Dark Love

by Olivia M. Howe

  "I'll try to keep him under control." I laugh quietly.

  I walk into Andrew's room and he's sound asleep. He even looks so perfect while he's sleeping.

  I quietly try to slip in bed and snuggle up to him, but he wakes up. "What time is it?" Andrew asks.

  "It's like almost four in the morning," I whisper.

  "What are you doing here at this time, my love? Is everything OK?" Andrew asks.

  "I just couldn't sleep. I thought it would help if I was wrapped up in your arms." I move closer toward him and his smile lights up my morning. This was definitely the best idea I've had in a long time.

  Andrew wraps his warm arms around me and presses his lips against mine. I cannot shake the feeling that goes through me when he kisses me. I hope that never goes away.

  The kissing starts getting more intense and before I know it, he's laying on top of me and we start to make love. I hope Lilah is sleeping.

  * * * *

  Waking up in Andrew's arms, always puts a smile on my face. I should have sleepovers with him more often. His body is pressed against me and we're, what some people would call, spooning.

  It's time for me to tend to my human issues. My stomach is growling at me in anger. I have to make sure I eat something before I attend school today. Who knows if Andrew will be there to catch me next time. I might put myself in the hospital, knowing me.

  I slide myself quietly out of bed. I don't want to wake Andrew. He looks too peaceful sleeping. I put on Andrew's long sleeve, button-up shirt and make my way to the kitchen.

  As I'm walking on the floor, it's tickling my feet with coldness. I try walking on my tippy toes to avoid the unbearable cold floors that I walk on. They need to invest in some rugs or heaters. No wonder why Andrew always has the fire lit in here.

  I pour myself a glass of orange juice and drink it down. I'm trying to enjoy the peace and quiet this morning.

  I pour myself some cereal, like I always manage eating at Andrew's house, and sit down at the kitchen table. It's so unbelievably quiet in the Madsen house in the morning. I need to come over here more often.

  I look at the kitchen table and see an envelope lying there addressed to me. I look beside it and there's another envelope lying there that is addressed to Andrew. What is this?

  I reach for the envelope with my name on it and tear it open. It's a letter.

  Dear my loving sister Nina,

  I decided to pack my things and leave with William. I won't tell you where or when I will be back. Honestly, I don't even think I will ever come back to Scarlett Hills. I can't bare the thought of you changing yourself to save my life. It's not your fault that I am who I am now. You can't change destiny and you can't save the world. Plus, I'm really getting the hang of this whole vampire thing. It's fun at times. William promised to teach me everything and told me he would make sure I was as good as vampires get. I've decided to keep my human emotions and William's going to make sure I don't go all crazy and bad.

  I never want to forget the memories we shared together, Nina. I will never let them go. You've always been such a loving, caring, and protecting sister to me my whole life. You have granted me happiness in the times that the world brought me sadness. I will never forget you. Your name will always be in the thoughts that rest in my mind. I'll be thinking of you and mom for all eternity. Tell Mom I couldn't have asked for a better life that she has given to me and I love her very much. It's time for me to move on with my life.

  This is the hardest part, the goodbye. Please, don't worry about me and don't cry that I'm gone. William will take care of me. I hope you will someday find a place in your heart to be able to forgive me. I will love you for all eternity, Nina.

  Love always,

  Your sister, Caroline Lynn Mckay

  It's a goodbye letter from Caroline. She's running away with William. What the hell is going on? Why would she run away? I made my own choice to save her life and she won't let me.

  I rush to Andrew's room with his envelope. "Andrew!" I yell. He jumps out of bed and is instantly standing in front of me. "Caroline ran away. She left with William! Did you know about this?" I yell.

  "Love, calm down. William would never do such a thing. This must be a big misunderstanding."

  I hand him the envelope that is addressed to him. "It was lying on the table right next to the letter that Caroline left me."

  Andrew opens the envelope and it looks like a short letter. It's probably from William. Andrew's mouth drops. "They ran away." Andrew hands me his letter.

  Andrew,

  I'm sorry for not telling you this in person. Caroline and I decided that the right thing for us to do is to leave Scarlett Hills and everyone in it behind. We all know that it's what's best for Nina. I couldn't let her change herself. It would be too painful to let her sacrifice herself like that, even though it's for a good cause in her heart. I know you would never be able to live with yourself if you had to be the one to change her. Keep Nina safe. We both know she might try something absolutely absurd and reckless. I'm sure I will see you soon, brother. If not, I'll see you on the other side.

  William

  "This can't be happening!" I yell. "It's impossible because Caroline can't walk in sunlight yet."

  "Actually, she can," Andrew breaks the news to me.

  "What do you mean she can?"

  "Lilah brought a witch over here last night to cast a sunlight spell on Caroline."

  I start breathing heavily. The room starts to spin. I feel like I'm going to fall over and face plant right into the floor.

  Andrew must know what's happening to me and what's about to come because he grabs me instantly and then everything just goes black.

  * * * *

  I feel myself coming back to consciousness. The pounding in my head is making my stomach turn. When I overwhelm my body it just seems to shut down. My fainting spells has never happened like this before. Stress is starting to take over and control my life. It's not healthy.

  I open my eyes and realize that I'm in Andrew's room all alone. How long have I been out for? I look over and find my phone beside me on the night stand. I reach over and grab it. It's noon. I missed the first half of school. Ali will probably be getting a phone call and I will be in trouble. That will probably be the easiest situation compared to Caroline running away with her vampire boyfriend. How am I supposed to explain this to my mom? Ali, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Caroline turned into a vampire and she ran away with William because she didn't want me to turn into a vampire- healer; I would have the ability to change her back into a regular human.

  I drag myself out of Andrew's bed and try to find him in this house of his. I find myself wondering around the house aimlessly, looking for him. He's nowhere to be found. That's great. I just wake up to an empty house after I just fainted because my sister ran away. Did he run away from me too?

  The door flings open and here comes Andrew. He always jumps me at the times I'm not expecting him too. He seriously needs to stop doing that. "Have you found Caroline?" I ask Andrew.

  "Unfortunately, no, but Lilah, Ella, Abel, and Julian are out on the search for them." Andrew walks over to me and embraces me with a hug. "Are you feeling OK?"

  "I'm feeling fine, other than the fact that my sister ran away with your brother."

  "I'm doing all I can to try to hunt them down. Maybe you should make an appearance at school so your mom doesn't have a heart attack." He's right, like always. That will save me some time from making up a lie to explain to Ali why I wasn't in school all day. I'm hoping they haven't called her yet. I'll just explain to them I slept in late on accident. If they have informed her of my absence, then she would be blowing up my phone right now thinking I'm missing or some other odd scenario.

  "You're right."

  "Alex has some clothes in her bedroom. I'm sure she won't mind if you borrowed some."

  "Thanks," I say. I did forget to bring clothes over for school. I was in too much of a rush when I came over
here. I just wanted to be cuddled up to the one I love. Next time, I'll have to remember. Maybe I'll leave myself a note on my mirror or a letter addressed to myself, since that's the way everyone else likes to talk to me about things.

  * * * *

  I feel very uncomfortable in Alex's clothes. I'm wearing skin tight jeans that feel like they're cutting off curculation in my legs. All her pants seem to be like this. The shirt I'm wearing is showing way too much cleavage. I have to make sure to keep a sweatshirt on for the rest of the day. I don't need to give the school another reason to contact my mom about my inappropriate choice in clothes.

  Sitting in Government class is a drag because all I seem to be able to think about is Caroline and vampires and more mythical things that don't exist to anyone sitting around me.

  Mrs. Sim is talking about Hitler and his actions. I don't see any sense of her lesson for the day. I understand I need to learn about history from the past, but my mind is too much focused in the present and future.

  I used to really enjoy sitting in class and learning new things. It just doesn't seem relevant to me anymore. Everyone in this school doesn't understand the real world like I do. I used to think the world was normal, but now I'm starting to see it in a different prospective. I'm not normal and the world we live in isn't normal. No human knew that, only me. Sometimes I wish I didn't know. It would make my life much easier.

  How can I sit through this class or another class knowing that my sister is out there in the world somewhere? She's so vulnerable right now and I just hope that I can trust William to keep her safe. What was he even thinking, running away with a girl that is so oblivious to the main factors of life? She needs to be with her family, not going out and exploring the new side of her. William should have been more focused on trying to save her human life rather than having her find her vampire side. He should have been more responsible, but that wouldn't defeat the fact that she's a vampire and she's choosing to live that kind of life.

  One more class, I keep telling myself. Then I'll be able to free myself from this place and see if Andrew or the others have anymore intel on where the hell my little sister is.

  * * * *

  When the last bell rings, I rush out of school. I find myself running through the hallways to make my way to my car. A few teachers shout at me to stop running in school, but I ignore them because if they had a hint of what I'm going through, then they would have been rushing me out of school themselves.

  I get in my car and take a deep breath. I want to cry so bad, but I don't have time for it. I think I'm at the point where I'm more pissed off than anything.

  The ride to Andrew's house takes longer then usual. I try to speed my way there, but I definitely don't need to get pulled over by a cop and get a ticket for reckless driving. That would be another issue I would add to my list, the things I would have to tell my mom. It seems like my list just keeps growing and growing. Soon I'll have to run away from my problems because they're getting worse.

  I make it to Andrew's house without a speeding ticket. That's a plus. I see Lilah and Julian's car in the driveway. That means everyone must be here. Well, everyone but Caroline and William. Maybe I'll get lucky and walk through the front door and everyone will tell me it was all a joke and Caroline was hiding in the closet the whole time.

  I knock before I enter. Walking in the Madsen house with a bunch of vampires feeding on some naked young women, would make my day even lousier.

  The door flies open, it's Andrew. I jump into his arms and hold him tight. "Have you heard anything?"

  "No." My heart drops on that word.

  Andrew carries me into the living room. The fire is going and it smells like it always does in here, like camping in the wilderness. At least if I walk around barefoot right now it might be warmer than it was this morning.

  Lilah, Ella, Abel, and Julian are piled onto the couches. Everyone is silent until I walk through the door. "Are you OK? I heard you fainted again," Ella says.

  "We are doing everything we can to find Caroline and William," Lilah adds. I don't see any sense in responding to their comments. There isn't anything to say, no words to express.

  "What happens now?" Andrew asks. "Where do we start looking?"

  "It's tough to make that call. They don't want to be found. William will make sure that they aren't," Lilah informs us. The thought of my sister never being found, twists my stomach inside.

  "You must be able to find them somehow!" I shout.

  "We're trying, but the world is a big place, sweetheart. They can be anywhere. Our main duty is to protect you," Lilah says.

  "Please, just find my sister. Forget about your duty to protect me. I will be fine. Lynns is out there somewhere and I'm worried," I yell and cry at the same time.

  "She wanted to go and find herself. That's her call not yours, remember that," Julian speaks. "We can't find someone who doesn't want to be found." People find other people that don't want to be found all the time. I understand she wants to protect me for a change instead of it being the other way around, but she shouldn't have done it the way she did. I want to help her. It's not like I forced myself into it. I want to turn into a vampire- healer so she can live a normal and happy life. That is my decision. I'm the older sister. I'm supposed to be watching out for her well being, not the other way around.

  "She's my sister! It's my responsibility to protect her!" I yell.

  "It's your responsibility to protect yourself first," Julian yells back. "I understand why she did this. She doesn't want you to ruin your future for her well being. You need to start focusing on the big picture here. She's going to find her new self. She didn't ask for this life, but she has it and she's embracing it like everyone else does." The tears start to show themselves after Julian talks. They're flowing down my face. My duty is to protect my sister and I have failed.

  CHAPTER 29

  Confronting

  Dear Diary,

  Why do people always leave me? I care for people so much and they always seem to let me down in different ways. My father left me, not by choice, but he still left me. My sister left me to try to protect me. I don't have contact with any of my other family members. I couldn't tell you where they are today or what they do for work. My mom will be the next one to leave me after she finds out all of the things I've been involved with.

  What's so wrong with me? I don't feel like I give anyone a reason to leave me. I try to protect everyone and help people and it feels like it's all for nothing. I should just stop caring about people so much and then maybe, just maybe, I won't get hurt anymore.

  I have to somehow tell my mom about Caroline's absence. Should I lie or tell the truth?

  Love, Nina

  * * * *

  I wish I could barricade myself in my room and forget about the world revolving around me. All of my problems will soon fade because I will just have absolutely no contact with the outside world. I'll make sure I have enough food and supplies that will last me a lifetime. Maybe things would be easier if I just didn't exist in this world. I feel like they would. It feels like life would be better off without all of my baggage and emotional distress and all of the problems I bring to the table.

  My depression is getting the best of me today. I can't think straight. I'm dreaming of a world that I don't even exist in. Struggling with depression is much harder than people around me realize. It takes everything away from you. Your energy and emotions, you have no control of. It's the worst experience to deal with, but it's especially hard when you're dealing with it all by yourself and the people you have contact with don't even realize it.

  My alarm goes off next to me and I'm brought back into the real world. It's time for school. Yesterday I struggled to make it through two classes, now I have to make it through a whole day filled with making small talk and fake smiling through four long and miserable classes. Great.

  I go through with my normal routine of getting ready for school. I throw on some clothes and make my way down to t
he kitchen to greet my mother. I'm hoping to avoid talking with her because I would rather not talk about Caroline. I might end up crying and then she'll suspect something is wrong with me and ask questions. I would have to lie to her once again. I'm not proud of admitting that to myself.

  I'm surprised that I don't find Ali in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I find a note from her instead.

  My beautiful daughters,

  Sorry I missed both of my lovely ladies today for breakfast, but make sure you prepare yourself something healthy to eat. I'll be back in a few hours. I have to be at work. I'm showing them my art piece that I made and I'm hoping for good feedback from everyone. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I love you both deeply. Be good and stay safe!

  Love,

  Your Mommy

  Everybody loves leaving me notes. I'm getting sick and tired of seeing my name written on a note or letter because I have no idea what it will end up saying. At least she didn't leave me a note saying she's running away and never coming back. That's a relief.

  I don't have to make small talk with my mother this morning. That takes a weight off of my shoulders. I couldn't bare the thought of having to tell my mom anything about Lynns right now.

  I make all of the bad thoughts somehow disappear for the moment. I make myself cereal and eat it all alone at the kitchen table. I know the horrible and stressful thoughts won't stay away for long.

  I find myself checking the clock and I'm about to be late to school if I don't leave right now.

  I rush out the door and prepare myself for a long day at school.

  * * * *

  As I walk through the school, I notice that everyone is dressed up in their Halloween costumes. It's already Halloween? I'm so lost on my days lately. This holiday came around so quickly. It must have just slipped my mind. The last thing I'm thinking about is my costume for Halloween. It's not like I'm dressing up anyway. "Why aren't you wearing your costume?" Kali shouts in her cheerleader voice. The first face I have to see in the morning is hers. It's time to start making small talk and put on my fake smile.