Wanting Winter

by J. L. Ostle

  “Thank you, doctor,” both my parents say before he leaves.

  “What kind of monster would do this?” Dad paces the room. I feel Mom’s tears fall on me. “My sweet, sweet baby.” She kisses the top of my head.

  Trent

  I pace up and down the waiting room. I just want to see her, knowing now that she’s awake. She is alive. I know the doctor needs to tell her parents what’s going on, but she didn’t wake up for three days.

  Her body was healing, but fuck, three days.

  Candice is talking to Mrs. Daniels and when I hear Candice cry out, holding her stomach, I run over to her. She clings to me.

  “She was raped, Trent. They raped her,” she cries and I cry with her.

  “She won’t speak,” Mrs. Daniels says. “Whoever did this, this monster, made her stop talking. The doctor thinks it’s Winter’s way of holding on to some control. My baby,” she cries. “That monster hurt my baby. They belted her, cut her, beat her black and blue. Everything you can think of they did.” She falls to the floor, and I kneel down holding her until her husband runs over pulling her into him.

  “She is safe now,” he reassures her.

  “My poor baby. My poor, sweet baby. Who could do this to someone so sweet?” she cries out in pain.

  “Come on. Let’s go for a walk. I am sure Winter would like to see some familiar faces,” he tells us, giving us a small smile, but I can see he is ready to break down also.

  I watch them walk down the hallway, and I walk into her room. Her eyes go straight to me then to Candice. She doesn’t say anything, just watches us. I come to her side, looking at her, and it’s like I’m looking at someone else. It's not just her hair: I loved looking into her big eyes, seeing all the emotions she was feeling, but now they’re empty.

  “Hey Winter,” I say. “I’ve missed you so much.” I take hold of her hand.

  Her eyes go to the contact of it, but she doesn’t show any sign of emotion or try to make any movement.

  “Winter, I am so sorry, for everything,” Caddice cries. “It should’ve been me that this happened to, not you. You didn’t deserve any of this.” She hugs her, crying into her, but Winter looks at her then to the door.

  “Winter, can you tell us who did this to you?” I ask her, and she looks back to me. “If you say who did it, they will be locked up and won’t be near you ever again.”

  She doesn’t say a word.

  “Winter is it, someone, we know?”

  Nothing. She just blinks looking at me.

  “Winter, please tell us who did it,” Candice pleads, but Winter just sits there.

  The doors open and Joshua, Drake, and Patrick walk in. They all look at Winter, and she looks to each of them, her eyes landing on Patrick last and he stares back at her.

  “Is she saying anything?” Drake asks walking closer. “Mrs. Daniels mentioned it when we walked past her.”

  “She’s not saying a word,” Candice cries. Drake wraps his arm around Candice’s shoulder and Winter watches the interaction.

  “Winter, once we get you out of here we will dye your hair back. My treat. I am sure you don’t want to be looking like this one over here,” Joshua tells her pointing at Candice, winking at her, but I know its forced, he is trying to make her more at ease.

  “Winter,” Patrick says, coming closer.

  Winter looks at him, really looks at him.

  “I’m sorry you went through all this.”

  She looks right at him.

  “You are starting to have more color in your cheeks.” He gives her a small smile but she just stares at him.

  “Is it me or does anyone else just want her to tell us to shut up or she will cut our dicks off?” Joshua jokes, and we all chuckle. Well, all but Winter.

  “I hate this. Winter just say a word.” Candice takes hold of her shoulders, looking into her eyes. “Just tell us you are okay.”

  “Of course she isn’t okay; she probably won’t be the same again,” Drake tells her, pulling her away. “Winter, you talk when you’re ready.”

  “Yeah, you talk when you’re ready,” Patrick says. Again she stares at him.

  Visiting times are up and we all say our goodbyes. We are walking down the hall when I tell them I’m going to quickly use the bathroom and that I will meet them outside. I wait for them to leave I quickly run back to Winter’s room. She hasn’t moved. She just sits there, looking around the room. She doesn’t look at me in surprise that I’m back when I walk in, her eyes just stay on me.

  I walk closer to her, looking deep into her eyes. “Winter, is it someone we know who did this?” I look, trying to spot anything, but she just looks blankly at me. “It’s someone we know isn’t it?”

  Nothing.

  “I did miss you, Winter. I will find who did this; I’m going to kill them,” I promise her and leave.

  Weeks have gone by and she hasn’t said a word.

  The test came back clear, but there was no DNA to see who did this to her. I ask her every day if it’s someone we know. I wait for her to slip and give me a sign, but she looks at each of us like we are strangers for a long time.

  Her parents are the only people she shows any kind of real emotion to. I see tears prickle her eyes, but they’re more from the pain she sees in theirs.

  She is released after a few days and is back at her apartment, her parents living with her, never leaving her side. They wanted her to go back home but she protested, shaking her head.

  I am glad she is staying.

  Not seeing her every day would kill me. I just got her back and I’m not ready for her to go again. Whoever did this is still out there. I have been sleeping on the couch; if anyone walks in this place trying to get to her again, I will get sent down for murder.

  I am heading to the bathroom to have a shower and when I open the door, I see Winter standing in front of the mirror completely naked looking at herself. For the first time, I see tears falling down her cheeks as she strokes her fingers through her white-blonde hair, her dark roots coming through.

  She looks so skinny and fragile. She eats as much as she can but with hardly eating anything when she was taken, if she eats too much she gets sick.

  She looks at me, not covering her naked body. I’m not looking at her in a sexual way; I am looking at her, seeing her pain.

  She starts screaming, shouting, pulling her hair, and sobbing out to the room.

  I run to her, pulling her arms away from her head, but she continues to kick and scream. She takes hold of her brush and throws it at the mirror, smashing it into a million pieces, the glass falling to the ground.

  She cries into me. I hold her, and she just continues to cry.

  “What is going on?” Her dad runs in, seeing me holding his crying daughter.

  “I think she had a breakdown. Has she seen herself in a mirror before now?” I ask him.

  He thinks about it. “I don’t think so.”

  “She’s just seen how she looks now.” I look at her body and hair, telling him that she has seen what that monster did to her through my eyes.

  “Winter.” Her dad comes to her side and she climbs into his lap and sobs into his chest. I sit there watching them, feeling so helpless. I leave the room grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around her.

  I can’t even imagine what is going through her head.

  I bet she plays everything that happened every minute of every day.

  I leave them and walk in the living room, pacing up and down. I don’t know what to do.

  I feel so lost.

  Days go on, and since the bathroom incident, she’s started to show little snippets of emotion. It’s almost like it was some sort of therapy for her, to just cry out.

  We’ve watched the odd movie and she’s laughed, and it has felt like a warm hug surrounding me. She is getting there; each day she gets stronger.

  Winter is a fighter.

  The police have been a couple of times, asking her questions, but like always, she does
n’t say a word. The main question they want to know is, who did it.

  The guys visit her, but they have started going back to school, continuing with their lives. Even Candice is dating someone from one of her classes. All this has changed her for the better; she isn’t as much of a bitch as she once was. She sometimes drops by, filling Winter in with all the school gossip, swooning over her new beau and how much she likes him and how amazing he is.

  Winter just sits there watching her, smiling and nodding.

  Joshua has made it official by dating a girl who is a cheerleader. He felt guilty about it, but she has been there for him through all this and they got close. He told Winter this, and she just smiled, patting his shoulder, telling him she understands in her own way.

  That left me and Drake.

  He hasn’t shown any signs that he wants to be with her. I on the other hand still want her. I can be patient, and I know she is going to get past this.

  I can wait a lifetime.

  Right now I just want the old Winter back. I want to hear her speak. I want her to be happy.

  One morning she gets up and dressed and grabs her laptop bag heading to the door. I and her parents run after her like she is crazy.

  “Where the fuck do you think you are going?” I ask her.

  She looks at her laptop bag, rolling her eyes.

  “You are not going to school.”

  She puts her hands on her hips glaring at me, and I smile down at her.

  “You look too cute angry. If you want to go, tell me.”

  But she just looks at me, giving me a look.

  “Sweetie, I think it’s too soon for you to be going back to school. Maybe when you start talking again...”

  Winter gives her mom a pleading look.

  “It’s too soon.” Her mom starts to cry, but Winter looks to the door and back to her mom. Her mom then looks to me. “Watch her like a hawk. I mean it. I will call the school.” She walks away.

  “I am going to follow you; I will be like your second shadow,” I tell her, and she huffs walking out the door.

  I follow her.

  It has been two months since her ordeal. I don’t blame her for wanting to get back to normality, but I just think that something bad is going to happen.

  I drive her to school and the whole way, she looks out the window at the trees as they go by. When we park up, she jumps out and I stand at her side. She looks around her taking in a deep breath before she starts walking.

  I notice people looking at her, whispering and pointing, but she doesn’t look at them. She just rolls her eyes, which causes me to chuckle.

  When we get to the hallway, we notice Candice laughing with her new boyfriend, and when she spots us, her mouth hangs open in surprise. “What is she doing here?” she asks me.

  “She wanted to come to school, and trust me, this one can be stubborn.”

  Winter gives me a look and I wink at her. I see the corner of her mouth lift. Winter looks to the guy looking at her, watching him with interest.

  “Winter, this is my boyfriend, Neil. Neil this is Winter.”

  “Hi, Winter.” He holds out his hand and she studies it before she takes it, giving him a warm smile to which he returns. She waggles her eyebrows to Candice causing us all to laugh.

  “I think she approves,” I say.

  Winter and Candice have seemed to put everything that went down behind them. They smile and laugh with one another. Being friends like they should have been from the beginning.

  The rest of the goes the same way. She meets Joshua’s girlfriend, giving Joshua a thumbs up in approval. Everyone is super nice to her, and luckily no one mentions what happened.

  We sit in the cafeteria, throwing fries at each other and laughing. Winter seems to be having a ball. I think she’s needed this. She needed to get back to her normal routine, even though I am waiting for the penny to drop.

  Winter’s smile falls though when Patrick sits down, joining us. He gives Winter a warm smile, but she doesn’t return it. I wonder if they have had a falling out.

  She stands up and I stand with her. She rolls her eyes and points to her groin, indicating she is going to the bathroom and she pushes me back down into my seat.

  “You know I like it when you dominate me,” I smirk at her and she shakes her head. I pull her onto my lap and she looks into my eyes, and, for the first time in a long while, she looks at me with affection—a look I have missed so much.

  She stands back up and heads off and I sit there smiling to myself. Each day, I feel like I’m getting the old Winter back. I am hoping it won’t be long until she talks again.

  Twenty-One

  Winter

  I want to tell everyone so badly what Patrick did to me, but I feel that once the words leave my mouth, it will make everything that happened to me so much more real. I’m not ready for the world to know. I am not ready to make it all a reality.

  I don’t want to see the pity and sympathy in people’s eyes.

  I’m a victim—a fucking victim—and I hate it.

  Everyone is moving on with their lives. I am happy they are all happy, but another part of me, a bigger part, is angry that they have. Each day doesn’t get easier. It just gets bearable. They are all smiling and laughing, forgetting that I was in hell. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. Until the day when I had a break down, I avoided looking at my reflection, what I saw staring back at me, wasn’t me. It is what he created.

  I close my eyes and images of what he did to me enter.

  I see him nearly every day, looking at me, warning me that if I say anything it will happen all over again, promising me he will hurt me. Everyone wants to know who did it, but they can’t promise I will be safe once I do. Trent has been so good to me, looking after me, staying at my apartment, and being a good friend.

  I hate being in the living room. When I’m on my own in the room, as I look at the door, I get flashbacks of Patrick walking in and hitting me, and I look to the ground to see myself lying there as he raped me.

  I want to move but I can’t. It's so hard to try and forget.

  I’m broken.

  My scars may have healed, but the ones inside me haven't.

  I just want to finish college and move away from all this.

  Heading to the bathroom, I relieve myself and I look in the mirror, staring at my hair. Every time I see my reflection, all I see is Patrick's pet. His slave. His little toy.

  How can he be around me, knowing what he did to me?

  I’m glaring into my lifeless eyes when the door opens and Patrick stands there smirking at me, his eyes trailing down my body. “Trent seems to think that you are his.” He says walking closer to me. “But you aren’t his, are you?”

  I don’t move, I just look at him. “I hated what happened back in the basement. Well, not everything.” He winks at me. “I hated that you didn’t talk, but now I am very grateful you don’t. You have been such a good girl, Winter.” He stands in front of me stroking my hair. “Lift your dress,” he orders.

  Staring at him, seeing that look in his eyes, I feel like I’m back in the basement. I do as he says. I pull it up, him eyeing my white lace underwear. I see him lick his lips.

  I just continue to stare at him blankly. If I look away he will hurt me. I am finally healed and I can’t bear to see another mark.

  “You are so beautiful. You suit living rather than being trapped, but you are trapped, aren’t you? Right here.” He touches the side of my head.

  He unbuttons his jeans, pulling them down with his boxers, freeing his erection. “I like knowing I’m in your thoughts every day. You can never get rid of me.” He comes closer to me, pushing me to sit on the edge of the counter. He pulls my underwear to the side and enters me.

  He thrusts inside me, groaning into my neck. “Fuck, I’ve missed this. The Winter that is living turns me on, not the ugly one hiding in the shadows,” he says into my ear.

  His fingers dig into my ass as he pounds into
me, and I sit there letting him. I just look out of the window, looking at the clear sky. I am just happy I’m not in a dark room with hardly any light.

  I need the light.

  He groans out his release, pulling out, and tucking himself back in. He looks at his cum dripping out of my pussy and starts spreading it along my folds. “I’ve marked you again. Trent will be around you; he may think he has a chance with you, but he doesn’t. You belong to me.” He continues spreading his cum. Some sensation starts to form down there, a pleasurable one. I close my eyes telling myself not to like the feel of it.

  He goes to my clit and starts rubbing it. “You like that? You have been very good. Maybe I should let you have a release.”

  I hear the pride in his voice. He is turning me on and he likes knowing that.

  My legs start to shake, and soon I am screaming out my release, feeling the juices slide down my legs.

  “That is hot,” is all he says before leaving.

  I quickly run to the toilet, cleaning myself up, wiping away every last bit of him.

  How can my body enjoy that from a monster like him?

  I try to not cry, but I feel disgusted with myself; I feel so dirty. I need to get rid of him.

  I have cried enough over him, and I am sick of it.

  Walking out of the bathroom, I head down the hallway and then I spot Neil going into the boy’s locker room and I follow him. I don’t think; I just go with what my body is telling me. I look around and see no one else is here. I walk slowly in and I watch as he undresses.

  Looking at his muscular body, I watch him walk into the shower area and when I hear the water go on, I start moving to where he is. His eyes are closed, the water hitting his perfectly flawless, tanned skin.

  He is very attractive.

  I pull my dress off, taking off my underwear and putting it to the side, and I walk towards him, standing in front of him. His eyes are still closed. I lift my hands, pressing them to his chest, gliding them down his stomach. His eyes land on me and he looks at me confused before his eyes fall on my body.