Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2)

by Melanie Wilber

  “Okay.”

  After he left, her apartment seemed more empty than usual. She put in a DVD and turned off all the lights before curling up on the sofa, but she had a hard time keeping her mind on the movie. She kept imagining what it would be like to have Brandon here, thinking how easy it had been to talk to him about her parents.

  What would they be talking about now? What would they be doing? What would it feel like to have him sitting here watching the movie with her, holding her in his arms?

  What am I thinking? I can’t let that happen! She rose from the sofa to go make some microwave popcorn. He‘s a great guy, from what I can tell thus far anyway. He’s a good neighbor, and we have a good chance of being good friends. There is no reason to spoil that by bringing romance into the picture. Getting involved with a neighbor can only lead to disaster. Besides, I’m sure he’s only paying attention to me as a favor to his aunt. He looked more interested in Allison.

  “I should not be watching a romance! Good grief,” she muttered, returning to the living room while her popcorn popped. Ejecting the DVD, she looked for another one to watch instead. Scanning her movie rack with only the light from the television screen, she realized most of them contained a romantic story line. She chose one of the few that didn’t and went to retrieve her buttery smelling popcorn before returning to the couch.

  I wonder what kind of movies Brandon likes? I bet he would like this one. Maybe I should run next door and see if he wants to come back over and watch it with me. Friends do that.

  What is happening to me? I can’t be thinking this way! Stop it!

  Something about Brandon made her think she could open her heart again, more than she had ever managed to do with Mark. Was it his smile, his warm brown eyes, or something beyond his outward appearance? She tried to determine what about him made her trust him and feel at ease, even though he sent her head spinning with one look or the slightest touch.

  She kept thinking about the way he treated Tommy. Most guys pretended he wasn’t there. Others went overboard, exaggerating their interest in him to get her attention. But Brandon didn’t do either. Mark had been good with Tommy too, but their relationship had taken time to grow and become comfortable. Brandon, however, seemed completely at ease around him. There was a genuineness about him, a natural friendliness.

  That’s it. He’s being friendly. He’s not interested in me, that’s just the way he is.

  Yes, that made sense. He didn’t look at her the same way he looked at Allison. He’s a neighbor and becoming a friend. That’s all. Just because God told me He has someone else for me doesn’t mean it’s the guy I meet a week later. Get your head out of the clouds.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Josie plopped the take-out pizza box on the counter.

  “Go wash your hands, sweetie.”

  Tommy dashed from the room, and Josie went to wash her own hands at the kitchen sink before pulling two plates from the cupboard and placing a large slice of warm pizza on each.

  Tommy returned and took his place at the table.

  “What do you want to drink?” Josie asked, setting his plate before him.

  “Milk.”

  Josie went to the refrigerator, pulled out the milk carton, and poured some into a small cup. She poured herself some chilled water and carried both glasses to the table.

  “We’re going to have to eat fast,” Josie said, taking a seat. “We were in the pool longer than I thought.”

  “Can I ask Mrs. Ramsey to take me again tonight?” Tommy asked.

  “I think once is enough for today.”

  “Please?”

  “Not this time. Her back has been bothering her again. She is in no condition to have to jump in and save you.”

  “Can she get it fixed?”

  “Maybe, but right now all she can do is take medicine and sometimes that doesn’t help.”

  They finished their dinner, and Josie put her hair up, using extra side clips. Tonight would be the first of three nights in a row she would be on duty at the hospital, the most difficult days of her rotating schedule. Sue greeted her at the nurses’ desk when she arrived.

  “Here are your patients,” she said, handing two charts to her. “Looks like we might have a slow night ahead of us. One of those is a postpartum third-time mom, but the other one appears to be close to delivery.”

  Josie welcomed the news. She had been working her tail off the last several weeks. They’d been short staffed--always a problem for nightshift, but even more so lately.

  Cassie, a wispy looking redhead, had delivered her third child earlier that afternoon. She told Josie she felt tired, but otherwise well. The baby slept in the bassinet beside the bed and had been examined within the hour, so Josie left both mom and baby to rest.

  “Hello,” she said cheerfully to her second patient. “I’m Josie, and I’ll be your nurse this evening. How are you feeling, Lorraine?”

  Clutching her bulging abdomen, Lorraine burst into tears.

  “Oh, not so good, huh?” Josie said, moving to her patient’s side.

  Lorraine continued to sob, and Josie stroked her arm and shoulder to try and soothe her. Josie looked over her chart. This was Lorraine’s first pregnancy, and she had only come in two hours ago. Her contractions had been strong and steady since she’d arrived.

  “You were at six centimeters as of twenty minutes ago. It shouldn’t be too much longer,” she said. “Did Marlo talk to you about having an epidural?”

  With Lorraine too upset to answer, Josie looked to her mother.

  “They are supposed to be on their way,” she said.

  Another contraction caused Lorraine to groan louder. Josie could see and hear her performing the “he-he-he” breathing pattern but with great effort. It didn’t seem to be helping.

  “That’s good, Lorraine,” she said. “You’re doing great. Keep it up. I’ll go see what’s keeping the anesthesiologist.”

  Josie ran to the phone and called upstairs. They were backlogged but supposedly on their way. “We need them now!” Josie said. “Tell them to hurry it up.”

  Returning to her patient’s side, Josie filled in the necessary information on the charts, reviewed the fetal heart pattern, and scanned the contraction printout. Seeing it full of large peaks without much space in between, she could see why Lorraine was in tears.

  For the next twenty minutes Josie watched Lorraine have six strong contractions. Offering as much verbal support as she could, she felt like running upstairs and dragging an anesthesiologist down there herself. When he finally arrived, he apologized for the delay and went to work.

  “All right, Lorraine,” Josie said when the doctor finished. “That should kick in any time now. Try to relax. Relief is on the way.”

  Josie hoped her words would ring true, knowing that sometimes the first attempt did not provide the numbing effect. The first two contractions were still painful for Lorraine but with the third, she didn’t groan as loudly. Josie felt relieved when the fourth barely caused Lorraine to wince. For several minutes she lay motionless on her side with her eyes closed, and Josie thought she might fall asleep. Josie rubbed her back and waited. Lorraine moaned when another contraction came, and she took several deep breaths.

  “Are you feeling pain again?” Josie asked.

  “No, but there’s a lot of pressure.”

  Josie stayed with Lorraine as much as possible. She kept a close eye on the monitors, but everything appeared normal. An hour later she had dilated to nine centimeters.

  Dr. Liem arrived, and they all began to prepare for the impending delivery. Josie remained at Lorraine’s side for the next two hours after she began pushing, leaving only for brief intervals to check on her other patient and splash cool water on her face. Lorraine’s due date was actually three weeks away and her husband was out of town on business, so Josie acted as her coach as well. So much for her easy night.

  Despite Lorraine’s excellent pushing efforts, strong contractions, and various pos
itions tried, the baby did not budge. Dr. Liem came in to explain they may need to do a caesarean as it appeared the baby’s head might be too large to fit through Lorraine’s pelvis. Since the baby wasn’t showing any signs of distress and the epidural masked her pain, Lorraine wanted to try for a while longer. After another half-hour passed with no change, however, Josie decided to talk with her.

  “How do you feel about having a caesarean?”

  “I’d rather keep trying,” Lorraine said.

  “I know it’s scary, but you and the baby will be in good hands. Dr. Liem is a very skilled surgeon.”

  “It’s not as much about fear, as failure,” Lorraine said, her lower lip beginning to quiver.

  “I felt the same way when I had my son.”

  “You had a c-section?”

  Josie nodded. “Six years ago.”

  “Why?”

  “For the same reason as you. He was too big,” she said. “He had a big red spot the size of a quarter right between his eyes from trying his darndest to get through.”

  “Do you really think that’s what’s happening to me?” Lorraine asked. “I’ve heard about some doctors who want to go home and aren’t patient enough to wait.”

  Her last words were strained, and she had to stop talking to push again. She found her current position to be the most comfortable thus far, usually meaning the most effective, but it hadn’t done the trick either. Josie could see her trembling all over, and she looked exhausted. Josie waited for the contraction to subside before continuing in a soothing voice.

  “I think the doctor is right this time. Dr. Liem always has her patients’ best interests in mind. The baby hasn’t dropped at all since you checked in.”

  “How could this happen to me?” Lorraine asked, beginning to cry. She brushed away her tears. “I did everything right, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, you did,” Josie said.

  “You don’t think I can’t push it out because of the epidural, do you? I wasn’t going to have one, but it was too much.”

  “Lorraine, listen,” Josie said, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing Lorraine’s shoulders. “You couldn’t be pushing any better, I promise you. This is something beyond anyone’s control. If the baby is too big, it’s too big. There’s nothing that is going to change that. You’re right that some c-sections are unnecessary, but not all of them are. I do believe this is the best choice for you at this point.”

  Lorraine nodded and wiped away more tears. She didn’t respond with words, but Josie knew she had gotten through.

  “In the end what is important is that you and the baby are healthy, not the way the baby comes out.”

  Lorraine nodded, and Josie left to find Dr. Liem. After hearing Lorraine tell her doctor she wanted to go ahead with the surgery, Josie got all the appropriate papers signed and began prepping Lorraine for the caesarean, then followed the team into the operating room to act as the circulating nurse, continuing to offer Lorraine support.

  Less than fifteen minutes later, a healthy baby boy’s cries made everyone in the room smile. Lorraine’s fatigue and the anesthesia had been causing her to drift in and out of sleep, but she woke up for the sound she had been waiting for.

  Josie’s own heart and mind returned to six years ago when Tommy had come into the world in the same way. She remembered the first time she had seen him swaddled in blankets, looking perfect. Faith had been at her side. A nurse lowered Tommy close to her face. Tommy’s hand had reached out and touched her cheek. Her sobs had come uncontrollably, just as Lorraine’s were. The fact that Lorraine had gone through all of this without the baby’s father--although her husband was only out of town--made the similarities between their childbirth experiences even greater.

  Josie decided to take her lunch break when she finished with her duties following the c-section. She often wondered if another child lay ahead in her future. She definitely wanted a husband first, but the longing in her heart for another baby of her own seemed to be stronger than ever before.

  Cassie and her husband had been oohing and aahing over their new baby when she had checked on them shortly before Lorraine had begun pushing. For some reason her mind wandered back to the brief moments she had spent with them.

  “I never get over how tiny they are,” Cassie had said, smiling broadly. Her curly red hair cascaded over her shoulders as she’d kissed the baby’s forehead. “Such a miracle.”

  “What’s her name?” Josie asked.

  “Michaela,” Cassie said, stroking the tiny cheek while she nursed.

  “And you have two others?”

  “Yes,” she replied, reaching for her camera on the tray and showing her a picture she had taken while they were here. Josie looked at the two smiling faces holding their baby sister together.

  “Matthew is six, and Jonathan is three.”

  “They are adorable,” Josie said.

  “They wanted to hold her and kiss her the whole time they were here.”

  Josie rose from her chair in the lounge, tossed her garbage in the trash can, and walked to the window, staring out into the darkness. She envisioned walking through the front door of her home, laying a new baby of her own in a bassinet and Tommy reaching to stroke its small hand. Her husband came in behind her, loaded down with all the baby gear, and they all stood and stared at the precious new life.

  Walking down the quiet hallway to return to her patients, Josie wanted that more than anything. She wanted a husband, she wanted Tommy to have a father, and she wanted another child.

  Josie remained melancholy the rest of the night, checking on Cassie more than necessary and taking the baby to the nursery to let Cassie get some rest. She sat and rocked the little girl, something she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury of for far too long.

  After taking Tommy to the bus stop in the morning, she went back to the apartment and looked through the pictures of Tommy she had put together in the scrapbook. He had been a beautiful baby. Healthy, content, and full of smiles. She had never regretted keeping him, only that his daddy hadn’t been there to watch him grow. Josie let the tears fall. Tears for Tommy. Tears for herself. Tears for the father he never knew.

  When she reached the last page, Josie left it open and went to get some pictures she hadn’t had time to put in yet. She had taken a lot this summer. Many of them were from the week they had spent at the beach with Patrick’s family last month. One of them caught her eye, and she stared at it for a long time.

  She and Tommy had posed in front of Haystack Rock on the shore of Cannon Beach. On her knees in the sand, giving Tommy a sideways hug, her best smile had emerged. Tommy’s two front teeth were missing.

  She laid down on the couch and held the picture to her chest, deciding she would make a special page in her album for this picture alone. She would mount it on a big red heart, surround it with heart stickers, and write a caption that said, “TOGETHER AT CANNON BEACH”.

  Josie laid the picture aside and shared her desires with God, praying for someone they could share their life with. She fell asleep with hope in her heart. Maybe next summer there would be another face in a picture she could caption “TOGETHER”.

  ***

  The phone rang, jolting Josie from sleep. Feeling disoriented, she made her way to it and answered with a groggy hello.

  “Hello, Ms. Matthews?”

  “Yes?”

  “This is the RiverPlace Commons office,” the woman said. “Your son is down here. Is it okay if I send him on up?”

  A surge of adrenaline coursed through her veins. Josie checked her watch. It was four o’clock--ten minutes later than Tommy’s bus normally arrived. “No, have him wait there. I’ll come down.”

  Josie fled down four flights of stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator, and saw Tommy sitting in a chair by the office.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” she said. “I overslept. Are you okay?” She could tell he had been crying.

  Tommy nodded and Josie put her arms around him, squeezing he
r eyes shut. “I’m so sorry,” she said against his hair, holding him tight. The image of him standing alone on the sidewalk looking for her and thinking about what could have happened made her feel sick to her stomach. Oh God, thank you for protecting him.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” she whispered.

  He sniffled again. “I didn’t know where you were.”

  “I’m sorry. You did the right thing by coming here.”

  Josie reconsidered her choice to not get Tommy his own cell phone. She hadn’t given in to getting one for herself yet, let alone for her six-year-old. Mostly because of the cost involved, but also because she thought it was ridiculous the way everyone walked around talking and texting on them as if they had grown another appendage. She was constantly having to tell her patients and their visitors not to use them in the rooms and hallways of the hospital around sensitive equipment. But maybe it was time to stop being stubborn and face the reality that everyone had them because they were necessary in today’s world, or at least for emergencies. Surely her son’s safety was worth the expense and conforming to the masses.

  She thanked the office staff and took Tommy’s hand. They rode the elevator up to the fourth floor and stepped into the hall. Rounding the corner, they saw Brandon coming toward them.

  “Hi,” he said, his smile fading. “Everything all right?”

  Josie explained, feeling like a terrible mother. Of all the times to run into him again.

  “Say, sport,” Brandon said, kneeling down to Tommy’s level. “When’s your next soccer game?”

  Josie felt bad she hadn’t made more of an effort to tell him about the game last Sunday. “It’s Saturday at eleven,” she answered before Tommy had a chance to ask her.

  “Are you coming?” Tommy asked.

  “You bet,” he said, bringing a smile to Tommy’s face. “I want to see the star in action.”

  Josie smiled, hoping she conveyed her appreciation. “Do you know where Lincoln Field is?”