Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys)

by Pelton, Kristi

  The room was hot when I arrived, and I ditched my sweater. Ms. Trudeau came from her office and greeted me with a smile. “Hello, Emma. What can I do for you?”

  I retrieved the crumpled up flier from my backpack.

  “I’d like to do this.”

  “Earn some extra credits? Are you not doing well in a subject?”

  “No. I’m doing fine. I just want to earn a few more.”

  She seemed suspicious. “Are your parents on board with this? Most of your classes are already advanced.”

  “They are fine with it,” I lied. But why would they care if I studied more.

  “Very well.” She handed me a sheet of paper. “Here are the classes available. I need your parents to sign off on that release. We have a class online and a night class you can take. Do you prefer one?”

  Pretending to contemplate the thought, I answered, “I’ll do both.”

  “That’s a lot to take on over the two weeks of break. It requires a great deal of time.”

  Time is all I had at this point. “OK. Thanks. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.” I knew her eyes followed me out of the room.

  Later that evening, after we’d cleaned up dinner, I approached my dad who seemed the easier target.

  “Dad?”

  “Yes?” He removed his bifocals and gave me his attention.

  Waving the piece of paper, I said, “I need you or Mom to sign this.”

  He reached for it. “What is it?”

  “It’s an approval for me to take a class over break. Seeing how I will have nothing to do.” My words held blame. “I was thinking I could earn an extra credit for school.”

  “An extra credit? Emma. You’re already ahead of credits. Why don’t you take the time to spend with friends. Maybe some sleepovers, going to movies…you know.”

  I nodded with fake excitement. “That’s sounds awesome, Dad. Maybe I could do both. It’ll keep my mind busy rather than thinking about…” my words trailed off but I figured he got the gist.

  “You’re right. What am I talking about it? Nothing wrong with a little extra education.” He smiled apologetically. The guilt trip had worked.

  SWEET! “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Emma?”

  “Yeah?”

  “This time will go fast honey, you’ll see.”

  I think I smiled.

  TWENTY FOUR

  Christmas break started, which meant my fourteen days of learning were underway. I was swamped with homework, but to say I didn’t have time to think about Zach was the overstatement of the century. I thought about him every minute of every day. I had to believe that Zach thought of me too, that there was still a future waiting for us…and he was counting down the days till March. My life had become a lingering moment in time where nothing mattered over the duration of this extended time apart. I felt empty at times, wondering what I had done before Zach. Dad was right. I’d kind of dumped my friends to spend time with him. For now, the task was to stay focused on my studies.

  The online courses were a joke and I knew by day seven that I wouldn’t get lower than an A. How this justified an education was beyond me. My night class on the other hand was more of a challenge. Held on campus at Southern Oregon University, not only was I a runt in with college kids, but I was smarter than half of them, which didn’t go over well. So—I played the part of the dumb high school freshman the best I could.

  Three days before school was to start, Ryan clued me in on an impromptu skiing trip to Mt. Shasta. My first and only question was who? Specifically Zach…and Ryan wasn’t sure. He didn’t know who was going and didn’t particularly care. He and Grant were headed down and Ali was tagging along with me. I’d been pretty disengaged since ‘the break’ and the Ryan/Ali status seemed to be on track, which unnerved me just a bit. My folks basically packed my bag and nearly kicked me out of the house once they knew there was adequate adult supervision. I wondered if they knew there was a possibility that Zach would be there.

  We headed out at 6:30 the next morning though the trip averaged less than two hours. It would give us two full days of skiing. Grant opted for the back seat allowing Ali to sit with Ryan. Figures. The last hour, I buried my head in my pillow as Ryan took the twists and turns of the Siskiyou Mountains. On a good day, Mt. Shasta was easily seen from Ashland but today the skies were overcast. As we got closer, a light snow fell making me more nervous on the roads.

  “OK.” Ryan tossed a crumpled up piece of paper. “The address is Jefferson Street. But read me the directions.”

  Grant examined the sheet. “Take a left on N. Shasta Boulevard.”

  “Where are we staying?” I asked. Typically we stayed at the Woodsman Hotel. Ryan eyed Grant in the review mirror and it didn’t go unnoticed.“Ryan? WHERE?” I felt anxious.

  “Take another left on East Ivy.” Grant squeezed my knee. “It’s fine,” he soothed.

  “OK. Now I’m getting pissed. Whose house are we staying at?” I gritted.

  Ryan sighed. “Em. I didn’t tell you because you would not have come.”

  “Right, onto Rockfellow,” Grant said softly then looked at me. “I’m sorry. Ryan said I couldn’t tell you,” he whispered.

  “Whose?” I mouthed.

  “Estelle’s cousins,” he said ashamed. “She said you could come. Well…we weren’t coming without you…so then she said you could come.”

  In a very childish act, I threw myself back against the leather and scowled.

  “Turn left on Jefferson and we’re there.” He hurled the paper on the floor and rubbed his brow.

  “I’m sorry. You needed to get out of the house. And besides, last time we snowboarded, you kicked my ass so I needed to seek revenge.”

  I managed a slight smile. “Is he gonna be here?”

  Grant’s elbows rested on his knees and he stared into the gap between his legs and nodded. “Yes.”

  I appreciated the honesty. It was blatantly obvious Grant’s feelings had shifted somewhere along the line. I remembered the time Ali, Lauren and I played truth or dare with Ryan, Brett and Grant during a sleep over. The disappointed look on Grant’s face when we had to kiss had angered me.

  When we arrived at Chez Estelle, I studied the enormous rustic looking A-frame. It gave me the willies thinking about staying here. Connor and Brett were already here. No Jeep. Ryan spotted Claire and groaned. Ali bit her lip. Welcome to my world…Ali. Claire waved us inside.

  Grant grabbed my bag and we trudged up the sidewalk into the beautiful home. The front room was open and woodsy, perfect for a mountain hideaway. Gigantic wood beams shot across the ceiling and the A-frame was solid glass in the back of the house. Mt. Shasta graced the breathtaking view.

  The Oregon mountains were odd as far as mountains went. I’d been to the Rockies, twice—a massive mountain range spanning several states—but in Washington and Oregon there are several colossal mountains surrounded by a few hills out in the middle of a plain. Maybe that’s why our mountains are known by name—Ranier, St. Helens, Adams, Hood.

  Claire continued the tour.

  “There are three bedrooms. Each room has a sleeper sofa so four can stay in a room. Connor and Brett already called this one.” She pointed to a hallway off the living room. “You all can put your stuff in that one over there for now till we figure things out.”

  “Let’s roll out. Snow is movin in and I want to hit the slopes,” Connor alerted us and slid over the back of the sofa already in his ski pants.

  “All right. Let’s hit it.” Ryan agreed and clapped his hands.

  We changed quickly and loaded back into Ryan’s truck, our skis and snowboards still on the car rack, and headed to the slopes.

  The resort was busy and we parked near the back of the lot. Most of us had our season pass lift tickets and rode on up. The bitter cold wind bit my cheeks and I pulled my goggles down to protect my watering eyes.

  I hated the ride up. My fear of heights and dangling feet bothered me. My parents had Ryan an
d me on skis by the time we were five. We’d been to Utah, Tahoe and Mt. Ashland. Snowboarding was my game. Grant and I were both boarders and my runt size helped me whiz in and out, annoying the crap out of skiers.

  Ryan and Ali slid off the lift first and Grant and I followed behind over to Telemark slope. Ryan’s choice would be to start with the most dangerous black slope but I preferred a warm up. At the top of the slope, we fastened our boots, engaged the board and took off. Fresh snow meant a softer ride.

  The temperature was always colder at the top unless the sun was out—and today it was lost in the clouds. Helmets weren’t our thing, which ticked off my mom. I never understood what a helmet would prevent if you hit a tree. But, I was glad I had on my stocking cap. The storm moving in had dropped the temperature and with the blowing snow, I wished I’d worn my face mask.

  Half way down we stopped at a boarders break area behind a barrier.

  “Crap it’s cold,” Ryan complained. “You OK?” he asked Ali. I was glad I had goggles on because his demeanor around her surprised me. I hoped my eyewear hid my shock. He could be nice to girls.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Aaah. You big wienies!” Grant scoffed and I laughed. He looked at me and nodded down the mountain…tempting me.

  I stood stretching and shook my head. “Nope. I need to rest for a second.”

  “Fine.” He sounded disappointed and kicked off his board.

  “I’m rested!!” I shouted, pointed my board vertical with the slope and cackled.

  “You cheater!” He yelled as he frantically tried to reengage his boots. I rounded the first curve by the time he hit the run. I could see his determined smile. I flew unsafely past skiers, probably bordering on dangerous—to beat him, though I’d have beaten him fair and square anyway. I knew the slopes too well to lose. As I reached the bottom I slowed and waited smugly.

  He soared around a corner and spotted me but didn’t slow. My board was parallel with the mountain as he got closer, his speed making me nervous. All of a sudden, he popped his board horizontal and threw a heap of snow directly into my face. The force from his speed propelled him my way and he toppled onto me as I reacted with a somewhat surprised and painful scream.

  “Oh shit! Em. Are you OK?” He knocked the snow from my goggles. “I’m sorry.”

  My head was cold lying in the snow. His face inches from mine. The closeness made me nervous. I was sure he could see my anxious eyes through the yellow-tinted goggles. To look at him was unavoidable. The wet snow stuck to my face and I spit it back at him.

  “You never call me Em.” My voice came in a whisper.

  “I’m sorry…God, let me get off you.” He kicked off his board and helped me stand. “You all right?”

  I nodded, still at a loss for words.

  He reattached his board. “Shall we?” He motioned to the bottom of the slope.

  “I won, you know.” I finally managed to speak.

  He popped vertical and started moving. “Whatever…cheater.” Then he shot me a smile.

  Ali and Ryan weren’t far behind and we met up by the lift. After another less aggressive time down, we all agreed to call it quits until the blizzard passed. We hit the lodge at the base of the mountain. Brett and Connor lounged by the fireplace with Jaycee and Claire.

  Hmm. Jaycee had made it. No sign of Zach.

  We hung out for a while and the older kids harped on homecoming, which was two weeks away. Ali and I couldn’t go as freshman, unless we were invited. Envy settled over me as I presumed Ryan would be escorting Ali. I tried to smile. It was painfully obvious there were two people missing from our little tribe—and that made me feel sick. I hadn’t eaten since this morning in Ashland. The only thing in my stomach was bile. It was now inching up my esophagus burning as it moved. Three weeks had passed…had Zach moved on? Tears stung my eyes and I was determined not to cry.

  “Ya’ll ready to head back?” I proposed, prodding Ali.

  “I’m ready. Whenever everyone else is,” she agreed. I wasn’t sure if she was aware of my motive.

  Ryan stretched back to catch a glimpse through the windows. Near blizzard conditions swirled outside. He shook his head. “We may as well.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief as everyone rose to their feet gathering their things. The return trip took longer because of the snow. Ryan drove cautiously and concentrated on the road. The only thing I concentrated on was what I’d find when we got back to the house early.

  TWENTY FIVE

  Zach’s Jeep was parked in the drive with a two-inch accumulation of snow. So, it had been here awhile. Everyone piled out and proceeded to the door. I lagged behind, my feet heavy in the snow.

  The house was warm and we ditched our coats in the entryway. The fire was blazing hot and as I came around the corner, my eyes casually scanned the room. Damn. Where was he?

  Estelle’s mom was in the kitchen and the house smelled of food. My heart raced and the deep breath I took was loud enough to catch Grant’s attention.

  “You OK?” he asked and moved close to me.

  I nodded and swallowed when I spotted Estelle come from the hallway laughing, Zach directly behind her. My fists instantly clenched. He laughed at something she said. God, I’d missed his smile. He looked exceptional in his sweat shorts and long-sleeved USC hoodie. Estelle’s eyes narrowed when she saw me.

  “Em? What’s wrong?” I heard Grant vaguely and I was afraid I was going to cry.

  “Get me out of here,” I gritted through clenched teeth.

  “All right.” He agreed. “RYAN?” he shouted.

  Zach glanced up when Ryan did.

  “Your keys?” Grant held his hand out and Ryan tossed them without question to his buddy.

  Zach’s perfect smile crumbled. I froze until Grant spun me around and pushed me out the door; then I ran to the truck. He opened his door and I slid across while he started the engine and we were gone.

  The silence in the car was unbearable. I couldn’t manage my own thoughts let alone conversation and I think he realized that because he parked at a Taco Bell.

  “Let’s eat,” he said and grabbed his door handle.

  “Wait.” I held onto his forearm.

  He glanced at my hand touching his arm then to my eyes. “What?”

  “Thanks.”

  His eyes were confused. “For what?”

  “Getting me out of there.”

  He acknowledged my words with a simple nod. “Let’s get inside and we can talk. You gettin’ out on my side or yours?”

  “Yours.” I slid over.

  After ordering, he waited for our food and I got our drinks from the fountain. We were the only two customers and we sat in a corner booth. Once we sat, I took a bite of my taco though I wasn’t hungry.

  “So, what upset you? Was it Owens?” He bit into his burrito.

  I hesitated until he threw his napkin in my face. “When I saw him with Estelle…” my words trailed off.

  “What? They hookin up again?” He asked curiously.

  His words beat the breath from my lungs. The thought…ugh. I tossed my taco onto its wrapper. “Maybe.” I answered and took a sip of my soda. “I don’t know.”

  “He’s an idiot.”

  “Grant, you don’t understand. We’re kind of—taking a break.”

  He held up his index finger. “See. That’s where you’re wrong,” he mumbled with food in his mouth. “I do understand.” He chased the burrito with a drink. “Ryan told me he couldn’t see you right now…you two were grounded from each other or some shit. But when you care about somebody, you make it happen.”

  “He promised my parents.” I defended.

  “AND?”

  He didn’t seem to understand Zach’s position but how could he? He didn’t know about the probation…no one knew.

  Grant wadded up his wrapper. “So, are we going back?”

  I scratched my head. “I think we have too.” I lowered my head.

  “We don’t have to
do anything. I have my credit card if you want to go to a hotel or something.”

  I pursed my lips and scowled.

  “Please.” He got angry and slid from the booth. Then turned back to me. “Give me more credit than that,” he said with dark eyes.

  He waited at the exit until I got close then pushed open the door. The snow was deep and I was glad we had Ryan’s four wheel drive. I went to my side this time and got in looking straight ahead.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that…”

  He interrupted. “Forget it.” His tone was cold and I’d known him for too long to let something like this come between us.

  Trying to find courage, I thought before I spoke. “You know what, Grant Meiers. I have loved you for four years and you wouldn’t give me the time of day. Suddenly, someone else expresses a tad bit of interest in me and BOOM…there you are.” He abruptly veered the truck to the curb and shifted into park focusing on me. “Hey, Runt.” I continued mimicking his voice. ‘I noticed you this summer.’ ‘She ain’t a runt anymore.’” I watched as he smiled, which infuriated me. “‘Hey…I hear you and Owen’s are kaput,’” I continued.

  Unexpectedly, he grabbed my jaw with both hands, one hand on each side, and pulled my mouth to his cutting off my words. At first, I kissed back…his lips soft, mushier than Zach’s, then I realized that this wasn’t OK. As his hand touched my cheek, I drew away. I heard him exhale and his hands gripped the steering wheel.

  “It happened this summer. I didn’t see it comin’ either.” He stared out the windshield.

  “You know when you and Chloe broke up and you were so down in the dumps? You crashed with us for a couple of days and you didn’t think there’d ever be anyone else. Do you remember that?” I remembered it clearly. I saw it as my chance to have Grant.

  “Yes.” The heater was on high and I barely heard him.

  “I wanted to scream at you…pick me. Me! But you waited until…” I shook my head.