Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2)

by Melanie Wilber

She hoped Tommy’s upset stomach was a result of something he had eaten the night before, but when she felt Tommy’s forehead later that morning, the thermometer confirmed her own estimation of a 101 degree fever. She knew he couldn’t go to school, and she spent the rest of the day offering him comfort measures, reading him stories, and sitting on the couch with him to watch videos. He didn’t throw up anymore, but he had no appetite. Even using her best nursing tricks, she couldn’t get him to eat any soup.

  Friday morning she woke to find him looking and feeling better, but he still had a mild fever. She knew he had to stay home and called Brandon to cancel their lunch plans. She also knew she would have to call the hospital and take tonight off. She didn’t want to expose Vivian to this bug.

  “When would you like to reschedule?” Brandon asked.

  Looking at her work schedule for the following week, Josie knew it didn’t look promising. “I have to work three days straight, so I’ll need to sleep as much as possible.”

  “Please don’t sacrifice anything on my account.”

  “I should have Monday off, although it’s hard to say for sure since I’ll be calling in sick tonight and maybe tomorrow too. If they have to call someone in to cover for me, I may get some of their days next week.”

  “I have a meeting Monday anyway,” he said. “How about Friday?”

  “I won’t be recovered enough from working Thursday night to meet you for lunch.”

  “Saturday?”

  “Tommy has a soccer game.”

  Brandon didn’t respond. Josie began to wonder if maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

  “How about dinner on Friday?”

  Josie felt a tingly sensation all over. Even though she knew Brandon wasn’t asking her out on a date, she enjoyed the idea of spending an evening with him.

  “I could probably get Mrs. Ramsey to watch Tommy for a couple of hours,” she heard herself say.

  “Great,” he said. “Friday night it is.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Tommy felt better by Saturday, and Josie decided to go to work that evening. She caught Sue snacking on a candy bar when she arrived at the nurses’ station.

  “Sorry, I didn’t have any dinner,” Sue said, popping the last of it into her mouth. “Is Tommy feeling better?”

  “Yes,” she said, smiling at Sue’s chipmunk cheeks. “He bounced back today. Thanks for understanding about last night. I hope you weren’t swamped.”

  “No. I had to take a few patients myself, but we were fine. Believe me, I understand about kids being sick.”

  Josie reached for her assigned patients’ charts. “What do you have for me tonight?”

  “Two in labor. One is a teen, and the other requested you. She said you were her nurse with her first child, and she wanted you this time around also.”

  “Well, that’s nice,” Josie said, recognizing the woman’s first name somewhat vaguely, but not placing a face with it until she stepped into the room. She smiled broadly. Ayanna held a special place in Josie’s heart. Some patients were unforgettable.

  “Josie! You’re still working here. Praise the Lord!”

  Josie shook her head and walked to the bedside to give Ayanna a hug. “Back so soon?” she teased.

  Ayanna asked her husband to get out his wallet and show Josie a picture of their fourteen-month-old son. Josie admired the black curls atop his pudgy caramel-colored face and smiled back at the wide grin.

  “Do you know if this one is another boy?”

  “That’s what they told me,” Ayanna said. “Of course they were wrong last time.”

  After taking Ayanna’s vitals and checking her progress, she left her in the care of her husband, two sisters, and her mother. “I’ll be back to check on you. Everything looks great, but if you have any problems or concerns don’t hesitate to ring for me. I’ll be close by.”

  She moved on to her other patient and saw the seventeen-year-old sitting on the bed watching television. Josie introduced herself and also met her mother, who sat in a chair by the window. Josie caught on to the tension between mother and daughter right away--something she saw often with teen patients.

  Starting with the medical side of her patient’s care, Josie reported that everything looked fine but that the delivery itself would not be for a few hours. Knowing that the young girl would continue to be under more stress with her mother in the room, Josie encouraged Ms. Stevens to go and get something to eat and lie down in the family lounge. Josie felt relieved when she agreed and knew her patient felt the same.

  “How are you feeling, Holly?” Josie asked once they were alone, pulling a stool close to the bed.

  “The pain is getting worse, especially in my back.”

  Josie knew Holly had a long way to go. The pain would get worse as the evening progressed. She began discussing pain relief measures with her. Holly told her she had taken prenatal classes and knew about breathing patterns and other relaxation techniques. That was a good sign. Many teens had not.

  “Are you tired?” Josie asked.

  “Sort of.”

  “And how are you feeling here?” Josie asked, pointing to her own heart.

  Tears welled up in Holly’s wide hazel eyes.

  “It’s okay to cry,” Josie said, leaning forward to put her arm around Holly’s shoulders. Holly gave in, letting out the feelings she had been holding inside.

  Josie held her and stroked her back. After a few minutes she handed her a tissue, and Holly blew her nose.

  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  “Nothing to be sorry about,” Josie said. “How would you like a back rub?”

  Holly nodded.

  Josie urged her to get on her hands and knees. “This will take the pressure off your back and should ease the pain,” she said.

  Holly reported some improvement after a few minutes and Josie continued her kneading action. Sensing Holly’s fear, Josie knew she needed to get her talking. “Do you mind if I ask you some personal questions?”

  Holly shrugged.

  “Does the baby’s father know you’re here?”

  “No. I haven’t talked to him in six months.”

  “Your choice or his?”

  “His.”

  “And how does that make you feel?”

  Holly didn’t respond.

  “I know I felt lousy,” Josie said.

  Holly cocked her head to the side and tucked her light brown hair behind her ear. “Were you a teen mom?”

  “I was twenty-two, but my boyfriend didn’t stick around either.”

  “Ian left when I refused to get rid of it.”

  “You have a lot of courage,” Josie said.

  “More like a guardian angel,” Holly said with a smile. “A sidewalk counselor asked if I wanted to talk on my way into the abortion clinic. I was so scared. Ian tried to push her away, but I said I wanted to listen.” Holly sighed and added, “He left me right then and there.”

  “Did she refer you to the pregnancy center?”

  Holly nodded.

  “Have you been seeing a counselor there?”

  “Yeah. She’s coming later.”

  “What’s her name? I know some of the women who work there.”

  “Faith Matthews.”

  Josie smiled. “She’s my sister-in-law.”

  “No way! This is so cool. She is so great.”

  “I know,” Josie said. It wasn’t the first time one of her patients also knew Faith. “So, is it just you and your mom?”

  Holly nodded. “My dad split when I was eight. I have an older brother, but he’s in the Army.”

  She heard Holly breathing through another contraction, and Josie waited until it subsided.

  “How was that one?”

  “A little stronger, but not as much in my back.”

  “The change in position might help things get rolling,” she said. “When I get done with this we’ll have you get up and walk around.”

  “Did you keep your baby?” Holly asked
after a long silence.

  “Yes,” Josie replied. “He’s six now.”

  When Holly said her arms were getting tired, Josie suggested they take a walk. Josie knew Holly continued to be bothered by something besides the contractions, but she waited for Holly to open up to her. Walking past the nursery windows, they stopped to admire a baby wearing only a diaper and lying under a warming lamp.

  “It’s so tiny!” Holly gasped, raising her hands to her mouth. Her eyes were wide with wonder. “Will mine be about this size?”

  “Pretty close.”

  Tears spilled down Holly’s cheeks. Josie let her cry.

  “I’m not going to be able to do this,” Holly said between sobs. “They’re so tiny and helpless.”

  Josie didn’t respond. She knew that overwhelming feeling.

  Holly turned away from the window and leaned against the wall to breathe through another contraction.

  “Maybe I should listen to my mom,” she said.

  “What does your mom think?”

  “She says keeping it is selfish and irresponsible. Maybe she’s right. In the beginning I told her I would give it up for adoption, but about a month ago I told her I changed my mind. She barely speaks to me now.”

  Josie remained silent and waited for Holly to work through her thoughts. Josie saw Holly supporting her back again, and she led her down the hall to her room.

  “What made you change your mind?”

  Holly sighed. “I didn’t have peace. I couldn’t sleep and kept having nightmares. Faith told me to pray about it. I prayed every day for three months and the more I prayed, the more I knew keeping the baby was what God wanted me to do.”

  Josie opened the door to Holly’s room, and they stepped inside. Holly needed to use the bathroom, and Josie waited for her to emerge before helping her settle herself on the bed once again.

  “Did you consider adoption?” Holly asked.

  “Yes. I wanted to attend medical school, and I had my entire future ahead of me. It seemed like the best thing for me and the baby. But then I started having doubts, and I talked to Faith about it. She told me to pray, but it didn’t seem to help. I kept saying to Faith, ‘He’s not answering me!’”

  Holly’s eyes grew wide, and she waited for Josie to go on. Josie sat down on the edge of the bed. “Faith said to me, ‘Do you know God, Josie?’ I said, ‘What do you mean?’ She said, ‘Do you know Him personally? Do you believe that He made you and loves you? Do you believe He is the maker of your baby and that this is happening for a reason? That maybe He’s trying to get your attention through this?’”

  Holly smiled. “That sounds like Faith.” She winced a moment later as a strong contraction seized her. Josie talked her through it and handed Holly her water.

  “Nothing like a good walk to get things moving. Let’s see where we’re at,” Josie said, adjusting the equipment until she could hear the baby’s heartbeat. It sounded strong and steady.

  “Could you put this CD in for me?” Holly asked, pulling the case from her bag.

  “Sure, “Josie said, taking it from her. She recognized the picture of Rebecca St. James on the front cover. She put in the CD and adjusted the volume. The opening song was one of her favorites, and she wanted to sit down and listen, but she knew she had other duties.

  “I need to run and check on my other patient,” she said. “Keep doing your breathing. I won’t be away too long. Call if you need me, okay?”

  “Okay. You better come back and finish your story,” Holly said.

  Josie found Ayanna progressing well. Knowing Ayanna had requested her, she didn’t want to let her down by being away so much, but she also knew Holly needed her and decided to be honest.

  “You better get back to her,” Ayanna said after she explained about her teen patient. “I can handle this stuff fine. It’s the pushing that gets me. You’ll be here for that, won’t you?”

  “Every second,” Josie said. “I’ll be back to check on you as soon as I can.”

  Josie grabbed some apple juice from the cooler for Holly that she could sip on to keep her from getting dehydrated and returned to her room.

  “Looks like you had some more good ones,” she said, checking the contraction printout. “They are less than four minutes apart now.”

  “The last one made me feel sick,” Holly said.

  “Do you want to call Faith?” Josie asked, glancing at the clock.

  Holly nodded and reached for the phone. The short conversation she had with Faith left her smiling.

  “Okay, now tell me what happened,” Holly demanded. “Did you listen to Faith?”

  Josie laughed. “Well, I wasn’t sure about it all and needed some time to think about what she said. But yes, a few weeks later I realized I needed God in my life. Living on my terms hadn’t gotten me anywhere except scared and alone. I knew the empty space in my heart needed Him and that God was my only hope.”

  “Is that when you decided to keep your baby?”

  “I still didn’t know what to do, but I had a peace I hadn’t had before. Faith told me to wait for God to speak to my heart. And one night I had gone to bed, but I was in my ninth month and couldn’t sleep. So I started praying.

  “I felt confused. Every time I thought about giving the baby to someone else, I felt awful. I asked God what I was supposed to do, and He told me,” she said, her heart warming at the memory. “Just as if He had stood right in front of me and talked to me.

  “He told me the baby wasn’t a mistake and that giving it to someone else to raise was a noble thing and for many women in my position, it would be the right thing.”

  Josie looked into Holly’s eyes and continued. “But, He told me that the baby was mine, a gift. With His help I could raise it alone, and I’ve never doubted from that moment on.”

  Josie paused, then added. “I can’t tell you what is right for you; That’s between you and God. But I can tell you that He has been faithful to me, and I’ve never regretted keeping my child.”

  Tears began rolling down Holly’s cheeks. “He told me that too, Josie,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought maybe I was imagining things, but hearing you say the same words makes me believe it.”

  “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. Being a mom is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do,” Josie cautioned her. “They don’t stay sweet little newborns forever. They start getting into everything, turn into rambunctious toddlers, and then have to be potty trained--don’t even get me started--ear infections, temper tantrums, child care worries--I could go on and on, but I’m sure Faith has already been through all this with you.”

  Holly nodded. “That’s how I know this must be from God.”

  Josie patted Holly’s hand, talking her through another contraction before saying one last thing.

  “If you truly believe this is what God is telling you to do, Holly, and you put your trust in Him, He will make a way. He promises to give you the strength and wisdom it takes. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

  Josie turned the heart monitor up slightly, and the constant rhythm of the baby’s heartbeat made Holly smile. Josie watched as Holly closed her eyes, leaned her head back, and quoted from memory; “‘The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes to all who call on him sincerely. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them.’”

  “Did Faith have you learn that?”

  “Yes. It’s from Psalm 145.”

  “The one she had me memorize was Psalm forty-six, verses ten and eleven: ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’ The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Israel is our fortress.’”

  Holly’s mother returned as Josie was heading for the door to go check on Ayanna once again. Her mother listened to Josie’s report of how things were going. Josie left them but assured Holly she would be close by if she needed her.

  Looking in on Ayanna
again, she examined her, finding her to be at eight centimeters. Josie called her doctor, then returned to prepare for the delivery. By the time she got back to Holly, she found her in tears again. Faith had arrived, but Josie saw no sign of her mother.

  “How could she leave me like this?” she heard Holly say. “What am I going to do? I’m having this baby tonight, and I can’t go home. Where am I going to live? I’ll have to give the baby away like my mom wanted in the first place.”

  “Shh,” Faith said, rubbing Holly’s back and pulling her into an embrace. Josie and Faith exchanged concerned glances. Faith sat back and looked into Holly’s eyes. “Right now you have to calm down and think about having this baby.”

  Josie stepped in. “Faith is right, Holly. Take some deep breaths. Another contraction will be coming anytime, and you need to be ready.”

  Holly’s sobs continued. Josie couldn’t blame her. She could relate to most of Holly’s fears and anxiety concerning her situation, but not this. Her own mother may not have been entirely supportive of her decision to keep Tommy, but at least she hadn’t disowned her. At least she had a place to go home to.

  “But Faith, I--” Holly began. Another contraction seized her. She groaned her way through it and complained about the back pain again. Josie knew they had to do something to get her to calm down or the next few hours were going to be even more difficult for her. Josie wondered how long ago her mother had left, maybe she could run after her and try to talk to her. Maybe she could get her to change her mind.

  “Holly, listen to me,” Faith said when the contraction subsided. Holly turned away and laid on her side. “Do you want this baby? Do you want to keep it?”

  Holly nodded. “Yes,” she cried, “but I can’t.”

  “Then you will.”

  “But how?” she sobbed.

  “You and the baby will come and live with me and my family for as long as you need.”

  Holly turned to look at Faith. Her eyes stared in disbelief. “You would do that for me?”

  “Yes,” Faith said. “We’d love to have you. No more worries, okay?”

  Holly sat up with tears pooling in her hazel eyes. Large tears trickled down her cheeks. “Okay,” she replied. She gave Faith a hug, and Faith held her for several moments.