Dark Love

by Olivia M. Howe

  I'm laying on Andrew's chest, staring at the wall. My mind is on the thought of Andrew's hand. His fingers are rubbing the side of my arm. He's making this circular motion over and over again. It's starting to tickle, but it feels soothing.

  I hear Andrew's phone go off. He grabs it and reads a text message. "It's Alex. She wants to spend the day with you," Andrew says as he's still looking at his phone that's in his hand.

  "Me? Why?" I ask.

  "I have no idea. That's all she said." I hope she doesn't want to talk to me about what happen last night. That's the last thing I want on my mind. I just want to isolate myself in my room with Andrew and forget the world.

  I hear his phone go off again. "Alex said that she isn't taking no for an answer."

  Alex is starting to remind me of Kali. When Kali has her mind set on something, it's going to happen no matter what or who stands in her way. I learned from hanging out with Kali so much that it's better to agree than try to disagree and have to have an argument until it goes Kali's way. I tend to try and make things much easier for myself to avoid the arguments because Kali will always win. Now, Alex takes Kali's place for the day. Alex will win the argument. I decide to save my breath and agree. "Tell her to give me an hour," I say in a non-enthusiastic way. I wonder why Alex wants to all of the sudden hang out with me. What's she up too?

  * * * *

  I thought it was going to be easy to sneak Andrew out of my house. I was wrong. I had to distract Ali in the kitchen while he crept his way out the front door. I forgot that my face is swollen because of last night. I haven't looked at it in the mirror yet, but I can feel the lump on the side of my face. Ali of course asks me what happened. "Nina, what the heck happened to your face?" She shouts and walks over toward me in a quick motion.

  Ali starts touching my face to examine the damage. I have to think of a lie in the spur of the moment. "I ran into my car door. It was so embarrassing," I say with a reassuring look. Ali seems suspicious, but I try having her focus on something else.

  I explain the essay question I had in English class on the day Andrew asked me out on our first date. The question stated, "To what extent is the use of animals in scientific research acceptable?" I ask Ali this question and let her answer it. She gets really involved and agitated over the question. Ali is just like me, she thinks it is absolutely senseless to use animals for scientific research. I'm a genius. I not only distracted Ali, but I did myself too. I forgot that I'm acting and Andrew's sneaking out.

  After I know it's safe to stop diverting my mother's attention, I go up to my room and day dream. All I can think about is how special it is to wake up to such a good looking face this morning.

  I'm seeing Nick's face too. I shake my head at the sight of his unbearable face imprinted into my memory. Tears start to form in my eyes, but I shake them away promptly.

  I procrastinate for a while. Then, ten minutes before Alex is going to arrive I decide it's time to get my butt out of bed and start to get ready.

  I throw my hair in a braid to the side of my head. There's no reason for me to try to impress Alex. I throw on some clothes and I'm ready just in time. I hear a knock at the door. I know exactly who it is.

  I start forcing my legs to move down the stairs. I don't really feel up to going out anywhere, but Alex insists that we need to hang out today.

  "Ready?" Alex asks. She gets right to the point with things. I nod my head and start walking out the door. I see this black convertible sitting in front of my house. Alex's car is shining in the morning sunlight. "We can take my car," Alex says as she's walking toward the driver's side door. I guess I don't have a choice.

  "Where are we going?" I ask in confusion.

  "There is a women's self-defense class. I thought it would be a good idea for you to go," she says without even looking my way.

  "Self- defense class?"

  "I think you should be able to fend for yourself if something like," she pauses as if she doesn't want to announce what happened, "last night ever happens again. Every girl should know how to throw a decent punch."

  "Is that how you learned how to fight?" I ask as I approach the car and let myself in.

  "You could say that, yes."

  This should be interesting. I'm going to learn how to defend myself. I'm actually eager for this adventure to begin.

  * * * *

  We arrive at a gym that doesn't have a precise name. It's just called the gym. As I'm standing here waiting for Alex to retrieve something in her backseat, she pulls out a large bag. It's cute. It's a bright neon pink color.

  We enter the gym and it's pretty big. They have at least two or three different selections of each workout machine.

  Alex hands me a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. The sweatpants are black and say 'PINK' on the butt. They must be from Victoria's Secret. The tank top is just a plain solid black color. We both go into the ladies bathroom to change. It only takes us a few minutes.

  We make our way to the back of the building and enter a room that consists of a bunch of young girls and women. Everyone is sitting on the floor stretching and waiting for the instructer to start the class.

  Alex and I make our way to a spot on the floor and copy what everyone else is doing. I feel like an outcast because everyone but me knows what they're doing. I have never taken a class like this before.

  The instructor comes in and begins to stretch just like the rest of us. She's petite, with medium length, blond, shiny hair. She looks exactly like a barbie doll. I'm thinking that she must drive a BMW, and I bet it's pink. She can't be a self-defense instructor.

  She motions to the class to stand up. "Let's all get on our feet." She stretches her arms up and takes a deep breath. "My name is Jody. I'm your instructor. The reason why I teach a self- defense class for ladies is because I feel like every woman should know how to defend themselves. If it's your first time here, I bet you took one look at me and immediately judged me on my looks. Am I right?" She asks.

  Everyone in the class just shakes their heads as if they're trying to say, "I guess." I know I definitely judged her.

  "It's OK to admit you did. I won't bite." She starts laughing at her own joke. "I have taken many classes that include, kick boxing, martial arts, regular boxing, and many other self- defense classes. Believe me when I say this, If I was to be attacked on the street by a man right now, I bet you I could easily take him down. I'm that confident in myself." I believe her. As she starts talking, the barbie doll look fades. She's actually starting to look like a bad ass boxer chick. "The first thing you always need to do, every single day is be aware of your surroundings. Just take a look at what's around you and who is around you. Try not to put yourself in a position that you will have to defend yourself out of. Try to avoid walking alone through dark trails by yourself," Jody says as she's pacing back and forth in front of us. "If an attacker does approach you, you need to size up the situation and you need to decide what you should do very quickly. Should you scream? Yes! That should be the first thing that crosses your mind. Are you going to run? If it seems realistic that you can get away, definitely!"

  Some girl in the back of the class starts to speak, "What if I can't run or I can't scream because I know for a fact that no one will hear me?"

  "You always scream. No matter what. If you can't run, then you attack. Giving up is just not an option! Surprise your attacker. The attackers usually anticipate what their victim is going to do first. A jab to the eye or a kick to the groin is typical. They might be expecting you to do that. You need to surprise your attacker and catch him off guard. Punch them in the throat would be the best first move when you attack your attacker. Then, after they're caught off guard and concentrating on the fact that you just punched them in the throat, you can now jab them in the eye and kick them in the groin." Jody is inspiring me. Her words are making me feel like if there is a next time that I get attacked, I can fight them off with no problem. I just have to learn the basic fighting techniques first.
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br />   Jody begins to start talking again, "Self- confidence is an important aspect to your situation. You can't be standing in front of your attacker thinking that you can't fight them off. You need to be confident in yourself that you can get away from this person and you wont give up until you do. Today I'm going to teach you how to throw an acceptable punch and some other basic techniques that will definitely help prepare you for your attacker."

  The instructor starts to show us how to punch. She says to make sure we throw our whole body into the punch. She also teaches us some basic kicks and moves that will help us if we ever get caught in a bad situation.

  Jody keeps inspiring me with her words. She keeps making it very clear to us that giving up is never to be an option. It doesn't matter how difficult the situation may seem or be, you never give up on yourself. You keep fighting until you're safe. That's the only option you have.

  * * * *

  The class overall went really great! Jody is such a strong, confident, and caring woman. She truly did inspire me with her words of wisdom today. "How did you like the class?" Alex asks me as we're getting into her car.

  "It made me feel a whole lot better. Thank you for bringing me here," I say with true sincerity.

  "The girls in that class have been attacked by men before. That's why they joined that class. You're not alone in this."

  "I know that now."

  "Listen, I'm so sorry for what happen to you. Men can be such dirty animals! I'm just glad you're alright." Hearing those words come out of Alex's mouth means a lot to me. Andrew's sister likes and cares for me. That's a good feeling. In most situations, it's the sisters of your boyfriends family that are hard to get to approve of you. Alex is way too nice of a person to not like anyone unless they give her a problem.

  "Thank you for helping me."

  Today Alex and I bonded in a way. It was good to spend some quality time with someone that knows my situation and knows what happened to me.

  If I ever get attacked again, I'll have a better understanding on how to protect myself. One thing I will never do is give up! I will keep fighting until I'm safe. I will not let my attacker win. I will hear Jody's voice in the back of my head saying, "Giving up is just not an option."

  CHAPTER 11

  Date Night With Andrew and Ali

  Dear Diary,

  I read my horoscope today. It stated, "You have three wishes. Will you wish for romance or money? Will you wish to succeed in a dream of yours? Whatever you do wish for, don't limit yourself to what you think is possible. Wish for impossible or wish for something that will truly make you absolutely happy. Happiness is the key to life. Your wishes won't come true if you don't truly believe in them. There is a powerful force blessing you. Wish for the impossible and be surprised!"

  One thing that didn't cross my mind is to wish for money. I don't believe that money can buy happiness. Money only buys material things. Peace, happiness, success, and love is what the world should revolve around. That's what truly makes me happy.

  Love, Nina

  * * * *

  Waking up this morning with a smile on my face is the best feeling. My family, my friends, and Andrew is what makes this smile possible. A few months ago I would never have thought I would feel bliss again. My dad is always on my mind. His death broke me inside. I was emotionally damaged and torn apart. I still hurt for him not being able to be here to see Caroline, Ali, and me smile. We're all doing what makes us happy.

  Andrew decides that he wants to bring me to school today. Caroline's getting a ride from William. It's still odd for my sister and I to be dating guys that are brothers.

  I hop out of bed and shower. I dress myself in my usual comfortable clothes. Today I'm wearing a shirt with "The Cure" on it. It's black and white. A nice pair of jeans would look perfect enough for me.

  I look at myself in the mirror and begin to do a fishtail braid with my hair off to one side.

  Done.

  I walk out of my room and Caroline is frantic. She looks deranged running around the house trying to get ready.

  She walks by me and into the bathroom. "Nina, have you seen my cute, neon orange top with the flowers on it?" She asks as she has the straightener in her hair.

  "I have no idea what you're talking about," I say with my eyebrows raised. I don't keep track of all her clothes. I'm glad I have a simple look all the time. She looks miserable running around the house trying to get ready and find this orange shirt of hers.

  "AH! I need it. It goes perfect with my jeans and shoes!" Lynns yells.

  "You're screwed, I guess. Just find a different shirt. "

  "I can't just find a different shirt. I'll have to start completely over with my outfit. That's impossible with the time I have until William picks me up."

  "Throw on a shirt and jeans like I always do," I say and start walking down the stairs.

  "Never!" she yells out the bathroom door.

  It takes me approximately ten minutes to be completely ready for the day. It takes her like an hour. I feel so bad for her.

  I eat breakfast with Ali. She cooked blueberry pancakes today. Yummy!

  I hear a knock at the door. It's either Andrew or William. If it's William then Lynns will probably have a heart attack at the age of 16.

  I open the door and the smile on my face is bright. My face is probably bursting out a red color on my cheeks. It's Andrew. "You look beautiful. Like always!" Andrew says.

  "Thank you," I say back.

  Andrew steps in my house and gives me a gentle hug. "I've missed you," he confesses.

  "I've missed you more," I confess back. "Come in. My mom cooked pancakes if you would like some?"

  "I would love some."

  We walk inside with both our hands connected. Ali sees him and her face lights up. "Andrew!" she says. "It's nice to see you again." She walks over to him and gives him an awkward hug.

  "It's nice to see you again too, Mrs. Mckay," he says with a smile.

  "Sit down and eat. I always cook so much food that could feed a neighborhood." She jokes.

  "I would love to, Mrs. Mckay," Andrew says as he pulls out a chair for himself and sits down.

  "Please, call me Ali," my mom says. She starts shoveling pancakes onto Andrew's plate.

  "Thank you, Ali," Andrew says.

  We hear a couple of big bangs upstairs. What's Lynns doing up there? She must be still looking for that orange shirt.

  My mom and I ignore the sounds because we know what Caroline is doing, but Andrew looks at me in confusion. "It's Lynns. She can't find her shirt," I clarifiy.

  "Do all girls do that?" Andrew asks.

  Ali and I look at each other and start laughing. "Most girls. Caroline has to be the worst of them all. I bet you she'll find that shirt too," Ali says.

  We sit in silence and enjoy our breakfast for a few minutes. Loud bangs are still coming from upstairs.

  "I have a great idea!" Ali says. I'm not sure I want to know.

  "What is it, mom?" I ask.

  "I think we all should have a big dinner here tonight!" Ali yells in excitement.

  "What do you mean?" I ask.

  "You, Caroline, Andrew, William, and I should have dinner together here tonight."

  Before I can say no, Andrew agrees to Ali's request by nodding his head. "I think that's a wonderful idea, ma'am."

  "Sure. You think Lynns would go for it?" I ask. Ali just sits there with her thinking face. She knows that Caroline would be embarrassed to bring William here again after what happened at her birthday party. Ali shoved cake in Caroline's face and talked everyone's ears off.

  Caroline finally decides to come downstairs and join us for breakfast. I look over at her and I can't help but laugh. "You found it?" She's wearing that orange shirt she's been stressing about since she woke up this morning. I guess all the banging and running around wasn't a waste of time after all.

  "I told you I would find it. I wasn't trying to redo my whole outfit." Caroline sits down and starts
eating breakfast in relief.

  "Lynns, would you like to invite William over for dinner tonight with us?" Ali asks with a hopeful expression.

  "Um," Caroline pauses and looks like she's trying to make up a lie to get out of it, "We can't. I'm sorry. William and I already have plans to go out tonight." My mom looks disappointed. All she wants is for her two daughters to invite the guys that have been making them so happy to dinner tonight.

  I have a date tonight with Andrew and my mom.

  * * * *

  Riding with Andrew to school, I realize that I'm starting to feel more comfortable with him. It's nice. Andrew retrieves a CD and I notice that it's labeled Nina. "What's that? I ask curiously. All he does is smile at me and slips the CD into the stereo. It starts playing "Love Song" by The Cure. I can't help but smile with such admiration. He remembered.

  I start singing along with the lyrics. I'm enjoying myself. "Love Song" is so pure and simple. It gets right to the point about loving someone so much that they make you feel whole inside. Nothing can stand in the way of love. No distance is long enough. No words are adequate to explain the feeling. You feel free, whole, in love.

  I keep singing along with this song until it ends. Another song comes on. It's Nirvana. Andrew must have been observing the posters on my wall. I can't help but smile to this song too. He doesn't overlook anything.

  The feeling inside me is just unexplainable. In that moment, I fell for him even more.

  * * * *

  School went by oddly faster than usual. My stomach is floating with butterflies. All I can think about is the date I have tonight with Andrew and my mother. I know she's going to question him and probably interrogate him to make sure he's a good enough guy for me.

  I walk out of my last class to find Andrew standing there waiting for me. He holds out his hands to take my books like usual.

  We walk to his car and he opens the door for me.

  I don't even have to ask him to play my CD because he does. It's like he read my mind.