Aunty Marmalade

by Ruth Ann Young

  I clutched the album and turned the pages until I came to the wedding pictures. There was Simon, my dad. Now I could see what Aunty M meant because he was handsome.

  I turned the page and there was the photo of mum, Simon, granny and granpy. On the other side of Mum were two people. They must be Simon’s parents. I stared at them. They looked normal and nice. They looked just like any grandparents would look. I wondered what they knew about me. Did they know anything about me? Anything at all?

  Wonder what they’re like? Why haven’t they tried to meet me? They must be awful because of what they did to mum and Simon yet they didn’t look bad or evil or anything. I was so interested in them. Under the photo someone had written,”Rosamund and Alistair Rhodes, June and Henry Masters.”

  So my grandparents name was Rhodes, not a very common name. I knew they must live locally because Aunty M said they did. How could I find out? The phone book. I could look in the phone book. Simple. I just hoped they were not ex-directory.

  I closed my eyes and as I opened them there was Roma standing in front of me. She looked paler than I had ever seen her. I could see the bookcase behind her. She was smiling.

  “Going to my grave tomorrow then?”

  “Yes. So you heard the story. Dad died before we were born.”

  “Yes, I can’t believe it. That explains why mum was on her own when I became poorly that night. She was coping all alone with the two of us. That’s why I was left at the hospital. Granny and granpy must have been away. I wonder where Aunty M was.”

  “I wonder if that’s why mum is sort of like she is. She’s just never got over Simon and you dying and she sort of blames me because I lived and you both didn’t. Then she married Philip, dad, but she never got over what happened because I remind her all the time,” I said realising that I was probably right.

  “She can’t be that silly. It wasn’t your fault,” said Roma reassuringly.

  “No it was nobody’s fault. But she gets so cross with me all the time I just feel I must be to blame for some of it. It must have been hard for mum.”

  “Yes and hard for you. Our dad is not our dad either. What are you going to say to him?” asked Roma with a shrug.

  “I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I’m certainly not going to ask mum, she’ll be furious I’ve asked Aunty M about her and what happened and I’ve been snooping around. I’ve done everything she told me not to do. She’ll never speak to me again.”

  “Course she will.”

  “You don’t know our mum. She’s pretty fierce. I’m terrified of her and I don’t want to make matters worse.”

  “What about Aunty M?”

  “I don’t think she’ll say anything unless I ask her to. I’ve spent eleven years not knowing, so the secret can stay for a while longer until I can pluck up the courage to tell mum I know when I’m about forty five.”

  “Forty five!?” giggled Roma.

  “Yeah, it will take me that long at least.”

  “I’m going to find out the address of our real grandparents, Roma.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind doing this for me. They’ve never made any attempts at trying to find you or see you. They might be rude and upset you. They might refuse to see you. You may cause a lot of trouble, Flo,” said Roma with feeling.

  “I know but I can’t not find them now. I want to try to get to know our real dad. I think it’s just something I need to do. If you need help to ‘rest in peace’, we need to get everyone back together again and try to what’s that saying; ‘bury the bucket’?”

  “That doesn’t sound right Flo, but anyway I think you’re right, we need to get everyone together so we can all say ‘sorry’ and forget what’s happened.”

  “Yes, I want to meet them really badly. I just can’t imagine what they are like. It’s exciting really to meet new people in your family that you never knew about. Like you really. I have a sister that I knew nothing about. I just wish you didn’t have to go away. Why do you have to ‘rest in peace’? Why can’t we just carry on like this?” I asked, thinking it was all so simple.

  “I have to go. They are calling me and telling me to hurry.”

  “Who are ‘they’?” I asked puzzled.

  “They are our ancestors. It is their job to protect us once we die. I have to go, otherwise I will be lost forever nowhere and I’ve been told that is the worse thing that can happen to any spirit or ghost. I need to get there because I don’t want to end up ‘nowhere.’ I want to be with them. Have you noticed I seem to be getting paler?”

  I realised that this must be the sign that she was losing her chance to ‘rest in peace.’ I would have to work quickly. I would have to do whatever I could for her. I was the lucky one. I had lived.

  Roma disappeared and I went back down to bed. I couldn’t sleep at first as my head was buzzing with everything. First thing tomorrow, I would get the phone book, find their address and phone number and write to my new grandparents. I wouldn’t tell Aunty M and I would face whatever happened. I had to get the family back together for Roma. And with that thought, I relaxed and let sleep take me through night’s journey.

  Chapter 26

  The seagulls’ screeching woke me very early the next morning. I opened my eyes and stretched remembering what I had to do. I tiptoed to the bedroom door and opened it. It clicked open. There was silence. Aunty M was still in her room. Biggles was still in his bed downstairs.

  I crept down the stairs and turned into the study off the hall. I found the phone book and flicked through to the ‘Rs’. I ran my finger down the pages until I landed on ‘Rhodes.’ There were only four names. There, to my absolute relief was;

  Rhodes A. Willow tree House, Willow Tree Lane, Tarlton.

  I scribbled the address and phone number down on one of Aunty M’s ‘post it’ notes. I knew where they lived. Tarlton was only a small place and the lane they lived on was further down the coast road on the right. I had passed the end of their lane when Sam and I went to the sailing club. I remembered thinking at the time what a lovely name for a road. A thought struck me that it was possible I had already seen them at the shops or on the beach. I marched out of the room and set off back upstairs. Behind me, I heard a noise: click, click, click, whoosh. I slowly turned around and to my horror; there was Biggles and Aunty M standing at the foot of the stairs.

  “You’re up early Flo. Everything alright?”

  “Yes, fine,” I stuttered feeling my face flush bright red.

  I couldn’t think of an excuse so I turned back and continued back up the stairs, hoping Aunty M wouldn’t ask me what I had been doing.

  I quickly opened the dressing table drawer where I’d seen some writing paper and envelopes. I put the address and the date at the top and started to write. I wanted to get the letter written and posted straight away.

  My pen hovered over the page and I wrote; “My name is Florence and I am your granddaughter. I have only just found out about you and I would very much like to meet you. My mobile number is 07986 243562. If you would like to meet me, could you please call me on this number and I will come to visit you. I am staying with my godmother in Tarlton until the 24th October.”

  I ended the letter with best wishes Florence Masters. I decided not to put a kiss because I didn’t know them yet. I found a stamp in my purse. I bought six stamps at the post office because mum had told me to, just in case I wrote to granny or my friend Eloise. She didn’t want me pestering Aunty M.

  After breakfast we bought some flowers in the mini mart and walked to the little graveyard in the grounds of St Luke’s church.

  “Seems so strange seeing where my sister is buried. If only she was still here.”

  “How many times I have said that Florence? It would have been easier for you and your mum if there had been the two of you to care for and she would have found losing Simon a little easier somehow. It’s all so sad.”

  “You could be right, Aunty M. And there’s dad, I mean Philip.”


  “Philip? You mean your dad?” asked Aunty M.

  “No Philip; he’s not my real dad after all.”

  “Florence, he’s been your dad and he’s been wonderful to you and your mum.”

  “I know Aunty M but he’s not my real, dad is he?”

  “No, but he married mum when you were only about a year old and he has loved you and cared for you just like your real dad would have done. Mum was very lucky when she met him. We are all so very fond of him and he loves you very much. You only have to watch him with you to see that.”

  “Yes I know but I’m feeling very muddled up Aunty M. Everything is different now.”

  “You know what happened to you and mum but nothing has changed really. You’ll be fine and so will mum and Philip. You’ve just grown up a bit, well a big bit.”

  Aunty M walked away towards the entrance gate. I bent down and place the bunch of flowers in the little container. I stood up and looked at the headstone. It said, “Roma Masters 1996”.

  “Our Little Angel fell asleep when she was just six months old.

  Rest in Peace Little One.”

  If only you all knew, I thought. Their ‘Little One’ could not ‘rest in peace’ until they all met and forgave each other for what happened years before. I really was growing up quickly. I was learning how grown ups could let you down. Feeling desperate, I ran down the path to join Aunty M.

  Chapter 27

  Two days later, after lunch, when I was writing my diary and gazing out of the window at the fishing boats bobbing about on the waves, my phone rang. My heart stopped. I had been willing my phone to ring as I guessed that my letter was delivered the day before. I posted it when Aunty M popped into the Mini Mart to buy some onions. She never asked me what I was doing in the study two mornings before. She was amazing. She treated me like a grown up and never asked questions. I couldn’t tell whether she was disinterested or whether she was giving me privacy. I decided to believe it was the latter. She knew I needed space to be myself. Well on this occasion, I was glad she did.

  I flicked up my phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello is that Florence?”

  “Yes it is who’s speaking?”

  “This is your grandma, Rosamund and your grandfather, Alastair, is next to me.”

  “Oh my goodness,” I heard myself saying, “how do you do?”

  “We are fine and very keen to meet you. When would you be able to visit?”

  “I could come to see you tomorrow. You are only about fifteen minutes away from where I am staying. I can walk quite easily.”

  “Yes you can. Why don’t you come for tea tomorrow, say at four?”

  “I’d like that very much. See you at four then,” I responded.

  “We are looking forward to meeting you. Goodbye.”

  “Goodbye grandma.”

  My phone went dead.

  I sat on my bed my heart pounding. I started now and I would have to go on. I was excited and yet deeply worried that I would cause more trouble with my mum and Aunty M. I felt really bad about the attic and how I upset Aunty M so badly. There were so many secrets and no-one made any attempts to tell me. My mum was always so sharp and irritated with me and I never knew why. And most important of all was Roma who needed us all.

  “Who was that?” came a voice behind me.

  I swung around hoping it was not Aunty M. It was Roma.

  “That was our real grandparents. I’m seeing them tomorrow at four for tea. Will you come too?”

  “Sure. I wouldn’t miss meeting them for anything,” said Roma as she hovered above my bed.

  I looked at her and as I did I realised time was running out. She was very pale and her eyes, which had been bright blue, were losing their glint.

  I know I had to work fast. Mum and Philip would be back at the weekend. They were coming down to collect me on Sunday. I had three days to make a miracle happen. It was a risk I knew I had to take, and with that thought, I went downstairs to see if Aunty M would like a cup of tea. Everything would have to be normal. I could not raise any suspicions. I would have to lie about where I was going tomorrow; I knew that but I felt it was the right thing to do. I had to do all I could to save my sister Roma.

  Chapter 28

  Aunty M was busy painting and I wasn’t really sure she listened to my excuse that I was going out to tea at Sam’s house. She smiled and waved her paint brush at me and muttered something about not being too late and that we were having sticky toffee pudding for tea. As I was scurrying towards my grandparent’s house I tittered to myself. I could see mum glaring at me and saying, “Florence, don’t forget what I told you. I don’t want you coming home overweight after eating all those ridiculous puddings she insists on making. She’s always had a sweet tooth and I don’t want you following in her footsteps. To be overweight is a terrible thing and very bad for your health. It’s also very embarrassing and I DO NOT want to be embarrassed by you.” It felt like my tummy was writhing with snakes as it was. I could clearly see my mum’s grey eyes piercing through me. Well, anyway I was alright so far I reckoned. My clothes felt the same not tight or anything.

  As I strode along the road, I hummed, “One step nearer, one step nearer.” I was excited but so nervous. What I was doing was the right thing I knew that but the consequences, terrified me. If it all went wrong, mum would never talk to me again. I was more worried about upsetting Aunty M. I couldn’t really explain why. She was so kind to me. She made me feel like I mattered and what I said was relevant and important. I had never had so much freedom either. Staying with Aunty M was the best time I had ever had. I realised there and then as I skipped along the road that I hadn’t missed my mum at all. In fact, I hardly thought about her. Philip was away so much that I was used to being without him all the time. He was fun when he was at home, but of course, now it would all be different. I knew he was not my dad; well not my real dad. I had unearthed so many secrets and so far no-one knew, I knew.

  I turned down Walnut Tree Lane. Half-way down, I came to their house. It had huge wrought iron gates and a gravel drive up to the front door. It was a large and very lovely house with a beautiful front garden full of trees and bushes.

  I stopped and looked up at the house. As I raised my hand up to the doorbell, the door opened. There, standing on the doorstep were two elderly people smiling down at me.

  “Hello, I’m Florence.”

  “Hello, welcome. Please come in.”

  They stood aside and I walked into the hall. Grandpa held out his hand and I did the same and he shook my hand and smiled. Grandma then did the same. I followed them into the sitting room. Grandpa pointed to a chair and I sat down. I wanted to give a good impression of myself. I wanted to show them that mum had done a good job of bringing me up.

  “Florence, we are truly delighted to meet you. If you only knew how often we speak about you. We wondered what you looked like and what you are doing. How are you and your family?” asked my grandma.

  “I am very well, thank you, and my entire family are well. I am staying with Aunty Marmalade because my parents are on a business trip to Australia,” I replied.

  “Who is Aunty Marmalade? I don’t think we know who she is, do we Alistair?” said my grandma.

  “She is my godmother, grandma. My mum’s sister Madeleine.”

  “Oh, oh, yes I remember.” said grandma stuttering. And how is your mother?”

  “She is very well, thank you. She’s very busy though. She’s always busy,” I said.

  “And your grandparents?”

  “They are fine. They are always going on holiday because granpy is retired now.”

  “Good for them. And how about you? We want to know all about you.”

  I told them about school and that I was going to boarding school in September. I told them about the subjects I liked, the sports I played and the ‘cool gang’ that made my life a misery.

  Grandma and grandpa got up to collect the tea things. I lay the napkin they
gave me on my lap and said I would just like milk in my tea. I chose some tiny ham sandwiches and put them on my plate and a little pastry too. When I finished I put my tea things on the tray, folded my napkin and lay it down on the tray too.

  “We would like to know how you came to want to see us Florence,” said my grandma. “We tried to get in touch with you many times but I’m afraid your mother refused any contact with you and so we gave up trying. There was a lot of bad feeling all those years ago.”

  “I only found out about you recently,” I answered, “I didn’t know about my real dad.”

  Grandma put her hands up to her face and stared at me in disbelief. Grandpa shook his head.

  I told them how I found out and that I had not told anyone. I didn’t say anything about Roma, of course. I could see the sadness in their eyes.

  “How do you feel now you know, Florence?” asked grandpa.

  “I’m a bit confused really. You see I didn’t know I had a twin sister either. I just can’t understand why no-one ever told me.”

  “So no-one in your family knows you are visiting us today?” said grandma in disbelief.

  “No. I haven’t told anyone. I just didn’t want to tell in case they stopped me. I mean it is my business if you think about it. I feel a bit cross and hurt but at the same time, I don’t want to upset anyone. They must have had their reasons I suppose,” I exclaimed.

  “You look very like your father,” commented my grandma. “He was a wonderful, talented son and we miss him terribly. You have his eyes, the gap between your teeth and his kind and gentle manner. This is a wonderful day for us, our dear sweet girl. We hope that now we have met you, you will keep in touch with us. We want to get to know you better and be part of your life, if you would let us.”