Attainment

by J H Cardwell

  I found the courage to continue. “I hurt and felt strange. When I looked down, my dress and panties had…they had blood on them Tate, I had been raped. Date raped they said. I lost my virginity without wanting to.” I was sobbing by this point, “I don’t even know who did this to me…I…I was so scared.” My tears were rolling, Tate’s eyes were red too, he couldn’t catch my tears fast enough with his thumbs.

  “I didn’t want anyone to know, I…wasn’t sure if I had led someone on, I was pretty sure I hadn't, but I couldn’t help wondering. Of course, there was a police report. My parents were so upset and wanted to find who did this to me. I just wanted it to be over. They did tests,” I looked at Tate and cringed, “you know, to make sure I wasn’t pregnant or hadn't contracted any diseases. But they also took DNA in case they could match it. I called Elle. She was so wonderful to stay with me for a while. I was devastated though. Carter, well he was gone. I had gotten one last text from him saying he couldn’t bear to tell me goodbye, but then I rarely heard from him. Knowing I might never see him again, I was afraid to let him know what had happened to me, afraid he would think badly of me. He hurt me too for just leaving and not looking back. For so long, even after I met you, I questioned everyone and everything. Just when I was beginning to feel better about myself and really fall for you, I learned what you had done. In my head, I had been let down by guys. First there was my rapist, then Carter, then you, now John and my attacker.”

  I turned to look at Tate, dreading to look in his face. “What is wrong with me Tate, why is it okay to hurt me?”

  What I saw in his eyes was remorse…Love…pain.

  “Reese,” he drug my name out slowly. “I couldn’t love you anymore than I love you right now. Please, let me protect you. I…I’m sorry you thought that I had hurt you. That would never happen. And if I can help it, no one will ever hurt you again.” He hugged me, trying not to squeeze too hard because of all of my bruises.

  “Will you let me? Will you let me take care of you?” he said.

  “Oh Tate,” I was crying even harder.

  Chapter 19

  Tate reached over and pulled the blanket over us, up to our chins. Then he put his arms around me, stroking my back. Leaning in, he gave me a soft kiss on the lips. Still close to my face, and exhaling slowly he said “I want you to never worry about a guy hurting you again, okay. I want to be here for you always. Then he started trailing his lips down my neck and over my collarbone.” The feeling was...amazing. I couldn't believe after last night I could allow myself to relax to a guy’s touch. But his was, soothing and healing.

  When his lips found mine again, I didn’t hold back. I kissed him, leaving no room for interpretation. His tongue touched mine, sending shivers down my back and legs. Then our kiss deepened further, and his hands slid down to my waist and then my backside. The pain from the bruise on my hip startled me, causing me to stop. I grabbed the covers tight with my hands, and pulled them up to my chin gasping.

  “Oh my, I don’t have on any panties Tate, remember?”

  A soft grin came across his lips. “I’ll stop then if you want me to Reese. I’ll never push you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’ve just missed you so much, and seeing you like this… I need to know you want me to be near you, holding you, understanding you in every way.”

  “I love that you are. I will never doubt you again. I just don’t want to sleep with you Tate. I’m just not ready yet. I vowed to my parents and myself I would wait until my wedding night.” I said as I dropped my gaze down to the bed, away from his eyes.

  “Hey, I don’t think you’re ready yet either. Let’s take it slow. I love you Reese. I plan to stay here this week if that’s okay. I have already talked to Elle about it, Finn is staying too. We want to be here for you guys.”

  The thought of me having even longer with Tate was an amazing, settling feeling. I was so glad he was here. “I think that’s a wonderful idea Tate. I…I can’t believe we get to spend a whole week together.” I felt foolish grinning like a school girl, but I was suddenly happy as a lark.

  Tate on the other hand went quickly from happy to concerned looking. “Can I ask you something Reese?” I nodded yes, “Did you like him, John, did you like him? Elle said how handsome he was and how rich he was. Was he nice to you? Did you have...a good time with him otherwise?"

  “Do you mean did I kiss him? Is that what you really want to know?”

  He looked at me with a glare of trepidation over my impending answer. “I did Tate.” I let out a long exhale, “I’m sorry, I had too much to drink and was overly relaxed. Something I swore I wouldn’t do, but I was so upset over the Facebook pictures that I thought I was kind of getting you back, you know. Me hanging out with another guy I felt in some way would hurt you back. I wasn’t thinking. I really was wrong about him I guess. I truly thought though...I mean he seemed so genuine. His friends,” I said with disgust “not so much.”

  “I can’t believe I was ultimately the reason you ran in to another guys arms Reese. I can’t believe that guy let you get attacked.” His words came out a hiss.

  “He was up on the top deck trying to get me a snack, so I wouldn’t feel bad later for having drinks on an empty stomach. I went down to use the rest room and look for Chloe. I guess there was too much space and time between us for him to keep Sam from attacking me.” I got a chill from head to toe thinking about Sam’s eyes as they pierced into me and his mouth all over me.

  “I think before I lay here with you any longer, I need to wash Sam off of me. I can’t help but remember all he did…thank God I remember what he didn’t get a chance to do.”

  “Let me help you in the bathtub okay?" He winked at me. "You’re too weak to stand in the shower,” he said as he reached over and pulled the covers off of me, helping me to stand.

  “I think you’re probably right.”

  “You’re not going to protest…you know, about me seeing you…naked?”

  I looked at him with a sheepish grin, “No, I guess I’m not…”

  “Oh shit Reese, I…where did this confidence come from?”

  “Thanks, I think…but I’m sure when you see the bruises I won’t be so 'hot' then.”

  He grinned as he walked me down the hall. Everyone was standing in the living room and they started coming towards me, as I was nearing the bathroom.

  “How are you feeling?” Elle asked softly as she rubbed my shoulder.

  “I rested some, now I just want to wash the filth off of me…you know, of Sam,” I said.

  “Good idea. And Reese, we tracked down your phone. Looks like there is only one cab company for Beaufort, like Maura said. Finn is meeting the cab driver in Morehead City to claim it.”

  “Oh good, tell Finn thanks for me. I’m glad I’ll still have it. I need to call my mom later today.

  ***

  Tate filled the tub up with water while I sat on the seat by the vanity. I still had my dress on, eagerly awaiting him to pour in bubbles...oh good, bubbles were better to hide me with. I still couldn't believe he was here, and that we were making up. His story over Lisa was awful. I had no idea what her and Tony's marriage had actually been like, or that she still wanted Tate.

  The worst part about our talk earlier was that Tate KNEW now. There was no going back. He knew I was no longer a virgin, and he knew I didn't know who had done it. I was worried now that it would drive him crazy. I tried to think of how I would feel if I were him, and I know I would be dying to find the person responsible.

  I wanted Tate and me to move forward and put the past completely behind us. Was that possible? Once all of the reality sunk in for him, would he still be there for me? I was also worried that after all that I had been through, I would rely on him too much. I didn't want to suffocate him, and I didn't want to lose myself by needing him. I resolved to take it one day at a time. I looked over at Tate, for now I had this glorious guy in my life. I didn't intend on letting him go.

  "Reese, are you okay? Are yo
u ready to get in?" Tate softly touched my arm.

  "Um, yeah, thank you Tate. I really am okay. Why don't you go see if Finn is back?" Now, I wasn't sure about him seeing me undress. We had NEVER been that open and intimate before.

  "I want to help you. I...I'm afraid you aren't steady enough yet. How about if you hold onto the sink, I’ll close my eyes and pull your dress over your head, okay? We already know that is all you have on to remove," he said with a raise of his eyebrow.

  I was worried he was still picturing Sam tearing my panties off. I know I still was. I didn't want him to think I didn't appreciate all he was doing for me. “Okay, as long as you keep your eyes closed.” I eyed him suspiciously. “I know I have to look hideous right now.”

  “Never Reese. I...I still can't think about what could have happened to you. God, what has happened to you...I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.”

  “Tate, please don't...don't look at me differently. I'm okay. Really, I just have a lot to work through. Believe it or not, I've done well so far. But, I can't stand to think of you looking at me differently. I'm still the same Reese you said you fell in love with.”

  Tate was silent for a brief period, just staring at me. I had no idea what he was thinking. “Will you please get into this bath I just fixed for you? The water will get cold if you don't get in soon. Here, let me help you.”

  I was shy to let him take off my dress. But as he gripped the bottom hem, I was feeling more and more weak...from the last 24 hours, to seeing him here in front of me. I wasn't sure, but one thing I was sure of, I was in love with this man.

  As I stood there naked before him, quickly taking the step into the tub, I heard him inhale sharply. "Reese...I...Oh God, I want to always be here for you. Please let me. Let me protect you from all of this madness. Life can be so hard...but for you Reese, I can't bear it to be that way. I...love you.

  I was sitting in the bubbles feeling like I was wrapped in his warmth. He had knelt down beside of me and was looking into my eyes. I almost lost it staring back at him.

  “Tate, how can you still be here? I told you what happened to me early last year, and you know I was attacked, almost raped last night. How...Why do you want to stay? Don't you see, I’m a walking disaster? Trouble finds me. It doesn't want to let me go. I'm...I'm used Tate..." I was sobbing again. What the hell was wrong with me?

  He grabbed my face with both hands and made me look at him...my shoulders shaking. "You...You didn't ask for any of this Reese. You were a victim. Don't you understand? It doesn't make me want to run, it makes me want you more...want to protect you...to save you, to love you...more." he reached down and gently touched my lips with his. "Please don't take that from me...I need you, I want you...just like you are."

  What is he thinking? He should find someone with less problems. I will only bring him down. Ugh! How can he be so good to me? "Tate..."

  “We better stop now before I decide to climb in there with you...I would...I'd get soaking wet if it meant I could be that close to you.”

  I laughed out loud at the image of him soaking wet...then, I'm not sure what got into me, I reached for his hand and held my lips up to his, like I was going to kiss him. But as he started to stand up, I pulled him in, clothes and all. We both screamed, and I laughed out loud. He did too...at least until he realized he was in the tub with me and I was naked. His face turned red and he looked at me like 'you did it'. I suddenly was regretting my brash decision. He immediately pulled me on top of him, so I was straddling his lap. My breasts exposed. He leaned up and kissed me slowly at first, then more intense, his lips softly moving with mine. He inhaled deeply as did I. I had chill bumps down my body while he kissed me. I was the first one to move away from his lips, this time to move onto his neck. He let out a deep groan, as I moved my lips back to his ear and breathing in his ear, I heard his breath catch. I felt his arousal underneath me. I was instantly frozen. As soon as I realized what was happening, I quickly sat back to the other side of the tub.

  “Reese, don't stop." But as he realized I was sitting alone, his equilibrium became balanced, and he looked nervous. He quickly sat up, looking at me to make sure we were still okay. He started to get up, then he lightly grabbed my arm. “I’m so sorry. I didn't mean to get that out of control. I...I can't hardly control myself around you Reese. I want you so bad. But, I respect that you don't want me that way....yet. I'm sorry.”

  He looked lost, mortified. It was as much my fault as it was his. I had to tell him how much I wanted him too. He was so distracting. I was looking at how his shirt stuck to his wet body pronouncing his muscles, and how his hair was curling up a little from the steam of the tub. His beautiful brown, hazel eyes were pleading with me to be okay.

  “Tate, it was my fault. I got carried away. I...I'm just so glad to have you here with me. So glad to know the truth about," I looked shyly at him, "about you and Lisa. I'm just glad you want to be here...if you really do."

  He shifted a little and stared into my eyes. "I don't want to be anywhere else," he said. With that he grabbed a towel from the stack and rose out of the tub. I couldn't help but feel a pain of disappointment from the separation. But, I knew it was for the best. I couldn't lose my self-control. It was really all I had left.

  “Tate, I'm sorry for,” I motioned to the tub “you know.” I hadn't meant to get him so worked up and then stop.

  “Oh Reese, I'm sorry. I get so carried away when I’m with you. I want you so badly...it's hard for me to think straight. Much less when I get to feel so much of you.” He looked at me then quickly back to the door turning his back on me. “How about call me when you're done. I’ll be waiting right outside the door.” He looked at me once more, then with a long sigh he walked out of the bathroom.

  I had to admit it felt so good to be that close with him. But I don't know how long I can resist him. I felt I better keep my distance. There is certainly no lack of desire between us.

  I washed up, still thoroughly disgusted with my bruises. For a moment John flashed into my mind. I didn't know what he might be thinking, or what happened with him. On one hand I was SO thankful that he barged in and attacked Sam when he did. But on the other hand, he was responsible for inviting me into that situation. Ugh...why didn't I have a better judge of people, mainly guys? I was really disturbed at how wrong I had read him. My heart had told me he was such a great guy. My brain, on the other hand, must have taken a temporary vacation.

  I carefully got up and dried off, wrapping my hair in a towel and putting my bathrobe on. I took a minute to take my eye make-up off and reapply some mascara with a little blush, and light lip gloss. I was putting on lotion when the door cracked open followed by a soft knock.

  "Reese," Tate whispered. "You okay?" he looked disappointed. "I thought I was going to help you get out and get dressed. Are you not quite as weak now?"

  I chuckled out loud. "I think I'm feeling better...are you sure that was the only reason you wanted to help me?"

  "Come here you." He wrapped me in his arms. "I’m so glad you’re okay." He put his chin on my forehead, and let out a content breath. "Hey, why don't you get your coffee from the kitchen, and rest on the couch. Elle put you in one of your favorite movies, Dirty Dancing," he raised his eyebrows up and down real quick. I laughed, but inside I was thinking back to the dirty dancing I did with John last night. Well, okay, not really dirty, but sensual. Oh Tate, I thought, I’m so sorry I didn't believe in you more.

  "That sounds wonderful. Let me plug in my phone first so it can be charging. I need to call my mom too." I reached up and swiftly touched my lips to Tate's then walked into my room.

  "Okay. And Finn and I are going to run to the store. I'll call you before we head back to see if there’s anything you need." He called after me.

  "Thanks!" I said. I was dying to plug in my phone and see what messages I had.

  Chapter 20

  I decided to get dressed too so I threw on a soft cotton sundress, panties of course, and br
aided my damp hair to the side. There, now I felt normal again...almost. After my phone had enough charge to turn it on, I quickly started going through my messages. I was sickened again, as I started reading Elle's and Maura's frantic texts. They were so scared for me. Oh girls, I was so worried for you too, I thought. Then I stopped on one from John from 4am.

  I can't begin to tell you how sorry

  I am Reese. Elle told me Tate is on

  his way. Please, let him take care of you.

  You’re going to need him. I sent that SOB

  Sam back home after nearly killing him.

  Please forgive me for allowing that to

  happen to you. I blame myself.

  Love, J

  Then another at 9 am (It was now noon).

  Don't be mad at Elle, but she tells

  me you’re okay. Tate did rescue you.

  I will be forever grateful. I keep

  thanking God Sam didn't succeed.