. “I accidentally met Karl after the first night and that…incident I told you about. I explained my situation and we worked out a deal that was beneficial to us both. I did about twenty DVDs so I guess I’m no different than any of the other rich girls turned amateur porn stars—”

  “Tell me that those DVDs aren’t just sitting around waiting to be downloaded on some fucking torrent site.” Will couldn’t understand the sudden surge of anger that came over him.

  Yes, it was true, he cared a lot about Laurel and maybe he even loved her although he wasn’t in love with her but he sure as hell didn’t want anyone with an internet connection to be able to download his girlfriend in a compromising position.

  “Don’t be daft, Will. I don’t make the type of DVDs that people download to the worldwide web…didn’t you know? The NSA is watching us all. Hell, I don’t even talk about transactions via email anymore. It is very difficult to get a hold of me and my website is encrypted as highly as the FBI’s database. These DVDs were specially commissioned by collectors and they guard their treasure trove from family and friends. What makes you think there are copies?” Karl crossed his arms against his firm chest while looking completely affronted.

  Will had made the mistake of making him upset and that wasn’t his intention at all.

  “Sorry…I just wouldn’t want anything out there that could embarrass Laurel. She is very important to me. She and I—we’re a couple.”

  Karl’s icy blue-green eyes glared at Will. “Of course you are. I remember you and all the cock you sucked and took up the ass. Don’t go acting high and mighty when Laurel and I both know it is you who does not want to be embarrassed by her,” he explained, his German accent precise though his English was clear and fluent if not a bit formal. “Rest assure, we have more incriminating evidence against you than we do Laurel so please remember where you are and what can be done if you break her heart.”

  Will glared at Karl with cold blue eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “If I wasn’t engaged to a fabulously wealthy woman in her own right, I would have married Laurel. She truly is a diamond in the rough, a rare beauty who was tough as nails yet knew how to be compliant too. Those are hard qualities to find in any woman. I still love her and I will hunt you down and murder you so fast it would make your head spin so…be gentle with my liebling because she bruises easily but not so much that I wouldn’t make you regret it if she shed one single tear over your worthless ass.”

  Karl wrapped his arm around Laurel protectively as he looked over his shoulders to the bodyguard. “He can follow.”

  Will walked in behind them feeling like a third fucking wheel.

  What the hell was going on and since when did Laurel have all these connections to the same world he’d left yet she never mentioned it once?

  The questions stopped as he entered the club and got past the coat check, which they both used, before Karl led them down the stairs to an intimate area of the club draped in red and black. The dance floor was over them and clear plexiglass they could see right through.

  Nothing was out of bounds in the club in any part; there were private rooms but orgies and various other BDSM activities could and did happen in public. In fact, they were encouraged because some members liked to watch and would do it for weeks, months on end before they worked up the courage to participate in an act themselves. The club did not discriminate and had everyone from novices to hardened veterans of the scene for members. As long as one could pass the background check and afford one hundred grand a year, they could become a member.

  The club brought back so many memories for Will, both good and bad, but nothing paled to how he felt about his woman being wrapped in the arms of Karl like a former lover. The acid in his stomach churned with jealousy and he wasn’t a fool. Karl might have adored his girlfriend but there was no way he wouldn’t want something in return and that frightened him more than anything else.

  Will realized that he cared more about Laurel than he could have ever imagined and whatever he wanted to do to her, he would rather Karl humiliated him rather than his girlfriend.

  It was truly perplexing to him because he never thought he would ever feel this way about another person ever again. Grant was supposed to be his end all-be all yet he was willing to protect Laurel. Something wasn’t adding up because he’d never cared about anyone as much as he cared about Grant but somehow, those feelings were being eclipsed by this wisp of a woman who had dug her claws in and found her way under his skin somehow.

  Karl led them off to a private room, away from the underground comfy lounge area. There was a bed and a treasure trove of toys, masks, and everything a sadist or a masochist could dream about; Will hadn’t exactly envisioned sharing his night with Karl but the man was giving them no choice.

  “You don’t mind, do you?” He glared at Will with a look that could freeze an Eskimo’s dick. “I haven’t seen my beauty in so long and I have had only one vision…eating her out because that used to drive her absolutely wild. You…on the other hand, I know you need to be kept busy so if you could do it for one of the Krieger brothers, you can do it for me. I want my cock sucked and if anyone is good at deep throating, it should be you.”

  Will forgot all about his job and the fact that he was a bonafide celebrity and one of the members of the biggest rock band in the world. When a Krieger—or a Schmidt—asked you to get to down on your knees, you did just that. He was immediately thrust back into his old life where he was at someone else’s mercy for money and he could suck a guy off with his eyes closed. The fact that he hadn’t sucked anyone’s cock other than Grant’s in a long time was a point of contention but an exception would have to be made.

  No one said “No” to Karl; it was that simple.

  Laurel pushed her hands against Karl’s chest softly yet firmly as Will had to watch another man wrap his arms around the woman he realized he loved and wanted to be only his.

  “Give us five minutes, okay? I really need to talk to him.”

  Karl looked intensely at her before his cold gaze settled on Will. “I will take a walk around the club to make sure everything is okay but I will be back. You make sure that motherfucker over there is on a leash and ready to do what I tell him to do.”

  She nodded back albeit reluctantly and watched him leave the room.

  Will seethed with unexplained emotions and felt like he was about to blow a fuse. “Who the fuck are you? All this time we have been together and I’ve never really known you at all.”

  Laurel turned his way and strolled towards him before she placed her arms around his neck. He wanted to push her away but as the hypnotic smell of Dior’s Midnight Poison filled his nostrils, he was as powerless to stop her from touching him as he’d ever been.

  Her soft lips tickled his ear as replied, “Neither one of u
s knew each other until tonight…until now. All this time, you’ve been omitting parts of your life from me too and without trust, there can be no love, Will. Love is life and life is love…ugly, beautiful, soul-destroying, and amazing.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m not exactly in the mood for poetry, Laurel.” His heart beat so fiercely in his chest, he could feel the thrum against his temples.

  “What I mean is this is me, stripped bare before you. Do I need to remove my clothes for you too? Now you know all my little dirty secrets. We all have them...even you. Have I told you everything? Not even close, but you know more about me than anyone else except the man who just left this room, and that is saying a lot. My own sister doesn't even know me, not the real me. Not like you do.”

  Will grabbed Laurel by the shoulders and it took all the strength he possessed not to shake the shit out of her in a fit of rage. “Is that supposed to make me feel less intimidated by that fucker than I already do?”

  “Yes, because he would never hurt you. He knows how I feel about you and he’s not a monster although it’s very easy for people to think he is…even I have questioned how I loved and hated him at the same time.”

  She paused and looked away. “I used to work for Karl in a capacity that was not becoming of someone of my class and stature. Yes, he’s had me in every way there is to have a woman so use your imagination. And yes, he was married the whole time we were together.”

  TFKO. Total. Fucking. Knockout.

  Will didn’t even know what to say to this revelation.

  Laurel and Karl had been lovers?

  “There was no stockbroker…I met Karl at a friend’s party—Faith got into the scene before I did and they hooked up, briefly, when we were on our gap year in Western Europe and she’d never lost touch with him. It was a wild time, my parents thought I was spending my money on getting high and shopping…they were pretty much right. Karl was very influential in cleaning me up and I exchanged one addiction for another.”

  “What addiction?” he questioned and this time he did shake her.

  Laurel managed to escape his grasp on her own before she held her hands out and turned in a slow circle. “Take a look around you. This fucked up life style of slaves and hardcore sex became my fucking addiction, Will. You don’t think I couldn’t see through you from the beginning? That’s why I was all over you like a motherfuckin’ moth to a flame. I knew you were a freak like me and could understand my sexual…predilections. For a while, I thought I would have to come back here to find someone who would love me for who—and what—I am but then you came along and it all seemed so clear. Granted, you being gay was an issue but if you would allow me to exorcise my demons and be me then I wanted you. I made it my sole mission in life to have you and now that I do…I wonder what I have at all because you’re obviously disgusted by me, and what I have done with Karl. Are you capable of loving me at all?”

  “Yes,” he whispered and didn’t feel the tears until he closed his eyes and they poured down his cheeks.

  “Then love me, baby, because you have me—you always have. I’ve wanted to hear you say it for so very long and mean it. I have my demons and so do you. But we’re not so different, you and I. When I look into your face, I see myself and I know no matter what we’ve done in the past, it won’t shape our present or future, not if we don’t allow it. So say it now…say you love me because I love you with all my heart and every fiber of my being.”

  She slid her hands against his face and he felt the thick block of ice around the organ he called his heart melt ever so slowly. “I love you, too.”

  Will realized it was all he needed to say and to hear her say to get through the night but would they still be able to look at one another in the morning?

  Or would everything change?

  Chapter Seven

  Laurel

  DECLARATIONS OF LOVE and devotion didn’t mean anything at all once Karl graced us with his presence again. The air crackled with intense power and energy once he entered the room; his appearance alone represented a bold move and changed the dynamics of the situation. Ironically, the only other man I’d ever been in love with besides Will would play an important part in the story that was our life. No matter what happened, Will and I would never be the same again. I wanted so badly to believe that feelings would be an elixir that could fix all the wrong shit in the world but that simply wasn’t how life worked.

  It sure as fuck had never been my reality.

  The moment of truth quickly approached when Karl walked back in and slammed the door to announce his presence. My hands fell from Will’s face and I turned my back on him, if only to protect him from participating in one of Karl’s sick, twisted games.

  There was a reason why my lover was such a dominant because he’d lived the life of being the submissive and hated it with a passion. I couldn’t make him go back there again under any given circumstances and I was ready to take the pain for both of us.

  Hell, he might think of me as slut when the morning came but it was better than any thoughts of me on his knees sucking off Karl.

  I walked over to the former love/hate of my life and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Hey, why don’t you just make him watch? He used to make me watch him and Grant together and it was…painful. I think it’s time he knew how much he hurt me when I had to see them get it on and he would deny me pleasure.”

  “You did that to her?” Karl demanded, the anger in his voice intense.

  I looked back at Will with a smirk on my face though we both knew what I’d just said wasn’t true but he knew how to play along and he seemed to know what I was up to despite the cold look in his blue eyes.

  “And if I did, what do you plan to do about it?”

  Fuck! He was egging the bastard on and it would cause us both nothing but heartache and feelings we might not be able to forgive and certainly not forget.

  “Why are you denying it, baby? You know Karl won’t hurt you,” I murmured before I turned toward my ex-lover and kissed him softly on the lips.

  “I like the watching part.” He grabbed my hair and allowed it to fall out of the carefully constructed ponytail until it spilled down my back. “You still the best at sucking cock, baby?”

  My face burned but I managed to keep my voice steady. “Of course…bad habits are hard to break.”

  “I want to bury my face in that tight snatch but I also want to make your boyfriend feel…inferior. Get down on your knees.”

  I did as I was told and I could feel Will’s eyes as they bore into my back. The whole situation felt too damn familiar and the humiliation, much too comfortable. I’d endured worse with Karl…hell, half the time, he was my pseudo-murderer in the movies he’d filmed with me in them. I didn’t care what he did to me but the thought of my actions affecting Will hurt me more than either of them would ever know.

  Everything about Karl felt familiar: his smell, the way his cock slid between my lips and how it took nothing for me to slide him deep into my throat. My hands gripped the side of his hips while he slid his hands against my back.

  The moment he decided to come, he made sure it was in my mouth and not the back of my throat as usual.

  “Okay, lover boy, although I know you had a major boner thinking about it but your sweetheart loves you more than I ever thought she did. She took what was supposed to be your punishment so kiss her and make her feel better. Make her feel wanted or I will make sure you disappear and you’re never found again.”

  Will walked over to me and without hesitation, he lifted me off the floor and before I could stand properly, his lips were on mine, his tongue in my mouth and we both tasted each other’s spit and Karl’s spunk but somehow, the moment brought us closer together instead of dividing us further apart.

  I pushed my body against his as close as I could get and wrapped my arms around his neck before Karl separated us.

  “Beautiful and extraordinarily heart felt but I’d like to move this show al
ong. Mr. Cullen, I want your cock on display while you watch me eat your girlfriend and while we’re at it, why don’t you have her suck you off while I do my thing?”

  Karl stripped me out of my dress and I wore nothing except the smallest La Perla thong. I should have felt stripped to the bone but I didn’t. Neither man wasn’t seeing anything they hadn’t seen before.

  My ex pushed me onto the bed and Will sat next to my head and kissed my neck while Karl ripped the flimsy piece of lingerie and spread my legs open.

  “If you don’t want me to do this…to suck me off, you don’t have to,” Will whispered in my ear.

  I opened my eyes wide and could feel the tears as they leaked from his eyes. They were warm on my neck but quickly turned cold.

  “No, let me. It was what I was trained to do at one time and baby, you can feel disgusted with me in the morning but let us get through tonight. I beg of you.” I kissed his neck before my mouth met his again while we were at such an odd angle.