Serenity

by Ava O'Shay

  “Is this about you two?” he asked pointing a finger back and forth between Jolin and Ren.

  “I think it’s a lot more than just me, but I’ll take a little credit.”

  “You better get her next to a toilet quick, or she is going to hurl in my car.”

  “Thanks again.” Jolin climbed in the car, listening to the soft breathing of Ren in the back seat. He tried to get her out gracefully, but ended up dragging her by her arms onto the sidewalk before picking her up. If what Akeo said was true, this was going to be a long evening and he had only minutes before the dam was going to break.

  They made it to the front yard before she threw up the first time.

  Jolin’s mom was working the graveyard shift so at least he wouldn’t have to worry about waking her up.

  Jolin left Ren on the front porch long enough to run in and get a pot to catch any barf as they made their way to the bathroom. When he returned, she had thrown up and vomit hung in strings in her hair, but she was at least awake. The towel around her arm fell off and a dozen gashes lined the inside of her forearm.

  “Jesus, Ren, what the hell did you do to yourself?” Jolin squatted down next to her.

  “Leave me alone,” she mumbled.

  “Well I’m not leaving you at home to drown in your own vomit, so get up and let’s go.”

  Ren looked up at him with glassy eyes. “I can’t get up.”

  Jolin couldn’t help but smile at the lost little girl sitting on his porch. “C’mon, I’ll give you a hand.” He grabbed her under her arms and hauled her up, supporting her weight on his good shoulder.

  They’d only made it a few feet when she threw up into the pan.

  Jolin held her tight as her body fought to get rid of the chemicals she had put into it. His plan was to get her upstairs and into bed, but the downstairs bathroom looked to be a better choice.

  It didn’t take long for her to empty the liquid contents of her stomach and begin dry heaving.

  Jolin shifted her weight to set the pan down on the floor, then half dragged Ren into the bathroom.

  Carefully, he lowered her next to the bath tub.

  Ren leaned forward, draping her arm across the toilet seat, then laid her head down so her face was hidden inside the bowl.

  Jolin stepped over her. “I’m going to get you some clothes that don’t smell like the bottom of an ash tray.”

  Ren didn’t move.

  He stood in the doorway and looked back at her. He couldn’t imagine thinking he had driven her to do this to herself. Something more was going on.

  When Jolin got to her room, he quickly assessed the few clothes she’d brought along yesterday, but didn’t grab any. She needed something soft and comfortable, and her punk attire wasn’t going to cut it. He left the guest room and went to his own. Opening a few drawers, he grabbed a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. He headed back out into the hall, then turned around, slipping his pants and shirt off to put on a pair of baggy shorts and a T-shirt. If he was going to be sleeping in the bathroom at least he’d be comfortable. He paused again, grabbing the comforter and pillow off his bed.

  He dropped his armful outside the door.

  “Okay, sweetie.”Jolin squatted in front of her, running a hand down the back of her head. “Let’s get you out of these clothes and cleaned up.”

  Ren slowly lifted her head.

  Jolin tried to smile reassuringly. “C’mon. You’ll feel better.”

  Ren rubbed her face, then sat up straighter.

  Jolin hoisted her up on the edge of the tub. Then grabbed the bottom of her shirt, trying to pull it up and over her head.

  Ren weakly lifted her arms halfway up trying to help.

  Other than the few words she’d said when they got to the house, Ren was silent.

  She cocked her head and looked at him, raising that damn eyebrow at him.

  The bruises he had seen only a day ago still made him cringe. “Now for the pants.” Jolin licked his lips and tried to remember Ren was not in her right mind, and he needed to get his out of the gutter.

  He pulled Ren to her feet, steadying her when she started to sway. “Can you? Or should I?” He pointed to the front of her pants.

  Ren attempted to straighten and tried to unfasten her pants. After a few seconds of struggling with the button, she lowered her head in defeat. Jolin reached forward and slid a finger under the waist band, pulling her hips slightly toward him. Then slid the button through the hole, slowly drawing the zipper down.

  Ren tilted her head and look up at him through her lashes.

  “No,” he whispered. He knew she felt like her world was spinning out of control. That she was trying to destroy herself with alcohol and drugs, and he wasn’t going to let her use him to get her control back.

  Her head lulled to the side, and she closed her eyes.

  Jolin pushed his shoulder into her for support and quickly shucked off her boots before drawing her pants down and off. Then he sat her back down. Reaching around her, he turned on the shower, placing his hand under the water until it turned warm.

  “Okay.” Jolin stepped back, removed his shirt, and helped Ren to stand. Standing in only her bra and panties made it difficult for Jolin to remember she was wasted and had hit rock bottom. This was not the time for unsavory thoughts. “C’mon. Step over the side and let’s get you cleaned up.” Jolin was sure if she was even a little sober, she would not be letting this happen.

  She surprised him when she reached up and grabbed his hand.Holding it tight, she brought it close to her chest. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was raspy from throwing up, and he barely heard her.

  “I’m sorry, too.” He squeezed her hand. “Get in the shower.”

  She stepped over the edge and under the stream of warm water.

  “You should have left me at home.”

  “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.” He grabbed a shower puff, lathered soap on it and washed away the grime of her evening. The water ran pink as it hit the cuts on her arm.

  “You already did,” she mumbled.

  “No. You just assumed I did.” He shut off the water and wrapped a towel around her, rubbing the water droplets off before dressing her in his sweats. She hadn’t thrown up again, but he didn’t want to chance it, so he pulled in the comforter and pillow and lowered her into its softness.

  He shifted to rest her head on his lap.

  “Don’t give up this chance. I’m not worth you committing social suicide,” she muttered.

  He leaned in and kissed her head. “You are worth so much more than a spot at the popular lunch table.”

  A little snort escaped.

  “Don’t worry…”

  “I lost the house. Brock is kicking me out.”

  Jolin’s jaw tightened.

  “I messed up.” She shifted again. “After everything I did…after offering all I had… I couldn’t keep the house.”

  Jolin clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to know what she’d offered him. Thank God he didn’t take it. “Shh. Just sleep it off, Ren. We’ll figure it out later.”

  She lifted her head and tried to look at him. “I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I’m trash. I’m nothing more than a corner whore. I let it happen. I didn’t make them stop.”

  Jolin froze at her slurred words. “It’s okay.” He didn’t want to know this.

  “It was the only way. The blow jobs weren’t enough. They were going to go after Quill again. I had to stop them. I had to let them.”

  “You did what you had to in order to save Quill. It’s okay.” Jolin ran a hand down her damp hair.

  She started shaking her head. “I wish I could be what you want, but I can’t. They took it from me.”

  “What did they take baby?” Jolin closed his eyes waiting for her drunken confession.

  She crumbled in his arms sobbing softly. “Mom brought them in my room. Told me if I didn’t let them touch me social services would take Quill away. Take me away.” Absently her arm moved to wi
pe the tears from her cheeks. “I’d lie really still…pretend I was asleep, but it never worked. They’d climb into my bed.”

  Jolin pulled in deep breaths trying to calm his anger so she wouldn’t know how her words were affecting him.

  “It hurt so bad. Their fingers dug into my hips…pushed themselves into me…”

  “But…you told me you were a virgin,” he choked the words out.

  Ren sighed. “I am. They didn’t want me that way. They were sick mother fuckers.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Jolin blew out the words.

  She shook her head again, her energy fading. “I can’t be with you. You deserve someone better. Someone whole. Someone who didn’t let men do bad things to her.”

  Her head dropped back to his lap. It didn’t take more than a minute before her breathing slowed, and she fell asleep.

  “No baby. You didn’t let anyone do anything. Fucking bastards.”

  Serenity

  Thursday, October 30

  5:00 a.m.

  The pain in her head was worse than anything she experienced before. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to kill herself last night, but she kind of wished she had. Her body was twisted into a weird position against something hard. Slowly, she opened her eyes. She was in a bathroom and from the cleanliness of it, it wasn’t hers.

  Two bare feet came into her line of vision. Ren blinked to make sure she was awake. The feet were still there. She carefully tried to lift her head and winced as the pain intensified.

  Jolin squatted in front of her, running his hand along her head. “My mom is going to be home soon, and I think we should at least try to make it look like you didn’t drink an entire liquor store last night.”

  Ren groaned.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” He came forward and unwrapped her from the cocoon she was in. Sliding his hands under her armpits, he hoisted her up, and set her on the edge of the tub.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “We already went over all the sorrys last night. Let’s just move on.”

  Ren ran her hand over her face, pulling her hair away from her eyes. It was still damp from a shower she didn’t remember. Bits and pieces of the evening began falling into place. “I lost the house.”

  “It wasn’t your house to lose. You aren’t the only one in the family. The way I see it, you were the only one trying to save it.” Jolin reached into a drawer and rummaged around until he found a toothbrush. He opened the package, squeezed toothpaste on it and shoved it in Ren’s face.

  “Thanks.”

  Jolin traded places with her and settled on the edge of the tub while she tried to steady herself by the sink.

  When she was done brushing, Jolin took the toothbrush and placed it in a holder on the edge of the sink. Ren felt her chest tighten at the small gesture. She never really had a place for her own toothbrush before. It looked so perfect there.

  She hesitated before checking her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes looked like two raccoons. She looked horrible. She turned on the water and washed off the old make-up, then pulled her hair back into a ponytail with a band on her wrist.

  Jolin moved behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he snuggled into her neck. “You look almost human.”

  Ren sidestepped away from him. “Please don’t.”

  Jolin sighed and walked out of the bathroom.

  Ren waited a beat, then followed.

  She found him in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee.

  “What time is it?” she hesitated to ask.

  “We have an hour before we need to leave for school. Akeo is picking us up.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to make it.” Ren shifted to lean against the counter.

  “Oh, you most definitely are going.”

  “I need to figure out what I’m doing.” Ren ran her hands over her face.

  “You could have done that last night instead of getting wasted and slashing yourself up. Might have been more productive.” Jolin filled a second cup of coffee and brought it to her.

  Ren pulled her sleeve up and looked at the damage she’d done.

  “You were supposed to call me.” Jolin’s voice was soft.

  She snorted.

  “I would do anything for you.” His words caressed her. She shook her head trying to shake their affect away.

  “Don’t.”

  “It’s too late.”

  “Here.” He pushed the coffee at her. “I got a speech to give today for Homecoming. I need to get ready. Go upstairs and get ready. You’re coming.”

  Ren followed him upstairs and looked at her choices of clothes. She’d puked all over her clothes from yesterday, so those couldn’t be re-worn. So she pulled on some jeans and a thin T-shirt. Then pulled on her combat boots and rolled her pant legs up to skim the top. Running a brush through her hair, she wondered down the hall to Jolin’s room. He was standing in front of his closet in a pair of tight jockey shorts. She stood in the doorway admiring him.

  Jolin turned and faced her. A grin hinted at his mouth.

  “I need a shirt. I don’t want to get kicked out of class for showing the girls.” Ren pointed at her breasts.

  Jolin grabbed his jeans and slipped them on. Then padded over to where she stood. He reached out to touch the lock of hair whose sole purpose was to be a constant reminder of her mother’s hatred for her, but she jerked away before he could make contact.

  “I just need a shirt,” she repeated.

  A disappointed look crossed his face.

  “Social suicide.” She pointed at herself. “Let yourself be that guy. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be…”

  He cut her off and said ‘fine’ before she could. Jolin turned around and headed back to his closet. “You’re worth more than fine, Ren. So much more than fine.” He grabbed a T-shirt and slid it over his head, then tossed a button-down flannel at her.

  “Sometimes fine is even a stretch.” Ren wrapped the shirt around her, buttoning a few of the buttons before tying the long shirt tails around her waist.

  “Stop your mumbling. You’re not getting out of going to school today.”

  A knock on the door had them both stopping in their tracks.

  “My mom doesn’t knock.” Jolin grinned and pulled on his shoes.

  Ren was confused as to why Jolin was in such a good mood after watching her throw up her internal organs all night.

  Jolin brushed past her and hopped down the stairs.

  Akeo’s voice carried up the stairs. “Ready for your speech?”

  “As ready as I can be.”

  “It’s going to be epic.”

  “Doubt it.” Jolin’s voice got farther away as they continued to talk.

  Ren made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  “Hey Ren.” Akeo nodded. “Feeling okay?”

  The comment from anyone else may have made her angry, but from Akeo it sounded sincere. “I’ll survive.”

  “We better get going, it’s a big day in the land of homecoming week.”

  Jolin

  Thursday, October 30

  7:00 a.m.

  The gym was packed when they got to the school. Ren didn’t look like she was going to get out of the car.

  “I won’t walk in with you,” she snapped.

  “You’re walking in with Akeo. I have things to do.” Jolin slid out of the car. “See you inside.”

  Jolin left them in the parking lot.

  “What’s up with him?” Ren turned to Akeo.

  “He’s nervous about giving that homecoming speech today. You know it’s the kick off assembly.”

  Ren crossed her arms and glared at him.

  “What? How am I supposed to know any more than that?” Akeo got out of the car and held the door open, inviting Ren to follow.

  Reluctantly she climbed out and pulled her messenger bag over her shoulder. “I’d think you’d know. You’re his friend.”

  Akeo kicked at the loose gravel in the parki
ng lot. “All I know is he told me I was driving you guys to school, and I was to make sure you attended the assembly and stayed for the entire thing.”

  “I don’t want to go to the stupid homecoming assembly. The entire tradition makes me sick.”

  “I have my orders, and I intend to follow through. C’mon it will be starting soon.” Akeo took her by the elbow and pulled her toward the building. “Don’t make me use my secret ninja skills on you.”

  “You’re about as tough as a teenage mutant ninja turtle.”

  Akeo stopped and put a hand to his chest. “You wound me woman.”

  “Why don’t you go back to the sewer you crawled out of?” Ren tried not to laugh.

  “I wouldn’t underestimate the skills of turtle power.” Akeo nudged her shoulder.

  “This is going to majorly suck,” Ren muttered.

  “Yeah but I promised and you know turtle code and all.”

  Ren and Akeo entered the gym to a low roar. The student body was divided into four sections, one for each class. The seniors had the section closest to the door. There were committees in place for each grade that had decorated their designated area with the school colors and in the seniors case…lots of sparkly glitter. The bleachers were already crowded so Akeo pulled Ren to a wall off to the side.

  “We’ll be able to see from here. I don’t want to fight the masses to then be squashed between them.” Akeo leaned in so she could hear him.

  “I’m good.” It would be easier to bail from this position.

  The principal walked to the front of the gym, and the students lining each side turned to face him. “Can I please have your attention?”

  The crowd quieted before the principal began to speak again. “We will be listening to each representative for class homecoming court, and then finally the candidates for king and queen. I expect you all to be respectful to each candidate. Initial ballots are set up outside the gym, and you are to vote for your class as well as the king and queen. These are preliminary votes that will be included in the final tally which will be announced at our Homecoming assembly Friday morning.”

  “Good lord, we have to listen to everyone drone on before Jolin gets up?” Ren complained to Akeo.