Uncivilized

by Laura Stapleton

  She didn’t make a sound for a moment, not even to breathe, before a small keening moan escaped her. Del held her a little up to look into her eyes. He saw tears gathered in the lens of her glasses as she sobbed. Fear, shame, and regret filled him as he asked, “Mon Dieu, dearest, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

  Chapter 10

  She gulped back tears. “Oh, Del.” Her voice warbled far more than she intended. “I’m fine, wonderful.” She relaxed against him, her ear pressed against his chest. Little waves still swept through her body. “I’ve never imagined something so perfect.” She heard his heart beat.

  “I’m glad.”

  “So am I.” She’d not anticipated they’d be so damp afterward. They needed to leave, and yet she didn’t want to ever leave him again. “I love you.”

  “Mmm,” he nuzzled her hair. “I love you too and have missed you.”

  “It’s been unbearable.” Tears filled her eyes again and she sniffed. “I’ve tried to be a good daughter to my family and not long for you.”

  “Be bad, please?”

  A little fissure of fear began in her heart. “I think I already have.” She lifted to look him in the eyes. “We need to leave, separately, so no one suspects.” Pushing up to sitting, she added, “You might need to clean up, um, down there.”

  He laughed. “I will.” He reached into his shirt pocket. “Voila! Le hiney rag pour tu.”

  “No! I’m not using that.”

  “It’s yours. I keep it especially for you.”

  “Honest?”

  “Yes. You might need a handkerchief, and do you have one now? Non?”

  “I don’t, and if you’re sure it’s clean?”

  He laughed before tickling her chin. “It is.”

  “Thank you, dearest. I’ll wash this before returning it.” Ellen struggled to her feet, keeping her eyes averted for modesty’s sake. “I miss you already.”

  “We’ve made it impossible to stay apart any longer.”

  “I agree.” She peeked behind her to see him undressing. The shape of his body and toasted color of his skin created a hunger in her. Now that she knew how to sate this thirst between them, the desire became nearly unbearable. She faced away from him again, hearing him splash a little in the creek. “Del?”

  “Yes, my love?”

  She smiled at his English. “I’d like to be together again like we were.” Ellen looked at him again and watched as he washed his pants. “I don’t want to wait very long either.”

  “Neither do I.” He grinned at her. “If not for the lateness already, I’d be willing to love you again.”

  “Oh! This soon?”

  “This minute.” He stepped out of the water, wringing his pants. “But no more. Clean up and go. We’ll arrive at different times to avoid suspicion.” While she washed, Del scrubbed the ground-in dirt from his shirt.

  She went to the creek and waded in, shoes and all. She scooped up her skirt to keep it from getting too wet and began washing her tender parts. Aware of the silence, Ellen turned to see Del staring at her. The afternoon lovemaking taught her what the heated look in his eyes meant. Seeing how much he wanted her began a slow burn in Ellen’s body as well and she smiled. If she didn’t hurry and leave, they’d be intimate again. “I’ll see you back at camp.”

  He took the newly washed handkerchief from her. “I hope so.”

  Before changing her mind, Ellen left, headed back down the path they’d followed along the creek. A little bit of regret settled in her stomach. She felt like a completely different person. Would everyone know just by her face? She’d been, for want of a better word, spoiled for less than an hour. Even so, she had no idea how to appear innocent. She passed Sam and couldn’t help but blush. Had he known what would happen this afternoon? Ellen hoped not. He seemed more focused on his fishing than any passersby. She hurried on. The last thing she’d need was him teasing her in front of Pa. Even knowing how sensible her friend was, a mistake could always happen while joking around.

  She slowed before reaching her family’s wagon with the Bensons’. If Mrs. Benson spotted her, anything could happen. The woman might guess she was no longer innocent, or just as bad, put her in charge of the three boys. She never minded caring for her brothers, at least not most times, but Caleb Benson was a totally different story. He was a handful. As she approached, Ellen saw him sneak around their wagon with something hidden behind his back. Yesterday he’d pelted Skeeter with broken up biscuit chunks. Today might be anything else.

  “Caleb!”

  She cringed at Mrs. Benson’s shrill voice. Never mind a glasscutter, let the woman screech and the job would be done. Pa was courting the widow with more fervor than he had Lucy. Ellen shook her head in dismay, dreading the rest of her life being like the last week or so.

  “Ellen!” Mrs. Benson had her hands knotted into fists and at her hips. “Where have you been?”

  A heartbeat of fear hit her like a knock to the funny bone. She knew it. The guilt beamed out, displaying everything to Lacy in an instant and soon to Pa. He’d horsewhip Del, probably do worse to her since she’d let a half breed have his way with her. “I was…went out…wanted to find berries. There were none so I didn’t find any and so now I’m back and how are you?”

  “Never mind that.” She thrust a bucket of dirty clothes at Ellen. “We need these washed and dried. I’m tired of looking after Buster and Skeeter is a bad influence on my Caleb. Settle him down or I’ll talk to your Pa about the boy.”

  “All right.”

  “Another thing, Buster has wet himself twice today and once is already too many times. I thought your father said the boy was potty trained? Did you tell him that and it wasn’t true?”

  “I—he was at one time.” Little wonder Mrs. Benson fumed. Ellen grew tired of the baby’s messes as well. “I mean Buster was potty trained. He still has accidents but not many.”

  “When you get done washing, let me know how many not many is, young lady. I think you’ll be more accurate in your reporting next time.” She waved her hands at Ellen. “Go. Get busy and get done. Do I have to lead you there?”

  “No, ma’am.” She walked to the river with gritted teeth. Pa and the boys might need a new woman in their lives, but Mrs. Benson wasn’t the one for them. Ellen planned on having a talk with Buster to see why he was messing his pants again. He’d been such a big boy and really doing well, and this setback worried her.

  Ellen scrubbed everything, an ache in her body reminding her of earlier in the afternoon. She smiled while wringing out a pair of pants. Thank goodness Mrs. Benson had been preoccupied with lecturing her. She shivered, remembering how Del had felt against her. If she defied Pa, and she was almost ready to do just that, marrying Del now sounded like heaven on Earth. Daydreaming about warm baths, slippery skin, and a hot husband gave her goose bumps as she worked.

  The sun had been behind the western mountains for a while now. When she looked up from cleaning and saw how dark the sky had become, she rushed to finish washing the last shirt. More people in their family meant less time in the day. She stood and scooped up the damp clothes, ignoring how the handle on the bucket cut into her hand. Her stomach growled and Ellen hoped Mrs. Benson had thought to start dinner.

  Reaching a cold and dark camp next to their wagons disappointed Ellen. Where was everyone? She sighed, knowing it didn’t matter. Dinner would be late. Pa would be mad, and Mrs. Benson would be shaking her head at how Ellen hadn’t taken care of the family like everyone expected. She glanced at the last bit of light in the sky. The clothes needed hanging but could wait so she set them down and rushed to collect firewood. While scooping up sticks, every little thing reminded her of Del: the soft ground under her feet, how the pine needles must have been uncomfortable for him, and how the sheltering trees hid them from everyone’s view. She struggled to focus on her task instead of remembering how he’d felt against her.

  Once done and back at camp, she found Pa and Lacy Benson a little ways back fr
om the roaring fire. The three boys played with toy soldiers off to the side. Ellen laid the wood down by the wagon and stepped into the circle of firelight. “Good evening. Is dinner over already?”

  “Not unless you ate it all,” Pa replied. “Lacy wanted to start cooking. I wouldn’t let her, sure you’d get in a snit if she did something wrong.”

  Ellen glanced at the dark sky. If she’d not been with Del, the beans and rice would have had all this time to cook. She had to think of something faster or they’d be eating breakfast instead of dinner. Deciding on thin sliced bacon with biscuits and jelly, she went to her family’s wagon. “I promise, if Mrs. Benson ever honors us with her fine cooking, I’ll be very thankful.”

  Pa stood, his fists clenched. “Are you getting smart with me?”

  “Not at all. I really mean it. I’ve heard you tell us how well she cooks. I’d love any meal she has time to fix us.”

  Her words seemed to mollify him and he sat back down. Ellen watched from the corner of her eyes as she cut the meat and measured flour. She’d forgotten water and had very little light left to guide her. She tossed the bacon into a pan and set it on the waning fire. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.” Pa waved an absent minded hand at her and she hurried to fill a jar with water.

  She took a couple of spoons of bacon grease for the biscuits and soon they cooked alongside the bacon. The two families had shared supplies, trading sugar, preserves, beans, and rice between them. She smiled, thinking of how her brothers enjoyed the extra sweetness.

  “You want to tell me why dinner is so late? Why I had to start the fire tonight?” He nodded at the wood she’d gathered. “Were you out in the forest, hiding from chores?”

  Ellen had spent her time thinking about Del, not thinking of how to excuse being with him. “I, um, I’m not sure.”

  “You don’t know what you were doing today?”

  She started dishing out the food for everyone. “I do know, but kept so busy, I’m not sure where the time went.”

  “Jack, leave the poor girl alone. She’s fixed us a nice supper, and looks like she washed clothes today.” Lacy took her plate. “You’re such a tease and I think she’s taking you seriously.”

  “You’re right, dear.” Pa smiled at the older woman. “I’m just joshing her.”

  Both of them, she and her father, knew he hadn’t been joking. Ellen still enjoyed the reprieve from his badgering and gave the younger boys their dinners. Sitting down with her own, she realized how tired and sore her body was from earlier today. She missed Del. Missed his voice, his touch, everything about him. Their lovemaking was supposed to cure her curiosity and lust, yet hadn’t.

  Skeeter looked down at the full bucket. “There’s clothes in here, sis. What do you want us to do?”

  “Oh, goodness!” Ellen took a last bite and stood. “Hold up and I’ll hang these right quick.” She hurried to drape the clothes over the wagon’s side and tailgate before Pa started scolding her. With the last shirt secure, she turned to Skeeter. “There! Now, let me have your dishes.”

  “Son, why don’t you gather up all our dishes for your sister?” asked Pa. Buster let out a howl and they all looked at the baby. “What the hell? What’s wrong with you, boy?”

  The child continued to scream, holding his arm. “Hurt me!” Pointing at Caleb, he said again, “Hurt me!”

  The older boy held up his hands. “I didn’t do nothing. We were just playing.”

  “Ellen, take him with you.” Pa shouted above the baby’s crying and waved them off. “Go on and let him wail somewhere else. Don’t come back until he’s done.”

  She nodded, knowing he’d not hear anything she said, and scooped up Buster in one hand and the dish bucket in the other. He rested against her hip, his head against her shoulder. “Come on, sweetie.” Too late she realized he’d peed his pants. Ellen gritted her teeth as she went to the creek with him. Now everything she wore was wet. Buster had nothing dry to wear either. “What’s wrong, Buster? Hmm?” She settled in. “Tell me all about it while I clean you.”

  “Clebs hurt me.” He pointed to his upper arm. “Hurt me here.”

  “He hurt you?”

  The little boy nodded. “Uh huh.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure it was an accident and he didn’t mean to.” Stars shone in the night sky, and Ellen didn’t like being this far away from camp in the dark. She could tolerate a wet spot until the morning and fresh clothes, but Buster was soaked. “Let’s get you cleaned up first.” She took off his pants and diaper, laughing when he jumped around, enjoying his nakedness. The small clothes took little time to rinse and wring. Her hands stiff from the cold water, she put her hand near his hurt. “This will help.” She placed her chilled fingers over the place he’d said Caleb hurt him. The skin underneath his shirt felt warm, but then anything would with her hands so cold. “Better?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Good. Sit here and help me wash dishes.” They made quick work, her scrubbing, Buster putting everything she gave him in the pail. She watched as he put the last fork in the bucket. “Now, what to do with you and me?” She struggled to her feet, limbs stiff from the rapidly cooling air. “Let’s go, sweetie.”

  Buster took her offered hand. Back at camp, everyone was already in their bedrolls. Her little brother ran to his and snuggled in, grinning back at Ellen. Grateful that either Pa or Lacy had helped her with the task, she draped Buster’s clothes and settled into her bed.

  Del. She missed him now, in the quiet. He’d been so strong inside her, and now with nothing else distracting her, she needed him again. She turned over to lie on her belly, forehead resting on the crook of her elbow. If they’d made love any time before today, the wait until this afternoon would have been unbearable. Ellen stifled a frustrated groan. Even if he pulled her away into the darkness this instant, it didn’t feel soon enough to her hungry body.

  “Sis.” Buster patted Ellen’s head. “Sis.”

  She didn’t open her eyes. It’d been far too late before her body let her mind sleep and she wasn’t in the mood. “No, Buster. Find someone else.”

  “Sis.” He tapped her again. “Peedy bed.”

  Ellen pulled the blanket over her head. “Tell Pa.”

  “Sis. Peedy.”

  She came out from under the covers to find everyone else still asleep. Daylight spread light rays across the sky. “All right, Buster. You need to remember to pee like Skeeter showed you and not in bed or in your pants. Understand?”

  Her little brother lifted his chin and let out a long, loud wail. Ellen fought with her blankets, unable to get to him and cover his mouth before he began crying again.

  “What the hell? Shut that kid up, Ellen.”

  “Sorry, Pa.” She took the baby by the arm. “Bus, come on, Bus, don’t cry.” He opened his mouth again and let out an even higher pitched scream.

  “God damn it all to hell!” Pa got to his feet. “I’m taking care of the animals and if that kid isn’t shut up and happy by the time I get back, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  Ellen scooped up the baby and hurried to his soaked bedding. He began squirming to get down, peeing again. She gasped when the warm wet spread through her dress, wondering how much water one child could hold. “Enough, Buster Winslow, enough.” She wiggled him a little to get his attention, and he paused his wails. “Stop crying this instant. There’s no sense in it. Let’s get you and the clothing washed.”

  He stared at her with large eyes, snot bubbling from his nose. She hurried to the creek, not caring when the blankets dropped in the mud. Ellen worked to keep her voice even and anger free. “The water will be cold, all right? Just let me clean you up and you can get Skeeter or Mrs. Benson to dress you.” She waded out, the creek icy, and gave him a quick dunk to his waist. His scream in her ear as she lifted him didn’t surprise Ellen as much as hurt her eardrum. “Stop, Buster! I know it’s bad, but settle down.” He didn’t, instead squirming to be let down. When he began kickin
g her, Ellen almost dropped him before putting him at the river’s edge. “Go, already.”

  As he and his naked butt ran back to the camp, she shook her head. She’d be surprised if anyone within a five-mile radius had slept through the commotion. Ellen waded further out, not blaming her baby brother in the least for screaming at the cold. She went as far as her knees before scooping water over yesterday and today’s wet spots. The dress needed a good cleaning, but that’d have to be later. Her teeth chattered, and not even vigorous washing of Buster’s blankets warmed her back up.

  Wet skirts and heavy fabric made the walk back difficult. She met others on their way for water, every one of them wearing a slight scowl. Then, she saw Del as he approached with a bucket. Her heart thudded in her chest. She’d do anything and say anything if he’d kidnap her like Pointed Nose had. For a few days alone with him, before they’d have to double back and bring the boys. She’d miss them too much to leave for good, even with Del.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  His voice did all sorts of things to her. “Good morning, Mr. Du Boise. It’s a pleasure, as always.”

  “Likewise. Washing so early?”

  “Afraid so. Buster.”

  He chuckled. “I heard.”

  Another few people passed them, all glum. Her chin dipped as the waves of their anger reached her. “I’m so sorry. He’s not cantankerous very often, but I suppose today was his day.”

  “He’s a baby, and that’s what they do.” He glanced at her hands. “You’ve not started coffee?” She shook her head and he continued. “Wait a moment.” He hurried off to fill the container and bring it back to her. “Take this and bring it back to Sam while your coffee brews.”