The Adventures of HAL: The Second Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 2)

by Haines, Derek

‘It’s a smelting moon that orbits Yooranis.’

  ‘Yooranis?’ Hal asked. ‘It’s a planet right? A few away from Gloth?’

  ‘Yes, but not very attractive at all. Hardly better than here. And Titania is worse.’ Lik said.

  ‘But it’s closer to Erde, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, but really Hal, you’d need to get to Gloth to have any chance of returning to Erde.

  ‘And if I go to Gloth, they’d probably find me and just send me straight back here,’ Hal said.

  ‘Probably right Hal. Gloth’s the most monitored planet in all of the Twelve Sun Systems. Nothing moves there without it being known about,’ Lik agreed.

  ‘So where do you go after Titania?’

  ‘Sun System Three.’ Lik replied.

  ‘Nowhere near Erde huh?’

  ‘No. Wrong direction completely,’ Nox confirmed.

  Hal let the conversation drop while Addly served dessert and then joined them all for coffee, and bored them all with his tales of when he was young. Finally, Addly started clearing the dessert plates, so Hal grabbed his last opportunity.

  ‘Would you take me with you to Titania? It’s a lot closer to Erde, and maybe…’

  ‘We’re not allowed to take passengers. Sorry Hal,’ Lik interrupted.

  ‘Lik’s right Hal. It’s in our standard operating procedures, so we’d both get fired quick smart if it was discovered that we’d agreed to take passengers,’ Nox confirmed and Hal looked forlorn and ready to admit defeat. ‘Same as we have operating procedures for dealing with stowaways,’ Nox added. And looked at Hal straight faced.

  ‘And what do the standard operating procedures say?’ Hal asked.

  ‘Anyone discovered who’d boarded our shuttle illegally must be bodily removed from the vessel at the next landing.’ Nox explained.

  ‘Unless in the case of poisonous atmospheres, where a commander of a vessel has the authority to hold the offender until the first landing on a planet, asteroid or orbiting station with a non-toxic atmosphere,’ Lik added.

  ‘So if I was working away tomorrow morning, painting my lines, and just by sheer accident I tripped and fell, all the way up the boarding ramp and landed accidentally in the cargo hold of your shuttle, and knocked myself unconscious and I didn’t know and you didn’t know I was there …..’

  ‘You know Hal what Hal?’ Lik interrupted. ‘I never thought that painting yellow lines could be so dangerous. What about you Nox?’

  Nox just took a sip of his coffee; half grinned and licked his lips with a flash of his split red tongue. ‘Well, accidents do happen.’

  Hal started to smile, then wiped it from his face as Addly returned.

  ‘Anything else I can get you gentlemen?’

  *****

  Hal knew that Sniddleydrop would be acting the big man, as an actual lift off was a real rarity for him. So he would be making a lot of fuss, and giving Hal a lot of little orders to make sure everyone knew who was the boss. Hal would have to be careful, as he well knew that Sniddleydrop was in charge of his T2 order, and probably be well aware that Hal might try to high tail it. He needed a ruse, and spent almost all night awake trying to come up with one.

  When Hal arrived for work the next morning, Sniddleydrop sent him to clean the boarding ramp.

  ‘We want to make sure our visitors know we’re efficient here,’ he said as he waved Hal away and got on with waiting at his desk for Major Noxton Nakkle and Sergeant Likketty Splitt so he could do some very important official stamping of their documents. Hal caught sight of what appeared to be his T2 file sitting on Sniddleydrop’s desk. ‘Halbert Horatio Hoop’ in big letters on the cover, and the words, ‘Detention Order’ just under his name. It was clearly a warning to Hal, as it was obviously on the desk for Hal to see.

  Hal busied himself with sweeping the dust from the boarding ramp very quickly, then making a few minor alterations to the ramp and its cab. It was nearly an hour later that he caught sight of Sniddleydrop leaving the arrival hall with Nox and Lik. He went back to some serious sweeping. It was still more than half an hour until the scheduled lift off, so Hal had plenty of time to check and re-check his preparations hoping his calculations were correct. Then wait for Sniddleydrop to order him to drive the boarding ramp away.

  ‘Good morning Hal,’ Lik said as he arrived at the shuttle with Nox and Sniddleydrop. ‘It was a lovely dinner last night.’

  ‘Yes it was Lik. We’ll do it again next time you come,’ Hal replied.

  ‘For sure. Now we better get ready,’ Nox added as he went to board the shuttle and Lik started his exterior inspection.

  ‘Hal!’ Sniddleydrop shouted.

  ‘Yes sir?’

  ‘When Sergeant Splitt disconnects the grounding cables, I want you to roll them up neatly and place them back in their pits.’

  ‘Right away sir,’ Hal replied and trotted off to start on the first cable that Lik had already disconnected. As he started rolling, he could see from the corner of his eye that Sniddleydrop was keeping a careful eye on him, while at the same time getting his signalling batons ready for what was probably his big moment in giving the order for lift off.

  ‘Looks like your boss wants to make sure you do that properly,’ Lik said as he passed Hal and gave him a wink.

  ‘Yep. I think I’m being especially supervised today,’ Hal quickly replied then hurried off to the next cable. He could still feel the eyes of his boss on him, but was pleased that Sniddleydrop had moved from the right side, to the front of the shuttle, preparing himself for the moment when he ordered Hal to drive the ramp away, and signal the all clear for lift off.

  Hal was rolling the last cable as Lik passed him then mounted the boarding ramp, waved and yelled, ‘See you next time Hal!’

  ‘Sure Lik. See you then!’ Hal shouted back loud enough for his boss to hear above the humming of the shuttle.

  When Lik disappeared inside the shuttle’s hatch, Sniddleydrop yelled at Hal, ‘Prepare to disengage the boarding ramp!’

  Hal immediately obeyed and jumped into the mobile ramp’s cab. He craned his neck to see Sniddleydrop holding his signal batons very efficiently in a cross above his head in preparation for giving his very official clearance for lift off in a few minutes. Then Hal got on with his own pre-lift off preparations. The shuttle now humming and whining louder as Nox and Lik readied for departure. Sniddleydrop uncrossed his batons and held then aloft, side by side, waited for a minute or two to receive the shuttle’s signal in return, then yelled at the top of his voice, ‘Clear Ramp!’

  Within ten seconds Sniddleydrop watched as the ramp cleared the shuttle and headed slowly towards its parking station in AG15, then waited for the shuttle’s hatch to close and to receive the final signal from the shuttle that it was ready for lift off. The signal came, and he thoroughly double-checked that all was clear before waving his signal batons very officially in two full arm circular motions that cleared the shuttle for lift off. A huge roar following and a cloud of dust as the shuttle very slowly started to rise from the ground. Sniddleydrop watched the shuttle rise, and then noticed that Hal had over run the parking bay on AG15.

  Now What?

  An hour later Lik left the flight deck for his usual post lift off check of the shuttle. All normal until he neared the main cargo hold and thought he heard sneezing. He opened the hatchway and waited. Another sneeze.

  ‘Come out, come out whoever you are.’

  ‘I’m allergic to dust. Especially plitzominium dust,’ came the reply followed by another sneeze.

  ‘Oh look what we have here. A stowaway,’ Lik said in mock surprise as Hal appeared from behind a brace on the side of the hold. ‘I think you’d better come with me so I can report you to the commander.’

  Hal smiled, sneezed and nodded. ‘I suppose I’m in trouble.’

  ‘Probably somewhere Hal.’

  Hal and Lik arrived up on the flight deck. ‘Well Hal, what a surprise,’ Nox said as he turned. ‘I’ll have to report that we have a st
owaway Lik.’

  ‘Yes sir,’ Lik replied.

  ‘I’ll get around to it at some point,’ Nox smiled. ‘Now tell me, how the hell did you get on board? I saw you drive away with the ramp and thought you’d given up on the idea of getting a lift.’

  Hal smiled, ‘Well, I just pulled a few strings.’

  ‘A few strings?’ Lik asked.

  ‘I threaded a thin rope up the side of the ramp earlier this morning and tied the steering wheel in place. Then when you got on Lik, I crawled on my belly after you and waited at the hatch for the order to move the ramp. When it came, I pulled the rope and it moved a little wooden stick from under a rock that fell on the accelerator.’

  ‘Clever,’ Nox said.

  ‘Well, enough to get this far.’

  ‘I’m sure Sniddleydrop’s going to be pretty angry.’

  ‘Yes Lik, I’m sure he’s already reported me as missing,’ Hal said just as a signal came over the shuttle’s communication channel.

  ‘GMCS twenty-two, GMCS twenty-two. Alpha Base One. Do you receive?’

  ‘Alpha Base One, this is GMCS twenty-two. Receiving,’ Nox replied.

  ‘Reported missing person on Terranova Two. Possible stowaway aboard GMCS twenty-two. Please search and report.’

  ‘Copy Alpha Base One. Search and report. Out,’ Nox confirmed and ended his transmission. ‘Looks like we’ll have to do a search for you Hal,’ he smiled. ‘After we finish loading.

  Lik took Hal to his quarters, and made sure he had everything he needed for the two week voyage. ‘You know Hal, if you were still hiding in the hold, you’d be getting buried in plitzominium ore about now.’

  ‘So, that’d make it very difficult to find me wouldn’t it?’

  ‘Even someone as tall and broad as you Hal would be difficult to find under fifteen tons of plitzominium ore.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Hal said.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For giving me a lift.’

  ‘Hal, you haven’t seen where you’re going yet. Titania is a seriously ugly moon. You might wished you’d stayed on Terranova Two.’

  Lik left Hal to help Nox with the loading of the plitzominium ore they were transporting to Titania, ‘I’ll come and see you when we’ve finished loading and heading on our way. Oh, and sorry it’s a bit cramped in here. Not made for giants,’ he laughed.

  ‘Thanks Lik, it’s just fine.’

  Hal could hear rumbling and the shuttle shook from time to time as the loading continued. Finding the most comfortable position for his large frame on what was hardly bigger than a baby cot took some doing, but finally he was reasonably comfortable and started thinking about what was going to come next. It probably wasn’t going to take long, as he had no idea whatsoever.

  ‘Alpha Base One, Alpha Base One, this is GMCS twenty-two. Do you receive,’ Nox called.

  ‘GMCS twenty-two, this is Alpha Base One. Receiving.’

  ‘Loading complete. Ready for departure Alpha Base One.’

  ‘Copy. Clear for departure GMCS twenty-two.’

  ‘Copy. Have completed basic search for possible unauthorised passenger. Result negative. Repeat, result negative. Cargo hold not checked as loading was in progress Alpha Base One.’

  ‘Copy GMCS twenty-two. Check cargo hold for any traces after unloading on Titania GMCS twenty-two.’

  ‘Copy Alpha Base One.’

  Nox ended his transmission.

  ‘Get a few small items from Hal that we can accidentally find in the cargo hold after we unload Lik.’

  ‘Sure. So what do we do with Hal?’

  ‘Can’t do much Lik. Once we land, he’ll have to buzz off quick smart and then he’s on his own.’

  ‘And report that we found a few of his things?’

  ‘Yep. And that he’s probably in bits in a pile of plitzominium ore that we unloaded for crushing.’

  ‘Right Nox. Feel sorry for him though. He’s got no idea.’

  ‘We’ve done what we can Lik. He’ll survive. Maybe.’

  *****

  If Hal had any doubts, he was now very certain that inter-planetary travel was extremely uncomfortable and relentlessly boring. Any childhood visions he had of a spacecraft zooming smoothly through space were long gone and replaced by the reality of rusty metal hulks rattling and groaning their way between all to distant destinations. His quarters so small, he had finally found that sleeping on the cold metal floor was the most comfortable. After two weeks, he’d had more than his fill of space travel and wondered how Nox and Lik could continue doing such a boring job. He felt sorry for them. A knock on his door woke him from his ponderings.

  ‘Ready Hal?’ Lik asked ‘Landing shortly.’

  ‘Sure Lik. Ready as I’ll ever be.’

  ‘Remember, when I give you the word, you run like crazy, ok?’

  ‘Yes Lik. Thanks again.’

  ‘No need Hal. Well, good luck. I think you’ll need it.’

  Hal checked his things, and in particular his hippie sack that contained all his important small treasures, and was grateful to Lik for giving him enough dehydrated rations to get him through for a week or so plus a solid water canteen and pocket knife.

  Nox had explained to Hal earlier that when they landed it would be late evening but that he had to get moving immediately before any ground crew arrived. After that, it would take about an hour to unload, and Nox would then report that he’d found some of Hal’s possessions in the hold. So Hal had just over an hour to find somewhere relatively safe, then to keep himself hidden for at least a week, if not more, in case Gloth sent a patrol to search for him. Hal well realised that if he walked into the offices of the smelter and announced his arrival from Terranova Two, Gloth would know about it in seconds. It suddenly dawned on him that he was now probably an official fugitive.

  Nox brought the shuttle into land as Hal and Lik waited at an emergency exit on the non-servicing side of the craft. This would give Hal a little cover, as the ground crew would be approaching from the other side of the shuttle. A green light flashed above the exit and Lik pushed the button underneath it. The hatched opened, and Lik pushed out a chain ladder.

  ‘Off you go Hal. Good luck.’

  ‘Thanks Lik. See you around,’ Hal said as he descended the short ladder in semi-darkness and started for the northern edge of the landing area that Lik had suggested was the best route to avoid being seen. Once on the ground he headed off, turning his head briefly and saw Lik pulling up the ladder and closing the hatch. He was on his own now. It only took him five minutes at a gentle canter to reach the edge of the landing field and relative safety.

  Even in the semi-darkness Hal could see how ugly a place it was. Slag heaps, the smell of rust and an acrid taste in his mouth from the air. Lights burning brightly alongside the shuttle in the distance now and a larger and brighter light to his right that was obviously the smelting facility. The air was very cool although not cold, but he could feel warmth rising from the ground. The soil beneath his feet felt like soot. Black, fine and dry with an acidic smell. With his eyes adjusted to the darkness now, he made his way off in search of a place to hide. And survive.

  Hal checked carefully before trying to open the door of what looked like a tool shed or small garage. There was no noise after he opened the door but he waited a few seconds before entering just to be sure, then waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness inside, and was relieved to find what looked like old rusty machinery parts strewn around and covered in dust. There was something similar to canvas covering a pile of parts, and Hal pulled it off, gave it a shake and decided he’d found his bed for the night. He hoped he’d found his safe hiding place, but knew he’d have to wait until first light to know how safe he really was.

  It wasn’t really first light at all. More like just a little less dark, but there was enough light for Hal to get an idea of where he was. His small hut was surrounded by slag heaps, and he had to climb one to get a view of what was around. Except for the landing field and
the smelter facility there was precisely nothing at all other than a sooty black terrain that extended to all horizons and had been more than likely crushed, burned and polluted repeatedly for eons. Lik hadn’t exaggerated. Titania was seriously an ugly place.

  For four days and nights, Hal stayed in his tool shed home. He’d trekked off in a different direction each day, but found nothing. Slag heaps, more slag heaps and one small pile of leaking metal canisters that Hal decided were worth avoiding. His tool shed appearing to be the only standing structure for miles. This fact was reassuring. What wasn’t reassuring was that he was running out of food rations, and there was absolutely no sign of anything resembling anything edible. Not even a single blade of grass. How could there be? The entire surface was dead. His only hope was the landing field or the smelter. And both would probably alert Gloth immediately and have him back on a shuttle for Terranova Two. Or worse.

  *****

  Hal was making his rations last as long as possible. Even though very hungry, he only used one quarter of his breakfast ration and added the little water it needed to swell. It was similar to porridge, but tasted more like doormat. Hal stirred anyway until a creak of the door startled him. An old man dressed in a long brown cape, with long white hair and a seemingly even longer white beard stood at the door.

  ‘What are you doing in my store?’ the old man grumpily asked.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Hal stuttered.’ I was just staying for a few days. I haven’t touched any……’

  ‘It’s not a hotel you know,’

  ‘Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t know….’

  ‘Sounds like you don’t know a lot. Do you have a name, or don’t you know that either?’

  ‘Er, Hal. Hal Hoop.’

  ‘What a silly name. Hoop,’ the old man repeated. ‘You’re not from Titania I presume.’

  ‘No sir.’

  ‘So? Where did you come from?’

  ‘Terranova Two sir.’

  ‘Never heard of it.’

  ‘But I’m originally from Erde,’ Hal added.

  ‘Erde. Now that is a long way. How did you end up here?’

  ‘I got a ride on a mining shuttle and ended up here.’