Milk Money

by Cecelia Dowdy

  He shook his head. “No, not yet. That’s why I’m still here. I didn’t have a chance to tell you the other day that if I work late so my mind is tired, I may not drink as much when I go home.” He clutched the handle of his briefcase. “But usually the memories and the nightmares bother me no matter what I do.” The drinking always calmed him, soothed him, making it possible for him to fall asleep, even though there was sometimes a price to pay the following day. Since he’d started drinking more, he’d woken up sick to his stomach more often.

  “You’re haunted by something. What is it?” Her sweet voice softened.

  “Nothing I want to talk about right now.”

  “There’s an alcoholic support group at my church—”

  He held up his hand. “I don’t want to go.”

  “But it might help you,” she pleaded. “You know, your lack of faith in God bothers me even more than your drinking.” She turned toward the window again. “Maybe it’s best that you’ve finished most of the audit for us.”

  The rusty hinges on the door squeaked as he opened it. “I’ll e-mail you and your mother a report about what I’ve done so far. Just let me know when you’ve found those documents.”

  The screen door banged shut when he left, and he noticed Emily still standing in the window, watching him as he pulled out of her driveway.

  six

  The next day Emily awakened earlier than usual. She spent a leisurely hour reading a few psalms, finding comfort in the lyrical words. Both Jeremy and Darren arrived to help with the milking. After lunch the boys’ father arrived plus a few other people she’d hired to help with the three-day chore of making hay.

  The day bustled with activity, and Emily was glad for the extra physical exercise. She hoped that if she was tired enough by the end of the day, Frank wouldn’t dominate her thoughts. During the day Emily found herself daydreaming about his kiss. She again wished he’d listen to her and take her advice about accepting Christ in addition to getting help for his drinking. She also found herself thinking about the role he was playing in his sister’s life with her kids and about the fact that he used to mentor youth while living in Chicago. She wondered if Frank wanted to have children someday, but she pushed those thoughts from her mind, not wanting to dwell on that subject too much.

  Fatigue settled in Emily’s bones after Jeremy and Darren had helped her with the evening milking. She enjoyed a sub for supper then took a quick shower and changed before trudging to her truck. The repairman at the shop had stressed that she might want to start looking for a new vehicle. “This one is on its last leg and I don’t know how much longer we’re going to be able to repair it,” he’d said.

  She sipped from the thermos of coffee, thinking about the repairman’s advice. She knew she would probably have to look for a used truck. She’d already called Laura, telling her what the repair shop had said about the truck and about what Frank had told her the previous day.

  “Frank already called and told me everything,” her stepmother had said.

  “He did?” Emily didn’t know why she was so surprised. Frank had mentioned that he needed to talk to her mother since Laura was the one who had requested the services of their firm.

  “I can tell that something is heavy on your mind,” her mother had said. “Did the accountant explain everything to you?”

  “Yes, he explained everything in detail. Mom, when are you coming home? I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too. I promise I’ll be home soon.”

  She continued to drive, putting the whole conversation out of her mind. She pulled into the parking lot of Monkton Christian Church for her volunteer committee meeting. During the meeting, she could barely keep her eyes open. Christine and Kelly were present, and when it was over, the three friends exited the building together. “Girl, you sure do look tired,” Kelly said to Emily. “You’re going to run yourself ragged working on that farm.”

  Emily mentioned they’d cut the alfalfa that day with the haybine. “Once it dries out over the next day or so, we’re going to have to bale it.”

  “Sounds like a lot of work.”

  Emily nodded. “It is. I’m so tired.”

  Christine touched Emily’s arm. “During the committee meeting, you looked like you had something on your mind.”

  “I do.”

  “What’s the matter? Has Laura said something to upset you?” asked Kelly as they walked into the parking lot.

  “No, I miss Laura like crazy, but that’s not why I’m upset.”

  “Well, what’s wrong?” Christine demanded. Their cars were parked side by side, and they stood in front of their vehicles. Emily debated about telling them what happened the previous evening.

  “Why don’t we go and get a snack at the Wagon Wheel?” suggested Kelly.

  “I’ll go, but I’m not staying a long time,” said Emily.

  They were soon seated at the restaurant. After purchasing slices of cake and cups of coffee and tea, they sat at a table in the back. Emily sipped her drink before telling her news. “Frank kissed me last night.”

  Kelly’s mouth dropped open. “Whoa. You’re kidding!”

  “Are you serious?” asked Christine.

  Emily nodded. “Yes, I wasn’t expecting it.”

  Kelly stirred her coffee. “Are you going to see him again?”

  Emily shook her head. “No, not unless I have to talk to him about the audit. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to see him again. Once I find the documents he’s looking for, I’ll scan them and e-mail them to him. Once he’s finished, I won’t have to see him again.”

  “How long do you think it will take you to forget about Frank?” Christine asked.

  “I’m not sure. This is awful, but I miss him already. I know there’s no hope for us since he’s not even a Christian.”

  “There still might be hope for you and Frank,” Kelly said. “Leave everything in the Lord’s hands and see what happens.”

  “Thanks, Kelly.” She glanced at her other friend. “Christine, I notice you’re wearing a nice pair of diamond earrings. Were they a gift?”

  Kelly sipped her drink. “What do you think, Em? Do you really think it was a gift? You know she probably charged her earrings.”

  Christine touched her earlobes, frowning. “I got these on sale at a new jewelry store that opened at Harborplace. I couldn’t resist since they were such a good price.”

  “Has anything else been going on with you, Christine?” asked Emily.

  Christine placed her chin in her hand, gazing at her friends. “I do have a confession to make.”

  “What’s that?” asked Kelly.

  “I purchased these earrings for a reason.”

  “And what reason might that be?” asked Kelly.

  “They had a meeting at work today. Some of us are going to be laid off within the next few months.”

  “Christine, I’m sorry,” Emily said, touching her hand. “I know how much you like working there.”

  “So you purchased the earrings because you were upset about the imminent layoff?” asked Kelly, furrowing her brow.

  Emily moved to touch Kelly’s hand, knowing how upset Kelly became whenever Christine went on a shopping binge. “I think she’s trying to tell us that she purchased the earrings because they made her feel better.”

  “Whatever,” said Kelly, rolling her eyes. “You shouldn’t be using material things to make yourself feel better, Christine. You said you might be out of a job soon, so buying a pair of diamond earrings won’t make things better.”

  Christine shrugged. “I know they won’t make things better, but they make me feel better. Do you understand?”

  Kelly shrugged. “I guess.”

  Emily spoke to Kelly. “You’re awfully quiet about what’s been happening in your life lately. Have you heard from Martin?”

  “Yes,” Kelly responded.

  Emily and Christine looked at Kelly expectantly. “Well?” asked Emily. “What did he say?”
<
br />   “He said he forgot about our date the other night.”

  Christine asked, “Well, did he at least offer to take you out again?”

  “No,” Kelly responded.

  “How come?” asked Emily.

  Kelly’s mouth was set in a grim line. “You guys, no offense, but this is not something I’m ready to talk about right now.”

  Emily hugged her friend. “We don’t mean to pry. If something’s bothering you, then you know you can talk to me and Christine about it.” Christine nodded, her dark eyes full of sympathy.

  When they were finished with their snacks, Emily hugged her friends before she drove home. Once she’d read her Bible, she crawled into bed and said a brief prayer before she fell asleep.

  seven

  The days passed, and Emily still couldn’t put Frank out of her mind. She thought about him daily, even though he no longer came to her house. Memories of his kiss lingered, and she prayed, waiting for the feelings to disappear.

  During the July Fourth holiday, she rode to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor with Christine and Kelly to see the fireworks. Bursts of color exploded in the dark sky, illuminating the pedestrians and couples strolling the sidewalks. Longing pierced her when she observed couple after couple holding hands or nestling in each other’s arms to watch the fireworks.

  A few days following the July Fourth fireworks, Emily was thinking about the last time she’d seen Frank when she pulled into a parking space on Pratt Street, across from the Inner Harbor. She opened her purse, searching for coins to feed the meter. After the annual evening meeting with the Maryland farmers’ association, she felt like taking some time and walking along the Inner Harbor alone. It was a blessing that both Jeremy and Darren came to milk the cows earlier, giving her the freedom to attend the event. She checked her watch, noting it was eight o’clock. She still had some time to stroll around before the shops closed.

  She continued searching for change, thinking about Laura. She missed her like crazy, and the loneliness on the farm was eating away at her. When she’d spoken to her a few days ago, she’d told her about the papers missing from her father’s office and that she was searching for the paperwork Frank needed to continue his audit. She’d already found and e-mailed him a few of the files, but the rest of the documents were still missing. When she’d asked Laura about her father selling the farm, she’d claimed it was hard to know for sure what her father had planned on doing.

  She gasped when Frank exited the upscale liquor store located on the waterfront of the Inner Harbor. He clutched a large paper sack, and Emily was again reminded about how different their beliefs were and how their attraction seemed to escalate, in spite of their unshared faith. His head was down as he hurried toward his car, and Emily couldn’t resist calling out his name. She rolled down her window and yelled. “Frank!” He stopped and looked toward her, his dark eyes appearing startled. He clutched his paper bag and strolled toward her truck.

  “Emily, what are you doing here?”

  She inhaled the familiar scent of his cologne as she looked at him. “I was at a local farmer’s association meeting downtown. I just came over here to take a walk.”

  He remained silent, and she glanced at the bag. Sweat beaded his brow, so he wiped it away. “I had to pick something up before going back to my apartment.”

  “Oh.” She suddenly felt nervous.

  Frank relaxed against her truck. “It’s hot out here. Did you want to come up to my apartment and cool off for a bit? I only live a few blocks away. We could share a few drinks.”

  She eyed the paper bag. “I don’t think so.”

  “Emily, I was going to give you some lemonade. I made it myself. You don’t have to stay long. I have some things concerning the audit that I was going to talk to you about.”

  She swallowed, noting her throat was very parched. A cold glass of lemonade did sound good, so she started the ignition. “Just lead the way.”

  Once he’d gotten in his car, she followed him to his apartment building. A basketball court was outside, and a group of young people played a game in the intense summer heat. A few of the boys spotted Frank, calling out his name. “Hey, Mr. Frank, you want to shoot some hoops with us?” He waved. “Maybe tomorrow.”

  As they rode the elevator, Emily spoke. “You play basketball with them often?”

  “No, not too often.” They soon entered his cool loft apartment. “Sorry it’s such a mess.” He picked up a few clothes and threw them into the corner. Take-out Chinese and pizza boxes littered the area, and she assumed Frank hated cooking. She could certainly understand, because she’d been living off sandwiches and fast food ever since Laura left for Florida.

  She felt the place could be charming and cozy with a woman’s touch and a few decorations. The kitchen was spotless, and she supposed he barely used that room. “How is your nephew doing?”

  He lifted a pair of shoes and placed them in the hall closet. “He’s doing a little bit better. He recently had a birthday, and I was able to go to Chicago for the weekend for his party.”

  She smiled, enjoying the grin that split Frank’s handsome face as he spoke of his nephew. “I’m sure he was glad to see you.”

  “He was. We talked a lot, and I tried to get him to tell me what’s been going on. I let him know I wasn’t pleased with his shoplifting, and I hope my talking to him will influence him not to do it again.”

  “Did his father show up for his birthday?”

  Frank frowned, tossing dirty socks into his room. “No, he didn’t show up. He didn’t even call.” He shook his head. “He’s such a lousy dad. I don’t know what Trish was thinking when she married that loser.”

  She fingered the empty scotch bottle sitting on the coffee table. “Did you go to the liquor store to buy scotch?” Her voice wavered, and she continued to look around the room. Empty beer bottles and a half-empty bottle of wine sat on the end table.

  He took the bottle away from her and dropped it into the trash. “I told you things have been hectic in my life lately.” A hard edge crept into his voice, and he continued to gather items and place them in the garbage can.

  Clothes were strewn all over the place, and the hamper overflowed with garments. She wondered when he had last done his laundry. After he placed the paper bag in a kitchen cupboard, he pulled two cups from the cabinet and put several cubes of ice into each. The ice popped when he poured the lemonade. Emily sat on the couch, and he handed her the cup. She took a drink, closing her eyes, relishing the sweet, tangy taste of the lemonade and the clean citrus scent of Frank’s cologne. “You made this?”

  He chuckled. “Yes, I made it.”

  She raised her eyebrows, enjoying another sip. “It’s good.”

  “Thanks. All it is, is fresh lemons, sugar, and water.” He shrugged. “It’s no big deal.” Silence filled the room, and Emily drained her glass. “Would you like more lemonade?”

  “Please.”

  He returned to the kitchen with her empty glass so he could refill it. As he performed the chore, she was about to ask him about the audit when she noticed the wedding picture sitting on the coffee table.

  She lifted the photo and saw Frank wearing a gray tuxedo, and his arm was around a bride. The woman’s skin was the color of ripe blackberries, and her dark hair shimmered over her shoulders. Her arm was casually draped around Frank’s waist, and her laughter seemed to jump right out of the picture.

  She clutched the picture as he returned with the lemonade. “You’re married?” Her voice wavered.

  He shook his head. “I guess I should have mentioned it sooner. She’s dead.” He placed the picture on the coffee table face down.

  She stared at the down-turned picture frame. “Dead?”

  “My wife is dead. She was killed about a year ago.”

  “Killed, a year ago? That’s so recent.”

  “I know. I still think about her a lot.”

  So many questions filled her mind that she didn’t know which to ask firs
t. “She’s very pretty.”

  “Yes, Julie was very beautiful.”

  Silence, thick and heavy, filled the room. She wondered what had happened to Frank’s wife. “How long were you two married?”

  “Two years.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He stood and walked to the window, parting the curtains. Light streamed into the room from the streetlamps. “You know, I’m so sick of hearing that.”

  She stood beside him. “Hearing what?” Tears glistened in his eyes, and he quickly turned away. “What’s wrong?”

  When he didn’t initially respond, Emily was tempted to let the subject drop.

  He wiped his eyes and dropped the curtain, returning to the couch. Emily joined him, still wondering about the death of his wife. “I miss my wife so much. It’s one of the reasons I’ve started drinking again.”

  “I think your pain will lessen with time.”

  “I killed her, Emily. I killed my wife.”

  “I know you couldn’t have killed her.”

  “It’s my fault she’s dead.”

  She touched his shoulder. “What happened?”

  “Julie was raised in foster care.”

  She recalled the sad stories she’d heard about children in foster care. “That sounds rough.”

  “Yeah, but since she had been through so much with her brother during the time they were in foster care, they were closer than they should have been.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Her brother was into drugs. At one point, he owed somebody over a thousand dollars.”

  “Did she loan him the money?”

  Frank chuckled, the sarcastic sound echoing in the room. “It could hardly be called a loan, because I knew he would never pay us back. I didn’t understand why she kept bailing him out.”

  “So did she give him the money?”

  “I told her not to. She promised me she wouldn’t meet him in that dangerous neighborhood where he lived to give him the money.”

  “But she went to meet with her brother anyway.”

  He nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. “Yeah, she went. Some stuff went down, and there was a bust when she was there. She was accidentally shot and died a few days later.”