Attainment

by J H Cardwell

  I could hear the happy tone in his smile…uhhh. I could tell this wasn't going to go well.

  “Ok second, did you enjoy spending time with me, and having me as your boyfriend for the last…well, nearly a year?”

  “That’s two questions Tate.”

  “Please just answer them.”

  “Yes and yes”

  By the look on his face, he seemed shocked and confused. So I quickly followed.

  “That was before I learned what you were really like Tate.”

  “What do you …I mean okay, now we’re getting somewhere, you’re finally talking with me.” He said very calmly. “I’m guessing you came to this...conclusion about me the night you quit calling or answering my calls. I’m also guessing it had to come from Carter, since right after you met with him, you broke up with me.”

  I was silent for a few moments.

  “Reese?” He turned my chin tenderly to look at him.

  “Please, I’ve been dying over here…I need to know what you think I did…please!” he begged.

  “Really Tate, you have not been dying. You quickly got over me…us. I heard all about the pictures on Facebook from the beach this last couple of days.”

  “What…who…I mean, Facebook? What kind of pictures?”

  “Carter, I mean my mom said it was obvious you were having a blast. I heard about the photos with girls who were half dressed and drinking.”

  “Wait, you first said Carter. He told you this? And… you’ve been talking with him, but not me…He left you, and basically dropped off the face of the earth. I had to pick up his leftovers Reese, which I gladly did, and you’re talking to him and not me.”

  Pick up the leftovers?

  “Tate, I haven’t actually talked with him, he texted me. And you’re right. It seems every guy in my life has turned out to be nothing like I hoped.”

  I stared right at him, knowing I had just hurt him. His expression was pained.

  “First of all Reese, I was miserable at the beach. Finn and I both were actually. We had some girls that tried really hard, ridiculously so, to get us out of our funk, but we didn’t give in. Most of the snapshots that were taken, the girls staged, by all crowding around us as we sat by the pool. Most of them, we didn’t smile in, but one or two we did, because someone was doing something stupid like funnel a beer right in front of us, or fake passing out…you know.”

  He touched my hand and I drew it back quickly. “I love you Reese,” he said. My eyes went wide. “How could you doubt that?”

  So it was true. He finally admitted it.

  “You may think you love me Tate, but you couldn’t possibly respect me. I know about…Lisa…I know how you broke up their marriage.”

  He looked stunned and ...upset, “Wait, I…did Carter tell you that too?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, and said "I should have figured it out on my own anyhow. I noticed strange behavior at the hospital between you and her. I wondered how she even knew you that well. She’s my mom’s good friend, and I had never heard mention of you from her.”

  “Also, she was in an awful mood when she found us…uh…kissing,” I said. I blushed when I talked about our last kiss.

  “And third, Carter walked in on Lisa and Tony arguing about you the night he wrecked his car. That was the first time he knew you were the reason his parents had separated. He also blames our break up on you too.”

  Tate sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

  “I didn’t know if Carter knew,” he said as he stared at the wall.

  “That’s all you have to say? I give you this chance to talk with me and…well...at least you didn’t deny it.” I tried to get up off the bed. He gently held me down.

  “Reese, I need you to know what really happened…please, just listen to me, then ask questions.” He said as he looked at me through the corner of his eyes…as if truly, embarrassment was consuming him.

  I motioned my hand in the air as if to say, by all means Tate, go ahead.

  ***

  And so he began...

  “I was helping out with the hardware store on Main Street in the afternoons. My dad had set it up, so I could ‘gain responsibility’ once I had gotten my license. He wanted me to learn how to manage the money I made weekly. One day, I was downstairs loading sheetrock onto the back of this guy’s truck when I heard yelling. It sounded as if it were a man and woman, so I got really nervous, not sure of what was happening. I ran around the corner to find Tony and Lisa Davis in a heated argument. I recognized them from school events, and realized they were Carter’s parents.

  “I pretended to go to the lumber scrap piles near where they were, worried I would have to call the cops or something. That’s how loud they were. As I got closer to them, I heard him calling her filthy names for forgetting to leave him his dry cleaning out before his trip. She was in tears and told him she didn't realize she was supposed to. He backhanded her then, hard and she fell into the side of the car. I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of her face…she was…she was terrified. I was the only one to witness this...crazy shit.

  “I stood there, dumbfounded for a while, not sure what to do. Then I heard her apologize, even though she was the one slapped, by a man no doubt. He got in her face and shoved her again making her head go back. He was muttering 'you aren't good for anything are you?'

  “He went back inside to pay for some cinder block, and I saw it as my chance to see if she was alright. She was sobbing hysterically when I went up to her. At first she was embarrassed and tried to hide her face. Then as I put my hand on her shoulder to see if I could help her, she just fell into my arms. I didn’t know what to do, so I took her to the other side of the car. Knowing if Tony walked out and saw her leaning on me, he would kill her, and maybe even me. So I was trying to conceal her. She relaxed a little, just being held. She thanked me immensely, and then asked for my number so she could buy me lunch sometime. I really just think she wanted someone to talk to that wouldn’t beat her up, you know.

  “I was scared, angry, and excited that this gorgeous, ‘older’ woman was going to buy me lunch. I knew it was wrong, but she was so weak, so frail, and blatantly abused that I convinced myself it would be okay. But, I also figured it would never happen.

  “Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. She called me the next day, a Saturday, and asked to meet at the Cafe West. I went, expecting to get a free meal and a few thank yous but I also expected her to ask for me to keep her fight with Tony private.

  “I actually got part of that right. She did thank me over and over and then she cried a little too. She shared with me things that were happening in her life, things that shocked and appalled me. I had no idea Carter's parents had so many issues. The crazy part, was she was taking up for Tony in a way. She said he was struggling at work and so his anger always got the best of him at home.

  “But, then she started coming down to the store to see me, pretending to pick up caulk or hangers. She would linger downstairs with me. Finally, one evening before closing, she asked if we could take a ride. We went down to the lake and sat on the beach and talked for hours. She told me about the years of abuse that she had taken from Tony, mostly emotional, and how she was stuck in her marriage. It was cold, so we scooted closer together and I let her borrow my jacket. She reached over and grabbed my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder. I should have known then what her intentions were. I mean, she was an incredibly wounded woman who was receiving comfort she hadn't had from a guy in years.

  “The last time I was with her alone, was when Lisa had asked for me to deliver some patio rocks to her house. I brought them during the afternoon, Tony happened to be at work. It was a 90 degree day and humid, and I was there for about an hour. She had leaned out the door and asked me to come in for lemonade. I had my shirt pulled up my chest and folded under, trying to cool off a little. So ice cold lemonade and air conditioning, seemed like a great idea.

  “I was standing beside her table, drinking the c
ool beverage when she walked over to me, and hugged me. I felt a little awkward but I said, ‘thank you’ and hugged her back. I just assumed she needed a friend like before. Then she started rubbing my back and she reached up and started kissing me. I was totally taken aback. I mean Lisa is a beautiful woman and all, but she is married and much older than me. She kept kissing me and wouldn’t back off, even when I turned my face. She used her hand and turned my head back to her. Her kiss deepened. Then she jerked my shirt over my head. She reached for my jeans, and started to unbutton them.

  “I should have not even gone in. And I certainly should have walked away when she started groping me. But I was shocked. And frankly, I was a little turned on that she would want me like this. I kept seeing her face as it looked when Tony had hit her that day, and I felt I was sort of helping her.

  “She took off her top and kept kissing me. Then she undid her bra and took my hand to feel of her breast. I couldn't believe it was happening. Here we were, nearly naked standing in front of each other when the unthinkable happened...Tony walked in.

  “I guess with the music she was playing in the kitchen, and our breathing being so loud, we didn’t hear him. He froze in the doorway, and then when he registered what was happening, he ran to me, knocking me on the floor. Then he literally smacked Lisa so hard she nearly flew across the room. I quickly jumped to my feet, and rammed my body into his. He was yelling obscene words my direction. We jumped up ready to go at it again, when he looked at Lisa, spit in her direction, and said I could have her, she wasn’t worth it.

  “That was the last time we were alone. Nothing more physical ever happened. Tony left town as did Carter, once his father told him what a ‘cheating whore’ his mom was. He seemed to think we had sex. Lisa said he wouldn't believe her when she told him over and over that we hadn't. The sad part is when I think about the moment in her kitchen, I'm scared to think about what might have happened, if he hadn't walked in.

  “I did call to check on her for a couple of weeks. At first she was withdrawn and depressed. Then she seemed to realize that at least she wasn’t being beat up anymore. So she would text me frequently, and suggest we meet. I knew it was wrong, and not wanting to hurt her anymore than she had already been, I would always have excuses. You and I had started talking then too, and I would in no way have jeopardized losing the chance to get closer to you. She knew I was seeing someone, she just didn't have any idea it was you. I can imagine though, once we got closer, your mom must have told her. Lisa would send me updates on how she hoped you and Carter would get back together when he came back home. That’s when I realized she was still hung up on me. I got to the point where I wouldn't even respond to her texts. I was furious that she thought you would get back with Carter. In fact, I wouldn't put it past her to have agreed to get back with Tony just to bring Carter back to town. She wanted the two of you together, and the two of us apart that much.

  “So the first time we had seen each other since the event nearly a year before, was at the hospital when I came to find you. In the hallway, when you saw us, she asked me if we, meaning her and me, could go back to the way we were. Especially, since you and Carter were back together. She said she missed me. I told her no, of course. She acted fine, but I knew she was upset.” Tate let out a long sigh.

  ***

  I was dazed by all of the confessions Tate had just given. In some ways, I completely understood. He was young and she was beautiful. He was always one to try and help out. I guess he realized he wasn't willing to help out that much in the end. I was even more shocked that Lisa was trying to orchestrate my getting back with Carter, for her own benefit, and making Tate think that I would.

  “Reese, please say something. I had no idea Lisa was what was in your head all of this time. I thought it truly was Carter. I have been dying. I…I was…I am in love with you and your leaving has nearly killed me.

  I looked over to Tate with a newfound awe. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but I knew it was no longer hatred.

  I scooted over a little closer, and reached up to rub his face. He closed his eyes and let out a low sigh.

  “Tate, I’m so sorry. You really didn’t sleep with Lisa?”

  “No, no way”

  “And you haven’t been with her, not once since we started dating last year?”

  His face came closer to mine and he whispered… “no way Reese.”

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry I doubted you. Carter told me his dad said you slept with her. I wonder if Lisa told you the truth. Who knows, she may have really told Tony y'all did sleep together. It sounds like she had developed strong feelings for you.”

  “I’m not sure what she told him. Knowing how much she wanted to take a little back of what he had taken from her over the years, she may have lied. But Reese, that is not who I am. Even if he hadn’t walked in, I don't believe when it came down to it, I would have let it get that far. I know I wouldn’t have. She had a family. Did she need to get away from him then, yes, but I knew better than to let it be with me.”

  My eyes were fixed on his. “I’m just sorry we wasted all this time. I mean if we had been together, I could have avoided last night and nearly getting raped again.”

  Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I quickly realized what I had just said. I tried to move on to another topic but Tate caught on fast.

  “What did you just say? You were almost raped ‘again?’…what does that mean?” With fear in his eyes he leaned back to see my face better.

  “I…um…Oh God Tate. I can’t tell you. I just can’t.”

  “The hell you can’t Reese, I have to know, what are you talking about? Who did something to you?” His face was suddenly red and his eyes scorching.

  I let out a long sigh, and rolled on to my back so I wouldn’t have to face him. As I started talking, I threw my arm up over my face to hide the pain and embarrassment in my eyes.

  “It’s a long story Tate, I really would rather you not know okay?”

  Tate’s eyes were glazing over, like maybe he was fearful of what I was going to say or anger for who did it. I’m not sure, but I became emotional all of a sudden. I put both hands to my face and my shoulders started to shake. After the last few hours, and facing Tate with his truth and now mine, it was more than I could take.

  “Hey, Reese, I’m here. Please don’t cry. He reached for my face, tenderly lifting my chin up so I would look at him. “Can I hold you?”

  I shook my head yes, desperately wanting to be held.

  His arms felt like home. I had missed them so much. I saw a trust and deep love in his gorgeous hazel, brown eyes. When I laid my head on his chest, I could hear his heart racing just like mine.

  “Oh God Reese, I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. How do you manage to be as good as you are, with your history not holding you back, huh?”

  I took several minutes to gain my composure before I could talk.

  “Tate, I’m afraid to tell you. No one but basically my parents and Elle know about this. I still can hardly stand to talk about it. But mostly, I’m afraid you’ll look at me differently. I won’t be the pure, wholesome girl you fell for last year, you know?”

  “Oh Reese you crazy girl, there is nothing that you could ever tell me that could make me think less of you…I…Uhhhh,” he let out a long sigh, “how can you not know how much I adore you?”

  His words made my heart flutter “Okay, but promise me…promise me this will be the last time we ever talk about it.”

  “Reese, I don't know if I can promise that." I stared at him and gave out a big breath. "Okay, I promise…now tell me,” he said through his teeth. This time I could tell it was anger emanating off of him, but not for me.

  I tilted my chin down a little just remembering how awful I must look from my attack last night. “Okay, well…about a little over a year ago I was at Elle’s party with the girls and Carter. She was having a house party and then I was going to stay the night with her. About 9:30 or so, at least that’s wh
at they tell me, I started feeling bad, like dizzy and sick on my stomach. I just wanted to lie down, but I felt so strange that I decided just to go home. Elle tried to convince me to stay, or for her to take me. But it was her party and she couldn’t leave. Carter couldn’t take me either. He had told his mom he would pick something up for her and I knew he would be heading the opposite direction from my house. He said he thought I would be staying with Elle, so he had planned to do this for his mom. So I drove myself. By the time I sat in my car, my vision was a little blurry. It took me a while to even pull out of her driveway. I don’t remember a lot after that. I vaguely remember someone touching me, and talking to me, but I don’t remember anything else. That is, until I woke up. When I leaned up to look at the time in my car and try to figure out where I was, I screamed.” I quickly turned away from Tate, “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anymore.”

  “Please Reese, I have to know. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, now please finish.” His arms tightened around me. I couldn’t stand torturing him like this, or me for that matter.