by Leah Banicki
I glanced at my iPhone, only 10 a.m. Jackson said he would come pick me up by noon. Two more hours to go. I took some time and unpacked a few boxes, washed the coffee mug and small plate from the breakfast I ate a while ago. When I got more impatient I decided to drag out my laptop. I checked my email and Facebook. I read a message from Chrissy. She had replied to a message I sent her last night about my new place. She promised to come and stay in the spare room some weekend this summer. I looked forward to mending a few bridges and to introduce her to Jackson, too.
I closed the laptop and packed it away. I fussed with my makeup and hair while packing my toiletries. I got an idea and grabbed a few cameras and my tripod. I glanced out the window and saw a cloudless sky, so I grabbed my freshly packed luggage and camera gear and plopped it on the small porch out on the front of the small house. That way when he arrived here we could just go. When the gear was settled on the porch I heard my cell phone ring from the bedroom. I ran full out to answer it after the third ring.
“Hey.” I said panting a bit.
“Were you running?” Jackson sounds amused.
“Of course.”
“Oh good. You ready beautiful?”
“Yea, I’ve been losing my mind waiting actually.” I confessed, I wished he was already here.
“Me too, lets get this vacation started, I have been waiting too long to hang out with you.”
“I am ready, come and get me.” I said.
We hung up and I grabbed my charger and iPhone and shoved it into my purse. The phone rang again and I reached in grabbed it without looking.
“You forget where I live, silly?” I asked.
“Hannah, thank God you answered, it’s me Anthony. I need to talk to you.” I could actually feel that beginning of panic starting in my stomach.
“NO!! Anthony, I am on vacation. I never want to talk to you again.” I hung up. I shoved the phone back in my purse, good feeling gone. Now I was just trying to breathe deeply, like the anxiety book said. Breathe in; breathe out…let my heart rate come back down to normal. IN…out…
I heard Jackson’s SUV as it pulled into the driveway. I gave him a weak smile as I locked the front door.
“Are you ok, Hannah?” He looked concerned.
I must look all panicky. I thought.
“Yes, just had a moment, I am fine now.” I grinned again trying to convince myself. My heart hurt a little from the anxiety. It’s a little bit tiring.
“Anything I can do to help?” He grabbed me off the top step like a child and gave me a hug. It was a warm friendly, amazing hug that soaked up my troubles and sent them away.
“That was just what I needed.” I said a minute later when he let me go, I felt refreshed and giddy again. I was ready for an adventure with Zee and family.
Adventure was just what I got when I signed up for this holiday. Day one started with hiking the trail through Love Creek, a nature trail in Berrien Center, off of Huckleberry Road. Kyle and his sister Tina began by announcing that the ritual for any hiking adventure was to find the perfect walking stick.
We scoured the front area which seemed like a good place to get walking sticks. Others had realized this too and discarded their used walking sticks at the end, which was also the beginning of the trail. The trail map showed that the path went in a full circle. It had a few places to choose a different fork but all the forks ended up on the same larger path which ended up at the beginning. We were aligned with the parking area at the edge of the woods.
The tree cover was dense and the air was hot. We all had water and tons of conversation. Tina was talking about 7th grade band camp starting next month. I was excited to know this young woman. She had a sparkle in her eye like her mother. Her dark auburn hair had some gorgeous red highlights like her mother’s.
We got to a place where the woods opened up and a creek trickled through. The kids immediately removed their shoes and socks, without any further ado Ruby and her husband Carl plopped down on a nearby bench. I sensed this was another tradition for the Love Creek Hike.
“Let’s cross the bridge.” Jackson whispered in my ear, causing all my nerve endings to reach for the sky.
“Ok.” I nodded like a silly girl and watched Jackson make a plan with Ruby and Carl.
He grabbed my arm and we headed off over the rope and wood bridge, it creaked and groaned with every step but it was fun and looked safe. I decided to just go with it.
“I told them I would meet them at the other bridge. It is all connected. The kids always wanna go wading whenever they can. I just wanted to get you alone.” Jackson gave me a wink as we kept walking through the dense woods.
“Is this where you bring all your women, to the deep woods?” I asked giving him a sly gaze.
“You have read too many crime novels.” He laughed and grabbed me.
“Perhaps…” I allowed him to pull me closer.
“It is really good to have you back Hannah.” Jackson let his face get serious a second. “I saw the anxiety you had on your face earlier and I just want you to know that there is no pressure from me for anything you aren’t ready for.”
I wondered where he was going with this conversation. I just listened to see what he meant.
“I know I said I want you to be my girlfriend but if that is making you uncomfortable, I can slow down. I know my feelings have gone ahead of me, but I can be your friend Hannah. I care enough to take things very slow.”
“I don’t need you to take a step back, Zee. I just got a disturbing phone call. I answered without looking. I hung up on the person and I am putting it behind me.” I knew I was talking too fast but I did not want to lose this good thing over my silly anxiety. I will not push this guy away.
“Don’t panic sweetie. I am here and not going anywhere unless you tell me too.” I allowed his words to sink in, I took deep breath and let the calm take over.
“You ready for more fun?” He asked, his face showing no pressure just friendly concern.
“Yes, let’s get moving before the bugs carry us away.” I tried to make my voice quiet and calm, another trick from the anxiety books.
“I shall save you fair Hannah.” We moved quickly and got back to Ruby, Carl and the kids. They were out of the water and trying to shake the moisture from their feet. It was a silly dance and I enjoyed laughing with the other adults, as we teased the kids. They took it well and hammed it up for more laughs.
The hike was over too soon and we drove back to the Bliss House where more festivities were waiting. * * * * *
Sandwiches, veggies, and dip were unloaded from the fridge when we poured into the Bliss House. I had a bedroom upstairs in the loft next to the kid’s room. Ruby sat with me and we chatted while I unpacked.
“So, I just wanted you to know that Jackson and I are officially together now.” I knew I was blushing, but it felt so good to say it out loud. I would tell Allison when she got back from her honeymoon.
“I knew you guys would come around. I can’t tell you how happy he looked today. I was worried after the problems in Chicago. It took him a while to learn to trust people. I see how he is with you. He is learning to trust again.” Ruby said, giving me a happy grin. I could see her approval written on her face.
“He is helping me trust again too. I never thought it could happen so soon. I know I have a ways to go to work on my anxiety, but for a long time, I have been hoping for peace and quiet. That should stave off the panic attacks.” I said with a nervous smile.
“Well dearie, that is all well and good to plan for peace but sometimes the trouble can chase us down. Just know you have our support. Let Zee help you through when he can. His own experiences might help you through the roughest patches. God let’s us help each other. I will keep praying for you dearie.” Ruby finished her thought and gave me a sincere hug. Ruby had a good head on her shoulders, had a way of grasping a hold of a thought, and gave advice without being pushy. It was refreshing.
* * * * *
The s
nap of the firewood burning in front of me was a pleasant soundtrack. The kids were in bed and the adults were enjoying the starry night by the fire. Jackson had my hand in his and he was sitting close enough for me to lean on his shoulder. The smell of his cologne was doing things to my senses, combined with the smell of the fire.
“You getting tired yet?” He asked.
“Nope, perfectly happy where I am.” I snuggled in a little closer to let him know I was content against him.
“Well just wondering if you were wanting to take a peek at my next book.” He said it slowly and then paused to let it sink in.
“What? You are finished, already?” I jumped up and gave him hug.
“Yeah, I just got the rough draft back from my first round of edits. I will re-read it soon but wanted to have another set of eyes before I attack it again. You have proven yourself worthy to become a beta-reader.” He gave me a quick peck and pulled me up.
I waved to Ruby but saw her and her hubby were having their own romantic conversation on the other side of the fire. It was good to see their relationship was healthy and they enjoyed each other. It was what I hoped for in the future. They seemed crazy about each other after more than twelve years of marriage.
Zee held my hand all the way to his office. He unlocked the top drawer and grabbed the pile of papers. He grabbed an empty manila envelope and let the stack of papers slide home. He looked me in the eye and handed it to me.
“Trusting me again?” I said, I could feel the gravity of this again, but this time it’s something more. It was about a job last time. This time he was handing me more than just a manuscript.
“You know I trust you darling.” His endearments were getting intense. I hoped he kept them coming.
“I cannot wait to read it.”
“Take your time, I got a few weeks before I will work on the next edit. But any little things that need tweaking are open for it. You did great the last time - you caught a few things my editors missed. That’s why betareaders are a good thing.”
“I am glad to help.” I said and took the envelope into my guest room then joined Jackson in the living room.
We snuggled on the couch for a while and just talked. My phone dinged for the third time in 10 minutes.
It was too early for texts, I glanced at the phone and saw it was from Anthony, again. I was losing my patience and decided to write back to get him to leave me alone.
His text read.
‘Hannah, please answer me.’
‘What do you want?’ I replied, my thumbs tapping the screen. I was tired and misspelled a few words, then corrected.
I laid my head back down and waited. The ding sounded again.
‘I want to talk with you, face to face.’
‘Not gonna happen Tony.’ My temper throbbed in my head.
‘Will you re-read the letters I sent you?’
‘I threw them away.’ I lied, they were packed away somewhere but I had every intention of burning them.
‘No you didn’t. I know you.’ Drat, everyone read me like a book. I began typing again. This needs to end. I want Anthony out of my life.
I typed out, ‘I am in a relationship now. I am not interested in hashing things out with you. You are with Desiree.’ I hoped telling him about my current relationship would cool his jets. What does he want?
‘I broke up with her. I really need to talk to you.’ Anthony replied.
I sighed on my side of the world. I did not enjoy where this was going at all. Feeling slightly insulted that he thought because he broke up with Desiree he could just contact me and I would just be okay with it. I paused a minute to swallow my anger and breathed deeply before I texted back.
‘Anthony, move on. I have. Please leave me alone.’
I turned off my iphone and got up. I threw on a sweatshirt and my shoes on over my bare feet, wrapped a throw blanket around myself, and walked outside on the private deck that led outside of my room. I sat above the rocky shoreline for a while to just let myself think. I felt like I had said goodbye enough. Why was Anthony trying to reach out to me again?
I let the morning calm me, and I talked to God. The peaceful flow of water outside and my prayers washed over me. It was a good thing to just let things go, to forgive Anthony one more time for good measure and I prayed that he could find his own happiness someday. It gave me a little more clarity. Today will be an excellent Independence Day.
I heard someone walking under. The crunch of the stones was a pretty good give away. I didn’t need to look back, I knew who it was.
“May I join you?” Jackson asked softly.
“Always.” I stood up, glanced over the railing and gave him a smile.
“I will come down. How about we sit in those charming chairs right there…” I pointed to the two chairs near the shoreline.
“I’ll meet you there.” He said with a handsome smirk. He hadn’t shaved and the affect looked good on him. “I’ll bring breakfast.”
“What a man.” I said. I jumped out of my seat and checked myself in the mirror. My hair was a little scruffy but not too bad. I ran a brush through my hair and then trotted out the door. I plopped into the chair just in time to hear Jackson behind me crunching through the gravel stones in sandals and pajama pants.
He bent and folded himself into a seated position next to me. “You doing alright?” He handed me a warm travel mug. I took a satisfying sip.
“Mmm, coffee, just how I like it creamy and sweet.” I said and sipped. “I am great. Got a text from Anthony this morning.” I took another sip. I could hear the tiniest gasp from Zee and spoke quickly again to calm his fears. “Don’t worry Zee, I have repeatedly told him to never talk to me again. I told him again today that I am in a relationship. He has nothing I want anymore. It was never real, ever.” I gave Zee a look and saw the look of fear still in his eyes, a look I never saw in Tony’s, Zee saw me as the prize.
“I love you Zee.” I said before thinking.
His face got serious for a second, I could not tell what he was thinking. I decided to keep talking. Maybe I could ruin this thing completely.
“I know it’s soon and we have only just started dating officially but I wanted you to know.” I was talking fast again. Is this when he stops returning my phone calls… or asks me to leave?
He reached out and took a hold of my chin. I could feel my emotions rising up. Still not knowing what he would say. Something like…Thanks kid you are kinda cute but you move too fast for me. Or you sure do fall in love quickly…
“Stop thinking so much and kiss me Hannah.” His concerned face suddenly turned into a smallest bit of a grin, right before he kissed me.
“I love you too Hannah.” He said between kisses. Morning fireworks starting my day. This was now my favorite holiday.
* * * * *
My parents arrived for the 4th of July festivities, as well as a few of Jackson’s brothers. Iggy and Henry Zyskowski were indeed a little taller than Jackson and a few years older too. The brotherly rough housing started immediately on their arrival. Ruby took over the mothering role when they wanted to wrestle with Jackson.
“Boys, I swear, he has metal screws in his leg, knock it off!” Her yelling made me laugh, it just bubbled out of me. This family was just so much fun.
They all jumped in the pool and started to roughhouse some more, I thought their logic leaned toward the water being a safer area to body slam little brother Zee.
My parents enjoyed the camaraderie shared and Ruby and my mom were becoming fast friends. It was altogether a fabulous time. Ruby’s fried chicken did a disappearing act with so many grown men around and my mom’s chocolate cake was declared a masterpiece. Everyone watched the fireworks that night over the lake with a smile. It was a perfect holiday.
* * * * *
Two days later I was sitting in my favorite red chair reading Zee’s newest book. His characters from the last book were working well together and I saw the romance sparking some more. I was right abo
ut my suspicions. When he started this series he was in a place to find love. I was so glad that he had found it. There was nothing like being in the right place at the right time. This was how I felt, so lucky and giddy.
I saw Zee outside on his riding lawn mower. The heat index was over a hundred so I got the bright idea to take him some iced tea. Seeing him in his element with his shirt off and all sweaty reminded me of the heat issue I had with Tony on the show. I got nervous seeing him looking so fit and attractive. I wondered if I was good enough for him. I gave him the tea and kept quiet for a while. He thanked me as he stopped and then he leaned in for a kiss. I kissed him back affectionately and hoped he knew how attractive I found him. I needed to tell him but had no idea how. I decided to push away the negative voices in my head and just enjoyed the day. The clouds cleared out of my head soon enough as I was back in the air conditioning and I distracted myself again with Jackson’s writing.
I could not cure all my issues at once. Hopefully I had more time with Jackson before he deemed me a cold fish. I hoped I could figure out how to express desire to someone before I lost out again.
* * * * *
The next day we battled the crowds and headed to St Joe, to the pier. The kids wanted to play in Lake Michigan so Zee and I took a walk on the pier. I went back and forth from walking in my crocs to slipping them off when rocks and sand found their way into my shoes, the cement in certain places was hot and burned the soles of our feet, but the pebbles were quite persistent at climbing into the crocs and biting at my tender feet too. Jackson laughed at my big floppy hat and enormous sunglasses I wore to disguise myself.
“I am pretty sure the Paparazzi don’t care anymore but I would rather be safe than sorry. I don’t want them pestering your family too.” I said when he laughed for the third time. I punched him playfully in the stomach.
“I will stop laughing,” Jackson stated then added, “or at least, try. You do look a bit silly.”
“Thanks Zee, I know you will do your utmost.” I said dryly. I watched the people ahead of us on the pier casually strolling; also a few groups of teenagers were hanging out and flirting. A few guys fished off the side of the cement pier.