Heart in the Field

by Dagg, Jillian

  “I read in his book that your father’s parents died when he was a teenager. He could have needed the stability of the home in his mind.”

  “Don’t excuse him. When he was an adult he should have seen the damage he was doing. Instead he ignored it. He came home each time with a suitcase full of beautiful gifts from all the countries he’d visited. It felt like the way Christmas feels when you’re a kid.”

  “I wouldn’t know.”

  Serena stopped ranting from her pain and looked at him. “You weren’t excited when you were a kid?”

  “I wanted to be, but I couldn’t be because there was nothing for me to be excited about.”

  “Didn’t your parents have Christmas for you?”

  His knuckles were now taut around the doorpost. “I have a lot of pain in my past as well, Serena. I understand where you are coming from. Never think I don’t.”

  “But you have two parents, don’t you?”

  He released his hand from the post and returned it to the back pocket of his jeans. He let out a breath. “Yes. I do.”

  “Then you don’t understand, Nick. You can’t.”

  “Have it your own way. I’m going to do some work for a while.”

  Serena nodded. She felt shaken because she had bared some of her soul to Nick, shaken because Nick had almost told her something about himself. Something she wanted to know more about.

  The click of Nick’s keyboard was constant. He didn’t seem to need time to contemplate his work the way she did. Were ideas flowing that fast? Didn’t their heated conversation bother him? It was as if each time they got together they exposed one more section of their minds and lives to one another. It wasn’t only physical, it was also mental. That invisible cord connection was pulling her closer to him in short tugs.

  Her phone rang and she picked up the receiver. As soon as she heard Rita’s voice she was in control again. This was work.

  “It’s great to hear from you,” Rita said. “Want to do lunch?”

  “Yes. I’ll do lunch. Also, I want a favor. Do you have Angela’s address or phone number?”

  “Nope. I’ve now lost track of her. But I know where her brother, Max is because I saw him the other day.”

  “Then you do have something.” Serena prodded her friend, who always said she didn’t know anything before she brought up her trump card. “Where did you see him?”

  “On the street.”

  On the street? Serena recalled the man with the black hair who had reminded her of Angela. “Did you talk to him?”

  “No way.”

  “Why not if it was Max?”

  “I gave him some money, Serena. He’s been in and out of prison all his life. It’s a shame. He’s a good looking guy and he plays a mean guitar on

  Yonge Street near College.” So the man she’d seen that day had been Max. “Did he recognize you?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “But you recognized him?”

  “Yes. He looks like Angela, with long black hair. Anyway, he’s obviously dropped out of society. While I always give street people money, I wish something could be done about them on a larger more political scale.”

  “Don’t we all.” Serena decided that their conversation sounded far too trivial for the serious nature of the plight of poverty. “We were going to do a series called City Streets for my new show Neon Nights, but it got vetoed.”

  “That’s too bad. Things need to be said. Anyway, I have a client coming in. So how about lunch?”

  Serena checked her calendar on her cell phone even though she knew everything she would be doing over the next few days. Thursday evening was looming. “How about Friday lunch at The Bear’s Pause?” By then Thursday would be over. She’d be either a success or a failure.

  “Perfect. I’ll meet you at the entrance at one.”

  “I’ll be there.” Serena hung up the phone and pushed her fist into the air. She had a lead.

  If only she’d paid more attention that day when she’d sat in her car and watched the man who could possibly be Angela’s brother. Now she needed to see him. Did she have time for a walk down

  Yonge Street? She looked out of the window. The rain had stopped and the sun was trying to shine. She could do with some fresh air. Quickly she put on her jacket. When she passed Nick’s office, she noticed the door was closed. At least he didn’t see her leave. But then why should he care if she left? He might be her co-host but he wasn’t her keeper. This was her life. Her job. Her story. A man was wrapped in a bundle of cloth, snuggled close to a building, another man sold magazines, but there was no Max.

  Serena walked back through dogged crowds to the Steel Tower, feeling let down. She had to speak to him. Otherwise she’d never find Angela. Unless she phoned all the Turners in the Toronto phone book. She might have to resort to that.

  When she arrived back, she saw Nick had left his office. Well, it was lunchtime. She hung up her coat and sat down at her desk. She opened an old file on her computer and began to read some notes she’d written on Angela. She thought she had her lover’s name somewhere. Not that it would help. Angela must have moved on from that event in her life. However, Serena thought that by looking at the name once more it might revive her own memories and help her with her approach to the story. She came to the end of the document. At the bottom she found the name she wanted: Lawson Thomson.

  Chapter Ten

  With her research notes strewn around her desk, Serena began her script for Bad Men, Good Women.

  She realized she was a bit rusty at this type of journalism. She’d always been a fairly fluent writer, but, after having read the news for the past six years, she wasn’t exactly in touch with her creative side. No wonder she had left most of the story ideas to John. She wasn’t doing a good job with this one. She needed more focus. And that focus should be Angela, because Angela was the one woman who interested her the most.

  She heard Nick’s keyboard still going. What did he find to write? How did he let the mundane studio skills go so his mind wandered into a story? Because that’s what she needed to learn how to do. It was a skill she’d lost, somewhere between her news van days and her news anchor hours. It was a skill her father had possessed, because she remembered him hunched over a portable typewriter on a tiny desk in a corner. He hadn’t even had the ease of a computer. How many books would he have produced by now, if he’d lived?

  Damn. She pushed her palm against her forehead. Why did Nick have to come into her life and destroy her peace of mind?

  Her mind keenly attuned to the other office, she suddenly heard the keyboard in the adjoining office finally halt. The next thing she knew Nick was on her sofa and was gunning her with his cool gaze.

  “Want to go for dinner?”

  Seth was right. Serena was never sure of what Nick was going to come up with next. She hadn’t got over their last heated exchange yet. She needed distance from him. “It’s okay. Go ahead. I’ll grab something from the staff cafeteria.”

  He lounged deeper into the sofa. “I didn’t know there was a staff cafeteria.”

  “It’s on the fifth floor. They do good hot food as well as sandwiches. Has no one showed you around?”

  “No one has shown me much at all. But I think I’d prefer The Bear’s Pause again.”

  He shifted restlessly. Serena couldn’t help letting her gaze flow over his taut, sexy body. As usual the sight of him set off sparks inside her and she wanted to reach out and touch him.

  “Come to the pub with me. I’m beginning to have a real problem.”

  “What type of problem?” She knew she was probably playing into some sort of scheme Nick had in mind.

  “Culture shock. Europe versus North America. Half my head is still overseas.”

  “So that’s your problem. I wondered why you looked so strange today.”

  He grinned. “Funny, honey. Just come to the pub with me. Then I need a drive over to the garage to pick up my car.”

  Serena rai
sed an eyebrow. “Ah, so that’s the reason you want me to have a meal with you.”

  He chuckled. “I also want a ride in your Porsche. Please.”

  As long as Nick remained friendly, like he was now, she’d be fine with him. She certainly wasn’t going to be able to ignore him. She’d go with her old opinion that maybe the better she knew him the less mystery he would hold.

  They went to The Bear’s Pause and Serena ate fish and chips, the same as Nick. As they ate they discussed the earlier meeting and the way they might structure tonight’s show. Serena also surprised herself by coming up with lots of good points. She hoped this was a clue that her creative juices were now stirring.

  Afterward they walked to her Porsche in the Steel lot. It was when Nick had strapped on the seatbelt in the low passenger seat that Serena felt the wallop of him against her senses. He was snug beside her in the bulky leather jacket, and she couldn’t move to change gear without her own arm brushing his.

  “Where do we have to go?” Her voice shuddered with the force of all the feelings. She almost suggested they go to his place and try out his idea for great sex.

  He turned sideways, his shoulders broad and hunched. “If you take the next left, and then right at the first lights, it’s a little gray building tucked in beside a Greek restaurant.”

  “You could have walked there.”

  “No. I wanted to be with you.”

  “Even after our argument today?”

  “That wasn’t an argument. That’s you and me trying to come to terms with what’s happening between us.”

  She had to agree with him. She bit into her bottom lip.

  “Turn here.”

  She turned the car into a parking lot.

  “You can park up the side of the building.”

  Serena stopped the Porsche outside the glass doors next to a silver Jaguar.

  “That’s my car.”

  Even though her car was stopped, and the engine turned off, she kept her hands on the steering wheel. “It’s really nice. Are you actually going to drive it through the winter?”

  “I doubt if I’ll be doing much driving because I live so close to the Steel Tower. And, if I do, I’ll try to avoid snowy, slushy days.”

  “I hope so. I wouldn’t want to see a great car like that rust out with all the salt they put on the roads.” She wished he’d just leave her car so she could be alone and gather her wits about her once more.

  But he seemed in no hurry to leave her. “What do you drive in the winter?”

  “I have a four wheel drive Jeep in my garage.”

  He chuckled. “So you become Rural Woman during the winter?”

  Her fingers squeezed the wheel tighter. “Yes. This car gets cleaned up and left alone until spring.”

  “How long have you had it?”

  She looked at him. “This car?”

  He was so close that he could kiss her if he wanted to. It reminded her of the moments they had shared on the picnic bench at the soirée.

  “Yes. This car. How long?” His eyes were like a flame flaring against a piece of metal.

  “Three years or so.” She stumbled over the words. This wasn’t going to work. Whichever way she decided she was going to act, she seemed to lose ground when she was with him. She felt like she’d gone for a swim and couldn’t remember where to put her arms and legs to glide through the water.

  Nick moved forward until she was enveloped by his warm body and the fragrant leather. Against her cheek was the roughness of stubble. She closed her eyes and heard only their breathing.

  “I can’t do it,” he said.

  “Do what?” Yet she knew, because she didn’t know if she could do it either.

  His lips kissed her jaw just below her ear. A shiver ran through her and her body trembled. “Keep away from you, be business-like, be whatever and not have any hanky-panky. I still want you.”

  Then he moved away, opened the door and got out of her car. He leaned back in the door and she thought his expression was full of pain. She saw her hand move through the air, wanting to touch him but of course he wasn’t there anymore. But she could still feel the roughness of his jaw against her own soft skin. She felt branded by him.

  He reached in and his hand grasped hers. “Thanks for the lift. I’ll see you at Steel tonight.”

  Serena’s fingertips tingled with desire. “At eleven?”

  “I’ll be there all evening.”

  “I’m going to Seth’s place for the night. I’ll go there first and come along afterward.”

  “Great. You have a place to go.” He let her hand slip away from his.

  Serena saw a mechanic come out of the glass doors and Nick glanced at him. He looked back at Serena. “See you later.”

  He shut her door and she sat for a moment, getting her breath back. Then she turned her car around in the small lot. She drove out on to the road, looking in her rearview mirror to see Nick talking to the mechanic.

  •

  Nick barely concentrated on the mechanic’s rundown on the car. All he could think about was being with Serena in the Porsche. He was setting himself up to be a bloody target, he thought as he finally got into his own car and he settled back against the red leather seat.

  He drove around the city for a while, exploring a place he realized he had missed. There was only one local school he’d ever attended, but he drove by the brick elementary school to see what he recalled of that early time in his life. He remembered being bundled up in a snowsuit and stumbling through the snow on short legs. A rather happy time, he thought. A few years later he’d become more aware of what was going on in his family life. Suddenly he’d suspected that the cool treatment he received wasn’t quite normal.

  The school was only a block from Fraser’s Precious Gems, and he stopped the car on the road near the store. Should he go and visit his parents?

  He decided to visit, but found there was no answer at the door, so they must be out. He didn’t know where they would be. In April he’d found them without a car because of Stephen’s health and his mother’s inability to drive. He thought they were in walking distance of the subway, so maybe they’d gone shopping.

  The store was open until eight in the evening, so he pushed on the wooden door. When he was a kid the windows had been shiny and open, now they were set with bars and alarms. The interior of the store was dark and full of brown wood. Occasionally a piece of silver or gold jewelry would glitter in any meager stream of light.

  The smell was musty.

  The man his father had working for him, Tim Masters, was sitting behind the counter repairing a watch. He was a tall, elongated man, with small, oval glasses through which he squinted at his work. He had graduated from college as a jewelry designer, and this job for Nick’s father was a part time pursuit in his own pursuit for fame.

  “How’s it going?” Nick asked when Tim’s attention had left the watch and his watery eyes were focused on Nick.

  “Fine. Just fine.” He poked at the watch innards with a long finger. “We live off watch repairs these days.”

  “Then it’s not fine.”

  “No. Your father hasn’t been able to pay me for three weeks.”

  Nick wasn’t surprised. He found out how much Tim was owed and wrote him a check.

  If my father sells this place, I’ll make sure you have six months’ pay to give you time to get another job or whatever you want to do.”

  Tim looked pleased with the check, but gave him a skeptical look. “That’s kind of you, but do you think he’s going to sell?”

  “I’m pushing for it. Neither of my parents are healthy.”

  “You’re right. Your mother can barely cope with the hospital visits. I try to help with the groceries, but he likes the store open the full hours.” Tim shook his head. “I can’t help when there’s no business. No money.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Tim began to fiddle with the watch parts again.

  “See you later.” Nick remembe
red speaking the same words to Serena a while back.

  There was no use hanging around. He drove to the Steel Tower. He would need a pass for the parking, he was told by the officious man at the gate, but Nick was let through with a daily fee this time. Nick would get Melissa to handle the pass. She’d told him earlier this morning, before Serena arrived, that she was at his beck and call.

  Nick sat down at his desk and called Melissa to put the parking pass into motion. But he soon left his desk again to glance out of the window and stare down to the parking lot. He saw his car parked there. He didn’t see Serena’s Porsche. He tried to imagine her driving into the city in a Jeep all winter. He rather liked the vision of a female in a masculine vehicle. He also liked the vision of her naked in his arms, her body wrapped around his, her need in a skirmish with his need. It would be more than great sex. It would be everything.

  He rammed his fist into his palm. How to love had never been taught to him, so he’d never allowed love to enter into his relationships. But since he’d met Serena he was wondering if he did have the fortitude. If this was love?

  Someone tapped at his door. He turned to see Juliette in a short-skirted magenta dress. She meandered into his office on her high heels and glanced around. “Hi,” she said, “I had a few moments to spare so I thought I’d see where you landed up.”

  I’ve landed up a wreck, he thought, but said instead, “Hi. Take your time.”

  She smelled of a very strong perfume that wasn’t unpleasant but knocked his senses off key. This wasn’t the woman for him.

  He didn’t think he could even date her. Yet he was sure in the days before he had met Serena he would have been able to take her out and home to bed. Or was he right to blame Serena for all his up and down emotions? What about the sensation in Heathrow, that he was in for changes? Hadn’t he even precipitated this change by pledging to help his parents in their old age?

  Juliette tossed her hair. “I wasn’t too keen about what happened on Saturday evening, Nick. I don’t like being made a fool of.”