Let Me Go (Owned Book 2)

by Gebhard, Mary Catherine

  I wasn’t sure what to expect when meeting with the lawyers. I had no experience with lawyers, and I was surprised that Mama even had a will. I’d half-expected her death to be followed by silence, but the phone call alerting me that I was the beneficiary of a will proved that false.

  Staring out the window at the grey, rainy moving picture, I recalled the phone conversation I had, until then, blocked out of my mind.

  “Is this Miss Wall, daughter of Carol Ann Wall née Bush?”

  “Yes,” I’d replied, oblivious to the tidal wave about to crash.

  “I regret to inform you that your mother has passed, Miss Wall.” Silence followed. No words could form as the information drowned me. The lawyer continued, “You are a beneficiary in her will, Miss Wall. Can you come to Georgia? There is also the matter of her funeral. I am so very sorry for the news, but this is a matter of haste.”

  “Yes.” The word had become my crutch.

  Now, the perky, petite receptionist for their offices smiled at me. I thought she said something, but I couldn’t hear her. The blood rushing through my head was too loud. My throat closed up and I couldn’t speak.

  “We’re here to see Mr. Newtown,” Eli offered. Internally I thanked him, because even smiling was too much, let alone speaking.

  “Oh,” she frowned. At least she had the courtesy to pretend to be sympathetic. Maybe she really was. “You must be Miss Wall. I’m sorry, I don’t have the names of everyone else here.”

  “They’re family,” I spurted. She nodded and pressed a button on her desk. In a few moments, Mr. Newtown appeared through a door and ushered us into his office.

  “I’m so sorry to meet you under such circumstances, Miss Wall and…” Mr. Newtown looked at everyone with a slightly confused look.

  “They’re family,” I repeated.

  “Oh, well good.” Mr. Newtown gestured to two seats in front of his desk that Eli and I took while Lennox and Vic occupied seats in the back. “Let’s get right to it, shall we?” I nodded meekly. “I’m afraid the house is under many liens and is therefore owned by the bank. However, the late Mrs. Wall has left everything inside the house as well as a few small bank accounts to you, Miss Wall. The sum of the bank accounts comes to about twenty thousand dollars.”

  I coughed, grabbing Eli’s arm. “Twenty thousand dollars? Are you serious?” Where had Mama gotten twenty thousand dollars?

  As though reading my mind, Mr. Newtown continued, “After the late Mr. Wall passed, his accounts transferred to Mrs. Wall. Now those accounts transfer to you.” So it was Daddy’s money. I frowned, feeling slightly dirty. I didn’t want nothing that had to do with Daddy.

  “Now there’s the matter of this section here. I have no way of knowing who your brother is. It just lists “son” and—”

  Vic stood up. “I’m the son.”

  Mr. Newtown raised his eyebrows. “Can you provide documentation to that effect?” Vic grunted in reply. Shifting uncomfortably, Mr. Newtown continued, “Well, assuming you can, Mr. Wall will receive one train set.”

  “Is that a fucking joke?” Vic growled.

  “Excuse me, Mr. Wall?” Mr Newtown stuttered, flustered by Vic’s sudden aggression.

  “She left me the train set?” Vic folded his arms. “I don’t want it.”

  “Well you’re welcome to sell it, Mr. Wall,” Mr. Newtown said, his voice soft and easy, like he was quieting a bear. Vic glowered and stormed out, leaving the rest of us to wonder in his wake.

  I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Perhaps he was upset about not getting more money. If that was the case, I would gladly share. As I stared at his empty seat while Mr. Newtown rambled more legal jargon, I realized I knew very little about my parents’ relationship with Vic.

  Lennox was talking to me but I couldn’t hear a word. My mind was still back in the lawyer’s office and my soul was stuck in the graveyard. I stared out the window of the car, mesmerized by the rain. It was still raining and somewhere out in that rain was Vic. Eli had gone searching for him, so he was out there too. Two of the most important men in my life, walking alone in the rain.

  Lennox had suggested that we go get lunch while the men “worked their shit out.” I didn’t remember agreeing, but I hadn’t disagreed either. It was all too much.

  “Sorry,” Lennox said, after making a sharp turn that caused my head to jerk away from the window. “But you looked like you were about to tap out. I’ve been talking to you for ten minutes now. Have you heard a thing I’ve said?”

  I hadn’t. I felt bad for ignoring her, but at the same time I didn’t feel anything.

  “I didn’t think so,” Lennox answered for me. “Look I don’t know shit about Macon, Georgia. I don’t know the best place to eat and you said you weren’t hungry”—I did?—“but I think we should get some food in us. I googled a few places and this one seems good. It’s got comfort food. Fried chicken and shit.”

  I looked out the windshield. To my surprise we were stopped in front of a restaurant: Mama’s Kitchen. I guess I’d been entranced by the rain longer than I’d thought.

  “C’mon!” Lennox opened her door and sprinted toward the entrance. I followed suit. The rain shocked my system, bringing me slightly out of my emotional coma. Shaking off what we could of the rain, we told the hostess how many were in our party and were seated immediately. Empty booths surrounded us while twangy country music played low over the speakers. I guessed rain was bad for business, who knew?

  As soon as the hostess left us with our menus, Lennox reached for my hand. “I want us to be family.”

  My eyes widened with surprise. Lennox had intimated something similar, but had never said it outright. I didn’t know what to say. I’d just buried Mama. Vic had run off. Eli was all I had left. Lennox’s blue gaze ripped into me.

  “Do you?” Her blue eyes, dark like the ocean during a storm, made me uncomfortable with their intensity. “I don’t think you understand how serious I am. You and Vic, your family didn’t do such a great job of showing you what family should be.”

  I shrugged my hand out of her grasp. “And yours did? Did you grow up with hugs and kisses or somethin’?” I watched TV every now and then. I saw families on sitcoms. I saw hugs and kisses and laughter through the screen, but that’s as close as I got.

  Eli had a deadbeat dad and his mom, try as she might to make a great home for her son, was too busy working double shifts to really fill the home with laughter and kisses. When he went away to college his mom moved in with another loser and she stopped sending him postcards. My family was about as far away from joy as the moon is from the sun.

  Lennox smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “For a little while, anyway.” She shook her head and returned her gaze to mine. “What I’m trying to say is, I want to be your sister. I consider you family. That means unconditional love. I have your back whether you like it or not. Whether you want to think of me like that is up to you. But I’m here for you, Grace. So is Vic, even if he doesn’t show it that well. We will never stop loving you and we will never leave you.”

  I reached for my menu, shaking my head. “That sounds nice.” It did sound nice. Words had a way of sounding pretty, sort of how flowers smelled good at the beginning; stick around long enough, though, and flowers always died.

  Lennox smiled and picked up her menu too. “I guess you’re just gonna have to stick around and see that I’m true to my word.” I frowned at her over my menu. What had I done to earn this love?

  Our meal was languid. The rain poured, the music droned, and our forks clinked slowly. I tumbled her words around in my head. She wanted us to be family.

  Family.

  Not the kind that beats each other, but the kind that loves. Unconditional.

  I was chewing my corn, mulling over the thought, when Lennox’s phone buzzed against the table. She picked it up, her eyes scanning the screen.

  “It’s Vic,” she said, placing it back on the wood stained table. “He’s with Eli. They
’re at some bar across the street from the lawyer’s. You done?”

  I wasn’t finished with my meal, but I nodded anyway. Mama’s house still needed to be packed up and the sooner we did that, the sooner we could go home. Our flight home was the next morning and I really didn’t want to extend the trip. The sooner we got out of Georgia, the better.

  Lennox settled our bill and we went to get the men.

  When Eli and Vic slid into the car there was a heaviness about them. I glanced at Eli, looking for some recognition, but he just shook his head. Again we rode in silence. The rain was just letting up when we approached the town. Dusk was falling and the sky was a cold iron color. I shivered, despite the heat in the car.

  We drove the streets of the town, but it looked very different. Our town had never been much to boast about, but it had at least been a town. Now it was like something out of an old movie: completely dead. The corner store I’d frequented was deserted, the sign hanging diagonally off its hinges. Dust stained the cracked glass of windows and cars were dead on the side of the road.

  “This is it,” I said as Lennox nearly passed the house. It was easy to pass, hidden behind dead grass and weeds higher than your knee. Lennox killed the engine and we all sat in a pregnant silence.

  “I guess we should get started,” Eli said. “Box everything up before tomorrow.” Vic got out of the car and slammed the door, marching up toward the dilapidated two-story. Sighing, Lennox got out and followed. Only Eli and I remained in the car, but I just couldn’t make myself follow.

  Eli broke the silence. “Did you know that Vic grew up poor?”

  “Vic grew up with my parents,” I responded foolishly. I didn’t look at Eli when he spoke; my eyes were trained on the house. It used to be that this house was the scary, old house on the street. Now every house looked old and abandoned. What had happened to this town?

  “No. He was adopted when he was five. He was in and out of foster homes until then. He never had anything of his own until your parents adopted him.” This was completely new information to me. I had thought Vic was a baby when he went to my parents. I looked at Eli, waiting for him to explain more. “The first toy he ever had, the first thing that was ever his, was that train set in the will.”

  “How do you know this?” I turned around in my seat to get a better look at him.

  Eli shrugged. “We talked a bit at the bar.”

  “Well…” I sighed. “Why doesn’t he want it then?”

  Eli ran a hand over his skull. “Cause your daddy smashed it to pieces. At least that’s what he thought. Your mama must’ve fixed it. Or at least she’s givin’ him the pieces.”

  What a mess. What a total mess. So much heartache and ruination borne from only two stories.

  I sighed, sliding out of my seat, and said, “We oughta help them.”

  Everything was nearly packed. It was almost three in the morning, and we’d spent all night boxing up. We worked quickly and without talking. Finishing fast was our tacit agreement with one another. Almost everything was going to trash or charity. I think we all decided that these demons needed to be exorcised and out of our life.

  I saved the worst for last: Mama’s room. It actually wasn’t that bad. I threw her quilts in boxes and trashed her clothes (all had holes) and toiletries. I was nearly finished when I stumbled upon a letter in her nightstand.

  My darling baby girl,

  I stopped, hand clutched to my heart. The letter was meant for me. I didn’t want to read it. Everything in my soul told me to tear it up and continue the exorcism, but morbid curiosity had my eyes traveling.

  My darling baby girl,

  There are so many things in my life that I regret, but having you is not one of them. I regret marrying your daddy, but I don’t regret what it gave me: you. I regret that it took me so long to finally gain the courage to free us from him.

  I’m dying, baby girl, I can feel it in my bones. It’s my time. I don’t want you to be sad about that. I hope you’re living your life and you never have to come back to this godforsaken place. Because it is God forsaken. There is no god in this town.

  If you do come back, and you read this, I need to tell you a few things.

  Your daddy was a charmer back in his day. He was handsome, and he could sing. Boy, could he sing. The day we met he was singing at a tavern and I fell for him with my entire body and soul and I didn’t look back. I should have looked back.

  You grew up with your daddy sick. It happened gradually for me. It’s not an excuse, but it’s why I didn’t run away with you and never look back. I kept waiting for him to go back to how he had been. By the time I wised up and took care of it for us, it was too late. The damage was done. I’m so, so sorry baby girl.

  I hope you know that I eventually grew strong enough to take care of him. He didn’t die of a heart attack. The second day you were in the hospital I decided enough was enough and I went home and I took care of him. For me. For us.

  The police know that. The doctors know that. I know that. I was dying when I decided to take care of Daddy. I couldn’t bear the thought that I’d leave you alone with him. Maybe the police thought my death was punishment enough, or maybe they hated Daddy as much as I did. I don’t know. I waited months for them to take me away, and they never did.

  You probably don’t remember much about your brother. You were so young when he left. His name is Vic, but then you already know that. We adopted him before we knew we could have children of our own. I don’t regret that. I regret what happened to him. I think about him every day. I wonder how he is and what he’s doing. I wonder if he’s okay. I love him deeply, but I was weak. I let what happened to you happen to him. He left us like you left. He got away. If there is one thing that I don’t regret, it’s that you took what you could find about him. I hope you found Vic. I hope you both find each other.

  I hope you find love. I hope you find laughter. I hope you live a life different than mine, but I hope you know that mine was made worth it because you and your brother were in it.

  I love you.

  Tears streamed freely from my eyes, like water from a faucet. I didn’t know when they’d started but now that they were flowing I couldn’t stop them. I gripped the letter between both hands so tight that I might have torn it from the middle. There was so much I was crying for, so much I was mourning for, that I just sat crumpled on the now stripped bed.

  Everything was packed. We had a few hours before our plane left. Mama’s letter was fresh in my mind, like a tattoo on my thoughts.

  I stared out at the oxford blue sky, still peppered with stars, feeling like a tourist among ancient ruins. Only a few years before I’d been trapped in this place; now I had returned free. I placed my hand on the fading wood wraparound, remembering all the nights the railing had felt like a wooden cage. That was all this place was now, though: memories. I could walk away from my memories. They weren’t physical. They didn’t have wooden walls with peeling wallpaper.

  I heard the screen door creak open and turned around to see Vic.

  “Oh,” he said. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were out here.”

  “Just thinkin’,” I responded, returning my gaze outward.

  “We’re about to drive up to Macon to donate the boxes. If there’s anything you want to keep, I suggest you get it now before we head out.”

  I nodded. “Anything you want?”

  Vic shook his head. “I left this place a long time ago.”

  I looked up at the sky, thinking about his words. “I spoke with Lennox.”

  “And?”

  “She said we’re family.”

  Vic placed his hands in his pockets and ambled over to my side. “She’s right.”

  “You’re okay with that?” Turning my back to the night, I leaned on the railing. Vic faced the town, but his eyes were elsewhere, his vision clouded by thought.

  “I shouldn’t have left you,” he said eventually.

  I shrugged. “You didn’t know what was g
oing to happen.”

  “I could have checked up on you.” Vic adjusted to look at me. “I could have come back. Mama called and…”

  I put my hand out to stop his words. “I know.”

  “You know?” Vic’s dark eyes were piercing. There was something in them that I’d never seen before: regret. I was willing to bet all my money that Mama had told him about me. Maybe Mama had thought he’d come and get me.

  Who knows.

  I handed Vic the letter. I watched him read it, his face contorting with emotion as his eyes scanned down. When he finished reading, he crumpled up the letter.

  “What’re you doin’?” I exclaimed.

  Vic threw the letter to the ground. “This is bullshit, Grace.”

  “What?” I reached to pick up the letter.

  “She called me when he died. Told me to come to the funeral. When I said no she called me ungrateful and said her life would’ve been better off without me.”

  Stunned, I stopped reaching for the letter. Mama said that? “Maybe she was just sad that you didn’t come. She missed you.”

  Vic hissed. “Right. Sure.” I didn’t know what had happened between Vic and Mama. What I did know was that all of it was in the past now, and it wasn’t worth dwelling on. I had a new family to look forward to. I had a new home and a new life to build. I also knew firsthand how hard it was to come back after finally getting away.

  I gripped the rough, splintery banister for support. “Let’s just get those boxes donated.”

  “Only enough room for two with the boxes in the car,” Vic stated, leaning back on his heels. “Lennox and I are gonna take it up.”

  I shrugged. “Whatever works. Thanks.” Vic grunted in response and walked back inside. The screen door yelled as Vic opened it and the sound nearly brought back a floodgate of memories, but I tamped them down. The time for memories was fading. Leaning on my elbows, I could see the sun clawing its way up over the hills.