Aunty Marmalade

by Ruth Ann Young

  “I want that more than anything else,” I replied, and with that I jumped up and threw my arms around them both. They were two lonely, old people with no-one. But now, they had me. I was going to bring everyone back together. They would become part of my life, whatever the cost.

  Chapter 29

  Later, I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling. I was trying to make sense of all that happened to me since I arrived at Aunty M’s. I heard a thud coming from the attic. Must be Roma. I climbed the steps and pulled myself into the attic. I could see Roma sitting on the sofa with my mobile phone.

  “Hi there,” I said, “how are things? Why didn’t you come to meet our grandparents?”

  “Hi Florence. Sorry I couldn’t. I haven’t been feeling too good today. I’m finding it harder and harder to move. I really don’t feel the same as I did. Time is running out for me. Anyway what happened?”

  “They are really great. They have wanted to get in touch with me for ages but the family wouldn’t let them have any contact with me. They were pretty surprised that I got in touch with them. I had to tell them how I found out.”

  “What did they think? Did you tell them about me?” asked Roma.

  “No of course I didn’t. Well I couldn’t, could I? I wanted to, but I don’t think they would believe me. Well I hardly believe myself! Now I have to decide what to do next. I know I’ve got to do something quickly. Mum and dad are back on Saturday, that’s just two days away.”

  “Florence, what are you doing up there? Who are you speaking to?” came a voice from my room below.

  “Omigod it’s Aunty M. What am I going to say?” I whispered.

  “I don’t know Florence.”

  And she melted away.

  “Coming Aunty M,” I called.

  I walked to the hatch and peered down. Aunty M was standing looking up towards the hatch. She had her hands on her hips and she didn’t look happy.

  Chapter 30

  I took a deep breath and climbed down the steps. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t think of an excuse. I didn’t want to lie. I had lied enough already. Time was running out for Roma, so I decided there and then to tell the truth.

  “Florence, what are you doing up there again and who on earth are you talking to?” asked Aunty M.

  “I was sort of talking to myself Aunty M. I’m sorry about going up to the attic again. I just went up to collect a few things I left up there,” I said going red.

  “What things, Florence?” she said exasperated.

  “Just magazines, Aunty M.”

  “I think we had better talk Florence. I am rather disappointed you didn’t tell you were still going up there. Why on earth didn’t you tell me? You know there are things up there that are private and my business. We had better go and sit down together.”

  I followed her downstairs and we sat in the kitchen.

  “I went to see my dad’s parents today, Aunty M.”

  “You went to see Simon’s parents today? You did what?” said Aunty M and she put her head in her hands. “What happened, Florence?”

  “They were lovely and told me they had tried to get in touch with me but it had not been possible. They only live a short way from here,” I said.

  “I know they do Florence. Oh dear, what a mess all this is. What have I done to you? What have we all done to you?” muttered Aunty M.

  “I was worried about telling you Aunty M, and I’m petrified of mum finding out,” I said.

  “I now know that you should have been told about Simon and Roma but the family was trying to protect you. It was just easier to let you think that you had been the only baby and that Philip was your dad. It was a decision that the family made. I just went along with everything. Everyone blamed Simon’s parents for Simon and Roma’s death. It wasn’t their fault directly, of course, but they were against the marriage all along. I supposed everyone thought it would never come out, that you would never find out. I guessed it would. You can’t keep secrets forever. You will need to discuss all this with mum when she comes on Saturday,” finished Aunty M. Then without saying anything else, she got up and walked out fumbling in her pocket for her hankie.

  Seconds later, I heard her talking on the phone to someone. I guessed it was granny. I went up to my room. I realised I had upset Aunty M again by sneaking behind her back. I would never forgive myself for what I had done. I couldn’t tell them that I was on a rescue mission for Roma, that we needed to get together to say sorry and then she could rest in peace. That was a secret I would never tell and I would have to face the consequences. I would have to be brave for my sister.

  Chapter 31

  Aunty M said nothing about what I had done over dinner, except that mum and Philip were coming to collect me on Saturday morning, and that granny and granpy were also coming to see them. This surprised me because I had a return ticket for the train; they were not supposed to come down for me. This was getting a bit serious. Aunty M didn’t know about the family gathering to help Roma and yet she was helping Roma and me without knowing. I couldn’t believe my luck. She chatted away, just like always, and she had made chocolate profiteroles filled with cream and smothered in oozing, chocolate sauce for pudding. All I needed now was to get my grandma and grandpa here too, and I would have everyone in place for Roma.

  Later on as I lay in bed, I thought about what I should do. I would have to be really brave if I was to ask my grandma and grandpa to Apple Jack’s Cottage without permission. If I asked Aunty M first she might say no, then what would I do? No, it seemed to me that I would have to suffer the consequences for Roma’s sake. It would be worth it; it had to be.

  The moonlight filtered through the curtains throwing a shaft of light on the wall in front of me. The wind whispered through the cracks around the window frame. I had got so used to being in this room. I loved it. I loved its cosiness and the way it seemed to protect me. I could feel a wave of dread wash over me. I really didn’t want to go home. It seemed a million miles away. The more I thought about home, the more I hated it. I hated the loneliness, the emptiness and the constant nagging. I hated the feeling of not being wanted, of being in the way, of being a nuisance. I could feel the tears welling up in my throat and suddenly the tears started to fall and I was sobbing.

  “Florence, Florence, whatever is the matter my darling,” said Aunty M rushing through the door and grabbing me in one of her huge bear hugs.

  “Oh, Aunty M, I don’t want to go home. I love it here so much. I am so sorry I upset you. I had no right. I will never forgive myself. I lied to you and went behind your back. Will you ever forgive me? Will you be able to forget?”

  “Florence, please don’t worry. I just think that your mum needs to speak to you. I just hope she will be able to pluck up the courage. I know we are all at fault and all to blame but it was all done for you, my darling. You are my very special girl, you know. Mum and dad will be here before you know it and then it will all become clear. At least I hope it will.”

  “So you forgive me Aunty M?”

  “That goes without saying, my love.”

  Aunty M gave me a kiss on the forehead and wafted out of my room. I felt a little better. I got up to get a tissue from the dressing table and I looked out of the window at the night. I could hear the waves crashing on the beach below. I could smell the salt in the air. How was I going to leave all this behind for London’s sirens, traffic and crowds?

  I got back into bed and pulled the covers up right under my nose.

  “Flo, Flo,” came a whisper.

  “Roma?” I whispered back.

  Roma lay next to me in bed. She looked virtually transparent in her wispy white dress. Even her ginger curls looked pale, almost pink, and her skin a deathly white. If I had had any doubts about calling our grandparents, they disappeared and I knew I had no choice but to take the chance of upsetting everyone. I really didn’t care. I knew what was most important.

  “I’m glad you and Aunty M are friends again. What’s happe
ning on Saturday?”

  “Well, all the family are coming on Saturday. Mum and Philip, granny and granpy so I’m going to call grandma and grandpa tomorrow and get them to come too. Then we will all be here and you can ‘go’ then. Ok?”

  “Did you tell Aunty M you were going to invite them?” asked Roma.

  “No, I didn’t Roma. I don’t want to give her the chance to say I can’t. This is the last time I will have to go behind Aunty M’s back. It has to be done though, doesn’t it?”

  “Flo, I am sorry for having to put all this on you but there was no one else.”

  “I know and I don’t mind; you know I don’t. I would do anything for you, Roma.”

  Roma smiled a watery smile.

  Then together, we drifted off into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter 32

  Saturday morning dawned at last. Mum and Philip, granny and granpy were arriving at ten thirty. I had phoned my grandma and grandpa pretending that I was calling on behalf of the family to invite them for coffee and to meet everyone. They sounded a bit surprised at the invitation but agreed to come, saying that this was a wonderful opportunity to mend bridges. I sort of understood what they meant. Life was too short to bear grudges and an opportunity to say ‘sorry’ was overdue. They said they would arrive at eleven.

  After breakfast, I packed my rucksack and Biggles and I had a last run on the beach together. It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue and the sea calm. It was a perfect day for Roma to ‘rest in peace.’ As we ran along, my tummy was churning. I was dreading mum’s reaction when she saw my grandparents. Of all that was going to happen in the next two hours that was what scared me most. I knew Aunty M would forgive me. I knew my mum wouldn’t. Well, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t want to.

  At ten thirty, I heard a car draw up. It was granny and granpy. They hugged me and granny gave me one of her lipsticky kisses on the cheek. Granpy ruffled my curls and played pretend boxing just like he always did. Five minutes later, another car drew up and out got mum and Philip. They looked tanned and were smiling.

  So far so good. I walked outside to meet them. There seemed no reason to hurry.

  “Hello Florence,” said my mum. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine mum. How are you?” I lifted my arms up hoping she might do the same and give me a hug, but she didn’t.

  “We are fine too, thank you”, she replied backing away from me. “Are you packed? Have you checked everywhere because we don’t want to have to come all this way again to get what you’ve forgotten? I don’t know why you couldn’t come home by train.”

  “I would have if you had asked me, mum. I thought you wanted to come and collect me. Aunty M said so.”

  “Well, she would say that. Granny phoned and told us to come down. What have you been up to? I hope there’s no trouble, Florence?” said mum and she stared at me with her piercing grey eyes that cut through me like a knife. I felt a sudden wave of sickness hit me and I gulped.

  “How’s things, Florrie?”asked Philip smiling and pulling my nose fondly just like he always did.

  “Fine. Did you have a good time?” I asked him.

  “Yes, it was good. I was busy but we did manage to have a few days on the beach and we did some sightseeing.”

  “That’s good. Let’s go in,” I suggested. I wanted us safely inside before my grandparents arrived.

  “Best make sure you’ve got everything packed and you’ve left nothing behind Florrie,” said Philip anxiously and giving me a wink. He didn’t want another upset either.

  “I will. I’ll check again, promise.”

  Together, we walked inside. Just as we closed the front door, I heard a car pull up on the gravel drive. My heart thumped in my chest and I knew there was no turning back now.

  Chapter 33

  “Did I hear a car?” said granny straining to look out of the sitting room window.

  “I think you did,” said Aunty M.

  “Who could that be?” asked granpy.

  I could feel my face getting hotter and imagined it turning beetroot red, “I’ll go,” I offered heading for the door.

  I rushed out of the room and opened the front door. There standing on the doorstep were my grandparents smiling.

  “Please come in,” I said and I opened the door wide. I took a step back and trod on someone’s toe. I swung around about to apologise to whoever it was. Standing there was Aunty M. She put out her hand and shook their hands vigorously. I looked at them and at Aunty M.

  “I phoned Aunty M, Florence. Just to make sure. I hope you don’t mind,” said grandma.

  “And I phoned granny so she was prepared,” said Aunty M.

  I could hardly believe my ears.

  “What about mum?”

  “We thought it best not to. We thought we would spring the surprise on her and then she could not back down. All this bad feeling and separation has gone on long enough and you are the most important person here, Florence,” said Aunty M and with that she turned towards the sitting room. The three of us followed.

  “What on earth is this?” asked my mum standing up. “What are they doing here?”

  “We invited them, Helen. It is time all the secrets were out in the open after all this time. Florence found out about her father and her twin sister. We all need to forgive and forget. Time has moved on and we must all move on too,” said Aunty M.

  “What do you mean, we have to forgive and forget. I have nothing to forgive and forget. How dare you, Madeleine. You always were selfish. You always got your own way when we were growing up.”

  “No I didn’t. Anyway, this is not the time for that. We have to think about Florence now. Her life has been turned upside down.”

  “What do you mean turned upside down?” spat my mum at her sister.

  “Don’t you realise the significance of all of this?” said Aunty M quietly.

  “Yes I do,” snarled my mum. “What you are saying is Florence needs to find out about her mother too. I think you should tell her, don’t you. She obviously doesn’t know that part, does she?”

  “No she doesn’t. Florence, there is something you should have been told and I could not pluck up the courage to tell you but now I know I must.”

  “What must you tell me, Aunty M? What haven’t you told me?” I pleaded, dreading the answer.

  “Madeleine, be careful,” said granny getting up and grabbing me.

  “What’s going on? Please tell me,” I pleaded again.

  “Florence this was why they kept us apart,” said grandma. “We knew you see.”

  “Why did they keep us apart? What’s the big secret? Please tell me. It is not fair to do this to me,” I said as the tears streamed down my face.

  “Florence, the thing is,” said Aunty M, “the thing is. I am your mum.”

  Chapter 34

  I could not believe my ears. I stared at Aunty M. I looked at my mum and Philip. I glared at granny and granpy. I looked across at my father’s parents. There was silence. No-one said a word. You could cut the air with a knife. I didn’t know what to do. I had been betrayed by everyone now. They all knew. They all knew about Simon, Roma and my real mum. Everyone knew everything and I had known nothing. Nothing at all. How could they all treat me like this? I would never, ever forgive any of them. They had kept secrets from me. They lied to me. If you love someone, they should never treat you in this way. I was even betrayed by Aunty M.

  I wanted to run. I ran towards the door and shoved it open. I fled to the back door and ran across the lawn towards the cliff. Biggles, realising that a walk was on offer, ran out with me and together, we headed for the beach. I followed him down the steps to the sand and ran behind him. The salty sea air wisped round me and tears poured out of my eyes and my nose dripped.

  I didn’t care how I looked. I didn’t care who saw me. I just had to get away from the lies and the secrets and the fact that I was unloved and unwanted. My father had died and I never got the chance to know him. Without realising it
before, I was missing him. If only I had had the chance to talk to him just once. I ran out of breath and had to slow down. Yes, I thought as I dragged one foot after the other along the sand that is why mum disliked me so much. That was why she didn’t want me. That was why I was nothing but a nuisance to her. The reasons for her behaviour towards me were; I wasn’t hers.

  But how had I ended up being brought up by her? She obviously didn’t want me, did she? That had always been obvious to me even when I was really little. I could never remember her cuddling me or hugging me ever. I could never remember her saying how well I had done in my tests at school or my ballet exams. She had always just said, “And what did so-and-so get?” and if it was better than me, she smirked and walked off. So why did Aunty M give me away? Omigod, omigod, the thought suddenly struck me. I needed to know.

  Aunty M had given me away to her sister.

  But why?

  Chapter 35

  “Florence, come back,” came a voice carried on the wind.

  I spun around and saw Aunty M huffing and puffing down the beach towards me. I stopped realising it was foolish to keep going. I had to go back to find out what had happened.

  “Florence, darling let’s go back. We are all so worried about you. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I had planned a better way but every time I tried to tell you I just couldn’t pluck up the courage. I am so very sorry for what I have done to you. Let’s go back and join the others.”

  Aunty M reached out her hand to me and smiled. Her rosy cheeks were wet with tears and her hair was bouncing around her face. She was out of breath and somehow she looked so desperate, so I smiled and took her hand. It was the first time I held the hand of my real mum.

  We walked back to the cottage in silence. I didn’t have anything to say. I was so choked up that I didn’t think I could say anything even if I wanted to. We were still holding hands as we walked back into the sitting room. Granpy got up and ushered me to sit down in his place. He walked over to the piano stool and sat down.