For Keeps

by Rachel Lacey

  “T.J.…” She backed out of his arms.

  “I’m not letting you out of here until you agree to see me again. What about dinner at my place on Wednesday? We can sit and talk.”

  “Okay,” she agreed, but she didn’t look happy about it.

  He smiled, but the victory felt hollow. He had to fix this, had to win her over. He couldn’t let the woman he loved walk away.

  * * *

  He kept his hand in hers as they walked out of the barn toward the pastures in back. “These three pastures are for the broodmares. See the sorrel mare over there? That’s Jewel. I delivered her filly, Ruby, about a month ago.”

  “Oh, Ruby’s so cute!” Merry couldn’t contain a smile at the sight of the little horse frolicking at her mother’s side.

  “That barn on the other side of the house is for the stallions and geldings. The stallions are in right now, while the mares are out. Come, I’ll introduce you.” He led her down the driveway toward the other barn.

  She really should have asked him to take her up to the house because the sight of T.J. in his Sunday best amid all these gorgeous horses was seriously messing with her head. They stepped through the doorway, and she was blinded for a moment by the abrupt transition from sunlight to shadow. She heard a horse nicker and saw a long neck stretching toward T.J.

  “This is Blue Sierra Diamond. He goes by Blue.”

  “Oh, wow.” Perhaps it was a trick of the lighting, her eyes still not quite adjusted, but the horse was as white as a ghost with a long, flowing white mane. He looked at her, his eyes a bright, startling blue.

  “Handsome fellow, isn’t he?” T.J. patted him fondly.

  “He’s stunning. I’ve never seen a horse quite like him.” She couldn’t take her eyes off the ethereal creature before her. She almost expected him to sprout wings and fly.

  “He’s a cremello. Beautiful color, isn’t it? He sired Peaches. Breed a cremello to a chestnut and you get a palomino.”

  Merry had no idea what that meant, but the horse sure was beautiful. “So you’re Peaches’s dad, huh?” She reached out to touch him, and he bobbed his head in affirmation.

  “Sure is. He’s sired some showstoppers. I hope to bring him out to my place someday when he retires.”

  “Is he deaf?” she asked.

  T.J. cocked his head. “No. Why would you think that?”

  “The white coat and blue eyes.”

  He looked at her like she was speaking nonsense.

  She shook her head. “A white dog with blue eyes is usually deaf. Apparently not the same for horses.”

  “No, but now that you mention it, I have heard that about dogs. Come, let me show you Peppy.”

  She followed him down the aisle to another stall. The nameplate on this one read Peppy’s Outlaw. The horse inside stuck his head out at T.J.’s approach. He was night and day to Blue. This horse was a deep espresso brown with a black mane and tail. Equally handsome with his alert, brown eyes and strong, sleek physique.

  “Peppy sired Twilight,” T.J. told her.

  “Oh, I do see a resemblance in their coloring. And Tango?”

  “Ah.” T.J. stroked the horse in front of him. “King’s Blue Sky, my parents’ pride and joy and the farm’s namesake. He passed away a few years ago.”

  “Oh, that’s sad.” She reached out to touch Peppy’s neck. He glistened like spun silk in the half-light of the barn.

  “You hungry?”

  She nodded. Starving actually, but in no way eager to go up to the house and sit with his family for Sunday brunch. That felt way too cozy, especially after the way T.J. had looked at her a few minutes ago when he’d asked her to stay the night.

  Like he wanted her to stay forever.

  He looked so ridiculously handsome in his olive green button-down shirt and khaki pants. A tiny, needy part of her wanted him to hold her and never let go. Even if she was too much of a coward to marry him or give him the children he wanted.

  And then there was the fact that any time they spent more than ten minutes together, they argued. Not just bickering, but things that hurt feelings and spoiled tempers. They’d likely never see eye to eye on what was best for Noah or whether dogs belonged in the house.

  So she’d have dinner with him on Wednesday, but she couldn’t agree to more than that, not for either of their sakes. Continuing a relationship wasn’t in either of their best interest, and she’d find a way to make him see that.

  He slid his arms around her waist and kissed her until she’d forgotten everything she’d just decided. Then he pulled back just enough to give her a heart-stopping grin. “Come on, let’s go eat. Believe me, once you’ve tasted my mom’s cooking, you’ll be back again next Sunday.”

  But she knew that she wouldn’t.

  * * *

  Sunday brunch at the Jamesons’ was unlike anything Merry had ever experienced. It was loud and boisterous, and wow, his mom’s cooking really was amazing. Merry had somehow managed to sit between Noah and Pat O’Day, although T.J. was giving her grumpy looks about it. Amy sat on Noah’s other side. Across from them were T.J., his parents, Savannah, and Madison.

  Olivia had to miss brunch to work the breakfast shift at the café, and Merry had worried it might be awkward without her. But the seating arrangement helped her feel less like T.J.’s date and more like the dog trainer from his camp, which was why she’d been invited, after all. It put her back on even ground so that she could enjoy this fabulous brunch the way she would have in any other situation that didn’t involved a brooding cowboy who’d scrambled her up like his mother’s eggs until she couldn’t remember what to feel or why he was a bad idea.

  “Call me Trace, like the country singer,” his dad had said when they were introduced, with a wide smile and a vigorous handshake.

  EmmyLou had pulled her in for a hug.

  She’d met his parents that day at the hospital after Noah’s fall, but at the time, she’d been just a nurse they’d never see again. Now she was in their home, lusting after their son and still desperately hoping to win the trust of their grandson.

  She’d squandered the last few days of camp, torn between respecting T.J.’s wishes and following her own gut. And her gut was still telling her that Noah needed her help. Maybe she should mention it to Amy this morning. Or maybe she should butt out of their business and focus on her own problems.

  The spread on the table included biscuits and gravy, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, blueberry muffins, and an assortment of fresh fruit. Even Noah smiled as he bit into one of his grandmother’s biscuits.

  “You get to eat like this every Sunday?” she whispered to him.

  He grinned through a mouthful of biscuit and gravy.

  “I am so jealous.” And not just of the food. There was so much laughter and friendly conversation as they loaded up second helpings.

  Trace kept the banter lively with tales from the farm. “And then, just before I cut him loose, I realized it was a raccoon and not old Benny’s barn cat.”

  “Trace, honey, I think you need to have your glasses checked.” EmmyLou patted him on the shoulder, and the whole table erupted in laughter.

  It felt good to sit around a table full of happy people, stuffing themselves on sinfully good southern food. Merry had grown up in a happy home. She and her dad had always laughed and joked with each other at mealtime. But it had only been the two of them.

  At holidays, they’d go to his parents’ house in Lexington, Kentucky, and enjoy meals like this, although on a smaller scale and with less amazing food. She’d looked forward to them for months in advance. The chance to enjoy something like this every Sunday must be like heaven.

  When all the food had been eaten, they sat on the back porch for coffee, tea, and more conversation. Finally Merry glanced at her watch. It was past noon, and she needed to get home and walk and exercise the dogs before the exhibition started.

  “Thanks so much for having me, EmmyLou. T.J.’s been telling me about your cooking, an
d he didn’t exaggerate. It was amazing.”

  “Oh, thank you, honey. We’re so glad you could come. You’re welcome here any time.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Before you go, I put a couple of biscuits in a doggie bag for your friend from Massachusetts. Have you shown her some good southern food while she’s here?” EmmyLou stood and guided Merry back into the house.

  “Oh, she’s a born and bred North Carolinian. She only moved north a few months ago.”

  The older woman went into the kitchen and picked up a brown paper bag. “Then I guess she’ll appreciate some home cookin’.”

  “Oh, she definitely will. Thanks so much.”

  EmmyLou paused with the bag in her hands. “I know it’s not my place, but… Well anyone with two eyes can see that you and my son are crazy about each other.”

  Merry drew back. “What?”

  “I just wanted to give you my blessing, that’s all.” EmmyLou handed her the bag of biscuits, then gave her a quick squeeze. “I’ve never seen him look happier.”

  “Oh, well—” Merry fumbled for words.

  “It’s okay, sweetie. I see that you’re still unsure. It took a while for Trace to win me over too. We women can be hard-headed when it comes to love.”

  Love? “Um—” Merry’s cheeks burned.

  “I’ve put you on the spot. My apologies. Just remember,” EmmyLou called over her shoulder as she walked out of the kitchen, “you’re welcome here any time.”

  And yet Merry knew she’d probably never be back.

  * * *

  The exhibition went off beautifully. The kids all looked adorable in their Camp Blue Sky T-shirts. Merry had even put a matching shirt on Salsa, just to make Jules’s day. The dogs walked, sat, stayed, and performed their special tricks in front of friends and family.

  Pat had brought a tent to put over the front lawn so they had a place to gather without enduring the blistering heat of the sun. Merry’s chest swelled until she thought it might burst watching those kids show off their newfound skills and self-confidence.

  Even Parker stayed remarkably focused and on task despite the tent full of distractions. Chip too showed new maturity, listening attentively to Parker as he waited for his next command.

  Jules wrapped her arms around Salsa, a girl in love. Last week her family had put in an application to adopt Salsa. She’d be going home with them after the exhibition. It warmed the deepest corners of Merry’s heart to see that little girl with her puppy.

  Merry had also approached Lucy’s family about the possibility of getting her a service dog. Lucy’s mother had come and observed her in camp and tearfully agreed to look into it, moved by her daughter’s confidence and ability with the dogs. When she’d asked Merry if she could recommend a dog for her, she’d suggested they have Chip evaluated.

  The puppy was energetic, smart, and driven to please. He and Lucy had worked well together on several occasions during camp. He was being evaluated by Carolina Therapy Dogs at the end of the month.

  If it worked out, it would be another happy ending for her camp dogs. They’d all found homes except Amber.

  She hadn’t convinced T.J. to keep her, or helped Noah, and she wanted to change both of those things more than anything in the world. Another five dollars had been taken from her purse while she was at brunch that morning, all but confirming Noah was the one stealing from her, as none of the other kids had been there.

  Merry’s heart ached for him. What had happened to make him feel like this was something he had to do? And with camp over, would she ever find out the answer?

  The last round of “Musical Sit” ended with a victory for Lucy and Bosley. The kids lined up with their dogs, and Merry gave them each a certificate declaring them Junior Dog Trainers. They beamed with pride as friends and family clapped and cheered their success.

  Off to the side, Cara watched with a smile.

  T.J. and Patrick came out of the barn leading Twilight and Peaches, groomed to perfection with ribbons in their manes. The kids handed leashes to Merry, and the crowd moved to the riding ring.

  Merry walked the dogs toward the barn to get water and a cool fan going while the kids rode outside. Olivia and Cara followed her.

  “They all did so amazing!” Merry knelt and pulled the dogs in for a group hug.

  “They really did,” Cara agreed. “They obviously had great teachers.”

  Olivia tossed cookies into four eager mouths. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed sweating my ass off out here every day, but I’m glad to be done.”

  Cara laughed. “You guys did a great job. Do you think you’ll do it again?”

  “Again?” Merry stared blankly at her.

  “Next summer?”

  She shook her head. “I haven’t thought about next summer yet. I had fun doing the camp, but it was a lot of work, and I had to take a lot of time off from the hospital.” And I fell for the man running the camp…

  She opened the door to the extra stall and ushered the four dogs inside.

  Olivia wagged a finger at her. “Yeah, because if you start planning ahead, you might have to deal with this thing with T.J.”

  “Indeed,” Cara said. “Now I’ve seen the lovey-dovey thing Liv was talking about. You’re going to keep seeing him after camp’s over, right?”

  “We’re having dinner on Wednesday, but after that? Who knows?” She shrugged.

  “Who knows?” Cara smacked her arm. “He looks at you like he wants to eat you up, but more than that, like he wants to eat you up forever.”

  Merry stared at her notoriously prudish friend, then burst out laughing. “What has Matt done to you? Girl, that’s gross.”

  Cara’s eyes rounded, and her cheeks bloomed red. “Okay, focus on the forever part, and not so much the eating you… oh, my God, I can’t believe I said that.”

  Merry’s laughter died on her lips. “Yeah, that’s the problem. He wants forever, and I don’t.”

  “Then maybe it’s time to change the way you think.”

  * * *

  Change her opinion of forever? Merry was still chewing on that the next morning at work. Her mood was already dampened by having to drop Cara off at the airport on her way in, and morning rounds didn’t help to lift it.

  There was a bratty ten-year-old in Room 304 recovering from surgery to repair torn ligaments in his knee after crashing his ATV down by the old quarry. His mother wore expensive perfume, even more expensive clothes, and expected the nursing staff to wait on her hand and foot.

  And then there was Jayden. Now that she’d held him once, she felt compelled to do it each morning. After refilling a water pitcher for the boy in 304, she took advantage of a few quiet minutes to give Jayden a bottle, then rocked him to sleep in her arms.

  Lavinia usually stopped by around eight to visit him before work. This morning she was a no-show. She was starting to detach herself from the infant, making room for her own baby. Jayden’s caseworker should be in later that afternoon, and Merry was eager to hear what progress they’d made in finding him a new foster home.

  He was again three days without a seizure and scoring in the seven to eight range on his neonatal abstinence syndrome withdrawal test. If he remained stable over the next week, he’d be ready to go home.

  Merry sat a few minutes longer in the rocker, watching him sleep. His cheeks were starting to round now that his withdrawals had eased and his appetite kicked in. He looked healthy and robust, like a six-week-old infant should.

  Provided his seizures stayed under control, he could still live a normal, healthy life.

  She traced a finger over his cheek, then bent to kiss his forehead.

  The phone at her hip beeped, and she reached down to silence it before he woke, although, having spent most of his days here in the hospital, Jayden had learned to sleep through all kinds of beeps and alarms. Hopefully that would change for him soon.

  She stood and settled him in his crib, then walked out of his room, feeling deflated and
empty. The rest of her shift passed uneventfully. The family in 304 kept her on her toes with constant requests and demands to see the doctor. During her one o’clock round, Jayden smiled at her, and Merry’s eyes welled with happy tears.

  Despite the quiet shift, she was bone tired by the time she got home that night. Only Ralph and Chip waited for her in the kitchen. After the exhibition yesterday, Bosley had gone to his new home, and Salsa had gone home with Jules.

  Amber was in her crate in Merry’s dining room. T.J. had fulfilled all obligations to Triangle Boxer Rescue.

  She missed him. She missed camp and those sweet kids. Life felt a little bit empty now that it was all over. In fact, she’d been mulling over a new idea. A canine therapy program of her own with all proceeds to benefit Triangle Boxer Rescue. It was one of a few new ideas she’d had. She’d also signed up for an online course on fund-raising because it was time to learn how to do this right.

  She needed help, and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. Last night, she’d sent an email to TBR’s volunteer group, and today her in-box was full of chatter, ideas, and brainstorming to raise money for the rescue.

  Why had she thought she had to do this all on her own?

  She’d been a stubborn fool.

  She greeted Ralph and Chip in the kitchen with hugs and kisses, then went to the crate in the dining room and helped Amber out. She was still on restricted activity while her leg healed, but she was calm enough that she was able to stay out of the crate while someone was home with her to supervise.

  All of the dogs went out back while Merry watched to be sure Amber only walked. Then she took them in and fed them. She opened the fridge and poked through it.

  Bare.

  She and Cara had eaten most everything she had over the weekend. And in typical fashion, she’d neglected to plan ahead for herself during the workweek.

  Before she surrendered to yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she sat for a much-needed glass of water and thumbed through messages on her phone. One from Olivia told her to check her Facebook page and Paypal account.