A Fine Mess

by Hughes, Breanna

“Why? Because I’m your patient?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Fine. I quit. I’m cured. So I no longer need your services.”

  Dr. Harris laughed. “I’m afraid there’s a lot more to it than that. You can’t just quit. You still have a lot of work ahead of you. Besides it’s Friday and I have paintball later today.”

  “Blow it off. Just this once.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  Finn started walking towards the door, then turned around. “Look, it’s just a friendly invite. You don’t have to go, but if you change your mind you can meet me there. Santa Monica beach near the pier. I’ll be the one looking nice and relaxed lying in the sun. If you can’t find me, you have my number. I’d really like you to meet me there. I could use a friend right now.”

  Dr. Harris shook her head. “I’m not your friend, Finn.”

  “Okay then. I’ll be here next Thursday, 4pm. I’ll let your receptionist know.” As he walked out the door, Finn left Dr. Harris with some parting words. “Just don’t let some immature asshole ruin the rest of your day. No matter how sickeningly handsome he is.”

  ***

  Finn sat on his beach chair with his toes digging into the soft, warm sand. The tiny grains were massaging his feet as he kept digging them further into the ground. With his eyes closed, he felt more and more at ease each time he heard the ocean waves crash along the shore. The seagulls were out in full force with their high-pitched squawking lingering in the air as they flew around above him. Finn breathed in the fresh ocean air, enjoying the fact that the beach was fairly empty since most people were still at work. He was loving the fact that while he was here soaking up all this beauty under a perfect California sun, his colleagues were no doubt stuck in their cubicles working the day away. The burdens that had been weighing so heavily on his mind suddenly took a back seat to the tranquility he was experiencing at this moment. It had been a couple weeks since he had seen or spoken to Harper and he honestly thought she would have called him by now, but he remained patient. These things take time. Besides, he couldn’t be bothered with that right now. Not on a day like this. And definitely not with a neurotic and adorably paranoid sidekick sitting next to him, who ultimately decided to join Finn.

  “You know, I really shouldn’t be here.”

  Finn chuckled and looked over at Dr. Harris through his Ray-Bans. “Yeah, I know. You’ve been saying that for the past hour.”

  “Well, it’s true.”

  “Nothing you can do about it now. You’re already here. Just enjoy it. How often do you get to the beach?”

  “I haven’t been in a few years.”

  “But you’re so close to it.”

  “I know. I’ve been busy.”

  “Well, take this time to just breathe. You don’t have to pick up your son for another three hours. You’ve got no patients to see. Enjoy it.”

  Dr. Harris took in several deep breaths. “Okay. I’m enjoying, I’m enjoying.” She was repeating those words like a mantra, but neither of them were truly convinced that she was fully enjoying herself. She started brushing away some stray sand from her towel. “Thanks for letting me use your towel, by the way.”

  “No problem. I always have an extra in my trunk. My friend Seth and I used to go surfing a lot.”

  “Well, I’m glad I had a pair of shorts in my car. But my legs haven’t seen the sun in a long time. Sorry if they blind you.”

  “Why do you think I’m wearing my sunglasses?” joked Finn.

  “Very funny.” Dr. Harris straightened out the towel underneath her, moved the sunglasses that were resting on her head down to her eyes, and laid down on her back, letting the sun shine down on her SPFf 30-covered face. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually took a moment to herself to just stop and let go. She found it to be a rather insurmountable task. She began to envy Finn for his ability to remain so quiescent at such a difficult time in his life and was beginning to wonder what she was even doing here. This was not at all what she expected. She imagined some sort of special “outdoor” therapy session, but Finn was being surprisingly taciturn for someone who usually talks up a storm in her office. His aloofness wasn’t as bothersome as her own inability to shut everything out for a moment and allow herself to listen to her surroundings. Her sad attempt to unwind as her body searched for the slightest bit of inertia was immediately truncated when she glanced over at the pier and spotted an ice cream stand.

  “They have ice cream at the pier?” she asked, suddenly craving her biggest vice but also trying to hide her excitement.

  “Yeah. You’ve never been to the pier?”

  “No. But I may have to excuse myself. I’m gonna get some ice cream.”

  “I’ll come with you. I haven’t been over there in a while.”

  ***

  The two leisurely strolled down the pier. Dr. Harris licked the melting chocolate chip ice cream from the cone as Finn, who opted for a less messy frozen treat, enjoyed a cup of vanilla frozen yogurt. Neither had said a word since paying for the ice cream, but a lot of that was because Dr. Harris was intently focused on eating hers before it melted. The pier was starting to get a little busier as more and more people were matriculating onto the beach. The seagulls were still lingering with the hopes that someone would drop part of a pretzel or some cotton candy along the way. Finn felt surprisingly at ease. He really didn’t know what to expect when he invited Dr. Harris to the beach. He originally had no intention of asking her, but after seeing the look on her face and how upset she appeared after their encounter with her ex, he felt it was the right thing to do. He honestly didn’t think she’d end up coming, but he was glad she did.

  “So, Dr. Harris…”

  “You know, we’re not in my office. I’m not your doctor at the moment. Call me Susan.”

  “Okay, Susan. Does anyone ever call you Susie?”

  “Not if they want to live to see another day.”

  “Good to know. So, you haven’t been to the beach in years and you rarely take time for yourself except for your paintball league. How do you keep sane?”

  Susan started making her way to the cone, having eaten most of the ice cream in record time. “My son keeps me sane when he’s not driving me crazy. He’s my life. And in ten years, when he goes off to college, maybe I’ll have some semblance of a normal life. But by then, I’ll be an old spinster.”

  “I highly doubt that.”

  “Well, we’ll see.”

  “You know, for a psychiatrist, you really are self-deprecating a lot of the time.”

  “I know. I’ve been working on it. It’s scary when I think about it. I mean, look at the mess I’ve made of my life. Who am I to be the arbiter in other people’s lives? But I’m good at it, you know? I like knowing that I’m helping people, or at least trying.”

  “That’s admirable.” Finn walked over to the trashcan to throw out his cup. “So if you don’t mind me asking, what happened with your ex? How did you two split up?”

  Susan took a bite of her ice cream cone and thought about whether or not she really wanted to delve into this with her patient. ‘Oh, what the hell,’ she thought. ‘He trusts me enough to tell me the truth. Why shouldn’t it work both ways?’

  “Well, his views on monogamy were a little different than mine.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, I believed in it and he didn’t.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  “Yeah, but the sad thing is, I knew it was happening. And I knew it was with multiple women. We fought about it a lot and I threatened to leave, but I always ended up going back to him.”

  “Why?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Probably that age-old theory of women thinking they can fix a broken man. It never works, especially in this case. The last straw came when I found out he introduced Andrew to one of the women he was seeing. I never really understood the expression ‘seeing red’ until that day. Apparently that’
s a real thing. So, I took Andrew and left. The sad part is, I actually thought he would care more than he did. He only tried once to get me back and it was sort of a half-assed attempt. And then, during the divorce proceedings, I began to find out a lot of other things about him that I didn’t know. Including his occasional drug use.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. That’s how I ended up with primary custody.”

  “Wow. So how long have you been divorced?”

  “Three years. It was hard at first, but gradually it got easier. And now I’m at the point where I’m finally grateful to have him out of my life for the most part. At least in the relationship sense.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

  “I’m not. It was a learning experience. If we don’t royally screw up every once in a while, how will we ever be able to appreciate the things we get right in life?”

  Finn pondered those words of wisdom as he kept walking, feeling the wooden floorboards move beneath his feet. The squeals from the people on the rollercoaster behind them resonated in his ears and the rumbling of the coaster as it sped across the tracks made the floorboards vibrate. It was a familiar feeling, almost like déjà vu.

  “I used to come here with Harper all the time. Sometimes we would just sit and watch everyone walk by.”

  “It seems like a nice place to people watch.”

  “It is.” Finn was terrified to ask the question that had been weighing on his mind for the past half hour. He braced himself for the answer he was about to get. “So, do you really think Harper and I won’t get back together?”

  Susan wasn’t expecting such a candid question at this moment. She wished she hadn’t shoved the rest of her ice cream cone in her mouth just a second ago. She chewed quickly and tried to swallow without choking.

  Finn laughed. “Take your time. I don’t know the Heimlich.”

  “I can’t really give you an honest answer. I don’t know Harper. I don’t know her mindset. I don’t know the entire story or your entire past with her, so I really couldn’t say. All I ask is that you seriously ask yourself if you really want to get back together with her. And then ask yourself why. You might be surprised at the answers you find. Just allow yourself to be honest. No one will be judging you.”

  When they reached the end of the pier, Susan turned to face Finn. His wind-blown hair was messy and significantly longer than it was when he first walked into her office a few months ago. She noticed he was smirking at her.

  “What?”

  “You really enjoyed that ice cream, didn’t you?” He gestured at her cheek.

  Susan rubbed her cheek and found some excess ice cream had somehow avoided her mouth and strayed over.

  “I was saving it for later.” Susan, trying not to show her embarrassment, wiped it off and smiled to herself. It was then when Finn noticed the youthfulness her face. She really didn’t look like she was forty-three and he often forgot about that fact. With the exception of a few smile lines, Susan could have easily passed for someone ten years younger.

  “So what do you say? One more trip up and down the pier?”

  “Actually, I really should get going. I have to pick up Andrew.”

  “Okay.”

  “But thank you. I really did have a lot of fun. And I needed this.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you came.”

  They both stood there for a moment, each one wondering what the other one was going to do. Do they hug? Do they high five? Or do they just walk away from each other while backing up awkwardly at first? They went with option three and each took a few steps back–Finn actually creating some sort of back-up shuffle.

  “Okay, so I’ll see you next Thursday.”

  “Yup. Sounds good.”

  Finn watched as Susan walked across the sand toward her car, then he sat down on a nearby bench and commenced his favorite pier pastime: watching it come to life with an array of different people–families, people on their first date, and teenagers celebrating the impending weekend.

  CHAPTER 16

  Emily sipped the last of her lukewarm coffee while staring out the window, watching the people on the street walk by. She smiled at the sight of a man jogging with his puggle. Once her vanilla latte was gone, she brought her attention back over to Harper, who was sitting across from her reading the newspaper that someone had left on the table. Harper looked up briefly, just long enough to see Emily glance out the window again, obviously avoiding eye contact.

  Emily began to regret coming along, but she wanted to get out of the house, so she took Harper up on her offer to go get coffee. Things had been a little tense between them at home. They spoke to each other, but it was usually nothing more than the obligatory ‘Good morning. How are you?’ jargon. Emily had hoped this outing to Starbucks might force them to actually talk to each other, seeing as how they were sitting at the same table. That wasn’t the case, unfortunately. Emily’s attempts to avoid eye contact were rather moot seeing as how Harper’s focus was on the paper in front of her.

  The silence between them was starting to grate on Emily. She searched for something to say…anything.

  “Good coffee.”

  “Yeah. I really need to switch to decaf.”

  Emily tried for more. “You still read the comics section?”

  “Always. It’s the most uplifting thing in the paper.”

  More silence soon followed. Emily shook her empty cup and made one more attempt at verbal communication. “I think I’m gonna get another one.”

  Harper pulled five dollars out of her pocket and gave it to her sister. “Knock yourself out.”

  Emily, thankful for a few moments away from the excruciating awkwardness, went up and ordered another vanilla latte. Upon returning to her seat, Harper was in the same position on the same page of the newspaper, leaving Emily to question whether or not she was actually reading it or just trying to look occupied. Emily braced herself for more silence as boredom soon set in and she began tearing the cardboard sleeve off the coffee cup and asking herself why she bothered to come along.

  When Emily was halfway through her second latte, Harper closed the newspaper and glanced at the time. “I should get you home. I have an open mic to get to.”

  Emily perked up. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Where is it?”

  “It’s in Silver Lake.”

  Emily nervously took a breath. “Can I come?”

  Harper cocked her head to one side. She wasn’t expecting that response. “You really want to?”

  Emily nodded. “I’ve never seen any of your gigs.”

  “Well, it’s not really a gig. It’s just an open mic. I’m only allowed one song.”

  Emily shrugged. “Still…I’d like to see you perform. If that’s cool with you.”

  “I didn’t think you really cared.”

  “Well, I do,” informed Emily.

  Harper grinned, thankful that there was finally some sort of breakthrough between them, small as it was. “Yeah, sure. You can come.”

  Harper hadn’t planned on losing her nerve. She intentionally invited Emily to Starbucks so they could finally open up and talk to one another, ending the discomfited silence between them. However, after the quiet car ride on the way over, Harper began to lose her courage. She finally came to the decision that it might be best to let Emily open up about what happened on her own accord and in her own time. In Emily’s absence, Harper had plenty of time to think about all the things she may have done wrong and should have done differently. Perhaps she had been too controlling and overbearing. Those were instincts that couldn’t be helped. Her protective nature toward Emily began the day her sister was brought home from the hospital. At merely five years old, Harper would sneak into her sister’s room every night to make sure she was okay, especially if she heard the slightest cough or sneeze. Her mother caught her a few times and didn’t know whether to pra
ise her daughter or scold her for being up so late at night. And so it continued–Emily would be in need of something and Harper would move the earth to give it to her. Whether it was a bottle as a baby, a trip to the zoo when she was obsessed with animals, a cute shirt when she started junior high, or Harper’s favorite necklace that Emily wanted to borrow when she went on her first date. Harper made it a point to make her sister happy and grant her anything she wished. Even when someone picked on Emily, her older sister was there to make sure that never happened again. Looking back, hindsight being what it is, perhaps that need to safeguard Emily came off as being overbearing and smothering. It did taper off, though, when Emily hit her teens and began her phase of solemn solitude and experimental substances. As much as it hurt, Harper began to pull away after that. She couldn’t bear to watch her sister’s decline, but was powerless to stop it. She often asked herself why things turned out the way they did and what exactly happened to make her sister change so dramatically. Sometimes things just happen and there’s no way of knowing why. Harper knew that it would be easy to drive herself crazy trying to figure out what went wrong when there really was no clear cut answer. After it was discovered that Emily had purloined Harper’s guitar, it was pretty much the end of their relationship. According to Harper, they were sisters bonded by blood only and nothing more.

  That detachment and resentment all changed for Harper, however, after the death of their mother and father. She felt it was only natural to attach herself to the only immediate family she had left and maybe did so a little too much. Emily wanted nothing more than to be left alone during that time, which was a concept her sibling simply couldn’t understand. Granted, when it first happened, they came together as sisters should, but it was a rather fleeting occurrence. Now that they were reunited after Emily’s hasty exit two years ago, it was apparent to both girls that neither of them had anything in common anymore and it was going to take a lot to salvage what was left of their rocky relationship.

  ***