SEAL Do Over (A Standalone Navy SEAL Romance) (SEAL Brotherhood, 6)

by Ivy Jordan

The birds were loud above us, and critters sounded off in the woods that surrounded us. The gurgle of the stream caught Candace’s attention after we’d eaten.

  “Is that where we’re gonna fish?” she asked.

  I nodded. “There’s a river opening just past that stream.”

  “What are you waiting for?” she urged, standing to her feet.

  I grabbed the poles and started to reach for her hand when she tensed.

  “What’s that?” she asked, standing as still as one of the trees.

  “I don’t hear anything,” I admitted.

  “Shhh,” she hushed me, waving her hand swiftly as she continued to listen.

  I stopped. I listened. I didn’t hear anything, just the sounds of the forest.

  She started walking towards the stream and then stopped again. Every time I tried to follow her, she motioned at me with irritation for the noise my big feet made on the forest floor. I tried not to laugh, but a low chuckle rolled from my throat anyway.

  “Luke,” she called out, her voice filled with desperation.

  I rushed towards her, finally allowed to make noise. She knelt down by a tree, something shuffling at her feet, and looked back at me with the most beautiful green eyes I’d ever seen.

  “Do you have a towel or anything I could use to wrap him?” she asked.

  I ripped off my shirt, handing it to her without hesitation. She used it to scoop up the tiny critter, wrapping it loosely in the cloth and then snuggled it to her chest.

  When she turned towards me, her eyes locked on my chest, then my neck where my scars were the worst. I froze until she released her lock on me, and then turned her attention to the critter in her hands.

  “It’s hurt,” she sighed.

  I leaned over her shoulder to see what exactly it was that she’d found. It was a baby squirrel with a bushy tail as large as its entire body.

  “Let’s bring it up here,” I suggested, helping her get back to the blanket.

  The squirrel made an awful racket as we walked, and an even louder one as we sat down.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked.

  “I think his leg’s broken,” she replied, reaching into the blanket.

  I heard the tiny squeal grow loud and desperate as she pulled gently on the wounded leg.

  “We can’t leave him out here,” she pouted.

  “Of course not, we’ll bring him back to the barn, where you can care for him until he’s well,” I smiled.

  Her smile lit up.

  “Can you find me a stick, something sturdy, but thin enough to sit against his leg?” she asked, her tone suddenly serious.

  “Sure,” I agreed, heading out into the woods in search of what she requested.

  I found several that I thought might work, so I brought them all back to the blanket to let her choose.

  “Tape?” she asked, unsure about her own request.

  I opened up the picnic basket and pulled out the floral tape that I planned to use for her flowers.

  Candace wasn’t hesitant about what she was doing. It was the first time I’d gotten a glimpse of the self-confidence she’d lost, or maybe never had. She opened up the shirt, looked up at me, and then took a deep breath.

  “I need you to hold him still,” she instructed.

  I leaned in, gripped the little squirrel gently but tight enough to keep him in place, and watched as Candace gripped his leg, her finger tracing the bone as he squealed. With a quick and confident jerk, she pushed the broken bone back into place. The squirrel squirmed to get away beneath my hand, but I held him in place. She pushed the stick against the now straightened bone, and I helped her wrap his leg in the tape to keep the stick in place.

  “That’s impressive,” I sighed, wanting so badly to lean in and kiss her lips.

  “It’s just a temporary splint. It will be okay for now,” she said humbly.

  “You’re really good with animals,” I told her.

  She blushed, quickly turning her attention to the squirrel.

  He was calm, snuggled up in her arms, happy. I would be happy there too in her arms if she’d have me.

  “He really needs some antibiotics and milk,” Candace pointed out.

  “We can move the rest of this date to the barn, if you’d like,” I suggested, not willing to end our date just yet.

  She nodded with a smile and carefully stood with the squirrel in her arms.

  I gathered everything, shoving it back into the basket and helped her down the small hill and to the truck.

  We drove to the barn, her never taking her eyes from the wounded squirrel. She talked softly to it, easing it with her smooth voice.

  At the barn, she found antibiotics that were in the small cabinet by the loft, a tiny bottle I’d bought for her incase the kittens needed any help eating, and fresh cow’s milk from the small fridge. I watched in amazement as she handled the situation with ease. The squirrel didn’t waste any time taking to the bottle, sucking it dry as she coached him with a stroke of her finger to his head.

  “You should consider getting your degree,” I mentioned.

  “I don’t know,” she said softly.

  “You’d be an amazing vet,” I insisted.

  She shrugged her shoulders. It was obvious that she still wasn’t sure she could do anything, but watching her, it was clear she could do anything she wanted.

  I left the barn and grabbed the basket from the truck. I spread out the blanket on the floor and pulled out the strawberries and wine. I wrapped the flowers, and when Candace turned towards me, I surprised her with them, her smile widening with pink cheeks as she accepted them.

  “They are beautiful,” she gushed.

  “Not as beautiful as you,” I sighed.

  I poured her a glass of wine, and then one for myself. She sat the baby squirrel down beside her, asleep in my shirt and happy as a clam.

  We drank and talked about work, and I pushed a little harder for her to consider a degree.

  “You can do anything you want. You have a new life, a fresh start,” I insisted.

  She just smiled but didn’t respond. Getting her to believe in herself would take time. I knew that. But I wouldn’t stop trying.

  “How are things going with Lyla?” I asked.

  She shrugged.

  “You feel like she’s helping you?” I questioned.

  “Yes,” Candace nodded.

  This was an area I wasn’t willing to push, but it was frustrating that she wouldn’t open up.

  “You must be getting cold,” Candace noted, gazing at my chest.

  I liked how her eyes wandered my skin, scanning it slowly as if she planned to burn the image into her mind.

  “I’ve got a shirt in the truck,” I remembered, quickly getting up and heading that way.

  I slid on the t-shirt, tried to calm my racing heart with a couple deep breaths, and then headed back inside. I wanted to take her in my arms, pin her to the barn floor with my lips against hers, and feel our skins’ friction as we made love. I knew if we stayed much longer, my urges would only get worse, so I offered to take her home.

  “It’s late. I know you probably want to get some rest before work in the morning,” I stated.

  She nodded with a smile.

  I was disappointed that she didn’t say no, that she wanted to stay, to give into urges that were similar to mine.

  “I should keep him with me,” she said, picking up the baby squirrel.

  “I believe so,” I chuckled, watching how he curled into her when she pulled him to her chest.

  What a lucky squirrel.

  I drove her back to Lyla’s and helped her from the truck. As we made it to the front door, I was ready to accept a goodnight without touching and without a kiss.

  Candace set the squirrel on the chair outside the front door and wrapped her arms around my neck. She reached up on her tippy toes, gently nuzzling into my neck as her lips touched my skin. It was a gentle kiss, a friendly one, but enough to stir more
in my body.

  I leaned down, kissing her on the cheek as she started to pull away. We both stopped, our lips so close I could taste her sweet wine breath. I wanted to, and I think she did too, but she quickly pulled away, returning to her animal.

  “Thank you. I had an amazing time,” she smiled.

  I handed her the flowers I’d picked for her and tried to clear my throat.

  “Me too,” I choked.

  Chapter 28

  Candace

  It was a relief that Lyla wasn’t home when I walked into the cabin. I wasn’t ready to analyze the date, but I did want to talk about it to a friend. I called Alyssa, waiting anxiously as the phone rang three times. Finally, she answered, her voice sounding as excited as I felt.

  “So, how was it?” she gushed.

  I fell onto my bed, the baby squirrel safely in the drawer of my nightstand. I let out a long sigh that made Alyssa giggle.

  “What?” I asked, confused by her laughter.

  “That sigh. I know what that means,” she teased.

  “What does it mean?” I chuckled.

  “It means you had more than a good time; you had a great time,” she replied.

  “It was amazing,” I gushed, kicking my feet into the air like a kid.

  I told her everything, from the moment he picked me up until the moment he dropped me off.

  “Did he kiss you goodnight?” Alyssa pried.

  I giggled. My cheeks burnt so bad as they started to blush that I could barely speak.

  Alyssa continued to push, begging me to tell her everything, how it was, how long, who kissed who. I loved how she knew my answers just by my giggles and sighs.

  “I kissed him, but just on the neck, then he kissed me back on the cheek. We stood there, almost kissing for what felt like forever,” I admitted.

  “Why didn’t you just do it?” she questioned.

  I sighed. “I don’t know. I was afraid I guess.” I stared at the ceiling fan spinning around above me. “Is this what it’s like to have a friend?”

  The other side of the phone grew silent, and I suddenly felt stupid for saying that aloud.

  “I’m sorry,” I gasped.

  “No. Don’t be sorry. Yes, this is what it’s like,” she replied sweetly. “Don’t apologize for speaking, for living, for anything,” Alyssa scolded warmly.

  “I want to come visit, and to meet Holly,” I blurted.

  “I’d love that. I’ve told her all about you, how you work with the animals there at the ranch. She loves animals and is dying to meet you,” Alyssa announced.

  I was shocked that anyone would be interested in meeting me. I wasn’t interesting at all.

  “We’ll plan it soon,” I agreed, and then said my goodbyes.

  I wanted to shower and get into bed before Lyla came in, hopefully avoiding our talk about Luke until morning when I’d had time to think about it and decide how I truly felt about our kiss.

  My eyes couldn’t have been shut for long when my alarm went off. I slid out of bed, turned to check on my squirrel, and then quickly dressed for the day. In the kitchen, Lyla was already dressed, waiting for me to have our morning chat session.

  “Who’s this?” she asked, her tone slightly disgusted as she peeked into the small shoe box I used to transport the squirrel.

  “I found him last night; his leg was broken. I hope you don’t mind. I couldn’t leave him in the barn all night; he had to eat again,” I explained.

  “Of course not. He needed your help; it’s admiral,” she said, her tone still slightly off.

  I warmed up a bottle and sat at the table, ignoring the cinnamon roll and coffee sitting in front of me. I’d eat later.

  “How was the date?” Lyla asked.

  “It was really good,” I smiled.

  “Where did he take you?” she questioned.

  I told her about the private spot by the stream, where I found the squirrel and then finishing the date in the barn while she sipped her coffee.

  “Would you preferred to been taken to a nice restaurant?” Lyla asked.

  I shook my head. “I was relieved. It was the perfect first date,” I gushed.

  “First date. So you want another. Did he ask you?” she smiled.

  “He didn’t ask,” I sighed, realizing that maybe he should’ve.

  “That doesn’t mean he won’t. In fact, I’m fairly certain that he will,” Lyla smirked.

  I knew she talked to Luke, and that there were things she knew that she couldn’t tell me. I liked her smirk and her comment. They made me feel good.

  “Was there a goodnight kiss?” she pushed for more.

  I’d thought about it all night, about how I’d tell her about the kiss. All the worrying I’d done, and the answer just blurted from my mouth, every last detail.

  “How did it make you feel?” she asked.

  I thought about it for a moment before answering, remembering every sensation that occurred in my body.

  “Excited, tingly,” I replied.

  “So, you liked it?” she smiled.

  I nodded.

  “It didn’t make you feel dirty?” she asked.

  I hesitated, then answered, “Talking about it now does, but I didn’t feel dirty then, when we kissed.”

  “Good. And don’t be shy talking about sex with me. You’re a grown woman, and you have needs and desires that are completely natural,” Lyla noted.

  I started to blush, realizing I needed to tell her something, to own up to something I did.

  “I slept with Luke, but not last night. I slept with him before, when I stayed there,” I blurted.

  Lyla looked shocked by my revelation.

  “He made a move on you after he found you in such bad shape?” Lyla asked softly.

  It was obvious she didn’t understand the events of that night. I wasn’t being clear enough, and Luke looked like a monster in her eyes.

  “I snuck into his room. He tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t stop,” I admitted.

  “So, you made the move?” she asked carefully.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “Okay, so did you enjoy it?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I sighed.

  “You’ve been abused your entire life. Sex and control can be a confusing matter and will take time for you to separate and understand. Can you tell me why you snuck into his room? Was it for the purpose of sex?” she asked.

  “I wanted to feel safe,” I replied.

  “Could you have done that by simply having him hold you?” she asked.

  I shrugged.

  “I just want you to understand that if you needed sex, had desires, wants, then it was okay. If you wanted or needed something other than sex, I need you to understand that you should never feel that you have to use sex, or should use sex as a tool to get it,” she leaned against her chair, her eyes heavy on mine.

  I thought about what she said and understood what she was saying, but I still couldn’t decide how I felt about that night.

  “Do you think I took advantage of Luke?” I asked.

  Lyla sipped her coffee as she squinted in my direction.

  “If Luke had feelings for you, and you knew that, but you didn’t for him, then yes, it could be considered taking advantage. But only if you were using him for a need of your own, one that wasn’t mutually agreed upon fulfilling,” she noted.

  Her words were starting to confuse me, and that dirty feeling consumed my soul.

  “Candace, I don’t think you took advantage of Luke. I don’t think he believes that either. I think you do have feelings for him, maybe ones you are not clear about, but that night was a human need to be held, loved, to feel safe. There is not a single part of me that believes Luke wouldn’t want to give you that,” Lyla assured me.

  “It made me feel good, so I enjoyed it,” I answered.

  “Good. That’s a step in the right direction,” Lyla smiled.

  “I wouldn’t let him touch me though. I wanted to be in con
trol,” I admitted.

  “Okay, so maybe you have triggers you were hoping to avoid by taking control?” she questioned.

  I thought about Damien. He held me down. His mouth would snip at my breasts, his teeth sinking into my flesh until I screamed from the pain. I thought about my foster dad, how he’d dig his nails into my thighs, nearly ripping through my skin as he forced himself into me. Yes. I had triggers.

  “Yes,” I replied without the dirty details that made me feel ashamed, used, tainted.

  “When you trust someone, truly trust someone, you won’t feel the need to control the situation. Your triggers shouldn’t be an issue, and if they are, they can be discussed. Someone who loves you will understand,” she explained.

  Loves me. I liked the way that sounded.

  Damien never told me he loved me. He told me I was his and that I belonged to him. I was like a piece of property, not a person.

  “We can talk more about this tomorrow,” Lyla said, quickly finishing her coffee.

  I grabbed my cinnamon roll, she poured my coffee into a foam cup with a lid, and we headed towards the barn. I was eager to start work, to show Tom the squirrel I found and see if he said the same things that Luke had said about me being a natural with animals.

  Tom was in the back stables with the horses when I arrived. I carried the box containing the tiny squirrel as I approached him.

  “What ya got there?” he asked, stretching to look into the box.

  I pushed it towards him and moved the shirt that snuggled him.

  “Did you set that bone yourself?” he asked, his eyes wide as they stared into mine.

  I nodded as he took the squirrel from the box, examined him closely while he squealed. His old boney fingers ran the length of the squirrel’s leg, and then he smiled.

  “You did a mighty fine job,” he beamed.

  “Thank you,” I replied.

  “We better get him some antibiotics,” Tom said, moving towards the front of the barn to the small cabinet that hung on the wall.

  “I gave him a dose last night,” I said proudly.

  He opened the cabinet, pulled out the bottle, and grabbed a small vial.

  “The right dosage for his weight?” he asked.

  “I think so,” I shrugged.