Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys)

by Pelton, Kristi

  “Now, you can be sorry,” he growled between kisses.

  The blood running through my veins burned my insides. It felt trapped and ran crazily through my body. Air hit my stomach as he lifted my shirt and brushed kiss after kiss across my abdomen. I trembled with each breath of air that I inhaled. The small of my back rested in his palms.

  “Are you OK?” he asked with a trace of concern.

  “I…I’m per-fect. W-why?” the broken words mumbled out.

  “You’re shaking. Am I hurting you? Are you cold?”

  I rubbed my thumb over his soft lips as I looked down at him. “No.” I yanked at his shirt.

  He didn’t take his eyes off of me, but with one hand pulled the cotton up and over his head. The feverish skin on his stomach touched mine as he pressed his body to me.

  “We can do this. You know, I would never tell a soul.” I could barely speak.

  He snickered between kisses. “So, it would be our little secret?” he teased.

  “Ab..so…lute…ly.” the syllables matched his kisses and my gasps.

  “Maybe we should work something out. Five months is a long time.” The desire in his eyes hadn’t faded. “Though it will so be worth the wait.”

  “I don’t want to wait.” I pouted. My body had never—felt this—responded like this. My mom had warned me about hormones but not this…this internal plea…a longing I’d never experienced.

  “Oh, Em. My hot, adorable freshman.” He nibbled at my ear.

  “I’m supposed to be a sophomore. You know that, right?” He hesitated for a second then proceeded down my neck stopping in the tuck of my collarbone.

  “I did not know that.”

  It was hard to concentrate on my words with what he was doing. “Born premature. Docs thought it was a good idea to wait to send me to school though I exceeded all their expectations.” I smiled.

  “You’re exceeding mine right now.” His groan was satisfying.

  “So, there is really only two years between us.” I arched my body toward his.

  “Please, two years is nothing,” he was teasing me.

  “Exactly. Then let’s not wait,” I begged, goose bumps covering my body.

  “You have a legitimate argument.” He glanced up at me and nodded. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll be with you as soon as my probation officer gives me the green light.” Then he unsnapped my jeans and I sighed.

  “Probation officer?” I heard the deep voice of my father and was taken back by Zach’s reaction. He flew off me, pulled my shirt down and grabbed his within less than three seconds.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Henricks. I’m sorry. I…” His words trailed off as he shoved his shirt hard over his shoulders. His jaw tight.

  I slid my shirt over my unbuttoned pants hoping my parents didn’t notice. Zach extended his hand to me. I accepted his offer to help me, but, once up, he dropped my hand.

  My dad took his jacket off tossing it into a chair. “Zach, did you say probation?”

  The look on Zach’s face was full of shame. “Yes, sir.” His words were strong.

  “Dad! Stop!” I cried. “I’m just as much to blame probably more.”

  “Emma, get to your room.” My father ordered.

  “NO!” I shouted knowing I’d regret it later. “You don’t understand. I wanted to be with Zach and he told me no. He knew we shouldn’t.”

  Dad’s face was tight and rigid and I was scared…but not of my dad…of what he was going to do.

  Mom moved toward me. “Emma, honey, you should go to your room.”

  I jerked away from her and stood by Zach. “I won’t. I won’t let you persecute him.” I held his upper arm and he gave me a tight smile.

  “He is eighteen and an adult and you are fifteen and still considered a child. Now, go to your room.”

  “I am not a child, Dad. Please…he’s good, and honest, and everything I need him to be.” My dad’s anger wasn’t subsiding no matter my words. I felt sick.

  Zach gripped my shoulders and his eyes bored into mine. “Do as your father says, Em. Go to your room so we can talk.” He was trying to be strong but I could tell by his eyes that he was worried too.

  I shook my head. Tears streamed down my cheeks. He wiped them with his thumbs and nodded toward the stairs. “I love you.” I choked out. He kissed the top of my head and smiled.

  My mom’s face was sad as I rounded the corner.

  “I suppose it doesn’t matter that Ryan’s up here with a fifteen year old. That’s different…right.” I spouted off before my assent up the stairs. I slammed my door before falling onto my bed feeling like my heart would burst.

  Thirty long minutes ticked by on the clock before I quietly opened the door and tip toed down the stairs. I heard my father’s voice and I didn’t move.

  “Zach, this is nothing personal.”

  “I understand.” Just hearing Zach’s voice soothed me.

  “Emma will accept this in time.”

  What? Accept what? My world was crashing down around me. I couldn’t take it. I flew down the stairs.

  “Accept what?” I demanded to know.

  Zach glanced at me for a second. His eyes were dark…expressionless. He blinked away.

  “Tell me!”

  “Emma Nicole. I will tell you when he leaves. Get back to your room.” Dad said harshly.

  “No. I want to hear it from him.”

  Dad stared at Zach then nodded as if he approved the conversation. The hair on my neck stood.

  Zach’s shoulders slumped as he faced me. His chest moved up and down slowly. I smelled his breath as he exhaled and I inhaled the air he blew, knowing I wouldn’t be doing so for a while. His eyes couldn’t find mine and he struggled to find words.

  I broke the silence. “I can’t see you anymore, can I?” My tear ducts ran dry. This wasn’t happening. My parents knew I loved him. They wouldn’t do this.

  He closed his eyes. “It’s just for a little while.” His lips were tight. Even a little while would be too long.

  He reached for my hand, which shook uncontrollably. “‘Til you’re off probation?”

  He nodded and his eyes fell. “It’s just ‘til March.” I shook my head until I was dizzy. He grabbed my cheeks. “Em. We can do this. I should have been honest with your folks. This is my fault." It was so not his fault. I’m the one that pressured him. Always the gentleman. He would never hurt me.

  I sniffed. “OK. So, what. I can’t see you but we can talk on the phone…text…what?”

  I watched him swallow hard and I knew I wasn’t going to like what was coming. My chin quivered and he touched my face. “It’s going to fly by. I’ll see you at school. Don’t be angry at your folks. They’re only doing this because they want to protect you.”

  My eyes about came out of my head. “Protect me. From you? This…this is crazy. And you agreed?”

  He nodded.

  I swiveled around to face my parents. “I can’t believe you are doing this!” I glared at my father as my mom rubbed her forehead. “This is ridiculous. I love him! You can’t keep us apart.”

  My dad dismissed my words. “Why don’t you go ahead and leave,” he directed.

  Zach grabbed his keys off the sofa table.

  “NO!” I caught hold of his arm. “I’m going with him!” I screamed. “Take me. Take me with you, please,” I begged.

  His eyes were sad. A ‘no’ was coming.

  “Please,” I cried as tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please,” I whispered.

  He glanced toward my parents. “May I hug her?”

  “Yes.” My mom spoke before my father had a chance.

  “Don’t leave me.”

  He pulled me into his chest rubbing my hair. My arms didn’t go fully around him but I held on as tight as I could.

  “I love you,” he whispered so only I could hear, then tried to break my hold but wasn’t forceful. “Em. Please. Help me out.” His voice was quiet.

  I shook my head.

 
; His body stiffened and his strong hands gripped my arms and pushed them to my sides. He bent forward and kissed my forehead. I didn’t look at him…I couldn’t. I heard our front door open and shut.

  I walked to the stairs.

  “Emma.” My father’s voice was soft and I glared at him.

  “I’ll never forgive you for this,” I said flatly, and took one step at a time. As I reached the top, I heard his voice again.

  “Katie. This is nuts. This relationship has gotten totally out of hand.” He was angry.

  “Matt. It’s her first love. The more we fight it…the worse it’s going to get.”

  “Did you see what they were doing?”

  “Yes. I’ll talk to her.”

  “You better.”

  I went into my room and slammed the door.

  TWENTY THREE

  I texted Zach immediately.

  Call me. Send.

  Fifteen minutes passed. My stomach hurt. I texted again.

  Zach please! Send.

  My head hurt as I lay and watched my ceiling fan rotate. I tried to listen to music but every song reminded me of him. I couldn’t do this. I texted again.

  What day in March? Send.

  I was desperate for a response. But…nothing.

  A little after one o’clock in the morning, there was a tap at my door and my mom stepped in.

  “May I?”

  I shrugged.

  She sat on the corner of my bed. “Honey. How ya doin?” Her voice was sticky sweet with sympathy and instantly annoyed me.

  “How do you think I’m doing, Mom?” My tone was bitter.

  “That first crush is so hard to deal with.”

  “It isn’t a crush, Mom. I love Zach. My first crush was Nate Wiley or Grant. This is nothing like that.” How dare she belittle this. She moved closer. “Did he tell you and Dad why?”

  Her brow’s raised. “Why he’s on probation?”

  I didn’t look at her.

  “Yes. I believe he told us everything. He was very honest.”

  “Then how can you do this?”

  “Emma.” Her tone of voice distracted me. “Your father wanted it to be over.” I glanced up at her threatening eyes. “Over.” She said it again and waves of fear rocked me. “As we talked with Zach, and I watched him struggle with telling us, we became aware of how much he cares for you, darling. Add that to what we walked in on.” My face flushed. “Then, your father hears probation. It wasn’t pretty. Like it or not, you will always be our little girl. We know that in five months you will be sixteen. But no matter how old you are, there are certain things your father doesn’t want to see. AND a grown man on top of you, kissing your stomach is one of them.”

  I couldn’t respond and buried my face.

  “I think you should know how hard Zach negotiated. That takes a lot of nerve and guts to go head to head with the fifty-year-old father of your girlfriend.”

  She rubbed my back. “Your dad is angry right now. I don’t know if he will rethink this and change his mind. Until then, you may see Zach in March.”

  “That’s three months!”

  “Not quite. And don’t think that we won’t be addressing the protection thing again.” Her eyes were firm. I knew she was right. She stood to leave.

  “Mom?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Why is it OK for Ryan?”

  “Sex?”

  I nodded.

  “It isn’t. He’s in trouble too. You just missed that encounter.” She pulled my door closed.

  I woke up the next morning, my eyes almost swollen shut. I hadn’t slept most of the night…checking my phone every half-hour. The sunshine breaking through my window was hot and I felt like I was baking so I kicked the covers off. I reached for my phone on the nightstand. No messages. The clock read 10:45. I scrolled through some old texts reading them one by one, stopping on my favorite—‘love you baby!’

  My pillow was hot so I flipped it. The cold cotton was comforting to my cheek. I scrolled through the songs on my MP3 then hid in the quilt again. I decided I was staying here for the next two and a half months.

  There was movement in my room and I tossed the covers down. Ryan stood at the corner. I paused the music.

  “I knocked.”

  “What do you want?” I growled.

  He sprawled across the bed landing on my feet. “I’m sorry. It was my stupid idea to come back to the house.”

  “So, what happened to you?” I propped myself on the pillows.

  “Ali and I were on my bed. We both had ear phones on listening to music and kissing. Then I felt a tap on my leg. It was Dad. Poor Ali freaked.” He chuckled in amusement. “She’d given me a back rub so my shirt was off.”

  My eyes were wide. “That’s all? You were up there a while.” My accusatory words didn’t go unnoticed.

  “What do you think we did? Give me some credit, Em. She’s fifteen.”

  I offered him an apologetic smile. My brother had more heart and brains than I’d thought.

  “Sorry.” I elbowed him in his side. “Are you grounded too?”

  “No more girls in my room…”

  “That’s all?” I interrupted.

  “AND, I’m grounded for a week.”

  My lower jaw suspended in air. “A week? Whatever!”

  “Why? What’d you get?”

  “I can’t see Zach for two and a half months.”

  `He shoved me back. “Bullshit.”

  “It’s true.” I went on to tell Ryan about Zach’s probation and what happened in San Francisco, swearing him to secrecy since no one around here knew. I explained how difficult the move was for him. Then I told him about getting busted making out on the sofa. He laughed, of course.

  “You gonna be able to do it?” His tone was hopeless.

  I shrugged. “I have to. And I know he’s going to. I’ve texted him four times and nothing back.” My throat tightened just saying that.

  He rubbed my head. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll talk to Dad. Zach’s not a criminal.”

  “You’d do that? I didn’t think you even liked him.”

  “I like the way he treats you. He defended you—against me—but he still defended you.” He closed the door and I fell back across my bed in disbelief.

  Three days till Christmas break. Finals were over, progress reports would be sent home tomorrow and we had three days of nothing. Initially, break meant more time with Zach, but now…I hoped for a quick break then back to school.

  My chest tightened as I thought of third period and I contemplated skipping. I didn’t know how much longer I could endure looking at his perfection with no hope of touching. This wasn’t the longest I’d gone without him but it was close.

  I stopped at my locker to get my book. My mind wasn’t in it as I twisted my combination three separate times before it finally unlocked. Next to my locker hung a fluorescent flier advertising Christmas break extra credits through online courses or night classes. I read it over carefully then ripped the flier from the wall and shoved it in my backpack, running to third hour.

  I was late and breathing hard when I entered the class. Zach was already working. The seat next to him was open, which wasn’t surprising given most people knew we dated. I slipped into my seat. Mr. Bowman had written the assignment on the blackboard and he didn’t notice I was late, thankfully. My heart beat erratically against my chest and I wondered if Zach could see it pulsing against my back. I could smell him.

  “When you’re done, please bring your paper up for me to check, then you may talk quietly in your seats.” Mr. Bowman announced.

  When I finished, I moved to his desk and handed him the paper, which he skimmed. Without moving my head, I peeked up to see Zach. His eyes were on me and he offered a tender smile. Don’t cry, I told myself. Be strong.

  “Good work, Hendricks.” Mr. Bowman marked my work and handed it back. On my return trip, Zach’s head w
as back down.

  “You look beautiful,” he murmured into a whisper.

  I twisted my neck around. “Thanks,” I mouthed.

  “Hey. Did I hear right? You two are kaput?” Grant asked inquisitively his sun touched hair darkening to its natural color as always during the winter.

  The words stung as I processed them. I didn’t look at him and I listened to see if Zach did.

  “Hmm. No response from either party. It must be true.”

  “Meier’s shut up,” Zach jabbed as he walked past me to the teacher’s desk.

  “Em. What’s the deal with you and Owens?” he whispered.

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it, Grant.” I feared my tears had restocked.

  “Did he hurt you?” he asked, his voice full of accusations.

  “Stop! It’s none of your business.” I gathered my books and Zach stepped past me.

  “Owens—did you hurt her?”

  The bell sounded and I hurried out.

  “Answer me!”

  I jerked back around when I heard Grant’s gruff tone and Zach weaved around him.

  Suddenly, Grant shoved him from behind and Zach nearly fell into me, his chin was tight with anger. He glared at me.

  “I can not fight him. You know why.” Zach grimaced.

  His probation. A school fight wouldn’t be good. I threw myself between them. “Stop, Grant.” I saw Ryan running up from behind; my eyes wild with fear. Grant’s chest puffed out and his upper lip was tight. He looked more like a snow boarding surfer than a fighter.

  “Move, Em,” Grant ordered.

  Zach grabbed my arm and yanked me behind him. “Yes, please move.”

  Ryan was finally there tugging Grant to the side and I gripped Zach’s hand taking him in the opposite direction. Within one long second, he dropped my hand, caught my eye, whispered “thanks” and walked away. Feeling rejected, I spun around to see Estelle in front of me with a glimmer of hope twinkling in her eyes. My stomach knotted and I headed to gym.

  I skipped lunch altogether which upset Ali and Lauren. Ali—cause she wanted to talk about Ryan. Lauren—cause she wanted talk about why we broke up. Selfishly, I couldn’t handle relationship talk right now. I headed to the counselors office.