Uncivilized

by Laura Stapleton

  Skeeter ran around the corner. “Pa said you needed me?”

  “I do. Where’s the baby?”

  “Pa has him. I don’t mind helping.”

  Ellen ruffled his hair instead of embarrassing him with a hug. “You don’t?”

  “Nope. All my friends are with their ma’s, so I figured I might as well help you.”

  She grinned at her brother, handing him a pail with the washing soap. “I appreciate it.” She picked up the full wash basket and led the way to one of the hot springs. Steam rose from it, curling in the air.

  “That sure is hot!” He reached in to touch the water.

  “Be careful, Skeet. It might burn you.”

  “I’ll be fine.” He resumed his reach and skimmed his fingertips across the top. “Ouch! Are we going to dip our hands in this?”

  “Let’s see.” She tested the water’s temperature and withdrew her hand in a hurry. “It feels like coffee that’s almost too hot to drink.” Ellen tried again, able to keep her fingertips in a little longer. “Skeeter, I want you to stay back. This is too hot for you.”

  “But, sis, I can’t help if I’m back here.” He stepped up beside her. “I need to be up here so I can reach the water.” Skeeter pulled a dirty diaper out of the wash basket. “Ew! This is yucky! I’m not washing it!” He tossed it in the basket, slipping in the mud.

  Ellen watched as if everything happened too slow to be real as her brother fell. He grappled for anything to keep him from hitting the ground, his arm submerged in the scalding water. Skeeter screamed and leapt to his feet. Cradling his arm, he continued crying and hollering.

  Women began crowding around the boy as Ellen tried to calm him. Lefty ran up, then Pa carrying Buster. As the ladies led the boy away, Jack hollered above Skeeter’s cries, “What the hell happened to him?”

  “He fell, Pa, and his arm—”

  “I was burned, Pa! It hurts so bad.”

  “Didn’t I tell you to keep an eye on him?” yelled Pa.

  The people around them started easing away from the scene. Ellen tried to explain to him. “I did watch out—”

  “No, you didn’t. How’d you like to be scalded like him?”

  A jolt of horror went through her. No one stood around them, except for Lefty at a distance. She stammered, “I wouldn’t. It was an accident and I—”

  “An accident like this?”

  Before she could react, Pa reached out and shoved her. Like when Skeeter fell, time slowed and she knew she couldn’t avoid hitting the water. Ellen didn’t scream until completely submerged. All the air left her lungs in a whoosh. She flailed, trying to find footing in the mushy soil. Once upright, she crawled out on her hands and knees, trembling from the shock.

  “Miss, here.”

  She looked up to see Lefty’s right hand. She took it, letting him help her up and bit her lip to keep from whimpering from the searing pain. “Thank you. I’m fine.” She wiped off the mud onto her skirt. Breathing hurt, stretching scalded skin. Pa was gone but had left the laundry basket. Ellen glanced at the young man. “I’m so clumsy and fall all the time. There’s no need to fuss or talk more about what happened.”

  He paused for a moment as if wanting to argue before saying, “No fuss, ma’am. Sorry to be so forward but I reckon you’ll need help carrying your laundry.”

  “I’d appreciate that, Mr. Lefty.” Lucky’s bugle to start moving played across to them. She knew Lefty didn’t believe her lie. Her skin glowed red like she’d been sunburned. She flexed her fingers, wincing. The longer she stood there, the further they’d roll down the trail without them. Her chin trembled and she ignored it.

  He picked up the basket with his left hand, using his right arm to stabilize it. “My pleasure.” They started for her family’s wagon and he continued, “That was a painful thing back there.”

  Ellen shivered, her wet dress drying and pulling all the heat from her body. “It still is, I’m afraid. I’ll be feeling it for a while.”

  “I bet so.”

  They hurried to her family’s wagon. Skeeter and Buster were up front with Pa. When her brothers saw Ellen, both boys’ jaws dropped. Skeeter recovered first, saying, “Sis, you’re burned.”

  “Miss, I’ve put up your basket. Be seeing you.” Lefty tipped his hat.

  “Thank you very much.”

  He nodded and walked toward the horses. She looked at Pa. He’d not even glanced at her, or he’d be saying she was cooked too. “Skeeter, thanks for your help today, but—”

  “Boy, you’re not to help Ellen with chores any more. You’re too young and I don’t want you hurt again.”

  “But, sis, I wasn’t—”

  Pa grabbed the boy’s arm. “I hope you’re not arguing, son.”

  Ellen couldn’t let him hurt her brother and said, “He’s right, Skeet. It’ll be fine.” She caught Pa’s look of satisfaction and was glad he was pleased for a while. A strong breeze accentuated the cold fabric clinging to her and she shivered. She wanted desperately to change into dry clothes, but the material scraping across her body already hurt to consider.

  Their wagon started rolling and she followed until the dust became unbearable. She shivered and burned as if feverish. With nothing but steps to occupy her mind, her skin ached. Her chin trembled and hot tears burned paths down her cheeks. Quickly, before the wagon gained too much speed, Ellen retrieved her sunbonnet. She’d not worn it in ages but now needed the cover in case she couldn’t stop crying. She focused on moving forward, careful to not trip and fall.

  The day grew later and later. She’d peek out every so often to see if the landscape changed to find everything stayed the same. No one talked to her, thanks to Lefty keeping quiet, and she liked being left alone. Pa must have realized how badly she’d been hurt because he’d not given Buster’s care over to her.

  At last they stopped at a wide stream feeding a wide plain of grass. She sighed in relief. Her dress had dried, the crusty minerals from the water feeling like sandpaper on her injured skin. They were in their customary half circle along the creek bank when Ellen steeled herself to climb in to change clothes.

  “Sis?” Skeeter appeared at her elbow with Buster. “Pa wants you to take care of him while he takes care of Herbert.”

  “Herbert?”

  “Yeah, the ox. If he’s got a name, maybe he won’t die before we get home.”

  She wanted to hug him and Buster both but settled for ruffling his hair. “I’m betting since he’s Herbert now, he won’t even get sick.” She held out her hand. “Let me check where you were burned.” He gave her his hand and she looked up and down his arm.

  “It don’t hurt much.”

  “It’s doesn’t hurt much,” she automatically corrected. The boy’s hand and arm was pinkish like a mild sunburn. “I’m glad you’re not in pain, dear.” Ellen nodded at their wagon. “You’re not supposed to help me, I know, but maybe taking Buster potty isn’t really helping if you have to go too.”

  He grinned. “Nope! I’m not helping you at all. If we pick up sticks for firewood, it’s not helping either.”

  “Just remember to hold them sideways, not up and down.” She didn’t want to think if they tripped and fell on what equaled wooden stakes. Ellen watched them go for only a moment. She hopped into the wagon and began an agonizing change of clothes. The canvas openings had been secured before she took the time to lay a cool hand on her hot skin. Her shoulders, arms, neck, all ached. She shook her head. Soon enough one of the boys would be back and wondering what she was doing in here. Ellen slipped into her clean dress. She’d lost weight during this journey and it fit loosely. The worn cloth almost felt good against the burn. She eased to her feet and out of the wagon. The boys weren’t back and Pa wasn’t there, so she took her dirty dress and a water bucket to the creek.

  She didn’t have a mirror, and the water’s reflection didn’t help her see how red her face was. Ellen looked around hoping to find Del. She wanted him to hug her without actually touching
her. Smiling at the contrariness of the thought, she rinsed the mineral water out of her work clothes. By the time she got back to camp, the new dress had rubbed different areas than before. The boys had returned and dropped off the wood they’d found. She grinned at how sweet both of her brothers were and began cooking dinner. The beans and rice needed time, so Ellen finished up her washing. She used dirty clothes like potholders for her sore hands. Buster’s efforts at being a big boy meant a lot less diapers to wash, so she finished sooner than usual. She stood, stretching her back, and saw Del across the creek. Her breath caught at the sight of him silhouetted against the sunset. She missed him. Instead of wading over to him and talking, Ellen just nodded and turned back to camp.

  After dinner, with the dishes washed, the laundry drip-drying, and the boys in bed playing the quiet game, Pa motioned to her. “Let’s see what you wrote in your journal.”

  “I’ve not written anything much about today.”

  “No? Let me see for myself.”

  She nodded, squelching the urge to argue. She retrieved the little book and his bedding, giving both to him. He read while she set up her bed and settled in for the night. She’d not lied. Few details had been written about today’s accidents and nothing about seeing Del. She knew better.

  Pa handed her back the journal. “You’ve twisted everything around in here, not writing anything about what happened. How it’s your fault you and Skeeter are hurt. I don’t want you taking care of Buster anymore.” He lay down and pulled the covers up to his neck. “You got Lucy killed, and now you nearly killed my oldest son. I’m not letting you hurt my baby boy too.”

  Ellen nodded as she slid in between the covers. Her front hurt. So did her back. Hot tears burned across her injured cheeks until she lay on her side. Today with Skeeter had been an accident. Pa was the only one who didn’t understand that.

  The morning sky glowed with a brilliant sunrise. Ellen wanted nothing more than to roll over and go back to sleep, but the busy camp kept her awake so she sat up. Her brothers dozed while Pa sat where she’d last left him. His rumpled bed was the only thing that indicated he’d slept. She pushed loose hair from her face. Coffee brewed and she sighed with relief. “Smells good, Pa.”

  “It is.” He poured her a cup and handed it over. “You look pretty sore over there. Sorry you had to fall in the springs yesterday. Maybe you know now how your brother must have felt.”

  “Thank you for saying so. I do know now.” The steam from her cup felt uncomfortable on her face, and she blew on her coffee to cool it.

  “Noticed last night how you hadn’t written much about that Indian. Hope you’re not leaving anything out about him. I’d hate to find out you’ve been rutting with him.”

  “What?” she exclaimed. Stunned and angry, she stood. “I’ve done no such thing with him or any man. Ever.” The children woke up and sat, rubbing their eyes. Ellen didn’t care if the whole world heard her. “Excuse me while I cook breakfast.” She dumped the bucket of dishes inside the wagon, the metal clanging, and headed to the creek. A large twinge of guilt tried to intrude on her outrage. She ignored any acknowledgement of any prior longing of hers to know Del as a husband. Ellen hated how Pa had said such a crude and hateful thing about what she shared with Del.

  With a start, she realized she’d been standing at the creek for a while after filling the pail. Playing statue wouldn’t solve anything so she went back to her family. She hurried through breakfast, not talking to Pa unless spoken to. The boys sensed something wrong in the air and stayed quiet throughout. Soon, the bugle let them know to leave and she hurried to finish up the morning chores.

  The rough road that morning kept her mind focused on not stumbling over the tracks. Her skin still hurt, but not quite as bad. Or maybe she had grown used to the ache. Either way, Ellen was glad for the cool air until noon’s warmth beat down on her exposed skin. When news trickled back that they were at White Sulphur Springs, she worried about the hot water. The name misled because the springs flowed cold and clear. They nooned, letting the animals eat their fill of the lovely grass around the water. She gave the boys their biscuits, checked Buster’s pants, and went to the springs. Dipping her hands into the water felt wonderful at first. She put her palms on her cheeks, forehead, and neck, trying to cool the skin. The signal to leave sounded and Ellen tried to get up but didn’t want to go. She’d not had this much relief since the burning happened. She hurried for one more dip of her hands until the cold was too much, then rested her palms against the back of her neck.

  “Ellen?”

  She smiled, recognizing Del’s voice. “I know. We’re leaving and I’m just sitting here.” Ellen glanced over to see him holding out a hand. She took it, letting him help her up.

  He waited until she was steady on her feet before walking with her to the group. “I heard you fell in the hot springs? Sam said it was best for me not to speak to your father.”

  Her mouth went dry. Of course everyone had heard what happened. She prayed they’d not witnessed Pa’s part in it.“He’s right. It was an accident, and I wasn’t seriously hurt. Skeeter is fine, so there was no need to cause trouble.”

  “You think I would?”

  She chuckled. “You’d start it with him and I’d egg you on just by being there.” Catching sight of Pa, she frowned and turned to Del. “I’m going to scowl at you.”

  “And I’ll return your favor.” He frowned and leaned in a little. “Why are we scowling?”

  “Because I don’t want Pa to suspect that I’m asking if I can see you at Sam’s tonight.”

  “After dinner?”

  “Yes, and before first watch, if you’re willing.”

  He shook his head and then looked her up and down with contempt. “Of course I’d love to see you, ma coeur. You have my heart and I’m an empty shell when you’re not with me.”

  Del had said such lovely words with such a foul face, she laughed. A glance ahead showed they were within earshot of Pa. “Oh? Well, I’ll see about fixing that little problem, Mr. Du Boise.”

  He smirked before hopping up on Pomme. “I’d like that a lot. Good day.”

  Pa tipped his hat back. “I don’t know why he can’t just stay gone.”

  She shook her head as if not understanding why either. Nothing she could say about wanting him gone sounded sincere enough in her mind, so she kept quiet. Pa went back to their wagon and she fell in behind them. The afternoon wore on and to her relief, the road smoothed as it climbed and dipped over rolling country. The easy walk kept her from fearing a fall and scraping her burn on rocks or gravel. She liked how the sage had thinned out. Their scarcity helped her avoid touching them when she walked by.

  The signal to stop for the night sounded. This seemed a bit too early until she neared the creek. The water, wood, and grass were better here than she expected and like last night, Skeeter and Buster unofficially helped her. She could do some more laundry thanks to their help. The creek was too shallow for fish, so she gave up that idea and started dinner once back at the wagon.

  The loose dress now irritated her skin more than helped it. She ate in a hurry, stacking her dishes in the bucket. Ellen’s work dress had been dry and clean for a while, and she thought about changing back into it. The pressure would hurt, but not as much as what felt like holes being rubbed into her skin. She shimmied out of one dress and into the other. The fabric pressed against her skin, but she ignored it while climbing from the wagon.

  As soon as Ellen reached the ground, Pa asked, “Are you getting our beds out?”

  “I didn’t but can.” She glanced over and saw his expression. “I am.” Ellen climbed back in and pulled out the quilts. She set out their beds before he had to ask, glad when he nodded his approval.

  He cleared his throat, putting his thumbs in his pockets. “There’re some ladies I’m sparking in the other group. I’ll be over there tonight.”

  “All night?”

  “If I want to, yes. I’m the adult here, so if I w
ant to travel with them for the rest of the way without you, I will. Understand?”

  “Of course, Pa.” She took his and the boy’s empty plates and the cook pot. “I only asked to know if you’d be late or not.”

  “It’s not up to you to worry. I’ll be back when I get back.”

  She nodded, knowing there was no chance to visit with Marie and maybe Jenny at Sam’s camp right now. “I’ll wash up and be right back.” At his permissive nod, she took the bucket to the creek. Ellen knew her friends were just an excuse. She wanted to see Del, get sympathy from him for her burn, and just be near him. The days of unending monotony had been bad enough even without the pain. Ellen missed having him care for her.

  “Hello. Are you your family’s washer too?”

  Ellen smiled at Del’s voice. “I’m the only one for my family. And you? Were you picked or forced?”

  He chuckled. “I chose, ma coeur.”

  They cleaned up together. She stole little glances to check his progress and saw Del moved as slowly as she did. Ellen hid a smile. Now was their only chance to talk alone and might be the only time for several days. She had to make the most of it. “Pa is with another group, and I’m not sure when he’ll return. He likes to catch me by surprise by coming back to us when I least expect him. Can you tell me what I’m missing by not being at Sam’s camp?”

  “Yes. Marie and Sam are newlyweds, so they see no one else.” He paused a moment to look at her before resuming his work. “Jenny is often gone, helping her mother with the new baby. Lucky is unhappy, of course. He’s with us, but his mind isn’t. Or should I say his heart?” Del flicked water from his fingertips at her, grinning when she laughed. “Before you ask, Arnold and Lefty have assumed Joe’s tasks.”

  She put the last of the utensils in her pail, done and wondering if she should offer help to him. “As the extra man, Uncle Joe’s chores didn’t go to you?”

  “Several did, but not everything.” He put a hand on hers as she reached for one of his dirty plates. “Your skin is hot and I’ve noticed how red you still are. Are you still in pain?”