Heart in the Field
Page 14
He didn’t need this. “I wasn’t under the impression I made a fool of you.”
“We hung around all evening and then, poof.” She waved her hand in the air in a swirling motion. “You were gone.”
“Because the people I came with were leaving.” He had to extricate himself from this right away. He walked away from the window and closer to her. “Look, Juliette. I got off the plane last Wednesday. I haven’t had much time to think since. I’ve got a hot show starting on Thursday and it’s taking all my energy. I relaxed a bit on Saturday night, but that’s all the relaxation I’m going to get.”
She reached out, touched his shoulder, and made sure her eyes were staring into his. “You didn’t have to run like a scared rabbit. I wasn’t going to snare you.”
He withdrew her hand. “I didn’t think that at all. I was tired. I wanted to leave. Right?”
He could see her regain her confidence quickly. “I suppose. I must have been under the wrong impression. So see you around.”
She left briskly and closed his door behind her. Nick closed his eyes for a moment. He was going to swear off women for good, and he’d begin this evening with Serena. Then he’d stick to business. Otherwise he was going to get hurt.
The Steel News van, driven by Fred Dexter, slid through dark streets that were enveloped in flashing neon. Serena, dressed in a black tailored pant suit and low, thick heels, sat beside Melissa. Nick and Paul were behind the women, and Cam was in the front passenger seat with Fred.
Serena wondered if it would have made more sense to have scheduled City Streets after all. They could have beefed up the content to fit their requirements. At least John’s work had been solid. This aimless driving seemed fruitless. Or was it that her nerves were on edge from Nick’s offhand treatment of her this evening?
She’d arrived at Steel TV feeling quite energetic after sharing a drink with Seth in a bar near his loft. Getting to know Seth was like getting to know a new person. She’d been pleased with herself about the developing relationship with her brother, which had now become part of her program to banish the pain of her past and start afresh. She’d been chipper enough to smile at Nick and be friendly.
Her smile had soon faded when he’d greeted her with a very cool attitude. All he’d done was shrug into his leather jacket and tell her Fred was waiting downstairs with the van.
Well, up yours, she’d thought as they rode the elevator with Melissa, who’d been trying to juggle notebooks and an extra camera, and Cam, who’d also been carrying a load of equipment. Nick helped Melissa with the camera, but he hadn’t spoken to Serena.
It was Cam who instructed Fred to stop the van, jerking Serena’s mind back to present problems. The neighborhood was a shopping street, a lot of the shops still open. As it was a mild night, there were enough people on the streets to stare at the news van coming to a fast halt at the curb. Their expressions were wary when they saw the crew tumble out.
Serena wasn’t entirely sure what Nick had in mind, but she realized he must have spoken to Cam about his ideas because Cam seemed to know what was going on. Therefore, over the next two hours the entire team was busy.
Nick stopped people on the street. “I’m Nick Fraser. You’re appearing on the debut show of Neon Nights. The show will reflect the people, and the real concerns of your city. Tell me about the issues you want covered.”
Cam directed the moments for Nick to hand the mike to Serena so she could ask the questions. These were night people. Some were drunk, and ranted and raved. Some were speechless at the sheer magnitude of the thought of appearing on TV. Others at last found their forum to talk, and voiced their concerns, angry tirades, humor, and well-thought-out intelligent monologues. All the time Paul kept the camera trained on Serena or Nick and their subjects.
At last, Fred drove them back to Steel. By now Serena wasn’t sure if she was tired from the late hour or annoyed with Nick, who seemed to be in a bad mood despite the seeming success of the evening. He had a sort of tenacious element about him. Almost like he was being driven by something that she hadn’t spotted before in his personality. He wanted to go straight into a studio and begin the edit.
“It’s two AM,” Serena told him. “Can’t it wait until the real morning?”
His jaw took on the stubborn thrust she had noticed the first time at the party. “I want to do it now. Tomorrow will be too late. The show airs on Thursday at nine. If what we got tonight was trash, we go out again tomorrow.”
“I didn’t feel like we got trash tonight.”
“It depends on what we can make of it. Studio Three in ten minutes.”
No one else appeared to mind working late. Cam looked more animated than Serena had ever seen him. She suspected it was because he worked well with Nick. Nick might be opinionated, but his opinions and ideas were concrete. Cam liked that. And Nick wasn’t averse to backing down when Cam’s vision seemed more logical.
At last they disbanded. Serena, her head buzzing after such a long day, went up to her office to grab her purse. The Steel Tower felt eerie and silent at night. When Nick came into the office suite behind her, Serena jumped.
“Must you creep?”
“I wasn’t creeping intentionally.”
She let her gaze focus on his. Had she ever really seen emotion in his eyes? Anyway it was too late to argue with him. “I’m leaving now.”
“You’re always running out. Did you think things went well tonight?”
“Very well. You seem to get along with Cam.”
“He’s a good guy. He takes instruction.” Nick put on his jacket.
“What do you mean by that?”
“He doesn’t screw me around.”
“Like me? Is that what you’re saying?”
He removed his car keys from the inside pocket. “Could be I’m saying that. Come on, you do look bushed. I’ll walk you to your car.”
In the hallway Nick pressed the elevator button hard. The light came on.
While they waited Serena couldn’t help asking, “Okay. What the hell is wrong? You haven’t spoken a civil word to me all evening.”
He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. His gaze was glacial. “Nothing is wrong. I’m merely tired.”
“Then why didn’t you call it a day when we got back here. Why go to the studio and do the edit?”
“Because I wanted to do the edit while everything was still fresh. And so did Cam.”
The elevator arrived. They got on. The doors closed. Serena felt the elevator drop a little and then stop.
“Damn.” Nick pressed the alarm button. A shrill buzz rang out through the silent building around them.
Serena panicked. “I knew this would happen to me one day. Everyone gets stuck in here eventually.”
“I guess it’s our turn.” Nick pushed the alarm again and patted down his pockets. “Damn. Left my phone in my suit pocket. Do you have yours?”
She dug in her purse for it. It wasn’t there. Damn. She’d left it at Seth’s apartment. She remembered taking it out when she repaired her make up. “It’s not here. It’s at my brother’s place. Oh, Nick. I have to get out of here.”
“You will. So calm down.”
“I can’t.”
“Breathe easy.”
“I can’t.”
“Think of it being like when you’re sitting under the lights waiting for your cue. Take big, calming breaths.”
“Is that what you do?” She really couldn’t imagine Nick suffering from a case of nerves.
“Sometimes.”
Did that make him human? “Press the alarm again.”
He did so, and then moved closer to her. “Okay. Stop panicking. I’m here with you.” He placed his arm across her shoulders in what Serena termed an affectionate sort of brotherly gesture. Something had definitely changed between them since earlier in her car. She could hardly believe he was the same man who had looked at her with such heat in his eyes and touched her with desire in his fingertips.
Nick glanced at her. “Aren’t you frightened anymore?”
“You’re helping me.”
His chest heaved, and she heard him let out a breath. “You’re not helping me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, we either go for it or we don’t go for it.”
“I don’t—”
He cut her words off with a kiss. A kiss that forced Serena to accept the pressure of Nick’s body against hers and to wrap her arms around his waist inside his open jacket until her palms were clinging to his back and she could feel heat pouring from him the way it was pouring from her own body. When he left her lips aching for more he held her face between his hands and kissed her eyelids and her nose and her cheek and her ear and stroked his thumbs against her jaw.
“Not frightened now?”
Her hands moved down his back to the smooth leather of his belt. “No,” she whispered, her eyes locked with his.
“Who’s in there?”
Nick raised an eyebrow and let her go. “It’s Nick and Serena.”
“Well, this is Joseph. We’re running again. You should go down to the ground floor now.”
Serena could feel the movement in the elevator once again.
She looked at Nick. He shook his head at her, as if he was saying he didn’t know what to do about their predicament. Her only suggestion to herself was that she be brave and go for it, knowing full well that he was only for a short time and would be gone in the future. But was she brave enough for that?
Nick walked her to her car.
“All right?” he asked as she opened her car door.
“Not particularly.”
He moved closer. “I haven’t been right since I met you, Serena. I always thought I had my head together when it came to women, but I’m not sure I do anymore.”
“Kiss me again.”
She closed her eyes and let his mouth drive her into delirious fantasies: together they were on a bed. They were naked. He was inside her. They were making love like there was never going to be an end. He was filling her emptiness.
She opened her eyes and slid both her arms around his neck. She clung to his kisses, she pressed herself against him, felt his need against her. Then he left her limp against the side of her car.
His features were outlined in the jumpy shadows cast by the interior light from her car. “Go to Seth’s. He’s expecting you.”
Serena drove to Seth’s, hardly registering the way. Seth’s big van was already parked in one of the two spaces he said were reserved for him. Serena parked in the other one. She went up to Seth’s loft and realized, as she was creeping about inside the loft in the dark, that despite his van being there Seth wasn’t even home.
She turned on some lights and found a note pinned to his bulletin board: Make yourself comfortable. The sofa pulls out into a bed. There is a comforter and some pillows tucked inside.
She made up the bed, undressed, and tumbled beneath the quilt in her underwear. She lay staring at the high ceiling. She’d known loneliness when she was a child, when she’d waited for her father to come home and when he never did come home any more. But she’d never known such loneliness of the spirit or of the body. She’d never felt such a desperate craving for a man.
She buried her face in the soft pillow. She was really mixed up these days. If work wasn’t such a pressure on her life, she’d take off on a holiday. Which was exactly what she’d done when another relationship had threatened her peace of mind a few years ago. She’d run away to the Bahamas for two weeks. When she’d come back she’d been rested and calm, and had made up her mind there was to be no more of this love stuff. She wasn’t suited for relationships or being in love. She couldn’t take the agony, the pain, the complete disorder a man made of her life.
Chapter Eleven
Kiss me again. Serena’s words hurtled from one side of Nick’s brain to the other. It was four AM and he was popping a beer cap off a bottle and drinking from the bottle as if hoping the contents would help him drown the ache in his gut. He knew they wouldn’t. He’d learned that early in his life. Mornings brought the same pain.
Holding the bottle, he wandered into the living room. He could blame his parents for this predicament even though he’d unfairly blamed them for all of his past predicaments. Even if they were the reason he was now home doing a studio show with a gorgeous co-host who drove him to distraction. He had to stop that blame. He was an adult they’d lost control of years ago. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t honestly feel that he needed something more in his life. Was that the basis for the tug of war in his body and his mind? Did he want something more, other than a career that took him around the world and put him in dangerous situations?
Did he want Serena Brown?
Yes. He did.
And that was the core of his internal battle.
Some of these feelings were the beginnings of love.
He dumped the bottle down on a table. Get some sleep Nick. You’ll be a wreck tomorrow, and you can’t afford to be a wreck with a new show debuting on Thursday.
He stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed. But with his hands behind his head on the pillow he stared at the ceiling light above him. What if he never had Serena? What would happen to him then? His stomach spiraled into an abyss and he closed his eyes against the pain that washed over him.
•
When Seth came in, he turned on a small desk lamp and asked if she was still awake.
Serena leaned her elbow on the pillow. “If I wasn’t I would be now.” She smiled. “What have you been doing?”
He plunged into a chair and stretched out his long legs in black jeans. “Rehearsing in Rob’s parents’ garage.”
“You’re too good for garages now. I hope this show really helps you get some exposure.”
“I hope so as well. And I hope you and Nick get together.”
“Why?”
“Because I think he’s the kind of guy you need in your life.”
“If I need a guy.”
“That’s up to you of course.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No one steady.”
“You have, though?”
“Oh, I have, though. Have you had many boyfriends?”
“No.”
“You have a lot of hang-ups, big sister.”
“I do. All connected to one person.”
“Not all. Some of them you invent because they provide a cool, mysterious shield to hide behind. I know.” He levered himself from the chair. “Because I do it myself. Anyway, I’m tired. See you later this morning. Help yourself to coffee or whatever if I’m still dead to the world.”
“Do you always come in this late?”
“It’s part of the music game. Strange hours.” He yawned. “I’m beat.”
Serena snuggled beneath the quilt. “Go and sleep. Be there tomorrow.”
“You used to say that when you baby sat me.”
“I know. After Dad died I always wanted everybody to be there tomorrow.”
“That’s understandable.” He came over and touched her shoulder. “Sleep tight.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate this.”
He smiled. “It’s quite fun.”
It was. The light flicked off and Seth went behind the screen into his sleeping quarters. Serena listened to his movements for a while, then he slipped into his bed. She rolled on to her side, ready for a long night craving Nick. But she must have fallen asleep because she awoke to light coming through the windows and silence. It was obvious that Seth was gone.
She scrambled from the cocoon of the comforter and reached for her watch on the table. It was nearly noon. Darn. She couldn’t afford not to be at Steel early this week. Sh
e should have asked Seth to wake her. He’d left her some coffee in a carafe and it was still quite warm, so she poured a mug, discovered how to work Seth’s shower, and then dressed in the jeans and silk shirt from her overnight bag. This time she made sure her phone was in her purse.
Serena arrived at Steel to find everyone down in Studio Three. She thought Nick looked wasted. His cheeks seemed hollow and his eyes blank. Didn’t late nights agree with him? Or was it something to do with her? They had shared passion last night and parted without discussion of that passion. To her it proved that neither one of them wanted a commitment. She wished they could just meld together and have sex without all these initial mental gymnastics.
She glanced at him, to see if he would respond to her with some wry remark or even a look, but he ignored her. Their kisses last night might never have been.
•
Three, two, one. On Air. Neon Nights was launched with exhilarating chords from Seth’s guitar. Serena was prepared for Nick on the set from all their rehearsal takes. She knew he smiled, he teased, he cajoled. However, the program he was about to present was serious. Even though the content appeared like entertainment, it wasn’t. Nick’s agenda came through: clean up your act, world. Get the homeless and the drugs off the city streets. None of this should be in our good democratic society. Serena could feel the edge so much it was as if someone was running a high-pitched drill in the studio.
With forty minutes to spare before she was back on air Serena removed her mike and stood up to stretch her limbs. The interviews chosen from Monday night were edited into a fast-paced neon-streaked documentary that voiced, via the people, all Nick’s concerns and a lot of her own. She had to admit that Nick and Cam had given her equal air time.
Nick stood beside her and she gave him a glance. The chemistry between them today was all on-air. Off the set Nick acted as if Serena wasn’t even there. But immediately they were tucked together on the black sofa, he became a different person. Serena hadn’t got a clue what was going on in his complex mind. If it was that complex. She was just relieved when night one of Neon Nights was over.
It was late by the time she walked up the steep concrete stairs to her office. She hadn’t ridden in the elevator since that night with Nick, and she didn’t intend to ride in it again. Getting stuck was not her idea of fun. She also didn’t want the memories. She’d obviously done something to displease Nick that night. Had she been too forward? She should never have begged, Kiss me again. Maybe guys like Nick needed the upper hand. Which made sense if he didn’t want to get his emotions involved. Which was exactly what she wanted. So why was she worrying about him? This way they could remain business like.