Love Today

by Delaney, Delia

  “No, I don’t mind.” I wanted to ask him if that meant he didn’t want to be around Jared and I, or if he just needed a day to decide, but I didn’t. I only thanked him for the evening and told him I’d talk to him soon.

  “I love you, Taryn,” I heard him say. It made me pause after getting out of the car. I was about to make a response just as a car pulled up behind us and I watched Jared get out. “Goodnight,” Zack said. I took the hint and shut the door, and then he pulled away from the curb.

  Jared watched him leave, and then he looked at me standing on the sidewalk. A driver came around and handed him a bag, so I waited for him to join me.

  “You don’t look very happy,” he said.

  It really was good to see him, so I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m happy you’re finally here,” I said.

  He set his bag on the ground and slid his hands behind my neck, looking at me for a few seconds before he kissed me. “I’m glad to be here. You don’t even know how much I missed you.”

  He never did ask about my evening with Zack, only if everything went okay. After I gave a very basic answer, it wasn’t mentioned again. Maggie talked to him about the children’s museum, but I found it interesting that she never acknowledged the fact that Zack didn’t come in with us. It was almost like Jared was there, and that was okay with her. It seemed like the two were interchangeable to her, and I didn’t know what to think about that.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Zack left town two days later—a day early. I think he was pretty frustrated with me, or at least with the situation. He did spend a day with Maggie and I know they had a lot of fun, but because I wasn’t willing to separate myself from Jared, I think Zack felt shafted. I had invited him over the next two days he was in town, but I knew he didn’t want the awkwardness of being around everyone. I understood that. I would have felt uncomfortable too. I offered to meet him for lunch or dinner too, and he declined. The thought of being with both Jared and Zack at the same time was daunting, but I wasn’t going to do it any other way.

  He called me the night that he returned to Washington. I apologized to him for how awkward his visit was but he tried to assure me that it wasn’t my fault. He said that he was happy to at least have seen Maggie and I after so long, but I knew his visit wasn’t what he’d hoped it could have been.

  “Do you think you and Maggie could come up here for a few days?” he asked me. “Don’t worry about the cost, I’ll take care of it.”

  I wasn’t sure how to respond. But I knew it wasn’t appropriate given the circumstances.

  “You have a choice, Taryn. I’d like you to decide what you want to do, not what Jared would be happy with.”

  “I do make my own choices, Zack. Just because it’s not what you want…”

  “Taryn…”

  He sighed, and I knew one of two things was going to happen. We were either going to get into an argument, or he was going to—

  “I love you so much, this is killing me.”

  —Make things even harder.

  “I feel we belong together,” he continued. “But I understand that you’re being loyal to Jared. I know he’s special to you and I’m not going to dispute that. I know that I screwed up, and I have no right to lecture you about choices—I’m sorry—but if you would just remember what we had…”

  “I do remember, and it’s hard for me too. But just because all of those feelings are still there, it doesn’t mean I can just drop what’s in my life right now. I know you don’t want to get to know Jared on a personal level, but he is an amazing guy. Is he better than you? No. But he’s just as special to me. If you’re asking me to choose right now…”

  I could hear him sigh again, and then I noticed my mom standing in the doorway of my room with a camera she’d borrowed. I know she heard what I said, but she didn’t speak as she set it on my dresser and quietly left.

  “I’ll think about Washington,” I said when he didn’t respond. “Jared’s going to be in the studio for a few weeks in L.A. and I’m not sure if Maggie and I will be there with him or not. I’m guessing yes, because after that he goes on tour for three months.”

  “And you’re not going on tour with him?”

  I took my time answering and then replied, “We’ll meet up with him in a few cities the first half of it; for the second half we’re going with him. He’s returning to Europe.”

  Again he was quiet, but then he said, “Well you could come up here when he starts his tour, right?”

  “Zack, I’m not gonna run off to spend time with you the second my boyfriend leaves town. I’m not that kind of—”

  “Person. Yeah, I know.” He sighed again and I didn’t know where we stood at that point. I felt like it was too frustrating to talk to him sometimes.

  “I’ll think about it, okay?” I finally said. “Let me see where I am at that point first, and then I’ll make a decision.”

  He didn’t say anything right away, but eventually he asked, “What does that mean, Taryn? Are you talking about your physical location, or your relationship with Jared?”

  “Um, both I guess. I mean—” I stopped because my other line was ringing. I knew it was Jared before I even checked. “Uh, he’s on the other line and I’d like to answer it.”

  “Uh, okay. Goodnight, Taryn. I love you. I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

  That was twice now that he’d told me he loved me and I hadn’t said it to him since the night on the phone, when we first got it all out in the open. Now I wasn’t sure if I could say it again, given the fact that I was now thinking rationally of my current relationship and felt returning Zack’s sentiments was inappropriate. I guess I was lucky he added the last part, so I just say, “Okay, I’ll talk to you then.”

  I always enjoyed answering calls from Jared because he was just that kind of guy. He was always easy to talk to and he usually said something funny right off the bat. This time he softly asked, “What are you wearing?” It made me smile and he added, “Sexy footie pajamas?”

  I laughed and said, “Yes, Maggie and I are wearing matching footie pajamas.”

  “I knew it! Well I’ll let you lie to me, but I know you’re wearing boxers and striped tube socks.”

  I had to smile because he was almost right. “Close. The socks have frogs on them.”

  “Ah, the frogs. Shoot, I was gonna say that.”

  I chuckled and then asked him what he was up to. He claimed the hotel was having a singles mixer downstairs and he was just about to head down there.

  I laughed again. “In your basketball shorts and tattered t-shirt?”

  He paused for a second. “Hey, wait a minute… Are you spying on me?”

  “No, you wish. But your attire is about as predictable as mine, I suppose.”

  “How is it that we both know what each other wears to bed but…”

  I smiled again, and I could feel my face turn warm. But he changed the subject when he began talking about a band that he had just spoken with about touring with Breaking Point. He was excited that it was going to happen.

  “I bet they’re even more excited,” I said. “Wow, what an opportunity for them. How does it feel to be able to give people a chance like that?”

  “Oh, it’s awesome. I mean I feel so lucky to be in the position that I’m in, but when I hear these other amazing groups say that their dream tour would be touring with us… It’s humbling.”

  “You’re already a humble guy, Jared. That’s why you’re so popular among your peers, sweetie. I think of all the musicians that I’ve met through you, and I can see so clearly what you have that they don’t. But I suppose there’s a band for everyone. I just prefer yours,” I smiled. “Well, just you I guess.”

  He laughed and said, “You’re not into Jack? He’s kind of pursued quite a bit; I hear it’s because he’s good-looking.”

  “Ha, and he knows it. No, I’m not into Jack.”

  “Well I’ve been told I’m a good-looking guy so m
any times that I’m starting to believe it.”

  That made me laugh. “Well duh.”

  “And now that I’m officially taken—uh, by you of course…”

  I chuckled.

  “—It’s a toss up for whether or not you’ve made me more desirable, or less.”

  “Ah, girls that can’t take the competition have given up, huh?”

  “Yes, but the other half… They are like angry bees.”

  I laughed again and said, “Is that, like, as in bumble bees, or the other B-word?”

  “Yeah, I’m beginning to wonder.”

  Of course that made me curious and I had to ask, “Have you been getting interesting comments online?”

  “I always get interesting things thrown my way.”

  “I mean something more from these angry B’s?”

  He chuckled but failed to answer my question. I decided I was going to have to find out for myself so I grabbed my laptop and logged in while he went back to discussing the upcoming tour. Then he asked about house hunting in the morning and we talked about that for a while.

  There were two houses that we had plans to go see (without Maggie this time) and we also made lunch and dinner plans. It was a given that we’d be together the entire day, but I think he just felt it necessary to make sure sometimes. We normally didn’t make “plans,” but we’d talked about going out for a day—just the two of us—for a while, and now it was finally going to happen.

  “This chick wants me to die a slow and painful death?” I asked all of a sudden.

  “What? Taryn, you did not just go on my page, did you?”

  “Yes I did, and I think I wanna find this b—”

  “Those people are intense, hon,” he said with half a chuckle. “I don’t even understand what they are thinking.”

  “I think she wants a face-to-face with me—” I paused and said, “This girl says I’m a whore?”

  “Taryn, freaking get off your computer. I’m not even kidding.” I think he heard me slam it shut when he added, “You can’t take anything personal on there. You appreciate the good things that are said, accept the constructive criticism, and block the haters.”

  “Then block ‘em.”

  “Babe,” he kind of chuckled. “I can only do so many a day. I try not to get caught up in that kind of stuff and I don’t want you to either.”

  I sighed heavily because he was right. I wasn’t sure why strangers’ comments got to me so badly.

  “Taryn, nothing anyone says is gonna—”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

  “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have even joked about it.”

  Finally I laughed and said, “Jared, it’s fine to joke about. Really. I guess for the most part I’ve ignored that kind of stuff—and for your information, I’m totally aware of all your dedicated stalkers—” He chuckled “—But anyways, enough about those people. I hear Maggie out of bed so I’d better go see what’s up, okay?”

  “Sure, of course. Give her a hug and kiss for me. I love you. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

  “I can’t wait either. I love you, too.”

  I hung up and took another deep breath. It was true that I was aware of some of the gossip and stuff that was said about me or about my relationship with Jared because of his status—and it really hadn’t bothered me up until now—but I guess everyone gets fed up at some point. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to get upset with something so stupid again.

  I made my way to the front room where my mom was grading papers. She saw me looking around for Maggie and said, “She went back to bed.”

  “Oh. What was up?”

  “Oh she just woke up and needed a drink. She’s fine.”

  I slightly nodded and sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

  “How are you?” my mom asked.

  She was studying me pretty intently and I knew why. I wasn’t even going to pretend I didn’t know why she’d ask me that.

  “I don’t know,” I finally said.

  She set her papers on the coffee table and took off her reading glasses. “You were on the phone with Zack, huh? For quite a while.”

  I didn’t say anything at first, mainly because I wasn’t sure how she was going to judge me. It probably lessened her critique of me when I said, “I only talked to him for about ten minutes and then Jared called. Most of the time on the phone was with him.”

  She barely nodded but didn’t respond right away. The guilt was already eating at me, and since my mom already knew that, I decided to talk to her about it. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to, but I also felt that it couldn’t hurt.

  But she was the one that began the conversation when she asked, “So you feel like you need to choose between the two of them now?” I didn’t reply and she continued. “Taryn, I know how you felt about Zack. And with everything that happened—with Rachel, and with Zack leaving, and you getting Maggie full time, and Jared’s interest in you—I know it was very difficult for you. I understand how our lives can kind of feel out of our control sometimes, and we just don’t know what to do. You have two great relationships with two wonderful guys. But the bottom line is that you love two very different young men. And of course that isn’t unheard of, but it’s not a good place for you to be.”

  “I know that.”

  “I know you know that. So… What’s going to happen?”

  I groaned. “You know that’s my dilemma, right?

  She smiled at my sarcasm, but she seemed to think for a few seconds. Finally she said, “It’s said that if you’re ever in a situation where you love two people…that you should pick the second one. Because you wouldn’t have fallen in love with that person if you were truly in love with the first one.”

  I just stared at her for a few seconds because it kind of took me by surprise. Also, hearing that made my stomach sink. I mean I guess I could understand the logic, but what about me? What about the other factors that played a role? How could you actually sort all of that out? I knew I wanted to stay with Zack at the time, and he pretty much broke my heart when he didn’t feel the same way. But now I had been given a second chance to be with him and I couldn’t do it. I loved being with Jared, and the thought of changing that made me feel heartbroken.

  “So where does that leave me?” I eventually asked.

  She barely smiled, even though she tried not to. “I don’t know, honey. I guess that’s what I’m trying to help you figure out.”

  “Well you haven’t helped me with anything.”

  “Because I didn’t flat out give you an answer to something I have no right answering?”

  “You’re telling me to stick with Jared?”

  “I think you already know your answer,” she smiled knowingly.

  I could only stare at her for a moment because she was right. But I told my mom that I needed to get to bed, so after checking on Maggie I took myself to my room, hoping to rid my head of all my worries.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  I kind of had a slow start the next morning. I kept hitting the snooze button until I knew I absolutely had to get up. I was in the shower when Jared arrived, and when I entered the dining room, Jared, Maggie, Braden, and my parents were having French toast.

  “There’s Sleeping Beauty,” Jared joked.

  My brother snorted, so to spite him I said, “Well I guess since my Prince didn’t kiss me to wake me up, he gets to do it now.”

  Braden pretended to gag, but with a smile, Jared stood and sad, “Gladly.”

  “No making out,” Braden scowled.

  “What’s making out?” Maggie asked.

  Braden was going to reply, but since we didn’t know what was going to come out of his mouth, my mom cut him off and said, “When two people kiss a lot.”

  That made Maggie giggle and she said, “Ha-ha, they are always making out.”

  For some reason that made all of us laugh, even Braden. Maggie felt pretty accomplished for being a jokester, and
then she returned to consuming her breakfast.

  “You feeling okay?” Jared asked quietly as he followed me into the kitchen.

  With a nod I replied, “Yeah, just…took me a while to get up this morning. Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize… You didn’t sleep well?”

  “Uh, not really.”

  He watched me put two pieces of French toast on my plate before he asked, “Any particular reason or…?”

  “No, just one of those nights. My mind wouldn’t shut off. I kept thinking about today.”

  That made him smile and he nodded. It was the truth, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I’d had with my mom. I thought about it all night, which is what kept me awake until three a.m.—until I was positive that I was going to do the right thing.

  After breakfast I headed out with Jared. Maggie was kind of disappointed at first that she still couldn’t come with us, but my parents reminded her of the fun day they were going to have and she willingly gave us hugs goodbye. I could tell that Braden desired to come with us too, but he was trying hard to not act like a five-year-old about it.

  “We’re kind of popular,” Jared joked when we were in his Camaro. He’d had someone ship it down from Washington for him and I could tell he was so happy to have it back.

  “You are the popular one,” I replied.

  He only chuckled, but when he pulled over at the end of the street, it was my turn to smile because I knew his intentions. “Man, I can’t wait to make out with you,” he said.

  I scooted closer to him and said, “Were you too chicken to make out in my parents’ driveway?”

  He smiled and returned the kiss I gave him. After a few seconds he said, “No, but I figured the longer we lingered, Maggie or Braden would think we changed our minds.”

  “Ha, no kidding.”

  We kissed a little longer and then headed out to the first house on Jared’s list. We were a few minutes late, but Cassandra—the real estate agent that had been recommended to Jared through mutual friends—was okay with that. She’d shown us three homes so far and I really liked her. She was probably in her mid-forties, pretty laid-back, and knew the answer to any question we had. She didn’t seem too affected by who Jared was and I knew he appreciated that. She also just hung back and let us view the homes by ourselves, which was nice.