Baby's Breath (Garden of Love 2)

by Melanie Wilber

  “Josie!” She pulled her into an embrace. “Are you all right? Brandon told me what happened. I can’t believe it.”

  “I was pretty shook up. I’m glad Brandon was there.” The words were out before she realized them. She couldn’t look at either if them and glanced down at Tommy instead.

  Allison seemed unaffected by her statement. “I don’t know if I could have done it. I’ve taken first-aid classes, but I think I would panic if I ever faced a situation like that, especially with a little baby.”

  “Well, I guess I’m used to it, being a nurse and all,” Josie said. “Although, this was different.”

  “Mommy,” Tommy interrupted, tugging on her arm. “Can we go to McDonald's now?”

  “Yes, honey. Just a minute.”

  Looking back to Brandon and Allison, she wasn’t sure what to say. They probably had plans together, but she didn’t know.

  “Should we go with them?” Allison asked Brandon.

  “Sure. If that’s all right with you, Josie?” he said.

  She said that was fine, and they all left together. Allison’s smiles and laughter helped Josie put aside the stress of the morning a little bit more, and once again she vowed to not harbor any feelings of jealousy toward her. Allison wasn’t just beautiful on the outside, but on the inside too.

  Of course Brandon would choose someone like Allison over me. Who could blame him?

  After they ate, they walked a few blocks from the restaurant together before Allison had to head in the opposite direction. Allison told them good-bye and gave her a hug. The gesture took Josie by surprise, but she appreciated Allison’s supportive and caring ways.

  Josie and Brandon strolled back to the apartment at a leisurely pace, with Tommy doing most of the talking. Josie thanked Brandon one last time for helping her through the morning before they separated at his door. He gave her his number so she could call if there was ever another emergency or she wanted to talk.

  Josie posted it beside the phone and tried to put the hectic morning aside. She wanted to enjoy the rest of the day with Tommy. A walk to the Salmon Street Fountain where she ran through the jets of water with Tommy helped to chase away the “what if?” thoughts running through her mind.

  She hoped getting back to work on Monday night would keep her from thinking about what might have happened, but instead she faced another traumatic moment. And this time the outcome was grave.

  Sue’s somber expression was her first clue it would not be an easy night. Dr. Jacobs’ patient had been there most of the day. He expected her to deliver during the night, but he had already determined the baby would be stillborn. The mother had gone to his office that morning concerned about her full-term baby’s lack of movement, and Dr. Jacobs had been unable to find any heart tones. An ultrasound had confirmed his fears. The woman had chosen to come to the hospital to be induced rather than delay the inevitable.

  Somehow Josie made it through the heartbreaking scene, providing as much support and comfort as she could, given the situation. She didn’t understand why things like this happened, and she knew her words sounded hollow to the woman who had lost her child.

  She took an extra long lunch break at Sue’s insistence, and she spent most of the time crying. The baby's death reminded Josie of what an emotional profession she had chosen to be a part of. Stillbirths of this nature were rare. Premature deliveries and other late-term complications where babies didn’t survive were not an everyday occurrence for her either, but they happened. Those nights were always the most difficult and left her questioning God. How could He let this happen? Why should anyone have to experience something as tragic as the death of a child?

  When everything turned out well, the joy of a new life was incomparable to anything she had ever experienced. But when tragedy came, the sorrow and grief was very hard for her to deal with and lingered with her for days. The reality of the huge responsibility she carried could be overwhelming at times but also made her mindful of how serious she must take her duties, even in routine cases. She could never afford to brush aside patients’ concerns and knew she must keep a close eye on them--the mothers she could see, and the babies she could not.

  She returned to her duties, taking her role as a caregiver and hand-holder very seriously. Preventing the other baby’s death had been out of her hands, but often times she did stand in the gap, and her actions meant the difference between life and death; a sobering thought, but it was reality.

  Dr. Jacobs caught her before she left in the morning. He had gone home but returned to do his rounds. He spent a few minutes with her in an unoccupied room, asking her how she was holding up. She didn’t lie to him. She knew the situation had been difficult for him as well. He may have been practicing medicine for twenty years, but losing a baby wasn’t something anyone got used to.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I requested you because I knew Elena needed you. I want you to know you made a difference in there.”

  Josie hoped he was right, but nothing could bring her comfort at the moment. Elena’s anguish would remain with her for a long time.

  “I think I’ll go home and hug my son extra tight,” she said.

  ***

  Josie was sitting at the kitchen table helping Tommy with his spelling words on Wednesday afternoon when she heard a soft knock. Pushing herself away from the table, she rose from her chair. Any visitors had to be buzzed in before they could access the building. Since she had received no call, she knew it must be a neighbor dropping by.

  Checking the peephole, Josie recognized the faces and opened the door with a smile.

  “Hello, Josie,” Rick said, carrying a rather large arrangement of flowers. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No, this is fine,” she said to both him and Angela. “Come on in.”

  Angela held Baby Nathan in her arms. Josie led the way to the living room and offered Angela a seat on the sofa. Josie sat beside her, admiring the little baby and stroking his soft downy hair. Rick set the bouquet of beautiful flowers and a small package on the coffee table.

  “Thank you,” Josie said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “We had them put in extra baby’s breath,” Angela said in a shaky voice, “because you gave Nathan’s back to him.”

  Josie reached out and gave Angela a hug, being careful not to squash the baby. They both had tears in their eyes and clung to each other.

  Angela handed the baby to Josie, and she cradled him in her arms, glad she could simply hold him this time instead of pounding on his back.

  Tommy came into the room and sat down beside her.

  “Isn’t he tiny?” Josie said.

  Tommy nodded. His blue eyes were wide with wonder. “Did you get the button out?”

  “Yes,” Josie said. “He’s fine now. Do you want to hold him?”

  Tommy nodded, and Josie had him sit back before placing Nathan in his arms. She showed him how to support his head but kept her hands close by. She couldn’t help but wonder if he would have a baby brother or sister to hold someday.

  Josie took the baby from Tommy after a few moments and asked him to open the package Rick and Angela had brought. He unwrapped it and lifted the lid off the box. Josie reached out to push the tissue paper aside, revealing a decorative silver baby rattle.

  “It’s beautiful,” she gasped.

  “Look at the inscription,” Angela said.

  Josie picked it up. Engraved on the bulb were the words: For Josie. You saved my life. Love, Baby Nathan.

  Fresh tears welled up in Josie’s eyes. The significance of what she had done hit her once again. “Thank you.”

  “Well hopefully nothing like this will happen again, but in case it does, we’ve signed up to take an infant CPR and first-aid class, so we’ll be prepared,” Rick said.

  They stayed until the baby began to get fussy. “I think it’s dinner time,” Angela said, and they gathered their things. Both Rick and Angela gave her another hug at the door.

&nb
sp; “If there is ever anything we can do for you,” Angela said. “Just ask, all right? We owe you...so much.”

  Josie smiled and stroked the baby’s fingers, not even minding the sound of his hungry cries. “This is all I need,” she said. “Knowing that he is okay is enough for me.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Josie began preparing dinner after Rick and Angela left, feeling the gloom of tragedy beginning to slowly lift. Once she had the lasagna in the oven, she called Tommy to the living room to finish his spelling words. Picking up his homework folder from the table, she went to the couch and sat down to catch the evening news, clearing a spot on the coffee table for Tommy to put his paper on.

  Her bare foot bumped something under the table, and she leaned over to grab a soft rattle toy that Rick and Angela had left behind.

  “I’m going to run across the hall and give this to the baby. You go ahead and write the next word on your paper,” she said, setting the spelling list in front of Tommy and pointing at where he had left off.

  Josie opened the door and jumped out of her skin at the sight of Brandon standing there with his hand raised like he had been about to knock.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said. “Are you on your way out?”

  “Just to give this to Rick and Angela,” she said holding up the plush toy. The bell inside of it jingled. “Can you hold on one second?”

  “Sure. Mind if I come in?”

  “Go right ahead,” she said, stepping past him to enter the hall.

  Josie found Brandon helping Tommy with his spelling words when she returned. He listened as Tommy spelled a word out loud and wrote the letters on his paper. Brandon gave him a high-five and then began helping him with the next one. Josie decided to go back to the kitchen and prepare the French bread.

  Reaching for the loaf, Josie heard the phone ring. It was Faith. They chatted for a few minutes. Josie could hear Brandon continuing to help Tommy, and if she knew anything about him, he would not stop until they were finished. Even though she wanted to find out why he had stopped by, she didn’t want to let Faith know he was here.

  After Faith let her go, Josie returned to the bread, slicing half the loaf and spreading butter on several pieces. She sprinkled garlic on them also before wrapping the cold bread in foil to be warmed in the oven. Moments later Brandon appeared in the kitchen with Tommy right behind him.

  “Did you finish?” she asked.

  “I can spell all of them,” Tommy said.

  “That’s great, honey. Did you tell Brandon, thank you?”

  “Thank you,” Tommy said and then in the same breath added, “I’m hungry, Mommy.”

  “It’s cooking,” she assured him. Turning to Brandon she asked impulsively, “Would you like to have dinner with us?”

  “Sure,” he said. “Is that lasagna I smell?”

  “Yes. It should be ready in about twenty minutes. Can you wait that long?”

  “If I can wait five minutes for a microwave version, I think I can wait longer for the real thing.”

  “You should learn to cook,” she teased.

  “I cook,” he defended.

  “What? No, let me see if I can guess,” she challenged, leaning against the counter. “Spaghetti from a jar, grilled cheese sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and hmmm, one more. Oh yes, anything you can slap on a barbecue grill.”

  “I don’t have to take this abuse,” he said.

  She laughed. “If you didn’t come by to be insulted, why are you here?”

  “I came to ask a favor,” he said.

  She waited for him to go on.

  “I was wondering if I could take you out for dinner sometime.”

  Josie stared at Brandon. He kept a straight face.

  “You’re not asking me out,” she stated.

  “No,” he said. “Sorry, I guess I should clarify. I have something I’d like to discuss with you, sort of seek your advice on,” he said.

  “Concerning?”

  “It’s a long story. That’s why I wanted to take you to dinner.”

  “Why me?”

  “I need a woman’s point of view,” he said. “Or I should say, a woman who is not involved in the outcome.”

  “Does this have anything to do with Allison?”

  He smiled. “I guess you could say that.”

  “Tommy! Can you set the table, please?” she said reaching for the plates.

  “Here, I’ll get those,” Brandon said, stepping in to help. In less than a second he was standing right at her side, and she stepped back, thanking him for the help and mirroring his warm smile--and silently wishing he was here every day for dinner. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t seem to breathe normally whenever he stood less than ten feet from her. She felt like a lovesick, boy-crazy teenager again. He’s dating one of my friends! Get over it already!

  As Brandon and Tommy set the table, Josie thought about Brandon’s request. She had mixed feelings. On the one hand she wanted to go out to dinner with Brandon as a friend. She had vowed to herself the next chance she had to get out for an evening, she would take it. On the other hand, she felt awkward accepting the invitation considering her attraction to him. Can I give him good advice without my personal feelings getting in the way?

  All through dinner, Josie mulled it over in her mind. Leaning one way and then the other. She wondered if his “long story” had anything to do with the ring he had tossed into the river, something he had never mentioned. In the end she decided to put her personal feelings aside and be a friend.

  “Actually,” she said later when they were trying to decide on a day and time. “A late lunch would work better for me than a dinner.”

  “I have a lunch appointment tomorrow,” he said. “But I’m free on Friday.”

  “That would be fine. One o’clock?”

  He smiled. “Thanks, Josie. I appreciate this. I should get going and let you have some of this evening to yourself. Dinner was delicious, by the way.”

  “Thanks,” she said but was thinking: No, you don’t have to go. I have plenty of evenings by myself. She almost invited him to watch a movie with them, but she couldn’t get the words out.

  After Tommy went to bed, the quiet apartment seemed too quiet, and empty. Her desire to have Brandon here was strong enough for her to seriously consider calling him, but her friendship with Allison wouldn’t let her do it. If she only saw him as a friend, she wouldn’t see a problem with it, but she knew better. She knew what her heart was telling her, but she couldn’t do anything about it right now.

  She stayed up late, trying to get caught up on her scrapbook. It had been hard for her to get around to working on it lately, but once she had all her supplies and pictures out, she worked diligently for several hours. At two o’clock she forced herself to go to bed, only to lie awake for another hour, tossing and turning.

  Why can’t I stop thinking about Brandon? She sighed and flopped onto her stomach once again, readjusting her pillow and forcing herself to think about something else. She wondered how her sister was doing. She hadn’t heard from Natalie and had no way to reach her since she had moved on from the place she had been staying before. Patrick had talked to her a few days ago but didn’t have any major news to share.

  Eventually she found her thoughts returning to Brandon. This is ridiculous. I’m thinking about a lunch date with my neighbor whom I’m attracted to, but I’m going to be giving him advice on how to woo Allison. This is crazy!

  When the clock read 3:15, Josie got out of bed, walked to the window, and stared at the lights on the east side of the city. No matter how much she tried to avoid it, her heart yearned for Brandon. He affected her in a way she couldn’t explain with words. He had dropped into her life suddenly, and she didn’t know how to deal with the overpowering emotions he stirred up within her. Did it all mean something? She hadn’t felt this way about a guy since Kent, and yet it was different somehow too.

  Whenever he was near, she felt anxious and relaxe
d at the same time. When he’d held her following the incident with the baby, his touch had calmed her and made her feel safe. Maybe it was the intensity of the moment and anyone would have affected her the same way, but somehow she doubted that.

  Crawling back into bed at 3:45, Josie pulled her comforter up to her chin and let herself dream. She put reality on hold and imagined sitting at a candlelit table with Brandon. Other people were seated around the restaurant, but she barely noticed. They talked as they dined on delicious food. They shared a dessert and were served several cups of coffee before leaving to go for a walk along the waterfront.

  It was a clear night, but cool. Cool enough for him to offer her his jacket and put his arm around her waist. They walked in silence, enjoying being together. They stopped, and Brandon took her into his arms to kiss her. Josie drifted off to sleep with a smile on her moistened lips.

  ***

  “Mommy.”

  “Mommy,” the moan grew louder. “My tummy hurts.”

  Josie forced her eyes open in the darkened room, and she could make out Tommy’s silhouette standing next to her bed. Sitting up suddenly, Josie knew she wasn’t dreaming when she heard Tommy throw up.

  “Oh, sweetie,” she said, scurrying out of bed. She carried him into the bathroom where he threw up some more. As a nurse, she dealt with women getting sick all the time, but not all over her own bed and in her freshly cleaned bathroom.

  Josie removed his pajamas and cleaned him up. Taking him back to his room, she dressed him in some fresh clothes and got him back into bed, staying beside him until he fell asleep. Returning to her room, she remembered she had a mess to clean up. By the time she got her comforter rinsed out in the bathtub, the morning light began to peek through the window shades.