The Startling Inaccuracy of the First Impression

by A. E. Radley

  “Well, she wasn’t a complete stranger. You knew that she knew me,” Katie said. “Let’s get some tea.”

  Katie edged around Verity and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. Verity watched Katie walk. Her slight limp was more pronounced, and she looked somehow smaller than she had the last time she saw her. Exhaustion had obviously taken its toll on Katie, and Verity’s heart went out to her.

  She followed her into the kitchen and watched as Katie made tea for the two of them, basic tea for herself and Verity’s preferred superior brand for her.

  “I should have told you about Chris ages ago,” Katie said when the kettle finished boiling and silence filled the kitchen again.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything,” Verity told her, although she was very curious. Katie seemed to have a lot of history for someone of such a young age. Now and then she’d drop a hint about her background, her childhood, or her life before Woodlands Avenue, but it was never anything concrete, and often it was cryptic.

  Verity had never questioned it, knowing that Katie would tell her when she was ready. She didn’t know if Katie was ready now, but it appeared the time was upon them regardless.

  “I’m…” Katie paused as she searched for the word she wanted. She leaned on the counter and looked out of the window into the darkness of the garden. “I’m…” she tried again.

  Verity waited a few seconds before taking a few steps closer and putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

  “Katie, you don’t have to tell me anything, it’s okay.”

  Katie tensed under her hand and stepped away. “I’m really bad at relationships,” she blurted out. “Like, terrible at them.”

  Verity clasped her hands in front of her to stop herself from reaching for Katie again. She desperately wanted to offer some comfort but realised that now wasn’t the time.

  “I’m sure that’s not the case.”

  “It is,” Katie said. “It really is.”

  Katie looked like she was on the verge of tears.

  Verity stepped in and finished making the drinks. At least she knew she could help with that. “Okay, well, we’re British, so we’re going to sit down with some tea and talk this through, and then everything will seem better.”

  It was a cliché, but an accurate one. Verity couldn’t remember a time in her life when even the darkest of moments didn’t seem better once she had her hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea.

  Verity made the drinks and then placed them on the dining table, taking what she thought of as her chair. Katie sat opposite.

  “So, let’s start at the beginning. Chris…” Verity started.

  “Is my ex,” Katie explained.

  Verity had assumed as much, even though that fact seemed very strange to her. Chris didn’t seem like the right fit for Katie at all. In fact, Chris didn’t seem like the right fit for anyone. She didn’t want to be rude about someone she hardly knew, but Chris had been argumentative and manic in the short period of time Verity had spent with her. Every minute had felt like an hour.

  “I…” Katie tried again. She held the mug in her hands and stared down at the liquid. “We were together for a while, even though I knew it wasn’t working. It’s been the same story over and over again in my life.”

  “Why did she come here?” Verity asked.

  Katie chuckled bitterly. “She thought we could get back together again.”

  Verity felt cold at the thought. “And will you? Get back together, I mean?” she asked, her voice practically a whisper.

  “God, no,” Katie said. “No, I’m done with her. Should never have been with her in the first place.”

  Verity was relieved. “Good, you’re far too good for her.”

  Katie looked up shyly. “You think so?”

  Verity laughed. “Of course you are. I know I don’t know her very well, but I can assure you that I found out enough about her. She… she seemed unhinged somehow.”

  “Probably drugs,” Katie said.

  Verity felt her mouth drop open in shock. “Drugs?”

  Katie nodded. “Yes. That’s Chris for you. Always taking something to bring her down or send her up, depending on her mood.”

  Verity was stunned. Of course, she knew that people took drugs, it just never happened in her circle of friends. It worried her that she’d just thought Chris was a little odd rather than high. Was she that sheltered?

  “I, well, I had no idea,” Verity admitted.

  Katie bit her lip and leaned back in her chair. “See? We’re from different worlds, you and me. Where I come from, sometimes people do drugs.”

  “Do you?” Verity asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.

  Katie quickly shook her head. “No, not me. I saw what it could do to people when I was very young and that swore me off drugs. Lucky, in some ways, I guess.”

  Verity didn’t think it sounded particularly lucky.

  “I don’t belong here,” Katie said, looking around the dining room with a sigh.

  “Where?”

  “Here. Woodlands Avenue, this apartment, this area.”

  “Why ever not?” Verity worried about where this was heading. Was Katie considering moving?

  “I’m supposed to be with the Chrises of the world. Not the Veritys. I come from a place where… where people do drugs, they get drunk, they shout and scream. People manipulate you into doing things or thinking things. I don’t know why I came here. I don’t belong here.”

  Verity shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t accept that. People don’t come from certain places and stay there; there’s not a magical divide between us. Between anyone. Not really. We’re all flesh and blood.”

  “This is your world, not mine,” Katie argued.

  “Bullshit,” Verity said. She rarely swore, but, in this instance, it was absolutely called for. “You belong wherever you want to be. Just because you were born somewhere, or happened to be somewhere for a period of time, doesn’t mean things can’t change. This is our world.”

  “Maybe.” Katie shrugged in a way that demonstrated that she didn’t agree. “I’m sorry she came here.”

  Katie’s swift change of subject might have distracted from the point for a while, but Verity decided to bring it up again in the future. She couldn’t have Katie feeling like she didn’t belong. The very idea was ludicrous. But, for now, they had to deal with the matter of Chris and her unscheduled visit.

  “It’s not your fault that she came here.”

  “She was looking for me,” Katie pointed out.

  “You didn’t ask her to, so it can’t be your fault. You can’t take the blame for other people’s actions,” Verity told her.

  “Chris is just one in a long line of Chrises,” Katie said. “Not all called Chris, but you get my point.”

  “Which is why you think you’re bad at relationships?” Verity asked.

  Katie nodded. “I know I am.”

  “How was your date this evening with… Deanna, was it?” Verity knew the woman’s name; she’d been muttering it to herself most of the day but didn’t need Katie to know that.

  Katie laughed. “Well, it was interesting. She was a bit keen. I can’t figure out if she wants a fuck buddy or a wife. Either way, I’m not ready for either.”

  Verity felt her cheeks heat up at the coarse term and the visualisations that flooded her brain.

  Katie smiled at her. “Aww, you’re blushing.”

  “Oh, shush.” Verity sipped her tea.

  “It’s cute,” Katie continued.

  Verity looked at her over the rim of her mug of tea. “You call me cute a lot.”

  “You are,” Katie said.

  Verity didn’t know what to say to that. She didn’t know if she wanted to be cute. Did it mean that Katie found her humorous, or was it something else? Right now, it seemed like dangerous territory. Katie was obviously hurting, and her self-confidence seemed to be through the floor.

  Katie put her head in her hands. �
�I’m sorry. God, what is wrong with me? I’m trying to be a friend, but sometimes comments like that just slip out. I’m sorry, Vere. I’ll keep a lid on it. I don’t want Mary on my doorstep again.”

  Verity felt the breath leave her lungs. “Mary?”

  34

  A Revelation

  The look on Verity’s face was pure anger. Despite it not being directed at her, Katie found herself shrinking back into her chair. She had thought she’d safely sidestepped conflict for the evening.

  She hadn’t meant to mention Mary; it had accidentally slipped out. Her thoughts were like a messy ball of string, and she’d accidentally tugged on the wrong thread.

  “Mary?” Verity asked again; her tone was pure ice.

  “I mean, she’d… like, she’d probably have something to say… I imagine?” Katie tried to lie, but she knew it sounded pathetic.

  Verity went very still and very quiet. She placed her hands on the dining table top and sucked in what Katie assumed was a calming breath.

  They may have not known each other for very long, but they’d spent a lot of time getting to know one another. Katie felt she knew Verity well, but this was the first time she’d seen her angry. It wasn’t an anger like Chris, or her previous partners, had exhibited. It wasn’t an explosion of movement and words; it wasn’t violent.

  Katie had never seen this type of anger, one that bubbled below the surface, one that was kept in check. And it wasn’t directed at her, even though she was an obvious and easy target.

  “She… came here once,” Katie admitted.

  Verity continued to look at Katie. There was kindness in her gaze, an apology, too, all mixed in with the obvious hurt, anger, and betrayal. Katie could read Verity like a book, and she distractedly wondered when that had happened.

  “What happened?” Verity asked.

  Katie licked her dry lips. “Um, well, she came here one day after you went to pick Callum up from school. I think she was on her lunch break. She told me to stay away from you. She said she knew I was after your money.”

  Verity stood up slowly. “I’ll kill her.”

  It was the first time Katie had heard someone utter those words that she knew with absolute certainty that violence wasn’t on their mind.

  “She came here?” Verity asked, standing behind a chair and leaning on it. “To your home?”

  Katie simply nodded. She wasn’t sure how to deal with this style of conflict. Or if it even was conflict.

  Verity bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to tell you,” Katie said. “I didn’t want to drive a wedge between you. Not for me.”

  “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” Verity told her. “Absolutely nothing. Mary should never have put you into that situation.”

  “I’m not friends with you because you have money,” Katie clarified. She didn’t think she needed to, but she wanted to be absolutely clear.

  “I never thought you were.” Verity offered her a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Mary is…”

  Nothing was forthcoming, so Katie leaned forward. “Is?”

  Verity sat back down and rested her head in her hand. “I love Mary, she’s all the family I have left. But she’s childish and selfish.”

  Katie wanted to say something but didn’t feel it was her place to agree.

  “She wants everything her way,” Verity explained. “It’s all about her, you see? She ruined a relationship her father had with a new woman because she didn’t want to adapt to a new stepmother. She would rather he be miserable and alone than she have to change her life. She acts like she is the only person on earth to ever have a child, and that we must all drop everything and rally around her to assist at a moment’s notice.”

  Verity was on her feet again, and this time slowly pacing the length of the dining table.

  “Other people’s feelings don’t even register for her. She will happily give someone the advice she wants them to take rather than the advice that’s best for them. If I wanted to go on holiday, but it landed on the same dates that she wanted me to watch Callum, then she would tell me a horror story about the place I wished to visit. As I say, I love her, but she is horribly selfish.”

  “It sounds like it,” Katie said, not really knowing what else to say.

  “I can’t believe she came here and confronted you. Waiting for me to leave, too. That little… snake. Slithering her way to your door and, what, threatening you? Making decisions for me, like I’m some old woman who can’t make my own choices in life. Who does she think she is?”

  Katie watched with fascination as Verity continued her pacing and monologuing about what a terrible niece Mary was. Katie was in agreement that Mary did sound horribly selfish, but she was intrigued by Verity’s reaction.

  She wondered if Verity was simply angry at Mary sticking her nose into their business or if there was more to it. Was she angry that Mary was trying to split them up, even though there wasn’t really a them to split up in the first place?

  “I don’t think she’s ever really been comfortable with my sexuality,” Verity continued. “Nothing’s been said outright, of course, but that’s just our way. We don’t talk about such things. Maybe I should have. Maybe it should all be out in the open.”

  Katie felt her eyebrows raise. Was Mary homophobic? Was that the reason why Katie had been warned off? Verity wasn’t very open with her sexual preferences, so there was a chance that she’d swept any negativity from Mary under the carpet to keep a happy family. Katie couldn’t have lived a lie like that, no matter what the fallout would be.

  “You know what?” Verity continued, her tone getting higher and higher, “Mary would be perfectly happy for me to be in a loveless, friendless, lonely existence. She is forever telling me how wonderful it is that I’m alone, saying that it’s far better to be alone than it is to be with someone. Because that’s what she wants for me. What kind of person does that? She doesn’t want the delicate balance of her life upset; she doesn’t want her aunt to have a girlfriend. Then she’d have to explain that to her friends, and her permanently rostered babysitter may well be busy actually having a life.

  “And I let her do this to me, just like I let myself get pushed into an early retirement that I don’t want. Am I that weak that I just allow myself to be moulded into whatever is most convenient for those around me? Well, no more. I’ve had enough. I’m going to live my own life. I’m going to… I’m… well, I’ll…”

  It was obvious to Katie that Verity had no idea what she was going to do. Not surprising considering she’d only just come to the realisation that she was allowing herself to be pushed around by those she cared for.

  Katie got up and quickly moved around the table. She stood in front of Verity and softly took her face in her hands to calm her. Verity’s eyes were wild, and unshed tears glistened in the light.

  “Shh,” Katie whispered. “It’s okay.”

  “Is it?” Verity asked, suddenly sounding so young and lost.

  “Yes.” Katie placed a quick kiss on her forehead before letting her go. She pulled on Verity’s hand and gestured for her to sit down again.

  Katie knelt next to her, still holding her hand.

  “You’ve just taken the biggest step,” Katie told her. “You’ve identified the problem.”

  “Mary,” Verity said with finality.

  Katie chuckled. “Well, yes and no. More your impulse of doing what you think other people want you to do, rather than doing what you want to do,” she explained. “But you know that now. You don’t need to decide next steps immediately.”

  35

  Am I Imagining Things?

  Verity looked down at Katie kneeling beside her. She wondered how the conversation had gotten so off track. She was supposed to be making Katie feel better after the altercation with her ex, as well as reassuring her that Chris’ display was not her fault.

  Instead, she’d had a meltdown at Mary’s ridiculous actions and b
lurted out her annoyance at her niece. Now Katie was reassuring her. It was completely the wrong way around.

  “We… we’re off topic,” Verity managed to say.

  Katie stood up, leaning on the table as she did. “Was there a topic?”

  “You were upset,” Verity reminded her. “And you’d had a poor date with… what was her name again?”

  “Deanna.”

  “Will you see her again?” Verity asked.

  “No.”

  At least one thing has gone right today, she thought. She immediately felt guilty for being pleased that Katie’s first date in a while hadn’t gone well. If she was any kind of real friend she’d want Katie to be happy.

  Except you want her for yourself, her inner voice reminded her.

  “Which is probably just as well, as I said,” Katie admitted. “I have a habit of picking the wrong one. I should just stay clear of relationships, at least for a while.”

  “Surely now that you know the type of person to avoid, you can focus on looking for someone more suitable?” Verity suggested.

  “I don’t know. I think I worry about dragging a good person down.”

  “Why do you think that would happen?”

  Katie pulled out the chair next to Verity and sat down. “I’ve always… struggled in relationships.”

  “How so?”

  Katie let out a sigh, and Verity hoped that they were actually going to have a serious conversation rather than get caught up in Katie’s jokes she so frequently used for distraction.

  “I think you just haven’t met the right person,” Verity said.

  Katie chuckled. “What makes you say that?”

  “A suspicion. You’re a good person. Funny, caring, determined, and successful in whatever you put your mind to.”

  Katie shrugged self-deprecatingly.

  Verity wondered if she should continue. She had more to say, theories to explain, but was it her place to do so?

  It didn’t look like Katie was going to say anything else, so Verity sucked in a breath and went for it.