Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four

by Audrey Carlan

  I gripped on to the counter, the emotional turmoil hitting me all over again. Clay had just told me the other night when we’d gone to bed and talked more about the future and what we both wanted. I had finally asked what drove him off from dating me last year and he told me the truth about Stacey. The story ate at my gut, but maybe repeating it to my best friend would help the heartache I felt toward his situation with his ex.

  I took a deep breath and let it all out. Once done, I sat there gutted all over again while my best friend processed.

  Mila flattened her lips into a hard, white line. “That’s messed up.” Mila’s voice shook with anger. My best friend had a feistiness I loved but a temper I despised. She could go off half-cocked at any given moment.

  I rushed to assuage the situation. “Yes, it is. As you can see, he loves kids. And as much as Clayton is a man’s man, macho guy, he has a really huge heart. His ex did a number on him. I couldn’t allow him to get his hopes up about Lily and then be let down. Not when things are so good between us and it doesn’t matter what the outcome is anyway.”

  “You’re a better woman than I,” Mila offered.

  “I doubt that very much. Still, that’s why. Okay? I just needed to vent to you about it.”

  She nodded and pursed her lips. “It’s cool. Crazy wild when you think about the potential.”

  “For now, let’s just leave it alone and not bring it up.” I placed my hand on hers. “All right?”

  “You got it. I do have some wicked cool news for you.”

  I smiled because she was smiling.

  Mila placed her finger on the table and traced random circles on the countertop.

  “What? Tell me. I could use some good news.”

  Mila’s amber-colored eyes were misty when she set her gaze on mine. “Atlas couldn’t wait…and, well…we uh.” She choked on her words.

  A thrill rippled through me. “You eloped! Didn’t you?”

  Mila chuckled, hopped off her stool, and came around to where I stood. My emotions battered me like golf-ball-sized hail. I’d really wanted to have a little something for her. I’d live with her decision, but I wanted to see my best friend, my soul sister, get married to an amazing man.

  Her grin didn’t abate when she grabbed my hands and put them on her stomach. At four months, her tiny athletic frame made her look almost six months along.

  “We couldn’t wait to find out what we were having, so we went to one of those Peek-A-Boo Baby places and got a special ultrasound. Moe…we’re having a girl.” Her smile was huge.

  A girl.

  My best friend was having a baby girl.

  “Oh my God! A girl. We’re having a girl!” I jumped up and down and wrapped my arms around Mila and held tight. “I’m so happy!”

  Right then Lily ran in the room, saw us jumping like silly schoolgirls, and jumped right along with us, clapping her hands. “Why we happy?”

  “Love bug, Mimi has a baby girl in her belly!”

  Lily’s eyes widened and she wrapped her hands around her auntie and kissed her belly. “I loves you already.”

  Mila stroked Lily’s hair while we both cried happy tears.

  “I cannot wait to buy her pretty dresses.” I could see it already. Mocha-colored skin, wild, dark curly hair. She’d look fantastic in red.

  Mila frowned. “Why can’t I just borrow all the clothes you have saved up in the garage, you hoarder!”

  Laugher spilled easy between us. “You can and more! Now we plan the baby shower!”

  “Actually, about that, I discussed it with Atlas and we both made an executive decision.”

  I frowned. “You promised I could have a party!” I reminded her. I wanted to stomp my foot but reined in my childlike desire. “You have to celebrate your love and your baby,” I encouraged.

  Mila nodded. “Yep, we agree. So we want to have a combo wedding and baby shower. Small, just our closest friends. We’ll celebrate both our marriage and our baby on the same day.” She lifted a wary gaze my way, probably expecting me to balk at the idea.

  “Honey, that’s really rather perfect.” I bit my lip, imagining the options already.

  Her entire face lit up so bright I might have needed sunglasses. “Really? You like the idea?”

  I looped my arm around her neck. “I love it. Let’s start planning right now!”

  Mila shrugged and hugged Lily close. “No time like the present!”

  * * *

  Another week gone and no word on Kyle. The cops were baffled. We were angry. Matisse, two weeks into her healing, was still walking around zombielike. Clayton was ready for my sister to leave. Every time we went to bed at night, he made a point to tell me how uncomfortable he felt having her in the house. She hadn’t fully shared what had happened between her and Kyle or whether or not she was still in a relationship with him when he attacked her. Of course, she’d gone into detail with the police, but they wouldn’t share that information with us even if I’d asked. No, it was time for my dear sister and me to have a very serious chat.

  Clayton was reading to Lily and putting her to bed, his deep rumble a comfort as I navigated toward the end of the hall where the guest room was. As I approached, I could hear my sister’s hushed words.

  “No. It’s too soon.”

  I frowned and slowly walked up as quietly as possible.

  “I don’t know the codes.” Her voice rose with what sounded like irritation. “I haven’t been in a position to need them.”

  I crept up closer to the door. It was open enough that I could see she was standing facing the back window, her cellphone glued to her ear.

  “Of course I love you. Why would you ever question that?” Her shoulders pulled back and she stiffened. “I don’t know when a good time will be. I told you, I’ll call.”

  Who did she love? Kyle? Could she be talking to my ex-husband, the man who beat, cut, and raped her? The man who almost killed her sister? It couldn’t be. A sense of dread shifted the air around me and I couldn’t wait any longer to intrude.

  Just as I pushed through the door, she groaned, turned around, and tossed her phone on the bed, hanging up on whoever she had been talking to. Her gaze lifted to mine, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

  “Who were you talking to?” I asked directly.

  “A friend.” She crossed her arms over her chest. A defensive move I recognized a mile away.

  “A friend you love?”

  Matisse scowled and glanced off into the distance.

  “Answer me!”

  Her head snapped back, her gaze locking with mine. “Yes.” Her tone bordered on miserable before she turned and sat heavily on the end of the bed and put her face in her hands.

  “Kyle?” I asked, not being able to keep the slice of anger out of my words.

  Her head came up, tears flowing down her face. “Gosh, no! I haven’t seen him in weeks. Months, even.”

  I rested my hand against the bureau to hold myself steady. “Then who?”

  She shook her head. “No one you know. Just a coworker.”

  “So why wasn’t he at the hospital or asking to come here?” I dug, needing more from her.

  “Because I don’t want him to see me. Not like this. He’ll never get past what happened to me. I’m not sure I can get past it!” Tears welled in her eyes and poured down her cheeks.

  I rushed over and sat down on the edge of the bed, placing a hand to her back while she cried. “I’m sorry, I know how hard this must be for you. I have firsthand knowledge.”

  A flash of anger fired bright in her eyes before something changed, and it was like closing the blinds on a window. Her expression went back to cold and blank.

  “Matisse, please talk to me. I need to know what happened with Kyle. When he hurt me, he said some things I can’t forget, and those things made it seem as if you were still with him.”

  She wiped at the tears on her cheeks and clenched her teeth. “I had nothing to do with your attack. As I told you, I’m see
ing someone new. Haven’t heard from Kyle in a while. Are you telling me that you don’t believe me? Your own sister? After the man raped me? I hated him after I found out what he did to you. Leaving you is one thing, but trying to kill you?” She shook her head and let her question drop.

  I petted her back and rushed to ease her worries. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m sure you understand that I had to ask.”

  Matisse narrowed her eyes for just a second. The movement was barely perceptible, but still I saw it and had no idea what it meant.

  “Yes, I understand. And I’ll be out of your hair soon if that’s what you’re worried about. I can tell that your new boyfriend doesn’t like me.” Her nostrils flared and her lips curled minutely before she settled her features into her usual mask.

  Regardless of what Clayton felt or didn’t feel, Matisse was my sister. I wanted her here if this is where she needed to be. I also needed her to understand where Clayton was coming from. “Matisse, he doesn’t know you. None of us do, really. You barely speak, you’ve not taken any time getting to know Lily, and you’ve spent most of your time hiding out in here.”

  “I just don’t want to be a bother, but I can’t go home. Not when I know he could get to me. I’m so scared he’ll come back for me and finish the job.” A sob tore through her, and she tugged me into an embrace and cried on my shoulder. I held her for a long time. Long enough for the sobs to abate into small sniffles.

  “You don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay as long as you’d like. You’re welcome here. You’re my sister, and this is my home. Matisse, you’re always welcome.”

  She nodded into my shoulder and made a choking sound. “Thanks. Thank you, Monet. You’re the best big sister a girl could ever hope for.”

  I grinned. The feeling of doing something right soothed any nervous energy I’d had when approaching her. She hadn’t had anything more to do with Kyle. She feared him and was evidently in love with someone new. All of that sounded really good.

  I rubbed her back until she calmed down completely. “Everything is going to be okay. Soon Kyle will be caught and put behind bars.”

  “I know. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to,” she asserted, her voice monotone.

  “Okay, well, I’m going to let you get some rest. See you tomorrow. Maybe we can spend some time talking more and getting to know one another again. As adults.” I got up, went to the door, and laid my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave.

  “I’d like that, Monet.” Her voice was small and sweet, reminding me of how it was when she was little.

  “I love you, Matisse.”

  “I know.” She smiled.

  “Okay, then.” I finished pulling the door closed.

  * * *

  The next morning, I was greeted by a giggling love bug hiding under the covers in the empty space my man must have vacated.

  “Wake up, beautiful. We have breakfast for you and a present,” came the deep baritone of said guy.

  Lily giggled under the covers. I opened my eyes and turned on my side. There was a Lily-sized lump next to me shaking with every new bout of laughter.

  “Why is the queen hiding?” I asked Clay, pushing up into a seated position. Thank goodness we’d just gone to sleep last night or I’d be trying to find ways to explain to my daughter why her mommy was in bed naked. Since we hadn’t had any hanky-panky, I was in a normal tank and sleep shorts.

  Clay beamed, his smile alive and happy. “I don’t know. I told her I had a surprise for you and her, and she decided that she wanted to surprise you in bed too.”

  On that response, my little one flung the blankets back and scrambled to stand on my bed. “’Prize!” she screeched.

  I scooped her up and pulled her to my chest. “My goodness. What an amazing surprise you are this morning. And such a great hider!”

  She nodded. “Yeah, PowPow taughted me. Now he says I’m the best.”

  I kissed her nose. “That you are. So what is this about breakfast and a surprise?”

  Clayton set a tray on the bed beside Lily and me. The tray consisted of an array of pastries, coffee, milk, and two black boxes with gold filigree etching at each corner. They were identical in size and shape. The boxes were a sturdy wood with a unique gold latch that acted like a lever that notched into place to open and close it.

  “This one is for you, and this one is for Lily.” He picked them up and handed one to each of us. His eyes were a bright Caribbean blue and shining with love and admiration. I could stare into them all day, but I had a squirmy wormy excited child in my lap who wanted to open her present. As of yesterday.

  “What it is, Mommy? What is it?” Lily said excitedly.

  “I don’t know. Let’s find out.” I showed her how to open the latch, and together we opened our boxes. Inside were identical heart-shaped pendants on white-gold chains.

  “The stone is jade,” Clayton announced proudly.

  The stones were wrapped in white gold with marcasite curving on the top right corner and bottom of the hearts, giving the plain stones more sparkle and pizazz.

  “I love green!” Lily squealed. “Mommy, can I wear it now?”

  “Of course you can.” Clayton came around the bed and sat next to her. She handed him the box, and he got to work removing the necklace. I did the same so I could see it sparkle in all its glory in the morning sunlight.

  “Clayton, these are stunning. But it’s not our birthday or anniversary.” I’d not been given a present by a man when it wasn’t for an anniversary, Christmas, Valentine’s, or my birthday. Those were pretty much the only times I’d ever gotten a gift unless it was from Mila. She gave me little things all the time.

  Clayton smiled. “Beautiful, I don’t need a reason to get my girls something pretty to show I care. Want you both wearing something I gave you.” He latched the necklace around Lily’s neck, and it fit perfectly.

  The chain on mine was a bit longer to suit an adult.

  “Honey, they are magnificent. Thank you.”

  “And they’re jade,” he said with a tinge of pride.

  “Yes, I see that.”

  “Jade is a stone that represents the heart charka. And Crystal at Lotus House said that the spiritual benefits of jade promote wisdom, balance, and peace. I figured none of that could hurt.”

  “You trying to protect my heart, Clayton?”

  His eyes flashed to mine. “Always.”

  I held the stone right over my heart. “I love it so much.”

  “Me too, me too, me too!” Lily jumped on the bed, making the coffee container and silverware shake precariously.

  “Easy, sweetie.” Clayton scooped her up before I was sitting in a puddle of hot coffee instead of drinking it.

  I stared at the dangling heart in awe. He’d bought jade necklaces to protect my daughter’s heart and mine.

  Then I remembered that day I got my stitches removed and Crystal and Jewel performed the grounding method on me in the bakery. She’d made a comment about my heart charka.

  * * *

  “And your heart chakra is hurting right now.” Jewel frowned and ran a finger along my temple to my chin. “I sense that you’re working on it, but there’s still much more to be done.”

  “My heart chakra? How so?”

  Jewel smiled softly. “In order to have a healthy heart chakra, darling, you must love yourself and be able to forgive yourself and others. I’m sensing there are some things you are not letting go of. Perhaps a person who wronged you. One you allowed in your life. Someone who continues to hurt you? Could be a variety of things piling up.”

  * * *

  “You remembered that conversation about the heart chakra that we had with Jewel, didn’t you?” I got out of bed and poked my man in the chest playfully.

  He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed each one. “Maybe.”

  “I thought you didn’t believe in their spiritual methodology? Hmmm?”

  He shook his head and pulled me into his embrace, wrappi
ng one of his thick arms around me and curling his hand around my side. Lily kicked to get down, but he held her firm. With both of his girls in his very capable arms, he seemed happier than he’d ever been. “I said I didn’t not believe. If you remember correctly.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, but that would lead one to assume you didn’t actually believe in it yourself.”

  “I figured when it came to my girls, I would make sure you were covered either way.”

  “So even though you don’t necessarily believe…”

  He kissed my nose and then Lily’s. She giggled and forced her head into the crook of his neck.

  “I wanted you both covered anyway. Couldn’t hurt. Now you both have pretty mother-daughter necklaces that your guy gave you. Win-win, right?”

  “Yeah, honey, win-win. Thank you.” I rose up on my toes and kissed his mouth.

  “Eww, gross.” Lily smacked at both our faces, trying to pull us apart.

  Clayton ended the kiss, laughing jovially and trying to pin and tickle my daughter. I watched by the side of the bed and picked up the box that held my jade heart in it. I removed it from the packaging and put it on. It fell right above my cleavage, as close to my heart as it could get.

  Yeah, my man was protecting my heart. Definite win.

  Chapter Nineteen

  To have a healthy heart, you must allow any suppressed emotions to surface and heal. Ultimately, you need to have love for yourself in order to feel real love for others.

  MONET

  “Beautiful, I’m hitting the gym. You and Matisse okay with Lily alone?” Clayton curled a hand around my waist from behind.

  I had just latched my hoop earring in one ear and was working on the next. “Of course. It’s been a full three weeks now since anyone has heard anything from Kyle. Matisse had even started talking about going home. I told her I’d have your security guy put a system in place at her house too if that would make her more comfortable. I also offered to help her move out of her current place and into something else.” Personally, I hoped for the latter. Leaving a place Kyle knew about was the smarter move. Alas, it would be her choice, and I didn’t intend to push her one way or the other.