A Fine Mess

by Hughes, Breanna

Emily’s face was buried in the pillow with no plans of moving an inch no matter how muffled her breathing was. She vaguely heard the phone ring just moments ago and Harper was in the living room talking to whoever it was that called, but Emily tried to drown out the sound. She’d had a long, rough night with her friends and had just fallen into bed about an hour ago. Being seventeen, she usually had a curfew she was supposed to adhere to. But since her parents were out of town on one of their “rekindling the romance” weekend getaways, she figured her curfew didn’t matter all that much. Especially since she pretty much broke it every night anyway. Harper’s voice had faded and had finally gone quiet. Emily reveled in this for a moment, hoping she could finally fall back to sleep. Her hopes were dashed when Harper knocked on the bedroom door and walked in.

  “Em?”

  In that one syllable, Emily could tell something was off. The inflection, the nuanced quivering, the tentativeness in Harper’s voice caused Emily’s stomach to drop. She suddenly felt her face go flush.

  “I’m sleeping.” She was hoping to brush it off. If it was something important, surely it would wait until later that morning.

  “Em, wake up,” implored Harper.

  This time, the sound of Harper’s voice stirred more of a reaction from Emily. The younger girl slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes and not seeming to care that she was smearing last night’s makeup all over her face.

  “What is it?”

  Harper turned the light on which only aggravated Emily’s alcohol-induced headache. She sat stoically on the edge of Emily’s bed, not really sure how to begin.

  “I just got off the phone with Cottage Hospital in Santa Barbara.”

  Emily moved her legs underneath the blanket and sat up further. “Are mom and dad okay?”

  Harper looked at her sister, tears stinging her eyes. She slowly shook her head as one of those tears fell.

  Emily’s breath started to quicken. “What is it? Is one of them in the hospital? Were they in an accident or something?”

  Harper nodded.

  Suddenly, Emily was wide awake as her heart began to pound uncontrollably. “What happened?”

  Never in a million years did Harper ever think she would have to deliver this kind of news to her sister. This was the first time she truly felt helpless when it came to protecting Emily.

  She cleared her throat and tried to keep herself calm. “I guess they left the hotel to go to dinner. Another car ran a red light and…”

  She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence. If she said it out loud, that would make it true and she just needed it to be untrue for a little while longer.

  “Well, are they okay? Is it mom?” Emily pleaded with Harper to form at least a full sentence so she could know the severity of the situation. Harper seemed lost in her own world, staring intently at the floor.

  “Harper!”

  Harper took Emily’s cue and snapped out of her daze. She looked into her sister’s pleading eyes and couldn’t hold back any longer. She began to sob as she pulled her sister in for a hug. She only managed to choke out two words: “They’re gone.”

  ***

  It seemed rather redundant to Emily to go from Starbucks straight to a different coffeehouse, but she opted to not vocalize her observation. She sat quietly, squirming in an uncomfortable seat inside this hole-in-the-wall café. The smell of stale coffee permeated her nose along with the cigarette smoke courtesy of the smokers just outside the back door. Judging by how dumpy the place seemed, she was surprised at how crowded it actually was. At least seventy-five people were crammed into the small space, half of them with guitars. She looked over at Harper, who was busy tuning her guitar, and leaned in toward her.

  “I didn’t realize how many wannabe musicians there are around here.”

  “Are you kidding? This is LA. And this is a slow night,” whispered Harper.

  Emily watched her sister manipulate the tuning pegs on her guitar and suddenly found a new appreciation for her determination in chasing her dream. The whole thing seemed so tedious to Emily. You wait through several bad singers singing even worse songs only to hear a worthy voice every once in a while. Then, you go up on stage, sing one or two songs, and that’s it. It’s over. She couldn’t believe how patient Harper was in sitting through everyone’s sad and sometimes excruciatingly bad songs, showing her support by clapping for them whenever they finished. Emily couldn’t bring herself to be so obliging. She was getting anxious for them to call Harper’s name, not necessarily because she was bored (although she was), but she wanted to watch her sister sing. She had always known Harper had talent having listened to her incessantly playing through the bedroom wall. She even found herself humming along to her songs from time to time. But when Harper started performing it was usually in a bar, so even if Emily wanted to go, she couldn’t. Though at the time, the chances of her actually wanting to go were probably pretty slim. She was too stupidly concerned with other things.

  Emily leaned back in her chair, stretching out while contemplating getting another coffee. A fleeting thought entered her mind and she tried to shake off the boredom as quickly as she could. It was times like this she wished she had something to help her get through it. She couldn’t help but think how just one line of cocaine could make this night go a little faster and be a little less uncomfortable. Before she could even entertain the idea, the organizer of the open mic finally got up on stage after a gray-haired gentleman finished up his Hank Williams-type song.

  “Okay, up next we have Harper Foley.”

  Harper sheepishly grinned as her face turned from a dull pallor to a rather rosy color. She walked to the stage and plugged the cable into her Gibson. She adjusted the microphone, made herself comfortable on the lone stool sitting on stage and cleared her throat. Her right hand started shaking as she tried to catch her breath. After grabbing the pick out of her pocket, she fastened the capo to the second fret of the guitar. While grabbing the microphone with her left hand, she could feel the nerves piling up inside of her.

  “Hi. My name is Harper Foley. If you like what you hear, I play at Tyson’s bar on Ventura Saturday nights.” She cleared her throat one more time, then looked over at Emily, who was looking right back at her. She placed her fingers on the strings and began to strum. After the intro built up, she began to sing.

  “I guess I’m not surprised looking back on everything

  Running away is all you ever knew

  I did the best I could to make it all okay,

  But even my best wasn’t good enough for you.

  Maybe I stopped trying, gave up on you too soon

  And I let you walk away without a sound,

  And I guess you believed I didn’t matter anyway,

  So maybe we just let each other down.”

  Harper closed her eyes as she delved into the chorus, knowing full well that Emily was listening. Perhaps it was a little too obvious, but she figured this was the best way to communicate for now without having to actually talk. Her soulful, rich voice took flight as the lyrics and music swelled.

  “Sometimes we stay and try to hold our own

  Sometimes we choose to simply walk away

  And then there are the times our fear outweighs our pride

  And I know now that I can’t make you stay

  But I was hoping for at least another day.”

  Her guitar strumming continued as she geared up for the second verse absolutely terrified to open her eyes to see her sister’s reaction. She would just have to deal with it once the song was over, but not now.

  “I could feel it coming, the beginning of the end,

  You couldn’t hide the sadness in your eyes,

  Now I think it’s time we finally stop blaming one another

  What’s done is done, let’s let our hatred die.”

  Emily scrutinized her sister’s entire performance, hanging on to every word, knowing full well who and what this song was
about. She should be upset. She should be furious at Harper for even thinking it was okay to bring their relationship to light amongst all these strangers. She should want to get up and leave just to prove a point, but she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but remorse and understanding. It was too tiring to feel angry anymore. Maybe Harper’s words were right. It’s time to stop the blame. It’s time to own up. Emily sat there as her sister’s voice filled the entire room and noticed that everyone in the crowd was completely captivated by what they were hearing. She wanted to smile. She wanted to cry. She wanted to beam with pride, but all she could do was stare. Showing any kind of emotion would evidently lead to another meltdown and she wasn’t ready for that.

  “And I don’t see the point in trying to explain,

  They’re just words and you won’t hear them anyway.

  Sometimes we stay and try to hold our own

  Sometimes we choose to simply walk away

  And then there are the times our fear outweighs our pride

  And I know now that I can’t make you stay

  But I was hoping for at least another day.”

  Once the song was over, the audience erupted in applause. She opened her eyes and saw Emily clapping with a sense of both pride and anguish in her eyes. Harper’s heart was pounding as she said her ‘thank you’ to the crowd, unplugged her guitar, and walked off the stage back to her seat.

  Emily was still clapping as Harper sat down, then reached out to put her hand on her shoulder.

  “That was beautiful,” whispered Emily.

  Harper, relieved that Emily had at least some sort of positive reaction, nodded. “Thanks.”

  That was their last exchange of the night. They drove home in silence and went to bed without so much as a ‘good night’ from each other. Somehow though, it was okay. The unspoken words between them would eventually find a voice and Harper’s song was undoubtedly a good start.

  CHAPTER 17

  There had been no shortage of pleasantries exchanged between the sisters throughout the next couple of weeks. There was the usual “Good morning”, “The trash is full”, and “Did you want to finish that?” Neither one had really said much about Harper’s performance at the open mic night. Harper even made it a point to wait until Emily was asleep before she started playing her guitar in the middle of the night. On this night however, she was unaware that Emily was still awake and could hear her practicing very clearly.

  Harper was trying to piece together some chords to go along with the lyrics she had jotted down at work a few days ago. The fingers on her left hand formed a B minor chord as the fingers on her right hand gripped the pick and continued strumming. The strumming was short-lived, however, when the pick slipped out of her fingers and fell into the sound hole of the guitar.

  “Damn.” Harper turned the guitar over and started shaking it violently before the pick was forever lost in the abyss of the sound hole. She often referred to it as ‘the place where picks go to die’ because for some unknown reason, it was damn near impossible to get them out once they had fallen in. The grooves of the wood inside the guitar made it too difficult. Every time she changed her strings, she’d reach inside the guitar and find a goldmine of picks.

  She continued shaking until the pick miraculously fell to the floor. When she bent down to pick it up, she realized it wasn’t the same one that just fell in. Oh well, at least it’s something, she thought, as she continued to play. The song was coming together nicely. She was proud of the melody that flowed with the lyrics. Once she strummed the final chord and made some last minute notes in her notebook, she slightly tuned her D string, then put the whole song together and played it in its entirety. After the final note was sung and the last chord was strummed, Harper was startled by the sound of clapping coming from Emily’s room. Obviously Emily had stumbled upon her secret rehearsing time. Harper smiled to herself, knowing that Emily seemed to approve of what she had just created.

  “Thank you! I’ll be here all night,” yelled Harper.

  “Encore!” responded Emily; her voice muffled behind the wall.

  Before Harper could play it again, her phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that I didn’t wake you.”

  Harper’s stomach roiled deep inside her, but she couldn’t help but grin at the sound of Finn’s voice.

  “How right you are.”

  “I hope you don’t mind me calling.”

  “No, actually, I’m surprised you didn’t call sooner. I would have called you, but with everything that’s been going on…”

  “I know. I figured I’d give you some time to adjust to everything.” He was silent for a moment. “How’s it going?”

  Harper put her guitar down and lay back on her bed. “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “It’s different. But I guess it’s also kind of the same.” Harper suddenly felt herself getting warm, so she used her feet to kick off her socks. She still felt somewhat awkward talking to Finn after the way she broke it off with him. Even though he repeatedly made it clear that he wanted to work things out, she still felt that there was an underlying hatred he felt toward her, and with good reason. She was awful to him, but never really got to explain why she ended it. How could she? He would never understand. No one would. “We have good days and bad. It’s off and on with us. Usually off. We’re trying, though.”

  “Has she shown any kind of sign of wanting to leave again?”

  “Not really. At least none that I can see. I think she’s still just trying to recover from everything. She sleeps a lot.”

  “Are you jealous?”

  Harper chuckled. “Kind of.”

  “So, are you okay with all of this? How are you holding up?”

  “I’m okay. I’m much better than I was when she was gone, so that’s a plus. Honestly, I still think it’s too soon to tell.” Harper didn’t really want to be bombarded with questions about Emily at the moment, so she searched for a subject change. “How have you been?”

  “Uh…good, actually. Really good.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah. I mean, as good as I can be, you know, considering…”

  “Yeah, I know.” Harper didn’t know what to say. An apology seemed to be too little too late. But seeing as how Finn was finally talking about it, it was becoming increasingly clear that maybe he was starting to hate her less and less.

  Finn cleared his throat. “It’s getting better. I’ve been seeing someone.”

  “Oh.” It felt like a blow to Harper’s gut. “Really? That’s great.”

  “Yeah, she’s really been helping me. Apparently I’m not the lost cause everyone thought I was.”

  “Wow. That’s so great.” Harper wondered if she could pull off fake sincerity in her voice. “Good for you. What’s her name?”

  “Uh…Susan.” Finn sounded perplexed.

  “How long have you been seeing each other?”

  Finn started laughing. “Okay, maybe I should clarify. I’m seeing someone. Meaning I’m seeing a therapist. Not dating. Just…therapizing.”

  “Oh.” Harper did her best to not show her relief. It’s not that she wouldn’t have been happy for him, but as selfish as it sounds, she was still in the fresh break-up mentality of ‘I don’t want him, but I don’t want anyone else to want him either.’ It seemed to make perfect sense, even after all this time. Being a woman is funny that way.

  “I didn’t realize you needed to see someone.”

  “Yeah well, it turns out getting over you is a little harder than you might think.”

  Harper could feel a slight pang in her chest. The day she called off the wedding, she knew she had deeply hurt him. This was the first time she actually allowed herself to fully realize the effect it had on him. In the past, any time she had even come close to thinking about their breakup, Harper for
ced those thoughts away. There was too much guilt weighing on her to feel bad about yet another thing gone wrong in her life. But now here was Finn, forcing her to come to terms with her emotions about their past relationship. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to ask his forgiveness. She wanted to explain her reasoning behind everything, but she couldn’t. Not yet. What good would it do anyway? Finn was already well on his way to fully recovering from their breakup, so why rehash it? She wasn’t ready just yet to take responsibility for Finn’s emotions.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re doing well. I should get going. I’m in creation mode.”

  “New song?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s it about?”

  Harper sat up and looked over her lyrics. “That’s a good question. I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “So, I’ll talk to you later, then?”

  “Okay.”

  “And Finn? Thanks for calling.”

  “No problem. I’m just glad Emily’s back home. Good night.”

  Harper lay back down on her bed and began to contemplate her role in Finn’s heartbreak. Obviously, she had her reasons. Obviously, it simply wouldn’t have been fair to either of them had she gone through with it. Obviously, she couldn’t marry someone when she was in love with someone else. But was it fair of her to deprive him of so many answers? Sometimes we just do things because we have to, even though the people around you may not understand. Some things are just too difficult to explain…and much too painful to face. Harper squinted while staring at the ceiling as the light began to slowly flicker. It was in this moment she suddenly had an urge to talk to her sister. She jumped out of her bed and headed down the hall to Emily’s room hoping to find that she was still awake. The door was cracked open and Harper could hear Emily’s steady breath. It was evident that her sister had fallen asleep, but Harper wasn’t deterred. She would simply talk to her when the moment presented itself. For now, she wanted to attempt getting at least ninety minutes of sleep.