A Fine Mess

by Hughes, Breanna

  Kiley took a step back. Now they were finally getting somewhere. The lines of communication had finally opened up.

  “Yeah,” conceded Kiley, “I’ve been with a lot of guys. I have. And I could never figure out why I was so addicted to it until recently. They gave me solace for one brief moment. But you have to realize, every single one of them reminded me of how badly I wanted you. And how I couldn’t have you because you were with Finn. I would never have dreamt of coming between you two. And then you broke up, but I had trained myself so well to just push everything I felt for you way down. I got used to suppressing it. It just seemed easier. It was stupid, I know. I screwed up.”

  Harper was about to interject, but Kiley wouldn’t let her. Not while the words that had been rolling around in her head for the past few years were finally coming out of her mouth. “But you screwed up too. You wanted me too and you never told me.”

  Harper felt her throat dry up as she tried to swallow. “How do you know I wanted you?”

  Kiley took a step closer to the younger girl. “I may not have always known; I’ve been a bit dense. But I see it now. I’ve seen it ever since that night we…” Kiley paused. What was the right way to put it? Had sex? Made love? Hooked up? What was the protocol here?

  “That night,” repeated Harper, coolly. “That fucking night. Do you have any idea how much I thought about that night since it happened? Every single night, I lie awake and I relive it over and over. Your hair, your face, the way your hands felt on my skin, the way you fell asleep on my shoulder, the shape and the weight of your body as it rested on mine. Every little nuance, every detail I remember.” Harper shook her head in disgust. “And I hate myself for it because you probably don’t even think about it. To you, it was a mistake. A lapse in judgment because you’re too afraid. You’re afraid of what people will think. You’re afraid of actually feeling something real in your life. You’re afraid of ruining our friendship, which is pretty much in shambles, anyway. So excuse me if thinking that ‘good luck’ isn’t the most appropriate thing for you to say right now.”

  “Harper— “

  “I have to go. They’re gonna give my spot away.”

  “Wait,” pleaded Kiley.

  Harper stopped and turned around. “What?”

  Kiley was screaming at herself internally. ‘Stop her from going in! Take her hand! Kiss her! Do something! Anything to keep her from walking away! This is your moment. This is it! Make something happen!’ Kiley’s subconscious was no match for the terror and trepidation inside of her. Harper was right. She was terrified of all those things and wasn’t sure if she was ready to take them all on at once.

  Harper lowered her eyes and turned to walk back in. “That’s what I thought.”

  ***

  Once Harper was back inside and back on stage, Kiley was able to move. Her fists were clenched as tightly as her jaw as she punched the door. “Shit!” Why couldn’t she have just said something? She opened the door and ran inside just in time to watch Harper perform her first song.

  Harper didn’t know Kiley had just walked in. She refused to let herself even think about what Kiley was doing at this moment. Right now, she needed to focus on her songs and nothing more. With her guitar strap around her neck and a pick in her hand, she started playing the first song that came to her mind. No introduction was given. She hoped it wasn’t needed and allowed the words to simply say it all.

  “She sends me a smile and I believe

  It’s meant for only me.

  She offers her heart on her sleeve

  I do my best to keep it pristine.

  She tells me about her bad day

  I just want to make everything okay.

  She grabs my neck and kisses me so

  I don’t ever want to let go.”

  With the first verse out in the open and the words floating around in the air for everyone to hear, Harper knew there was no going back after she sang the first word, “she.” It was a song she had written a couple days after that night with Kiley. It was never meant to be heard by anyone, but tonight, she was feeling brave. She was tired of hiding, tired of denying and tired of her heart being hurled to the floor yet again. So she exposed herself the best way she knew how.

  “She makes me smile

  She makes me weak

  She knows the hold she’s got on me

  For her I’d do anything

  Just to keep her by my side

  And I think it’s gonna be alright.”

  Kiley couldn’t take her eyes off of Harper. She let every word of the song sink in. She knew it was about her. There was no doubt in her mind. She tried to fight the urge to cry, but she couldn’t. Those damn tears would not stop forming as she continued to watch Harper sing.

  “She lays her body across my bed

  And I forget the thoughts in my head

  She hides away in her secret place

  While I’m wrapped up in her embrace

  We talk about our fears and doubts

  And how we won’t let each other down

  I send her a song meant only for her

  She is the melody and the words.”

  Everyone would know now. Everyone would know what lay in the depths of Harper’s soul. The one thing she had tried to hide for so long was now out in the open. She gripped her guitar as tightly as she could while laying her soul bare in front of a hundred strangers.

  “She makes me smile

  She makes me weak,

  She knows the hold she’s got on me

  For her I’d do anything

  Just to keep her by my side

  And I think we’re gonna be alright.”

  Kiley remained captivated by every word. She had never been so moved in her entire life. Here she was worrying about the high cost of her undeniable to attraction to Harper. Wanting to reject every natural instinct her body and mind had simply because she was a coward. She never allowed herself to feel anything more than the slightest affinity for someone because she knew the kind of irredeemable damage it could cause. She never wanted to feel that pain. And now she realized just how selfish she was being by inflicting that same pain upon Harper. Harper was the brave one. She was the one on stage letting everyone in on her deepest secret. She invited complete strangers to listen to the tale of how much she loves Kiley. And Kiley couldn’t even do it in the most intimate of settings.

  “If she could only see

  What she does to me

  With one look, she brings me to my knees.”

  As her strumming reached a fever pitch, Harper belted out the last chorus with everything she had inside of her.

  “She makes me smile

  She makes me weak

  She knows the hold she’s got on me

  For her I’d do anything

  Just to keep her by my side

  And I know we’re gonna be alright.”

  The song ended and the entire audience roared with cheers and applause. Harper had a rather self-satisfied smile on her face as the cheers continued. Before she could even look down at her set list to see what song would be next on the agenda, Harper felt a presence next to her on stage. She turned to see Kiley step up onto the stage and before she had any time to react, Kiley’s lips collided with hers. It didn’t matter that they were on stage, obviously putting on a much different show than the crowd expected. She couldn’t control herself anymore. Four years of unadulterated desire had been bottled up inside her and it was time to ease all the pain she had been feeling. The moment her lips came into contact with Harper’s, she knew nothing would ever be the same again, but she didn’t care. Unable to quench her thirst, Kiley pushed their lips harder together.

  Harper didn’t fight it. At this moment, this was all she wanted. She didn’t care about the audience who, so far, had remained surprisingly quiet with the exception of a few collective gasps. The guitar was separating their bodies. Harper held onto it for dear life
. But if any reason was good enough to put it down for a moment, this was it. She pried their lips apart long enough to put her guitar down. Then her lips rested upon Kiley’s mouth once more as she affectionately tasted the soft flesh that was offered to her. She slowly pulled away, allowing her teeth to gently catch Kiley’s bottom lip as they detached. Their eyes remained fixated on each other.

  They were only separated briefly before Kiley realized that the small amount of contact they just had simply wasn’t enough. She gripped Harper tighter as she felt their embrace begin to turn into a more sensual, carnal desire between the two of them. Her tongue slowly trailed down Harper’s neck, just underneath her jaw line, making its way up to her swollen lips once more. Kiley gracefully maneuvered her lips against Harper’s, making it impossible to resist her advances. Kiley wanted more. She craved more. But she knew this wasn’t the time or the place. She slowly pulled herself way from Harper and smiled at her. It was only when the crowd started whistling and applauding when they realized they weren’t alone. They turned to the audience, both blushing to their ears. Kiley turned to Harper.

  “So…I’ll let you finish this and…I’ll just be over there.”

  Harper turned back to the audience, unsure of exactly what to say. She looked over at Kiley once more and smiled. She then stepped up to the microphone and said, “Well, that’s all for me. I really hope you enjoyed the set.”

  She grabbed her guitar and ran off stage toward Kiley. Harper knew the repercussions of being so unprofessional, but didn’t really care about that at the moment. There were more important things to focus on. Her future had walked off the stage to her left, and she had no intention of letting it get away from her this time, so she followed her heart and it led her straight to Kiley.

  EPILOGUE

  “You made me miss the mushroom!” said Harper with more intensity than she had initially planned.

  “What? I did no such thing,” replied Kiley.

  “Yes you did. You made me miss the mushroom and now Luigi is gonna stay small forever.”

  “Well that’s a bit overdramatic, don’t you think?” asked Kiley as she took a drink of her soda, waiting patiently for little Luigi to perish so she could have her turn. She watched, enthralled with Harper as she maneuvered the controller as if her life depended on it. Kiley couldn’t resist. She leaned over and placed a sweet kiss behind Harper’s ear. Immediately following that display of affection, Kiley heard the familiar sound of a certain video game cartoon falling to his death.

  Harper looked over at Kiley. “You made me fall off a wall.”

  “Wow. You really take your Super Nintendo very seriously.”

  Harper shrugged. “Gotta be passionate about something. For me, it’s old school gaming systems with hideous graphics.” She crawled over, popped Super Mario World out of the system, and looked back at Kiley. “Mario Kart?”

  Kiley couldn’t help but chuckle at Harper’s appearance. They had already been up for an hour, but Harper’s hair was tangled and tousled. She was still in her pajamas, which really only consisted of some plaid boxers and a tank top, and she still had remnants of last night’s makeup on her face. Still, Kiley found her to be striking and flat-out adorable. She took a look around the room and noticed the path of destruction they left in their haste last night. Clothes were strewn about, Kiley’s purse somehow ended up half-emptied in the middle of the floor. The lamp that was next to the couch was now somehow on top of the couch. Kiley remembered that once they got through the door, nothing else seemed to matter except finding their way to the bedroom. Kiley got up and grabbed her sweater from the floor.

  “It’s getting late. I should go.”

  “But...” Harper looked around while trying to find any reason at all for Kiley to stay. “But...you haven’t finished your soda.”

  Kiley picked up her drink and gulped it down until the glass was empty. She looked at Harper victoriously.

  Harper buckled. “But...but....you haven’t seen the rest of my place yet.”

  Kiley looked around Harper’s one-bedroom apartment. “Bathroom, closet, you introduced me to the bedroom last night...and I believe we’re standing in the kitchen/dining room/living room area. I think that about covers it, right?”

  “But you didn’t see the best part.” Harper took Kiley’s hand and led her toward the sliding window out onto the balcony. “Look at the view. Isn’t it incredible?”

  Kiley looked out at the sky and agreed that it was quite a view. It was almost worth Harper living in this dump just for this view. “Not bad for a fifth floor one-bedroom in Silver Lake with no elevator.”

  “Just don’t look down,” warned Harper.

  Kiley ignored that request and looked down to find an ally rife with graffiti along every wall and garage door, accented with countless broken glass bottles and cigarette butts strewn along the ground. “Meh…it gives the place some character.” Kiley continued staring out at the view of the Hollywood Hills. “I still can’t believe you moved. I mean, I’m proud of you. It was a healthy decision. But I just can’t believe we’re never gonna hang out there again. Seems so strange.”

  Harper leaned against the balcony railing. “Well, it’s not like we’ll never hang out there again.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I didn’t want to say anything until it was official. I worked out a deal with the new owners. I lowered the asking price by $50,000 and in exchange, they’re giving me unlimited use of the garage.”

  “What would you need the garage for?”

  “I always said with the acoustics, that garage would make the perfect recording studio. So I put in my two-week notice at Between the Lines and with the money Emily and I are getting from the house, I’m using some of it to buy some recording equipment and open a studio. A small one, obviously, but it’s a start.”

  Kiley smiled. “Well it’s about time you put that ambition to good use. That’s awesome!” Initially she was worried about what giving up the house would mean to Harper after living there her whole life. But this way she could still have a piece of the home that her parents bought and built their life around while molding a life of her own.

  “I probably won’t be making too much money with the studio just yet. It’ll just be a place where local musicians can lay down tracks and hopefully word of mouth will travel.”

  “Hey, it’s music and it’s what you love. Who cares about money?” replied Kiley.

  “By the way, they asked me back to perform at The Fortress.”

  “Seriously?”

  “I got a call early this morning while you were still passed out. Apparently they liked what they saw…music-wise, of course.”

  “So they asked you back after hearing just one song?”

  “Yeah. Crazy, right? They asked for an hour-long set this time. And they asked that I kindly remain on stage, by myself for the full set or I won’t get paid.”

  “Paid?”

  Harper smiled and nodded. “So no running off the stage for me.”

  Kiley was ecstatic. As Harper’s biggest fan, she could hardly contain herself. She took a step toward her. They smiled at each other as they came closer together and slowly melted into a much-needed embrace. The hug was lingering with a gentle hint of longing behind it. It was saturated with desire, yet still held a sense of innocence. It was the first genuine hug they shared since the start of their physical relationship and it felt incredible for both of them. Neither of them considered bringing up the idea of a romantic relationship. They were both too terrified and there was still a bit of awkwardness between them after everything that had played out last night and the previous months, but this embrace spoke every word they couldn’t speak.

  As Kiley pulled away, she placed a soft, sweet kiss on the corner of Harper’s mouth and headed back inside.

  “So how’s Emily doing? I didn’t get to talk to her last night.”

  “She’s great. She’s all moved in.”<
br />
  “You said something about a townhouse in Sherman Oaks?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How can she afford that?”

  “She moved in with some friends of hers from work. Besides, she’s making decent money now.”

  “So, she’s all grown up and ready to take on actually paying rent and working hard for her money?”

  Harper beamed with pride. “Looks like it.”

  “Damn. Talk about a complete 180.”

  “Well, we worked out some stipulations. She promised me she’d start going to some N.A. meetings and we have to have lunch together at least twice a week. I’m needy. What can I say?”

  “Well, that’s understandable. But she seems pretty dead set on staying around.”

  “It’s so weird,” said Harper as she closed the sliding door. “So much of my time was spent wondering and waiting and worrying about her and now that she’s here and she’s okay, I kind of don’t know what to do with myself.”

  “Well, you can start living your life, for one.”

  “Hey, I’ve taken a huge step in that direction.” Harper demurely looked up at Kiley. “And just for the record, I’m really glad you and I are talking.”

  “We’re doing a bit more than talking, don’t you think,” asked Kiley as she flirtatiously raised her eyebrows.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I know. I knew we’d get through it. We can get through anything. We’re Harper and Kiley.

  We’re…Harley.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No. No celebrity names for us.”

  “Kiper?”

  “That’s worse than Harley.” Harper leaned against the armrest of her couch. “Do you really have to go?”

  “Afraid so. It’s inventory day. Graham’s expecting me.” Kiley found it hard to break that news to Harper, especially when she looked as cute as she did with her chic just-woke-up-after-a-night-of-passionate-sex look. Kiley found herself smiling out of pure contentedness and soon, her insides matched her facial expression. Something inside of her had come alive last night and the feeling had stayed with her. She was surprised with herself and pleasantly satisfied with the way things turned out. She finally got what she had wanted, and evidently, so did Harper. It was exciting and new and scary as hell, but it ignited a fire within her that continued to blaze.