The Only Answer

by Magan Vernon

  Tripp pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the front pocket of his scrubs. “You tell yourself whatever you need to do so you can sleep at night and I’ll do the same.”

  I didn’t want to press further. I didn’t want to get him riled up or to go into another debate. He was the only person I didn’t enjoy debating with, but yet I couldn’t help coming back day after day to talk to him and have the same argument. I didn’t think I ever would either.

  Chapter 18

  Monica

  Melanie and John’s wedding was one I had been looking forward to for awhile. The couple who I never thought would be and now they were going to walk down the aisle.

  But now that the day had finally arrived I wanted nothing more than to lay in bed all day. I had to have my dress altered by the Chapman’s tailor since I’d gone up two sizes since my original fitting. There was definitely no mistaking that I was pregnant.

  There was also the fact that we were going back to Princeville. Melanie and I’s hometown and where my parents lived. My parents, who I still hadn’t spoken to since we told them I was pregnant.

  “Are you ready for this?” Trey asked, squeezing my hand. He hadn’t let go of it on the entire ride from Chicago and I wasn’t sure he ever would again. Ever since the fiasco at work he’d been extra sweet. He’d constantly told me he loved me, brought me flowers, and even paid for me to get a massage, facial, and pedicure for the wedding. Looked like guilt had taken over. That, or the fact that he was seeing a lot more of his brother in rehab. I always knew there was something I liked about the middle Chapman brother.

  “I guess I’m ready.” I sucked in a deep breath. My dress was hanging in the back of the car. A teal flag that seemed to announce my pregnancy to the world. Not that everyone didn’t know, but most people I knew seemed to try and avoid the conversation around me. It wasn’t like I could really hide it anymore either. It looked like I stuffed a small pillow under my shirt. It wasn’t anything like a watermelon, but I was definitely showing. It was getting harder not to buy maternity clothes. I just hated to actually spend money on something I would only wear a few months, so using a rubber band to make sure that the button on my jeans secured to the loop would have to work for now.

  “Are your parents coming?” Trey asked, staring at me out of the corner of his eye.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

  “Still haven’t talked to them?”

  I huffed. “Hard to talk to someone when they wanted you to have an abortion.”

  “I’m not trying to stir the pot, here, but didn’t you want the same thing at first?”

  I snapped my head in his direction. “That’s not the same! This is someone else trying to tell me what to do with a child that isn’t theirs. A child that is going to be their grandchild. If they ever see her.” I protectively put my hand on my stomach.

  “It’s not really fair to keep them from their grandchild, either. I know you’re upset with them, but he should be part of their lives as well.”

  “Well maybe SHE wants grandparents that actually want her around.”

  He shook his head. “Monica, I don’t want to argue. Can we just try to have fun today? Two of our best friends are getting married.”

  “Yeah...before us,” I muttered.

  I was a little bit bitter and it was hard to hide the fact. When they first got engaged I acted very excited for Melanie, but really thought I would be getting a ring before her, especially since Trey and I had been dating longer. I waited three years for a ring. I wasn’t exactly expecting it since we were still in school, but the thought was always in my head.

  Then as soon as he finally did propose, we ended up forgetting condoms and now I was four months pregnant. I’d thought multiple times about getting on birth control. The problem with that was the whole bill that his father passed so I couldn’t get it covered under insurance unless it was for a medical reason. Now, I was unmarried and four months pregnant. Luckily for me, I had a guy that stood by me. But what about all the other women out there who didn’t? What about the ones who trusted someone to love them and just left?

  “Mon, are you okay?”

  “I don’t know...” I said with a sigh.

  “I’m sorry for upsetting you.” He put his hand on my knee and squeezed gently. Not even his touch could make me feel better.

  “It’s not just you. It’s everything. I don’t want to be a political poster child for something I don’t believe in.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

  “I was just thinking about everything that has happened the past few months. I don’t agree with how my parents are handling things, but I sure as hell don’t agree with what your dad’s camp is saying either. How can I agree with someone who wants to parade us around for his cause when my pregnancy really could have been prevented if I was on the pill?”

  “Are you saying you don’t want to have a baby now? That you’ve just changed your mind because you have that choice and not even consider me?” He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands on the steering wheel.

  I threw my hands in the air. “I’m not saying that I don’t want the baby, I’m just saying that it would be nice for people to recognize it was our decision instead of saying that we should have gotten rid of her because we’re not ready or use it to make some sort of political statement. Does any of this even faze you or have you been too busy with the campaign to notice?”

  His hands were gripped so tight on the steering wheel that his knuckles were turning white. “I have done everything for you. Ever since that fiasco at your work, I’ve tried to do everything to please you. I know our situation isn’t ideal but I’ve always tried to do what’s best for us and for my family, but you don’t always seem to understand that.”

  “What are you trying to say, Trey?”

  “Nothing. I’m not saying anything. Let’s just drop it.”

  Those were some of the worst words he could ever say to me. There was no way in hell that I was going to drop it now. “No, tell me, Trey. What words of wisdom do you have for me? Something that your drugged up brother told you? Or maybe something written for you by the campaign manager?”

  Trey jerked the wheel to the right, causing my body to lurch forward only to be stopped by the seatbelt. The tires squealed underneath us as he pulled to the side of the road, putting the car in park.

  “What the hell, Trey?”

  He stared out the front window. “Monica, we’ve had this same argument dozens of times. The same thing over and over again. I love you, you have to know that. You also have to know that this campaign has turned my world and my family completely upside down. If someone would have told me that we’d be having a child before we were married, I wouldn’t have believed them. Everything I’ve ever done since the day I met you is try and be the best person I could for you, even when it meant upsetting my family.”

  He turned slowly toward me, his green eyes so bright they could have lit up the night sky. “Things have never gone as planned and I’ve been trying to make the best of it, but you have to help me out too. I can’t keep fighting with you or trying to object to every idea my dad throws at us. It’s getting more and more exhausting and I just want it all to stop.”

  I shook my head slowly. “I don’t know if it’s ever going to stop. We both knew that when we started dating that things weren’t exactly normal in our relationship. Throwing in an election and a pregnancy was just the icing on the cake.”

  I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to be angry. To throw something back and continue to fuel our argument, but instead I did the only thing my hormonal body would let me do. I cried. Big ugly sobs that fell down in my cheeks and had me gasping for air.

  Trey’s arms were quickly around me, pulling me against his chest. My tears soaked through the soft cotton of his shirt and he ran his fingers through my hair. “Shhh, Monica, it’s okay. I’m so sorry. Don’t cry.”

  I sobbed into his chest, words
wouldn’t come so I just cried. I’d never been so much of a crier in my life but it’s all I wanted to do. As if somehow letting it all out would cure everything: my tiredness, nausea, and just overall emotional being. It was one thing to be pregnant, it was a whole new ball game to be pregnant and in the spotlight.

  “If you want to go home, we can. We don’t need to go to the wedding if it’s too much for you,” he whispered into my hair.

  I took in a big breath and shook my head before slowly sitting up. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “No. We have to go. Two of our best friends are getting married and we need to be there for them.”

  “Are you sure you can handle this?” He asked, putting his hands on either side of my face and forcing my eyes to lock with his.

  I sighed. “No. I’m not. I’ve been through a lot, especially in the last few months and I can’t promise that I won’t break down and cry in the middle of the ceremony or maybe eat both of our plates at the reception. But I can promise that I will stand there, smile, and do my duties as a bridesmaid because that’s what friends are for and Melanie and John have been the very best friends to us.”

  He stared off for a second and opened his mouth to say something then closed it, nodding. “You’re right, Mon. Let’s go.”

  Chapter 19

  Trey

  There were so many times that I wanted to turn the car around and forget about the wedding. John was one of my best friends but the whole thing had me more than stressed. Not to mention what it was doing to Monica.

  We were so close to being done with the election. So close to maybe not having as big of a spotlight on us.

  At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

  I didn’t actually know what was going to happen after election night. I didn’t know what I was going to do for a job, how I was going to support us, and what would happen to us as a couple. Once the spotlight was off how would we actually function as two adults with a child?

  We were supposed to be heading to Melanie and John’s rehearsal, but instead I was pacing the room while Monica spent most of the evening in the bathroom.

  The hotel was on the river where John and Melanie would have an outdoor ceremony the next day against the backdrop of the fall leaves. It would have all seemed picturesque, something I would have wanted for my own wedding if I didn’t have so many other things on my mind.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I adjusted my tie for the hundredth time. Would Monica and I ever actually get to this point? Our child was due in April and our original plan was to try a small ceremony before the birth, but with all the media scrutiny, that was off the table. How long would she want to wait? Would she even still want to marry me after the baby was born? I didn’t run any kind of statistic for people who have children before they’re married and stay together. I was guessing that it wasn’t always a good number and I wouldn’t like what I’d see.

  Monica finally opened the door to the bathroom. I turned slowly to see her staring at me. In her teal dress her stomach stood out even more. There was no denying that she was pregnant. It seemed like overnight this swollen belly appeared. The appearance of it didn’t bother me, what did bother me was that she hardly let me touch her. Even trying to cuddle at night was a no go. She would swat my hand and tell me she was too tired or too hot. Comforting her in the car was the closest we had been in weeks.

  I had this sinking feeling that she knew about the intern hitting on me. I’d never so much as looked at another girl since we’d been together and now all of this was happening at one of the most crucial points in our relationship.

  “You look amazing,” I said.

  She huffed. “I wish. I’m bloated. Tired. Hungry. I have bags under my eyes since I can’t get comfortable at night, and for some reason my hair has decided to become unruly and even curlier. I’m a hot mess.”

  I took a few steps toward her, closing the distance between us. “You look wonderful. Give yourself some credit.”

  “You’re just saying that because you have to.” She walked out of the bathroom and turned toward the mirror, dabbing her pinky under her eye at some invisible smudge.

  I stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes slowly met mine. “Monica, I would never lie to you about anything, especially about how I feel about you. You always look amazing. No matter how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking, just remember that I love you and have all the faith in the world in you.”

  She frowned and turned toward me, putting her hands on my chest. “Is it that obvious that I’m nervous?”

  I smiled. “A little.”

  She swatted my chest. “I thought you said you wouldn’t lie to me.”

  “There is a difference between lying and stretching the truth to make someone feel better.”

  She leaned in and lightly kissed my lips then pressed her forehead to mine, letting out a deep breath. “It’s one thing when I’ve been trying to ignore the world and my pregnancy around people I hardly talk to at work, but when it’s around people I’ve known forever it’s completely different. It’s also not like I can hide it anymore.”

  I grabbed her hands, squeezing them gently then put our interlocked hands down at our side. “You don’t need to hide it. This isn’t something you need to be ashamed of.”

  “But the way my parents and your parents act about the whole thing, it feels like it. I don’t want to be some political scandal or a daughter that my parents ignore.”

  I sighed. I hated both of those things and I wished it could be different. I wished that we could just be like a normal couple, but we really never had, and saying any of what I was thinking out loud wouldn’t help her to feel better.

  “Let’s just try and forget about those things tonight. Let’s go and have a good time at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. This is for John and Melanie.”

  She pulled back slightly and nodded. “You’re right. Let’s do this.”

  ***

  Melanie and John were getting married at the same historic hotel on the river that we were staying at so the rehearsal started just a few steps outside of the back entrance. They were lucky that the Midwestern fall decided to cooperate and it was in the mid-sixties. The outdoor garden framed all of the fall colors of the trees that hadn’t yet shed their leaves.

  I would have never thought that my big, boisterous fraternity brother would end up with a girl like Melanie. She was quiet, preferred staying at home to going out to the bars, and yet caught the eye of John the moment they met.

  I could still remember when Monica chastised me after the fraternity party they met at and told me that I’d better have a talk with John about trying to get in Melanie’s pants. Her words, not mine. I still remember the exact words he told me when I asked if he was really into her or if she was just some passing fling.

  “Trey, I can’t stop thinking about her. There have been girls that have come and gone all throughout my life, but Melanie is stuck in my mind and I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to let her go.”

  It was the same way I felt about the fiery redhead who had a death grip on my hand as we descended the brick staircase to go down to the courtyard where our friends were gathered for the rehearsal.

  No one was actually staring at us, but it always felt like people were. All eyes always felt like they were on me. Judging me. It’s why I was always so careful in everything I did. I always tried to be the perfect example. Then when things went bad, they went completely horrific and spiraled. Tripp was right: not all of the sheep were so white. We all had our demons that we had to face and even though I may not have been perfect, that didn’t make anything that Monica and I were doing wrong.

  “Monica! Trey! You’re here!” Valerie squealed and met us before we could make our way to the rest of the group.

  Valerie wasn’t shy about anything. The girl had more confidence than anyone and wasn’t afraid to go out of her way to help someone else. T
here was also the fact that she was wearing a bright pink dress and looked like she was about to give birth at any moment.

  “I couldn’t miss my best friend’s wedding.” Monica gave Valerie a nervous hug.

  Valerie’s husband, Wes, sauntered over with their daughter in tow. She was in a giant blue dress that I believe belonged to a Disney princess and her blonde, curly hair was up in some sort of fancy updo. I wasn’t even sure if that was her real hair. If we had a daughter I’d have to learn a whole lot more about little girl things.

  “Hey y’all, glad you made it in,” Wes said. He was a big guy. Not as big as John’s MMA type body. But Wes was at least six foot two and worked as a personal trainer, so he was pretty bulky. I also heard that he was a male stripper and Valerie woke up married to him in Vegas. I didn’t know if it was true or if John was just pulling my leg, but that’s what he always told me.

  I shook Wes’s hand briskly. “Hi, Wes. How are you doing?”

  “Just fine,” he said and nodded toward Monica’s stomach. “How are y’all doing with everything?”

  Valerie elbowed him. “Wes, I told you not to talk about that,” she said through gritted teeth.

  He grabbed his stomach. “Ow, sorry. I forgot!”

  Monica shook her head. “It’s fine. Really. You don’t need to be afraid to ask us about it.” She sighed. “Things are crazy. But getting better.”

  “Hey, man, at least she is still sleeping right now and not getting you up every five minutes with being too hot or too cold or just having bad gas or heartburn,” Wes said with a laugh and Valerie elbowed him in the stomach again.

  I squeezed Monica’s hand. “I guess you have to take the good with the bad to end up with something so amazing.”

  I let go of Monica and squatted down and looked at Wes and Valerie’s daughter. “Hey, you. I think we met once before at a cookout at John and Melanie’s. I’m Trey.”

  She blinked her bright blue eyes. I thought she might just get shy and hold onto her dad’s leg or something but instead she tilted her head back and let out a blood-curdling scream that had me jumping back and standing up, waving my hands. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”