Soothing His Madness

by Kayn, Debra

  Soothing His Madness

  By

  Debra Kayn

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Soothing His Madness

  1st Digital release: Copyright© 2013 Debra Kayn

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  www.debrakayn.com

  Dedication

  Wheels

  Only you can love me like I need to be loved, dream the same wacky dreams, and join in on the madness. We've done some big things while I wrote this book. We moved to a different state, traveled through five states in hellish weather, and somehow survived going over the mountains with a tire on fire, a cat loose in the truck, and absolutely no room to breathe. We survived and reached our goals, and now it's time to put those wacky dreams to reality.

  Miranda, Luke, Jake, Jimmy

  May you always win at the pool table, be shifty at poker, rock to the classics, and outdrink everyone. Most parents would tell their kids how proud they are, and I am. But, life is about living and you're no longer young kids in which I need to remind you to grow up and be good people.

  Ride fast and free, fight for your freedoms, protect your family, and most of all…love. Don't ever stop loving.

  CSC

  It's a lifestyle. It's an attitude. It's badassery at its best.

  Chapter One

  One beer bottle after another smashed into the brick wall inside the bar of Cactus Cove, landing in a sickening shower of glass. Taylor strained against Torque's hold, trying to reach Slade before he hurt himself. The Bantorus Motorcycle Club member holding her back was too strong, too big, and too stubborn to break away from.

  Her heart shattered along with the bottles over the pain etched on Slade's face. His brown hair wild and free from the ponytail he'd worn to court stuck to the sides of his face. The tie and jacket were gone, and his dress shirt hung tattered on his shoulders from where he'd attempted to rip off the offending clothes he'd purchased only for his appearance in court.

  "Honey, no," she screamed. "Stop, please."

  The judge ruled in favor of Slade's ex-wife. He lost full custody of his boys and everything he lived for. Taylor had believed the outcome would be different. How could a stranger decide the fate of Slade's life when the judge didn't understand how much he loved his kids?

  "Let the man hate the world," Torque whispered in her ear. "Stopping him now is only going to make him explode later when his clubs not around to save his ass."

  Slade bashed his head against the brick. She sagged in Torque's hold, unable to watch, but unwilling to look away in case Slade realized she was there for him. An ache like nothing she'd ever experienced before squeezed her heart. She wanted to change the outcome for him or make sure he never gave up trying to win custody.

  He'd worried, stressed, and agonized over the last two years, afraid Jodie would win custody if he messed up, and she'd supported him every step of the way, because he was the best father to his kids. He lived and breathed for his boys.

  They'd kept their relationship secret, because Slade was afraid Jodie would use Taylor against Slade, so she'd taken every clandestine late night visit when the kids had a babysitter and Slade snuck away to be with her. She'd cherished those stolen moments, while he fought the good fight of trying to gain full custody of his two boys, Lee and Kurt. She'd willingly accepted that their relationship would never go beyond friendship in the eyes of the Bantorus MC or the outside world.

  She loved Slade more for putting his boys first in his life.

  "Oh my God, he's going to kill himself." She jerked in Torque's arms. "Stop him."

  Slade punched the wall, the counter, yelling in agony. Taylor's legs collapsed, and Torque picked her up as she buried her head in the biker's leather vest to muffle her scream.

  She needed him.

  The Children needed their father.

  How could the judge give Slade's ex-wife, Jodie, custody and Slade end up with every other weekend in his children's lives?

  None of it made any sense. He'd proven himself. He worked at Shift's garage in town and for the club. Child support came first before beer, motorcycle parts, and living life.

  "Sh, sweetheart." Torque carried her into Rain Brookshire's office and sat her down on the couch. "I'll bring you a drink."

  She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Please, go stop him from hurting himself more."

  Torque looked at his boots before meeting her gaze. "Bantorus members have his back. You need to calm down, and then I'll have one of the other girls drive you home."

  "I can't leave." She stood on shaky legs. "I need to stay with Slade. I just need to talk with him."

  "When a man's whole world is stripped away from him, he needs space. Let him be, sweetheart. The brothers will stick by him tonight." Torque waited until she nodded, and then he slipped out of the room.

  Hollow inside, she only wanted to go out and comfort Slade. He needed someone, and keeping her relationship with him secret was no longer her top priority. The judge had made his decision, and now she'd help him accept the vicissitudes in his life.

  Slade and his boys meant everything to her. Even before she became involved with Slade, she'd watched Lee and Kurt grow up within the Bantorus MC. Another sob wracked her body. She mourned for the kids. They called Taylor their aunt, just like they did with the other women in the club. That connection made her feel like part of the MC, even though it was by association only.

  The boys had no idea she was romantically involved with their father, and the only time she could have them all around her was when the MC came together. Then she used every opportunity to get to know the boys. She even kid-sat them at her house if Slade had a run.

  What were those two boys going to do without their father every day?

  A masculine wounded bellow rocked the building. Taylor ran out of the office and down the hall into the bar. She stumbled at the sight of Rain swinging a fist at Slade's head.

  "No." She ran forward, pushing through the crowd. "Stop!"

  Slade crumbled to the floor, knocked out cold. She dropped to her knees beside him and glared at Rain. "How could you hit him?"

  "Putting him out of his misery." Rain took the wet towel from Ronny and squatted down on the other side of Slade.

  "W-what?" She stroked Slade's whiskered face. "You can't hurt him when he's already in pain."

  "You want to do something for him? Clean his hands." Rain pushed the towel at her. "Hurry before he wakes."

  That's when she noticed the blood running freely over Slade's knuckles and between his fingers. She clamped her teeth, and went to work picking glass out of the wounds and staunching the bleeding. Rain followed her actions, and bandaged Slade's hands while he remained knocked out. She focused all her attention on fixing Slade, because she hadn't a clue on how she was ever going to let him know how sorry she was about today's outcome.

  Slade groaned and rolled his head. She leaned forward, stroking his face. Her chest hurt knowing he was going through the turmoil of losing his kids.

  Rain grabbed her arm and stood her up. "Ronny, Torque, put Slade in my truck."

  She stood a few feet away and watched helplessly, knowing better than to argue with Rain. He was the Bantorus president, and her boss. He owned the bar where she waitressed, and half the town. That didn't mean she liked him pushing her away from Slade.

  "Please, can
I go with him." She squeezed Rain's arm. "He can't be alone tonight. Look what he's doing to himself."

  Rain turned and blocked her from the others in the room. "A man loses his heart, he wants to strike out and hurt everyone that means a shit to him. Slade's not thinking with his head, but letting the pain take control. If he were thinking straight, he'd protect you by staying away from you. Give him time."

  "Slade would never hurt me," she whispered.

  "I'm not willing to test your trust in him, sweetheart." Rain motioned to someone behind her without breaking his gaze with Taylor. "Tori's going to drive you home. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how he is."

  "But—"

  "No, Taylor." Rain laid his hand on the back of her head and brought her forward. "I promise you, I'll take care of your man."

  Rain and his wife, Tori, knew she loved Slade. She blinked the moisture out of her vision. They were the only two people Slade was okay with talking to about personal problems. Besides, Rain supported Slade's fight for his boys by being a character witness in court.

  "Okay," she said. "Tell him…tell him, if he needs me, I'll be at home. Swear that you'll tell him. I need him to know I'm here for him."

  Rain petted her hair. "I will."

  Tori slipped her arm around Taylor's waist and pulled her tight against her side. "C'mon, honey. Let's get you home."

  On the five-minute ride to Taylor's house, Tori stayed quiet. Taylor appreciated the gesture, because she wasn't sure what to say or even what to think. Slade not getting custody of his kids was not an option. He'd only discussed when he'd get his kids out of their mother's house, because of neglect.

  Tori pulled into the driveway of Taylor's two-bedroom ranch style house and shut off the engine of the truck. "I need to get back to Lilly and let the babysitter go home, but do you want to pack a change of clothes and stay at our place tonight?"

  "No." Taylor reached across the span of the seat and squeezed Tori's hand. "I need to be here in case Slade calls or comes over."

  Tori squeezed her back. "Okay, honey. I understand."

  She left the truck, smooched an air kiss to Tori in thanks, and walked to the front door. After she unlocked the handle, she waved back at Tori. She knew her friend worried, but the person who needed everyone's attention was Slade.

  Inside the house, she dropped her purse and walked into the living room. The silence irritated her. The lack of what her life represented was missing inside the room. If anyone looked inside her house, they'd never be able to tell that her heart belonged to Slade. There were no boots by the couch, no vest flung over the rocker, and no beat-up motorcycle helmet from one of Slade's kids lying in the middle of the room.

  She had a soul full of love and no one to share it with. She sank onto the edge of the couch, lost in her lonely surroundings. She belonged to Slade. Only the truth was, she didn't, and unable to breach the barrier into Slade's world hurt, it hurt a lot.

  Chapter Two

  The back of Slade's eyes protested the light coming from above. He lifted his arm to shield the pain and groaned. His fingers stiff and bandaged throbbed with the movement.

  Cold, hard truth punched him in the gut, recalling every fucking detail about yesterday. He rolled off the bed and rushed to the bathroom where he hurled the contents of his stomach.

  He'd lost his kids.

  Another person's decision had ripped his kids out of his life and forced him to break his word to them. He'd promised them he'd never leave their lives. He squeezed his eyes shut, but blocking his sight did nothing to erase the fear in Lee's eyes at the courthouse.

  At nine years old, Lee still wanted a constant parent in his life…Slade. Tears had run unchecked down Lee's cheeks as Jodie ushered the boys out of the room. Then Kurt, more mature than any thirteen-year-old boy should be, had lifted his chin in a silent promise to Slade that he'd look after his brother. The dry eyes and defeat on his oldest boy face hurt the most.

  Fuck. That wasn't his son's responsibility. It was Slade's job.

  Then that motherfucker Ray, the kids' stepfather, had fucking waved at Slade on his way out of the building. Anger tightened his throat. First opportunity he had, he was going to kill the bastard.

  Not only did Ray neglect the children and put them in questionable situations, he'd used Kurt's big brother status against the courts, by agreeing to let Kurt go with Slade, if Jodie could have full custody of Lee. Slade's head pounded. The asshole knew Kurt would never leave his younger brother's side, no matter how much the boys pleaded to live with Slade.

  How was he going to protect them? He braced his hand on the back of the toilet, gasping for breath. He'd only see his kids four days out of the month. It wasn't enough.

  "Fuck," he mumbled, wiping his forearm across his mouth. Fuck Jodie. Fuck the judge. Fuck Ray…the motherfucker now had more time in his kids' life than he did. "I'm going to kill him."

  He stumbled out of the bathroom and flung open his top dresser drawer. Anger soured his stomach, and he swallowed the nausea down. He tossed the towel he used to cover the contents in the drawer to the floor and frowned. Both his pistols were gone.

  "They'll be at the bar when you're ready," Rain said behind Slade.

  He whirled, regretting the movement instantly. "You can't take my guns."

  Rain leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms "What I can't do is lose my vice president because of a decision he made when his head wasn't straight."

  "Bull shit." Slade snapped his leather Bantorus vest off the end of the bed and shoved his arms through the holes "I've stood beside you many times in retaliation for different reason, which made no sense to me at the time, all in the name of being a Bantorus member. The motherfucker has my kids—he lifted his gaze to Rain—if it was Lilly taken away from you, what would you do?"

  Rain pushed off the wall and walked closer. "I'd kill anyone who touched her or my woman."

  "Damn right, you'd—"

  "And my vice president would make sure my ass stayed out of prison, so even if I only had a slim chance of seeing my kid again, I could." Rain walked over to the dresser, removed the knife and boot shield, and tossed it to Slade. "We'll come up with a way to get your kids back, but now is not the time. That fucking judge is waiting for you to screw up, and he wants to make a name for himself by bringing down one of the Bantorus members."

  Slade attached the knife to his boot. The weapon wasn't the same as carrying a loaded pistol, but the tension eased somewhat. If he had to, he'd gut Ray and watch him die.

  "Don't go there," Rain said.

  Slade wiped his hand across his mouth. "Ain't making any promises. I get the opportunity…Ray's a dead man. The longer my kids are with him, the more I'm afraid something is going to happen. I can't take the chance of my boys getting hurt."

  "I have Jim working on getting all the information he can on Ray." Rain pulled out his cell. "I'll make sure he devotes all his time to the case, and the club will eat the cost."

  "Your investigator has been working on the case for two fucking years, and a lot of good that did me," Slade muttered. "I got to get out of here. Everywhere I look I see Lee and Kurt…"

  Rain nodded. "Why don't I take you to Taylor's place?"

  "No." He marched over to the closet, reached up on the shelf, and removed a bottle of whiskey off the top shelf. He unscrewed the lid and took a healthy swallow. "I'll hang out at the bar."

  "Answers not in drinking." Rain shrugged when Slade took another drink. "Your life, man. I'll take you to Cactus Cove. Maybe one of the other brothers can talk some sense into you."

  Slade rode in Rain's truck, wishing he had his motorcycle and could escape. No destination in mind, just him and the open road. He tipped back the bottle, wanting to numb the guilt from failing his kids. From failing Taylor. From failing to provide for his family. He swigged another drink. He'd failed everyone.

  Taylor deserved a man who could hold his family together. She gave and gave, and all he ever gave h
er was leftover shit he'd thrown at her the last couple of years. He treated her like a bitch, unable to ask any more of her than sex when he couldn't stay away. He sniffed and stuck the bottle between his knees. She was too good for him.

  He'd wanted to give her everything. Himself. His kids. A life together.

  The last year, he'd waited and planned to make it official once he legally had his kids under his roof and Jodie out of his life.

  His thoughts grew foggy and he shook his head. "Is she working tables tonight?"

  Rain glanced at him. "No. I gave her tonight off."

  "Good," he replied, relieved Rain knew he was talking about Taylor because even saying her name hurt.

  He couldn't handle seeing her yet. She'd want to know what happened, and he couldn’t deal with everything right now. She'd also try to talk him out of his need for vengeance. Women like her—too damn good for him—wouldn't understand that sometimes you had to settle things the wrong way to make things right again. He took another swallow of whiskey. The burn barely registered.

  Despite Rain taking his guns and obviously babysitting him, nobody was going to stop him from getting his kids back. He lifted the bottle; frowned to find he'd consumed half the whiskey.

  At Cactus Cove, he hurried inside in an attempt to keep his buzz on. He didn't want to sober up. Not tonight.

  Torque approached him and clapped his hand down on his shoulder, and then backed away without saying a word. Slade lifted the bottle to his lips again. The hell with pity, he was going to get plastered.

  Gladys caught his eye. He sauntered over to the bar and handed her the almost empty bottle. "Toss this one, and bring me tequila."

  Gladys pressed her lips together, and her soft green eyes watered. He glared, warning her off. He had no room for a mother, and Gladys had a habit of trying to keep all the Bantorus men in line as the unofficial momma of the club.

  A few seconds later, he found a corner table and sat down for the night with a bottle of Jose and a shot glass. If Rain wanted to hover over him, he could damn well drive him home after he passed out.