Uncivilized

by Laura Stapleton

  Ellen gasped at how cool and comforting his touch felt on her skin. She pulled away after a moment to help him clean the rest of his dishes. “A little. It’s getting better. I’d like you to walk me back, but Pa is still there.”

  He gave one of his Gallic shrugs. “I don’t mind him seeing me.”

  His mannerism never failed to charm her. Their fingertips brushed as both reached for the last dish with him winning. She imagined Pa’s temper being taken out on her sensitive skin. Angering him wasn’t worth it, so Ellen struggled to stand with both her stiff legs and the pail in hand. “I do mind and don’t want to rile him up right now. So I’ll say goodnight here.”

  Del sat back on his heels and turned to watch her leave, saying, “Goodnight.”

  She hesitated. Her heart hurt at leaving him, even if for only a little while. But she had to think of the boys’ needs first. Shaking off the longing, she headed back to camp.

  The next morning found them rolling through a better part of the road. Plenty of grass grew, they crossed several streams, and what wasn’t grass or water was flat road. The miles seemed easy for everyone. Food gave the stock new life. Ellen preferred ordinary days like this with no angry outbursts, no Indian attacks, and no dying oxen.

  She ached still, but the pain faded. The night was warm enough to keep Ellen hot and awake, even without covers. Everyone around her slept and she’d heard the night watch change from one pair of men to another. She both wanted to meet and not to meet Del. More than that, she wanted a cool washcloth big enough to cover her whole body. Ellen crept out of camp and snuck to the creek for cold water. Soaking her hands in icy water had helped her skin this afternoon. She started for the creek and stopped. The moon wasn’t out and starlight wasn’t enough to light her way.

  “Ellen? What is it?”

  She smiled at Del’s whisper. He didn’t touch her but was close enough to do so. “I’d wanted a cold poultice, but can’t see my way.”

  “Take my hand and I’ll lead you to the water.” He held her hand as they walked to the creek.

  “I don’t know how you can see in this dark.”

  “It’s not easy and I’m relying on memory. Now, here we are and ease down. Your feet should be wet by now.”

  Ellen laughed, the water tickling her toes. “You’re right, they are.” She squatted to reach the creek without muddying her knees by kneeling and immersed her hands. When they were too cold for her to tolerate, she shook off the water and pressed her palms to her face. She felt and heard him do the same before giving a little yelp as he touched her neck with his own frozen hands.

  “If I were made of ice, would you hug me for comfort?”

  “Certainly! I’d come to find you over at Sam’s every night and hold you until you melted.”

  He put a hand to her cheek. “I’d be a puddle at your feet too soon. Here, you need this.”

  A flash of white shown until he dunked it in the water and Ellen realized it was his handkerchief. He wrung out the fabric, folded it, and gave it to her. “Take the poultice for tonight. Tell your father it is Sam’s.”

  “Thank you, Del.” She let him pull her to her feet. “I do have rags of my own to use. I should have brought one of them.”

  He led her back to the Winslows’ camp, letting her hold his arm for stability instead of holding her. “No matter, dearest. I like knowing something of mine is with you. Au revoir et sweet dreams for the waning night. ” He gave her the lightest of kisses before disappearing back into the night.

  She took a deep breath, smiling. Pa hadn’t softened toward Del, not even after the rescue, and she didn’t want to admit he might never accept the French-Indian. She slid into bed and got comfortable. The damp hanky rested against her forehead, helping her. Ellen needed to work harder on changing Pa’s mind about Del.

  Her father didn’t notice the next day when she blocked out the dust with Del’s cloth tied around her face. Pa still punished her with his silence. While she couldn’t take care of the boys, she was glad to see he’d put bandanas on them too. Thirteen flat miles of dirt kicked up by wheels and feet, the only distraction was the mountains she saw on either side of them.

  Pa pushed Buster to her. “Here, he needs scrubbing. Something don’t agree with him.”

  The smell caught up to Ellen, almost knocking her down. She looked down at the baby and bent to wipe away his tears. “Don’t cry, sweetie. I’ll clean you up and it’ll be fine.”

  “I tried to wait, sissy.”

  “I’m sure you did your best.” They needed water, preferably a roaring river to wash him in. She smiled. “Next time we find a pond, I’ll get a stick, tie you to the end, and dunk just your behind. Sound good?”

  He laughed. “Yay! Swimmin’.”

  “That’s right. Come on.” She led him to the rolling wagon. “Pa, slow a little?” Her father didn’t respond, but did do as she’d asked. Ellen reached in and got Buster his diaper and an extra cloth besides. Another quick grab and she had a jar of water kept for such emergencies. “Now, let’s find a quiet place and get you cleaned up.”

  Buster stared at the ground. “I messed again.”

  “That’s fine. Get it all over with while you can.” She led him to a sage high enough to hide him. “Even if it happens again, don’t be sad. We’re close to camping for the night.” He took off his shoes and pants and she gagged. Ellen wanted to bury everything he wore right there, but they didn’t have enough clothes to spare. She maneuvered to upwind of him and did the best she could. When he was sanitary, Ellen dressed the baby and gave him a light swat on the behind. “There you go. Try to take off your pants before any more messes.” She took his hand, holding the pants and diapers in the other. “Put on your shoes and we’ll go back for pants. I’ll get you a rag for your pocket so you can potty and wipe up.”

  He nodded, his little face serious. “I had accident.”

  “Just now?” she asked and sighed with relief when he shook his head no. “It’s fine if you did, but try not to until we’re closer to water, all right?” She hurried to the wagon again, getting him an extra diaper for later. Any child as sick as he was wouldn’t be able to wait. She turned around, wincing at the smell before she ever saw him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, Buster, what am I going to do with you?” She smiled to take the sting out of her words. Ellen knelt to clean up her brother as best she could with the unsoiled parts of the diaper he wore.

  “Sis?”

  She didn’t need to look up to see Skeeter there. “You’re sick too?”

  “Yeah, but I’m not having accidents or anything. Pa wants you to take care of Buster.”

  “Good about not making messes and fine about your brother.”

  “I might stay in case you need me.”

  Ellen smiled at him. “Very well. Come along. Let’s catch up to the wagons.”

  They reached the others only after Ellen began carrying Buster. The party rolled along, closer to Boise River. Both boys seemed to have calmer digestions as the day wore on. She looked along the river. The water seemed calm on the surface, reflecting a bright blue sky overhead. Her stomach rumbled hard and she gasped. Whatever the boys had, she now had too. “Skeeter, it’s my turn to be ill. Watch Buster and keep close to the wagon. I’ll need a rag and to run really fast.”

  “Good luck!”

  She hurried and hid in a quiet place until her body was done. Ellen cleaned up as best she could, deciding to just leave the cloth. She rushed back to find they’d stopped for the night where the river had ox bowed enough to green up the grass. Even with the ground cover, the dust seemed like more than usual. She reached her family’s wagon to find Pa standing in the middle of a crowd.

  “Oh, God help me, God help me.” Pa coughed several times. “What is Granville leading us through, the very center of Hell? I’m dying over here.” He coughed and grabbed for the side of the wagon as if needing the support. “He’s killed off a few of us, run off several more. He
has our money, now we’re nothing to him, nothing.” Pa leaned against a wheel, wheezing.

  She looked away from the drama in front of them, worried about her brothers witnessing such a display. Ellen spotted them off at a distance, playing with children from other groups camped there. She glanced up to see Pa starting another round of woe-is-me. Before he could see her, she moved to the side so a taller person blocked Pa’s view of her and stared at her feet in shame.

  Del stood next to Ellen and nudged her. “You are wearing your spectacles, dearest. Is there another reason you search the ground?”

  She grinned at him. “No, just looking for arrowheads and such. Coins, trinkets, anything really.”

  “Anything to help avoid the theatre?”

  “Absolutely. This sort of thing is so embarrassing.” She shook her head. “He revels in it though. I don’t understand why.”

  “Who knows? Some like the center of attention.” He leaned in a little closer to her. “Others like being wherever you are.”

  Laughing, Ellen retorted, “You are such a tease. I don’t believe a word of your flattery, but I like it anyway.”

  “Ah, then I’ll continue until you’re convinced of my undying devotion.” He listened for a moment. “I think the show is fini.”

  She couldn’t hear her father’s voice and glanced up to see the audience dispersing. “It seems so. I have to go do what I can for camp tonight.”

  “Will you need help?”

  “Yes, but I can’t accept it from you.” The last of the people left, leaving her exposed where she stood talking to him. “It is can’t, you understand. Not won’t, so, I’ll manage just fine. Besides, you’ve done enough to help us. More than we deserve.” She didn’t want to leave him before adding, “I can’t imagine anyone doing more for me.”

  With a wicked grin, he retorted, “I can imagine more, but only with me and only for you.”

  “Adelard! For shame on you!” She hid her laughing behind a hand. “For shame!”

  Del turned so he faced behind her as if they’d just happened to be standing near each other. “I shall try to find shame before next we meet, ma coeur. Since you insist.”

  She chuckled. “I do insist.” Ellen took a halting step toward her family’s wagon. “I miss you already, Del.”

  “Likewise. You’ll visit Sam this evening? I have first watch.”

  “Yes, I’ll do what I can to be there.” She left him there, looking back to see him leaving too.

  Ellen smiled to herself, still feeling thrilled after chatting with him. She’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to have his undivided attention. She took their ox’s reins from Pa, returning his silent treatment. Somehow, she needed to influence his acceptance of Del. She laughed at the notion of changing Pa’s mind and startled their animal with the noise. Her father wouldn’t be fine with Adelard after dinner, after next week, after this lifetime.

  She watched as the ox drank huge gulps. Pa had been remiss in putting on his show before caring for their one work animal. Never mind a fellow creature’s suffering. They all needed to keep their only pulling source alive.

  The ox cared for and staked out in a grassy patch, she fetched them water for dinner. The boys’ clothes needed washing yet again and she wouldn’t mind a good scrubbing herself. Pa had a fire started, thankfully, and Ellen started cooking. She added extra water to the beans and rice, and once satisfied everything looked good, she searched for and found the boys. “Hey, you two, come here!” she hollered. The children ran up to her, bringing their smell with them. “Oh, goodness! Let’s go play in the river, all right?”

  They both ran for the water, yelling the whole way. Buster fell but soon hopped back on his feet and followed Skeeter. They didn’t even pause to remove their moccasins before plunging in. Ellen shook her head at them, laughing. She went to the water and took off her shoes. “Stay with me and don’t go too deep. I don’t like water too much after that dunking in the hot springs.”

  “You have to like this, sis. It’s cold.” Skeeter splashed her.

  Ellen yelped when the water hit her face. “Oh! You’re right! I have to because it’s icy.”

  Buster began jumping up and down. “Ice ee iceee iceiceeeee.” He’d fall under the water, hop back up, and almost start to cry before resuming his ice dance.

  They laughed at his antics, she at how adorable, Skeeter at how silly. Ellen patted her younger brother on the back. “Go ahead and play a little more. You might get even cleaner.”

  He grabbed her hand and pulled. “I will if you will.”

  Glad he didn’t take her by her sore arm, she grinned. “Since you insist.” She followed him and grinned as the boys played. They threw their shoes onto the river bank and then laughed when minnows tickled their toes. Ellen took the chance to soak her feet and enjoy the cool water on her hot skin. She kept her eyes open and kept watch on the children while washing her face. “Let’s go! Dinner’s probably burning.”

  “Race you back to camp, Buster!”

  They both took off like a shot. She almost protested they needed shoes, but they were gone. Ellen scooped up all three pairs and hiked up her skirt just enough to keep it out of the dust. Many more feet than theirs had trampled the loose soil into rock. Back at the campfire, she stirred dinner and hoped no one would notice some of it burned to the bottom of the pan. The sun had dipped below the horizon and she shivered. “Boys, find some dry clothes to change into and hurry so I can change too.”

  Pa strolled up and settled in next to the fire. “I stirred the food for you.”

  “Thanks, Pa.” She set the ladle down on a plate, waiting to hear his ulterior motive.

  “Against my better judgment, I’m letting you watch the boys tonight.” He held his hands in front of the fire to warm them. “There’re some ladies a couple of camps over that are really pretty. They invited me over for a visit and I’m going.”

  She stared into the flames, the heat almost reaching her cold body. Nothing she could say would stop Pa from going so she shrugged. “Of course, you have to be neighborly.”

  “Thought you’d see it my way. How soon is supper going to be ready? I ain’t getting any younger, and those gals ain’t getting any prettier.”

  Ellen scooped out a bean, letting it cool before mashing it with her finger. The skin broke and gave way. “It’s ready. Boys, come to dinner! Hurry up! I’m cold and hungry.”

  Pa held out a plate, nudging her in the process. “Let me eat first. I gotta get going.”

  “All right.” She dished him up some food. “You might take a lantern with you.”

  “Good idea. No sense in stumbling around in the dark all undignified like.”

  The boys tumbled out, the elder helping the younger. Skeeter picked up his plate first. “Wet clothes are tough to get out of, sis. Sorry it took so long.”

  “You’re fine, sweetheart. I’ll eat and then change my clothes.” As she ate, the hot food warmed her up from the inside. Ellen had a full mouth and could only nod when Pa left, taking a lantern. She wished he’d wait until dishes were done but felt able to trust Skeeter. Turning to her younger brother, she asked, “After I change, could you keep an eye on Buster while I wash dishes? It’ll really help and not put you in harm’s way.”

  “Sure. I can even roll out our beds for you.”

  She paused before agreeing. Ellen had to first think of every possible hazard.“I don’t know. If you got a blanket in the fire, it might burn you. I don’t want you to take the chance.”

  “Sis, I’m not a baby like Buster. Let me.”

  “You’re right, you’re an older boy.” She nodded. “Go ahead and set up the bedding and put Buster to bed.” The baby kept nodding off. “He’s about there already.”

  “I will and come help you wash.”

  “Don’t worry about that, just settle in yourself and I’ll be back soon.”

  She went to the bank and knelt on a grassy part. Her knees sank the in the mud and she grimaced. So much
for the earlier cleaning. Ellen began scrubbing and heard rustling behind her. “You’re supposed to be in bed, sweetie. Never mind. Come here and keep me company.”

  “With pleasure, dearest.”

  Ellen startled at Del’s voice. “Oh my! I thought you were Skeeter.”

  He knelt beside her. “Aw, this is mud!”

  “I should have warned you.”

  “You didn’t, so now you can wash me.”

  All sorts of naughty possibilities came to her mind with his words and Ellen gasped. “Adelard! Voices carry over the water. Who knows who’ll hear you?”

  “Good point.” He leaned closer to her, his breath stirring the curl against her ear. “I’ll whisper from now on.”

  She shivered, his nearness calling to her. Ellen wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and give in to desire. Never mind the mud, the witnesses, and her brothers. She wanted him to hold her until the entire world fell away. “That’s dangerous.”

  “So is loving you, yet I do.”

  Ellen smiled, her face being the only warm part of her. “I feel the same. Pa is out catting around, so this is our only chance to talk.”

  “Sis! Buster is asleep.” Skeeter came over and leaned against Ellen. “Hello, Mr. Du Bose. Fine night we’re having.”

  She stifled a laugh at how grown-up he sounded. Del replied to the boy, “Hello, Mr. Skeeter. It is a fine night. How have you been? I heard you fell in the hot springs too.”

  “I’m feeling lots better. Except for that sickness. You don’t want to know about that.”

  “I don’t?” He looked to Ellen.

  She shook her head at his worry. “You don’t. Trust me.”

  Del nodded. “So you’re here helping your sister? You’re a good brother.”

  “I try to be. I helped her until Pa said to stop.” Skeeter picked up a rock and threw it into the water. “My fall in the springs was an accident, not like when he pushed her in.” The boy smiled at Del and shrugged. “That’s just what happens when Pa gets angry.”