Soothing His Madness

by Kayn, Debra

  "Hey, Slade." Linda, one of the bitches who hung around Ronny, slid into a chair across from him at the table. "Sorry to hear about—"

  He slammed his glass against the table. "Move on, bitch."

  Linda's lipstick stained bottom lip came out in a pout and she leaned forward, undisturbed with his outburst. "I can make you feel better, baby. Let me take you back to my cabin."

  He leaned back, took in the short jean skirt, the tank straining over her double D's, and felt nothing. Her green eyes flashed in excitement. The empty whole in his chest grew bigger. He'd had her before, many times in fact, prior to hooking up with Taylor, and sex was good. But it wasn't Taylor fucking good. "Go sniff out someone else who can treat you right, sweetheart. I ain't got nothing for you."

  Linda stood and ran her hand along Slade's jaw. "Okay, baby. You know where to find me, yeah?"

  He poured a shot of tequila and slapped it back, enjoying the burn. "Right."

  Linda sashayed away from the table. He watched in hypnotic comfort, as the sway of her hips grew dimmer and dimmer. Women never failed to amaze him.

  Sex was their answer to all their problems. He'd spent most of his teenage and adult life solving first Jodie's troubles and then trying to fix most of the bitches that hung around the club, ignoring where his behavior took him. Jodie, with her tight little body and bubbly personality, had played him for a fool. He'd knocked her up and made her his woman. Tried to do the best he could by his family, even making another kid with her to try to turn her into a homebody.

  A lot of good that did him. She fucked around—trying to see if someone new could fix her head. He'd left with the kids and never looked back. He rubbed his thumb against the rim of the shot glass. Taylor was the only woman who came to him problem free. He drank more tequila. Hell, she'd leave with his problems if he continued to see her.

  His madness infected everyone who mattered to him. His kids. Taylor. The club.

  The phone in his pocket vibrated. He knocked over the opened bottle of Tequila in his scramble to reach his cell. He blinked, clearing the fog in his vision, studying the screen, hoping to see Kurt's name pop up.

  Instead, a text came from the garage. He needed to show up at work tomorrow morning. He shoved the phone back in his pocket, and then cradled his head in his hand. The alcohol numbed him enough he wasn't breaking anything, but he could still think. Now he'd have to cut himself off for the rest of the night if he planned to make it into work early.

  He had to make a living, because his kids needed the support. From experience, he knew Jodie wouldn't spend any of Ray's money on the kids.

  Not in the mood to hang around the bar if he wasn't able to get plowed, he stood and walked toward the door. He'd find someone outside to take him home.

  He pushed through the door and came to a complete stop. A rush of adrenaline sobered him and made it impossible to tap down his emotions.

  Taylor stood in front of him, studying him, soaking up every damn detail he couldn't hide. The pity etched in her hazel eyes pissed him off, and had him wishing he could walk over and shake some sense into her.

  And yet, she calmed him like nobody could. The amount of his feelings scared him. He wasn't afraid to admit that he feared breaking her. Her quiet acceptance of the MC lifestyle, the crudeness she put up with at work and with him was not something a woman like her was used to or deserved.

  Before he could put distance between them, she'd become his everything.

  His heart raced, and he fought laying everything on her shoulders, because it was his job to take care of her. He was the man. He'd protect her from every nasty thing that wanted to touch her, including himself.

  "Come to my house," she whispered, clearing her throat and speaking louder. "I want to be with you.

  Her softness, her devotion, her understanding hurt him. He swallowed hard, not wanting to answer her but continuing to stand, so he could be near her. He didn't deserve her attention.

  She held out her hand, and he suspected she understood that he'd throw anything she had to say back in her face. The temptation to lay his hand in hers and let her take care of him was almost too hard to control. He had to fight against going to her for comfort, because the last thing she needed was him.

  He was sick, because tonight he had an unexplained desire for her to experience the same kind of hurt he was going through. His madness was out of control, and he couldn't stop it. His life was fucked.

  He shook his head. "I'm heading home."

  "How are you getting there?" she asked.

  The quietness and strength in her voice caressed his soul. God, he needed her. "I'm gonna see if one of the guys will give me a lift."

  "I'll take you." She turned and walked into the parking lot.

  He watched her go away, wanting to follow, but the last of his resolve held on tight to his word that he wouldn't upset her life any more than he already had. She hesitated at her car, and he continued to watch her. She understood him better than his Bantorus brothers did. If he didn't follow her, she'd drive away and never look back. It'd be the smartest thing she'd ever done.

  But, she didn't leave.

  She stood there in the opened car door and looked at him from fifty feet away. Her eyes, no less penetrable from that distance, begged him to come with her. She saw through him with the patience of a saint.

  He started walking. Every step bringing him comfort the way he imagined a man gut shot looks toward the light.

  "Just take me home," he said, climbing into the passenger side of her car.

  He leaned his head against the window, wishing he could go back to two days ago when he lived on hope and had his boys with him. To the morning he had sex with Taylor, and promised himself he'd do right by her as soon as the court date was over. He never dreamed his world would blow up in his face.

  Chapter Three

  Even in his sleep, Slade's fists clenched and his muscles remained tense and unforgiving. Taylor walked around the front of the car, opened the passenger side door, and coaxed Slade to his feet. At first she believed he chose to ignore her when he stayed quiet on the ride home, but then it was apparent he'd drank too much and his body finally succumbed to the exhaustion.

  She put his arm around her shoulders and took the brunt of his weight. Between battling him into the house and getting no sleep last night, she wanted to lie down, wrap her arms around Slade, and sleep for a week.

  First, she had to get him undressed. She sat him on the bed. He frowned and tried to stand back up.

  "Stop, honey. No more running." She knelt down on the floor and worked the laces on his boots. "You need to rest."

  "Need to work," he muttered, letting his eyes close. "Can't stop. Kids need me."

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. The first thing that attracted her to Slade was his devotion to his kids. He'd never turn his back on them, never.

  "Yeah, they do." She peeled his socks off his feet and stood. "That's why you need to take care of yourself."

  He let her lay him down on her bed. "Don’t deserve you."

  It was the alcohol talking. She pulled his stocking cap off and swept his hair off his face before covering him with a blanket. He was more man than she needed, always watching her back, supporting her while letting her lead her own life. She wouldn't want to change one thing about him, except maybe his stubbornness to do everything himself.

  "Sleep." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "You'll feel stronger in the morning."

  His hand came up and circled her wrist. "Stay with me?"

  He had no idea she'd taken him back to her home. She wasn't planning to let him stay alone at his house after Rain called her to come and talk to him at the bar. Every single person in Bantorus MC was worried. She'd do anything to keep him safe, including bringing him to her house.

  Throughout their entire relationship, he'd always come here. She understood he didn't want her around the kids yet. Tonight was different. He needed normalcy, not a reminder of what h
e'd lost.

  "Always," she whispered.

  He continued holding her wrist, so she climbed over top of him and lay beside him. With her head on his chest, her leg on his thigh, she wrapped her arm around his waist. His soft snores began before she even closed her eyes.

  Only then did she let herself relax. In the dim light coming in from the hallway, she yawned and snuggled closer, warming when his arm tightened around her. She loved the moment between awake and sleep when, in his unconscious state, he held her tighter as if he never wanted to let her go.

  She fell asleep with hope that every day would get better, and excited to tell Slade her plan on how she would help him get his kids back.

  Sometime later, she woke to find Slade thrashing on the bed. She rolled and turned the bedside lamp on. "Honey?"

  Slade's hands covered his head, clenching his hair in his fists. His forehead wrinkled in angst, and his mouth hung open gasping for air. She reached for his arm and he swung out, barely missing her shoulder.

  "Slade. Wake up." She got ahold of his arm and hugged it to her chest, keeping him from hitting out. "Honey, you're dreaming. It's okay. I'm right here."

  His eyes snapped open and he froze. She stroked his cheek. "That's it. You're here, and I'm with you."

  His harsh breathing filled the room. She leaned closer, kissing his forehead, his eyelids, and working her way down to his neck. "It's okay."

  She placed her lips on his collarbone. His skin hot to the touch, seared right to her heart. She wanted to take away the pain.

  He cleared his throat. She pulled back, not letting go of him. "Talk to me."

  "I…I need to get out of here." He moved his legs to get up.

  She held on, glancing at the clock. It was only four thirty in the morning. "You need to rest. When you wake up, I'll take you back to your house so you can get ready for work."

  "Stop." His mouth hardened and he looked away from her. "Back off."

  She raised her hands and moved off the bed. He grabbed his boots, shoved his feet inside them and without lacing, stood, and faced her. "I need the keys to your car."

  She hurried over to the dresser, picked her key ring up, and tossed them to him. "I'll put my shoes on and grab a coat."

  "No." He picked up his stocking cap off the nightstand beside the bed and pulled the hat over his hair. "I'll have one of the men bring your car back to your place."

  She stepped toward him, but he stepped back, putting distance between them. "Wait. Why are you leaving then? I want you to stay here."

  "We're…" He inhaled swiftly and paused. His eyelids grew heavy, shadowing his dark eyes even more, and his shoulders slumped forward. "Baby girl, this shouldn't have happened."

  "I know." She nodded in understanding. "I know, honey. The boys deserve to be—"

  "I'm not talking about them." He shoved the keys in his pocket. "You and me. I can't keep doing this."

  Goosebumps broke out over her arms. She rocked back on her heels. No way would he suggest they not see each other.

  "I know you've lost—"

  "You don't know shit." He shook his head. "Everything that's me was ripped away yesterday. I have nothing. That means I have nothing to give you."

  "That's not true," she whispered. "You'll continue to fight for your boys, and you'll get them back."

  He laughed harshly and the sound had her back sitting on the edge of the bed, reeling from another side of Slade she hadn't seen. He was strong, bossy, and opinionated, but he was never condescending toward her.

  "I'll get my boys if I have to kill someone to do it. I promise you that," he said.

  "You can't." She rushed him and grabbed handfuls of his shirt to stop him. "What will that do, except ruin any chance of you having them? We'll fight the right way. I-If you need more money, you can have everything I have. You can get a better attorney, another court date."

  He framed her face with his hands, forcing her to look at him until it was almost painful. "Go on with your life, cause I won't be back."

  He pulled her head to his chest, cupping her cheek and held her. She tried to shake her head to argue. "You can't leave me," she said.

  "Have to, baby girl," he whispered. "It's the only smart thing I've done lately."

  He stepped away from her. She grabbed his shirt, but the force of him walking away ripped the material out of her clutch.

  "Slade." She hurried after him. "Damn you, stop."

  But he kept going, through the door and straight to her car in the driveway. She held on to the railing of the porch, getting a harsh peek at reality. He was walking out of her life, and she couldn’t stop him.

  "Damn you," she yelled. "You promised never to hurt me. Six months ago, Slade, you laid your head on my lap and promised me you'd never do anything to make me cry."

  He hesitated beside the car. She heard him cuss, and then he ducked his head and sat in the car. She smacked the railing with the palm of her hand. Why was he doing this to her?

  The one good thing she woke up to every day was her excitement over seeing him again. She thought about him when she worked, when she slept, and when they were together. Her whole routine rotated around the Bantorus Motorcycle Club, and Slade was a huge part of the MC. How did he expect her to forget about him when he consumed her whole body?

  The car reversed and took off down the street. She hung her head, sniffing the tears back that she refused to shed. Slade was wrong. He had a lot to give her.

  She ran her hands over her face, digging deep to keep her emotions together. A few more hours and she would go to Cactus Cove. Slade might say they were done, but she wasn't giving up on him that easily.

  Chapter Four

  Three days after Slade walked out of her house, he all but disappeared from Taylor's life. She hadn't even seen him stop by the bar and if he showed up for club meetings, he came late because she hung around until the last possible moment to catch a glimpse of him before she had to leave the premises.

  She set the order of beer on table number six with a clunk. Even the Bantorus members weren't giving up any information.

  "Hey," Pauline scooted back in her chair when the beer sloshed over the sides of the mug and held her hands up. "Watch it."

  Taylor tossed her the towel she'd slung over her shoulder earlier from when she spilled a man's drink all over the table, luckily missing the customer. "Here."

  Pauline wiped up the liquid on the surface of the table. "What's with you?

  "Nothing." Taylor glanced at Tori, holding her daughter Lilly on her lap, and Ginger, who both remained silent but were openly curious.

  She hadn't gone to her friends for support, because this wasn't club business. What she and Slade had together was personal.

  "Sit down." Tori pulled out the chair beside her. "Everyone knows about Slade and you, since the night…well, since Slade lost his kids. Everyone figured it out. We're worried."

  She sank down on the chair. "You should be. He's running around, ready to snap, and hiding out from everyone. He walked out of my life without giving a shit. He's put me back in the friend zone, even though I had no vote in the decision."

  "Bikers don't spend almost every night over at a woman's house, even if she is his bitch…which you're not, and claim to be friends." Pauline shrugged. "I'm a reporter. I know everything that happens in Pitnam and what the bikers do. Besides, you don't think every Bantorus member knows where Slade is every minute of the day. They do. That's why you should've come to us and asked for our help."

  "You know where he's at?" Taylor leaned forward. "Is he okay?"

  Tori extracted her hair from Lilly's tight grip. "He's hurting, and Rain has him working double shift at the garage to keep him off the road. Last night, Rain said Slade's barely hanging on, so he ordered two members to guard his house and follow him wherever he goes. At least he'll be safe."

  Even though the news was worse than she'd hoped, Taylor was glad that everyone had Slade's back. She moistened her lips. "Bruce told me t
o go home early and put my feet up. I've had a bad day with the customers. He'd probably like to fire me for all the times I messed up today."

  "He's not upset at your service, girlfriend. Slade asked him to cut you out of here, so he can come to the meeting without running into you." Ginger's eyes softened. "Sorry. Not much happens around here that we don't find out about."

  Her stomach rolled. It was bad enough to assume, but to hear the truth hurt. "Apparently," Taylor mumbled.

  "Don't be discouraged." Tori kissed Lilly's outstretched hand and then smiled at Taylor. "Stick around and Slade will show up. The meeting tonight's mandatory."

  Hope filled her. "I'm not allowed—"

  "Let me deal with Rain and the MC rules." Tori grinned, standing up. "He owes me."

  Pauline laughed and smacked the table in amusement. "For what?"

  Tori blushed, which was a rare occurrence with the Bantorus women, who've seen all and done all. The weight on Taylor's shoulders eased. She'd been around long enough to know that Tori had ways of making Rain do about anything for her.

  "Thank you," she said. "I owe you."

  Tori squeezed her shoulder in reply before carrying Lilly toward the hallway. Taylor looked at the other girls. They were always here for her, and she never should've kept her problems to herself. Maybe if she had stood up to Slade wanting to keep their relationship private in the first place, things would've turned out differently.

  He'd wanted to protect her from Jodie's lawyer going after her and questioning her relationship with a known biker. Having him not believe she was tough enough to handle anything thrown her way and it was better for him to walk out of her life hurt her more.

  She understood his fear of harming his case to get custody, but there was nothing wrong with her. She never used drugs, had a clean record, and held a full-time job. Granted, it was at a biker bar, but she was responsible and a good role model.

  "Oh shit. Girlfriend, things are not looking good for you," Ginger said, motioning with her chin toward the door.