Uncivilized

by Laura Stapleton

  Lucky woke him for second watch as Arnold did Lefty. Del did not want to open his eyes when the morning still felt like night. The fretting that pestered his sleep still dogged him. He and Lefty kept watch until daybreak. People all around them began stirring, starting their day. He grinned when the scent of coffee brewing reached him on the air and decided to get his own started. Careful to keep quiet, Del emptied the bucket of last night’s stale water and headed to the river.

  When he returned, Marie was cooking breakfast. “I thought that might be where you were.” She had the coffee pot with beans already inside. “Hopefully this will wake up the sleepyheads.”

  As she went about pouring water and warming last night’s biscuits, he rolled his bed into a nice seat. As predicted, the others woke when the nearby coffee started smelling good. Marie was ready for them, giving everyone a full cup as soon as they were upright and ready. Sam took his. He said nothing to her, unlike the other men. Del drank and wondered if he needed to pull Sam aside to let him vent his own irritation too. No wonder Sam had been so quiet during yesterday’s fishing. He must have been angry and needed the quiet time.

  Having made his decision to let Sam get his anger talked out, Del hurried to get everything ate, drank, and put away. Pomme was soon ready. Del got on and went to where Sam and Scamp were.

  “I suppose you want me to say something.”

  Del shrugged. “It’s your choice.”

  They rode on, leading the way up a long hill. At the summit, Sam said, “I suppose she told you how her family used to own slaves. She doesn’t see anything wrong with doing so and doesn’t listen to me.”

  He found that difficult to believe of the woman. Her kindheartedness seemed limitless and Del had to counter, “She doesn’t?”

  “No. I’ve explained to her that slavery is wrong under any circumstances. She said I was wrong and some people needed an overseer.”

  Finding it difficult to believe Marie used those exact words, Del asked, “Is that what she said? ‘Overseer’?”

  He didn’t say anything, just stared ahead as they rode downhill for a little while before encountering another hill. “Not exactly, no. Marie never said ‘overseer.’ ”

  “She might have said they needed an owner for their care?”

  Sam squinted and shifted in his saddle. “Something like that, yes. She doesn’t think all of them deserve freedom.”

  Marie hadn’t implied such a thing to him last night, and Del needed to dig deeper. “Not deserve or just not know what to do with freedom? She pointed out to me that slaves can’t read or write.”

  “Of course they’re illiterate. It’s a crime to educate them, and it should be a crime not to do so. They’re human beings. I don’t think she can see that, Del.” He paused. “If she can’t accept that slavery is wrong under any circumstances, I don’t know how we can stay married.”

  “There’s no middle ground?”

  “No.”

  Del nodded, knowing Sam would protest at what he said next. “Then I agree, divorce her. She wants to own slaves and you don’t.”

  Sam frowned at him. “She doesn’t want to own them. In fact, she and her family set their help free. She personally saw that they had papers and passage to a free state.”

  “How do you know for sure?”

  The question took Sam by surprise and he frowned at him. “I don’t other than she’s never expressed a desire.”

  “Ask her if she misses owning slaves. She might surprise you.”

  “All right. I’ll ask next chance I get.”

  Del grinned, knowing Marie would win the battle by agreeing slaves deserved a chance at freedom. He understood her point of view better than Sam. She saw the newly freed people as children being turned out of their home. Del wondered how much she knew of the mistreatment slaves endured. He made a mental note to ask her more about her life on the plantation.

  Right now, he wanted to enjoy the pine and fir tree smell on the cool mountain air. The miles they’d covered climbed into a mountain range, low enough to miss being snow topped but high enough for evergreens. The Grand Ronde River flowed within several yards of them all day. After going over some of the driest land he’d ever seen, Del loved the sound of the river so close.

  Up ahead lay a popular campsite. The wood, grass, and water made it perfect for man and beast. He glanced over at Sam. “Here for the night?”

  “Yes, let’s find a clear spot.”

  The best place they could find was on the far side of the valley. Del stayed to claim the area while Sam rode back to lead the others there. The trees and mountains strengthened his resolve to settle down. He’d had enough of dust and sage for a lifetime. In a little while, everyone had created the usual half circle around a riverbank.

  A thick grove of timber followed the washed out canyons as they wound up the hills. Some trees grew in between the ravines, not as many. A person could get lost or hide in the woods. Del grinned. Forget keeping a lookout for Sam and Marie. It was time for them to return the favor. He went searching for his friend and found him leading their horses to the water. “Sam? Are you fishing for trout this afternoon?”

  “I hadn’t planned to.”

  “Hmm. No fishing and keeping guard for a couple walking further upstream?”

  “Like you do for us?” Sam sighed. “You know Jack will be furious if he finds out.”

  “He won’t. We’re talking, spending time alone. Nothing more.”

  “I’m sure.” He gave the reins to Del. “All right, talking only. Stake out these guys so I can get a few other things done. Then I can see if any fish are left.”

  Del’s heart skipped a beat at the opportunity to spend time with Ellen. They’d not been truly alone in a month or so. He made sure the horses were secured in a place with plenty of food and water, taking the initiative to care for the other men’s animals too. When done and having nothing left to do, Del wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. How was Sam letting her know where he’d be? He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Would she know how alone they’d be, how much privacy they’d have? He went back to the Granville wagon. Lefty sat on the tailgate, sewing a button on his shirt. Arnold and Lucky were rearranging things in the wagon. As he waited, the two were making Lefty lean over to let them by every so often. Just as Del was about to give up and go find Sam or Ellen, he saw Sam walking toward him.

  “Let me find my fishing tackle.” Sam nodded to his men. “That is, if these guys haven’t cleaned it into an obscure place.”

  “Don’t worry, boss.” Lucky peeked out of the wagon. “You need to go fishing? I saw your things just a little bit ago. Let me get them.” After some rustling around, he reappeared. “Del, do you want yours as well? You’re mighty fine at fishing too.”

  “Sure.” Sam answered for him. “He’s going with me.”

  More rustling and soon Del had his tackle too. “Thank you.” He wanted to nudge Sam in the ribs to get him to stop grinning like a fool. “Shall we?”

  They walked up the river, stopping where a creek intersected. Del cut his eyes over at his friend. The man had more spring in his step than he did and he was the one in love. “How long did she say she’d be?”

  “Not long. She worked it around to where Mrs. Benson is spending the afternoon proving to Jack what a good mother she’ll make to the boys.” Sam cast his line. “You might scout ahead for a comfortable place to sit and talk because I’m sure that’s all you two will be doing or Jack’ll have my hide.”

  He held up a hand as if taking an oath. “Talking is all I want to do.”

  Sam chuckled. “That’s too bad.” He stopped grinning at Del’s frown, adding, “Go. She’ll be here soon and if someone sees you leave together, there’ll be trouble.”

  Del nodded his agreement and walked up the creek, discarding one place after another as he went. Some were too muddy, others too rocky. After what seemed like hours, he found the perfect place. Grass covered a place under a shady spot. He sat, assessi
ng whether any pine needles poked him. Satisfied the ground was soft enough for Ellen, he waited.

  A rustle through the leaves sounded from the camp’s direction. Del looked and saw her walking to him. “Hello.”

  “Hello.” She went to him, holding his hand as he helped her sit down beside him. “Sam said you needed to talk with me?”

  “He’s right, I do.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Que? No, dearest, not at all. I needed to talk to you because I need you. Nothing more urgent than that.”

  She exhaled as if she’d been holding her breath for a long while. “Good. When he said need and talk in conjunction with you, I was afraid it had something to do with our crude marriage.”

  He frowned at how she referred to their union. Not everything had to be from the whites to be valid, and he disliked having to constantly remind her of this. Del gave himself a mental shake. “We may discuss our ceremony at the village later. First, you’d mentioned our speaking together and more. Tell me what you intended?”

  “Oh.” She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “I might have misspoken. I was rather lonely and missing you at the time.”

  “You don’t feel the same way now that we’re alone?”

  “Not so much, no.” She glanced up at him with a little smile. “How could I when with you?”

  Her words warmed his heart like the sun on a crisp spring day. He leaned to her and ran the back of his hand along her face, her skin soft against his. She turned to kiss his palm. The sweet tickle took him by surprise, and he turned her face to his. “Ellen, mon amore. Je t’aime.”

  “Je t’aime too, Del.”

  He smiled. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

  “I asked Marie how to say it in French.”

  He pulled her to him, as much as their seated positions would allow, and kissed her lips, soft at first until she pressed for more from him. Ellen held onto him, pulling him to her with a hand to the back of his neck. The other hand she held against his chest. He broke their kiss first. “We should spend more time talking than kissing. Otherwise, we’ll go too far.”

  She ran her fingers through his hair as if testing the short length. “No, no more talking. I’m tired of seeing you from afar and not being able to touch you. I regret not kissing you more when we were alone.”

  Her speaking of Jack reminded him of how much the man hurt her when angry. He took her left hand. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

  “I’m much better. It’s healing nicely.” She flexed her wrist as proof.

  “Your burns? There’s been no new accidents since then?”

  “No.” She kissed his nose. “I’ve been a good daughter. No talking back, no late dinner, or asking questions he doesn’t want to answer.” She must have seen something in his face because she said, “Don’t look like that. Pa isn’t bad. He just gets mad too easily. It’s not my fault he’s so mean when angered, but it is my fault when I do the wrong thing.”

  He pressed his lips against her wrist, closing his eyes as he felt her pulse against his skin. “I dream of the day we’re married in everyone’s eyes, and I can protect you from him. We’ll need to protect Skeeter and Buster too.”

  “Oh, Adelard, I love you.” She nuzzled his neck while working her way to his ear. “I so love how you smell. All warm sun, leather, and something else I can’t quite place. It’s unique and I miss it when we’re apart.”

  Her words tickled down to his toes. He wanted her in every way. “Ellen.” She took his face in her hands and kissed him. Her passion took his breath. He held her until she pulled her skirt up enough to straddle him. The feel of their torsos pressed together excited and alarmed him. He had to stop this or he’d roll over and take her like the animal he’d been called. “Non, please, stop and sit back down.”

  “I am sitting, Del, and I want this.”

  He held her shoulders and pushed her a little ways back. “You can’t, I can’t.”

  “You’re not trying very hard to stop me.” She relaxed, sitting on him fully, and he swallowed at the contact.

  “You’re starting something we can’t finish.” He knew she felt how much he wanted her now and he needed to protest. Instead, all he could do was stare into her eyes with a hunger that matched the desire he saw in hers. “Non, cherie, we can’t.”

  “Yes, we can. I need you.” She leaned forward again, nibbling at his lip before running her tongue back and forth along his lips. “Just a few kisses and we’ll stop.”

  He didn’t think they could quit any time soon, but her body on his forced him to at least try. “A few, yes.” Del leaned back until he was laying flat. In this position, she pressed more against his chest and less against his hips. He glanced down at her cleavage and groaned. He hadn’t improved things at all. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her breasts closer to his mouth. Her gasp when he nipped at her flesh pleased him, and he took care to do the same on the other side. By then, she was used to the feeling, it seemed, because she wrapped her arms around his head in a silent plea for more.

  If not for so many buttons and the unyielding cotton fabric, Del would have had her dress off a shoulder by now. He consoled his hungry lips with a slight kiss of her skin before giving Ellen another light bite. She shuddered with need and a rush of pride went through him.

  Ellen sat up and away from him, pressing into his hardness. She wiggled her hips. “Do you have pockets?”

  “No,” he gasped. “I mean, oui, but that’s not in my pocket.”

  “Oh!” She lifted to where they no longer touched before setting back down on him.

  She didn’t say anything, but the gleam in her eyes worried him. “We should go—” he began before she crushed his lips in a begging kiss. He froze, wanting to do everything while knowing they couldn’t. Ellen ran her hands up his chest to the top button of his shirt. Before he knew it, she had the entire garment unbuttoned. He grabbed and held a hand. She moaned in protest and he understood her frustration. He broke away first, wincing when she kissed his ear and down to the hollow of his throat. “We can’t do any more than this.”

  “Just indulge me in a few kisses. I want to feel your skin again.”

  “Again?” he croaked before clearing his throat. “We should wait until Oregon, married, new home….” Words were difficult at the moment, with her lips halfway down his torso. Ellen was an innocent; surely she didn’t mean to continue to his beltline? He took her by the shoulders and lifted her up from what she was doing. “Mon amour, you’re not making it easy for me to resist you.”

  “Would you say I’m making it hard?” She let her full weight fall on him where their hips met. “It feels like I’m making it very hard for you.”

  “You are. Why are you doing this?”

  “I’m tired of waiting. Tired of telling us both no when we want to be together so much. We’re alone for just a little while and I want to do all the things I regret not doing before Fort Hall.” She whispered in his ear. “Please let me make love to you. I want you to love me like you say you do.”

  He took in a shuddering breath upon hearing this. Her hand caressed a path from his neck to his navel. Del wanted to roll her over and take her but resisted. She couldn’t know what she was asking him to do. He gritted his teeth, determined to go slow and allow her to halt their progress if she chose. Her pushing his shirt from his shoulders made thinking even more difficult for him. Kisses shadowed fingertips and he closed his eyes. She followed him as he lay flat on his back.

  “I suppose you’re at my mercy?” Ellen asked against his skin.

  “Toujours,” he said without thinking before repeating in English, “Always.” The warm springtime smell of her mixed with the pine surrounding them almost overpowered the sticks poking him in the back.

  “I want to feel you.” She tugged at his pants button.

  With her attention focused on undressing him, he slid his hands under her skirt. From knees, to thighs, to hips, Del refraine
d from pulling her onto him just as she freed him from his fabric prison. His fingers dug into her skin as her fingers raked over his heated flesh. She settled back against him, their chests touching. Her hand still moved between them, exploring his length. He pulled her up to reach under her better. “My turn,” he whispered in her ear and reached for her center. She was as ready for him as he was for her and he groaned. “You lead the way, ma coeur.”

  Ellen shifted to where her fingertips held just the end of him. He groaned at how snugly she held him, and Del wanted to take over. Later, he promised himself. There would always be later to tease until she begged and take her like the animal he wanted to be with her. She accepted him inside bit by bit. All of his self-control went towards keeping his hips from thrusting up into her. When she began to move her hand away from where they met, he said, “Not yet. Feel where we’re joined.”

  She did and her gasp matched his when her fingertips brushed over them both. “Oh, Del. I want more of you.” She began moving faster, taking in more and more until giving a pained gasp. “Ow, that feels wrong.”

  Del kissed the frown lines in her forehead. She didn’t know it, but now she was all his. “It’ll be better in a moment. Relax and let me work for you.” He anchored his heels and began lifting into her. Moving his hands up, making sure her skirt covered their lovemaking, he held her to him for stability. “Ellen, reach between us again and feel where we join.”

  She did as he requested and buried her face in his neck. Her touch drove him insane. She too made little moans, echoing his own every time he bottomed out in her. Del couldn’t think, the sensation of loving her overwhelming his mind. Closer and closer to the edge of satisfaction he neared and fought against it. He thought of chores, Pointed Nose, Jack, and Uncle Joe’s death until she gave a little cry and pulsed around him. The ecstasy of completion overwhelmed Del. All he could do was hold on to her as his body took pleasure from hers. He kissed her lips, wanting to stifle them both from crying out during the release. When she kissed him as if ravenous, his body responded with harder throbs. At last, Ellen went limp against him, her body giving him a little squeeze every few seconds, that being the only motion she made. He sighed, lightheaded from the pleasure. “Thank you for such a gift, ma coeur.”