Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys)

by Pelton, Kristi

  “You know what…it’s OK. You like Zach.”

  I lowered my head. I couldn’t recall a time in my life where two guys liked me at the same time and now, Zach and Grant. Unbelievable. Why was this happening?

  “Let’s get back.” He broke the silence.

  “Fine,” I squeaked out. I didn’t know how to respond to my brother’s oldest and best friend. He squeezed my hand as he steered back to the house.

  TWENTY-SIX

  I didn’t know what to expect when I walked through the door. Grant and I’d only been gone about an hour, but night had fallen, and I’m sure dinner had been served. The front door was unlocked. Everyone was crashed in the living area around the giant flat screen television. Zach and Brett lounged on the sofa while Claire and Jaycee sprawled out on the loveseat. Ali sat indian style between Ryan’s legs. No Estelle.

  Still in my ski pants, I went directly to the bedroom, showered quickly, pulled on some sweat shorts, towel dried my hair and ventured back out nervously. Everybody was still in their spots, so I plopped down on a step leading down into the living room and stared at the TV. No one spoke. They seemed either annoyed or exhausted.

  Zach hadn’t acknowledged me…even with a look. My lip burned from where I’d chewed too deeply and I tasted blood. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His face was serious…tight…angry. He stared at the TV as well, but I knew he wasn’t watching. His eyes weren’t focused.

  Grant dumped his body next to me. “You doin OK?”

  Hell no! I shrugged getting angrier by the minute. He poked his index finger into my side and tickled. I giggled out loud. “Stop,” I whispered.

  He kissed my forehead and I laughed, but my smile faded and I swallowed hard as Zach’s eyes rested on us. His brown eyes glowed red. I had never been scared of him, but he scared me at that moment. He stood and stalked toward us. Grant rose gracefully to his feet. With urgency, I glanced at Ryan, whose eyes were on all three of us.

  Zach’s hands were in tight fists. “Meiers? May I speak with her?”

  “Why are you asking him?” I blurted out angrily.

  Grant grinned obviously pleased that he was consulted with the request. “If it were my say, the answer would be no.” His voice was flat. “But, it’s not. She’s a big girl. I can vouch for that.” He winked at Zach.

  A growl ripped through Zach’s chest. He shoved Grant violently backward jarring him against the wall and a picture clattered to the ground.

  “ZACH!” I screamed and lunged toward him.

  Ryan tossed me to the sofa and Brett bear-hugged Zach from behind heaving him in the opposite direction. Estelle’s mom peeked around the corner then ducked back into the kitchen when she saw it seemed under control. Grant chuckled as he got up and picked up the picture, hanging it back in its spot. Brett whispered something to Zach, who snarled and glared at Grant who made his way to Ryan and me.

  “That was mean,” I accused Grant.

  “Whaaat?” he laughed.

  Zach broke away from Brett and bolted to me. He offered me his hand politely though his eyes were cold and hard. I hesitated for a moment. Grant waited too. My hands were freezing, and, when I touched Zach’s, his heat sent a warm tingle through my body. I stood and he guided me to a bedroom. As he shut the door behind us, I heard someone ask, “Who wants to get in the hot tub?”

  His eyes still frightened me and he dropped my hand after the door was closed. I heard him breathing…in and out…his fingers intertwined and locked behind his head as he paced. I sat on the corner of the king-sized bed. Suddenly, he moved toward me, took my hands in his and rubbed them between his, blowing into his palms to warm them. He didn’t look at me.

  With the door shut, the room didn’t get the heat from the fireplace and I shivered. He finally positioned himself on the opposite corner of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees. “I’m sorry I scared you.” I loved hearing his voice.

  “It’s OK.” I wondered if I’d get the chance to hold him.

  He slapped his knee. “It’s not OK,” he disagreed. He shook his head at an apparent bad thought. “When you left tonight with—with your boyfriend…I went nuts. This is not…”

  “He’s not my boyfriend and you know it.” My words were hateful.

  “Where did you two go?”

  “What difference does it make? You spent the day with your girlfriend.” Finally, eye contact, though it wasn’t what I was hoping for. His eyes were full of disappointment.

  “Her mom was already here and Claire and Jaycee thought she’d left and they took off without her. She apparently tried Ryan but he didn’t get the call because you all were already in the mountains and didn’t have reception. So…she called me. Brett and I hadn’t left so we picked her up. I AM SORRY. Given that we were staying at her place, I figured it was the least we could do.”

  My heart raced. “Yeah, but…”

  “When we got here, everyone was gone.” His tone was harsh and his words articulate. “We decided to punt skiing for today because of the storm. So we hung out here…all three of us. So, I wait all fucking day to see you and you walk in the door—give me the benefit of the doubt….oh wait, no you didn’t…then you run off with Meiers. Nice.”

  My eyes lost their battle with my emotions and tears swelled. I couldn’t breathe and I made a dash for the door opening it slightly but he wrapped one arm around my waist and pushed the door closed with the other hand. His breath came in short bursts through my hair. It had been so long since I’d smelled him.

  “Zach,” I cried. “I thought that…”

  “I know what you thought.” His words were soft and his eyes turned gentle.

  “When I saw you two…” My throat tightened. “Come from the hallway…” I sniffed. “I panicked and I had to get out.” He kissed my head and sat me on the bed, his arms still around me. My crying bordered on sobbing and I was embarrassed. With his thumbs, he wiped the tears and held my cheeks.

  “Then…I turned around to escape and Grant was there and I knew he’d help me and I…” He tucked my head into his chest where it had belonged for the past few months. I missed it. I missed him.

  He whispered. “Grant helped you because he’s in love with you.”

  “I know.” I sniffed again and his body stiffened beneath me. He pushed me away and took hold of my shoulders, his eyes penetrating mine.

  “For six months, I’ve tried to get you to understand that he likes you and you’ve fought it. Now you’re agreeing. Why?” He wanted an explanation.

  My tears ran dry and my emotions seemed more under control. But I feared saying too much. “He told me.”

  “Told you what exactly?” His tone was casual.

  I cleared my throat. “I asked him.” Zach’s eyes were soft. “I asked him, why now?”

  “And what was his answer to that by the way?”

  “He said that it happened this summer. He was surprised by it too. But he said that he knew I liked you and wouldn’t push it.”

  “And did he?” he asked.

  “Push it?” My heart skipped a beat. I could be honest and trust that he wouldn’t get angry at me or I could lie. I detested lies. “Maybe a little.” I heard him inhale. My lips pursed and I gave him a squinty look. “He was a gentleman. As much as you don’t want to hear it…he was.”

  “Mmm,” was his only response.

  “He kissed me.” I whispered the words but he heard them clearly and shot up off the bed.

  “And you allowed that?”

  “No.” I explained. “I pulled away from him.” I watched as he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He blew a long breath out and walked to the door. I jumped up. “Where are you going?”

  “I need to talk to Meiers.” He appeared calm.

  “Oh no, you don’t.” I waved my head from side to side and blocked the door as if that would keep him from getting out. He picked me up and I sighed, resigned to my second defeat when his lips met mine gently. Finally, the only
thing I’d wanted since I’d gotten here. Weeks had passed since I tasted these lips. His breath the same as I remembered. His legs moved beneath me…he was walking as he held me suspended. Then our bodies tipped and I fell onto the bed. He landed near me but used his arms to prevent falling on me.

  “You know what makes me the saddest?” he asked.

  His eyes looked tortured. “What?”

  He pecked my nose. “You didn’t believe in me…in us. I don’t know how to make you understand that I want to be with you, Em.”

  There was no limit to what I would do to make him happy—to see his beautiful smile. But, didn’t he see how perfect he was and how weak and insecure I was? He was strong enough to endure this break and I wasn’t sure I’d survive. We had tonight though and I refused to waste any more time. I finally answered. “I do believe in us. I’m sorry I was…” the word sounded too immature to say. “…jealous,” I sputtered out.

  His lips brushed across mine so softly I wasn’t sure if they really had.

  “Well. I’ve wrestled with my fair share of jealousy tonight too. So don’t be too hard on yourself.” He kissed my fingertips and up my arm, smiling as a shiver rippled through my body.

  “Don’t be jealous of Grant.” I hoped he believed the words.

  He snickered. “Right.” He nuzzled his lips near my throat and kissed. “The guy who stole you away tonight, kissed you the second he got the chance, then goads me out there in front of you. That shouldn’t bother me a bit.”

  His breath tickled my neck and I giggled. “Yes, but who’s lying on this king size bed with me, with his lips pressed against my neck?”

  “Hmm. That would be me. And the reason I know that is because if he got this close to you, I’d break his neck.”

  “Someone’s not playing well with others.” Then I easily shoved him backward onto the bed and crawled on top of him, straddling his waist, which wasn’t an easy task. I’d never straddled him before. “Dude. You are big!”

  He laughed. “I’m only an entire foot taller and hundred pounds heavier than you. You are way too far away from me at this moment.”

  “Do you remember the turnabout is fair play conversation?” He had kissed my neck and touched me over and over again in the past ten minutes and…turnabout…

  I lifted his shirt and rubbed my hands across his tapered torso. His chest rose and fell with a slow breath, and I leaned in to kiss the soft skin. “Em.” A warning was attached to his tone.

  “Hmm?”

  “Why do you always have to test my strength or this mutual agreement?” His words blew out of his mouth.

  “Is that what I’m doing? Testing you? Believe me you passed the test long ago.”

  He wrapped his arm around me, held my hips in place and twisted me over till I was on the bed and he was on top. Brushing the hair from my face, he smiled at me. “I believe someone wants me to fail the test.” He pressed his lips to mine, the familiarity of his kiss so distinct after the kiss with Grant. I felt his body’s response as he rubbed against me. My head spun as his tongue delved into my mouth for only a moment, then he brushed a soft kiss over my lips and arched his throat. I kissed his Adam’s apple, then his chin, then our lips met again—the kiss was much more powerful this time. He reached down and grabbed my knee and pulled it up to his hip and his body fell deeper between my legs. I lifted my T-shirt over my head exposing my single tank nightshirt. My cheeks burned with the blood that raced to them.

  “Emma.” I heard the more formal warning.

  I smiled. I wanted to please him, didn’t he understand?

  “Zach.” I mimicked him with a deep voice. “How strong are you?” I slid my hand down his back below his waistband. Boxers?

  He gripped both my wrists with one hand shoving them over my head. “Not strong enough, apparently. Especially if you keep taking your clothes off.” He raised my tank exposing my stomach and he kissed it softly, rubbing his nose across the pale skin. He inched upward closer to my breasts and his nose brushed over the top of my bra and a shudder rippled through me.

  “Oh, Zach.” At the same time, he traced under my waistband with his finger. No one had ever touched me like this. I couldn’t breathe or I was holding it—I didn’t know which. Nothing was clear—except that I wanted him. Finally, his thumb replaced his nose on my bra and his other hand went farther south brushing over my cotton Jockeys.

  There was no room for my mother in this bed but she was with me in spirit. As I was touched down there for the first time over my panties, I heard her saying things like: ‘when you’re caught in the moment, you’ll do anything,’ ‘hormones are a powerful thing,’ ‘Emma, you won’t want to stop.’ My mother couldn’t have been more right.

  I breathed or tried too—a long, heavy, broken breath that resembled crying, I think. He took his hand away and stared at my face. My expression must have been miserable because his eyes widened with concern.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, his tone colored with worry.

  I couldn’t breathe right—a quivering pant mixed with a sob came from my mouth. What was happening to me? I couldn’t control it. I was so scared of what was happening between us. He released my wrists immediately and propped himself on his elbow at my side.

  “Em?”

  Your noises… I hid my face with my palms embarrassed at my body’s lame reaction.

  “Please don’t stop.” My voice was weak and I’m sure unconvincing. It sounded like I was crying, but I wasn’t.

  He turned me onto my side and pulled my body snugly into his—one spoon much larger than the other. “I’m sorry. I let that get too far. I should have known better.”

  My breathing still hadn’t returned to normal, but I thought I could speak. “Why are you so afraid to be with me? I’ll be sixteen in a little over four months. Most other girls have done it before now.”

  He was quiet and I couldn’t see his face. But I could tell he was contemplating his words. “Well, outside of the statutory rape thing…”

  His words made me feel sick. It would never be rape, unless I was the perpetrator.

  “What if it was me that raped you?” I tickled his under arm.

  He chuckled and hugged me tighter. He started to speak and then stopped. He seemed to struggle with the words, which made me anxious. I broke the silence. “I am too young?” If he agreed with my assessment, I thought I would be sick.

  “No. Not in May. But that’s not all.”

  “OK, what else?” I didn’t like not being able to see his face. His beautiful brown eyes told me so much.

  “You know earlier, when you straddled me, and I think your words were ‘dude, you are big.’” He paused and kind of laughed. But I couldn’t respond because I didn’t understand. “You are so little and I don’t mean that to be mean, Em. But you are in fact tiny.”

  “Zach, when you are on me, I don’t even feel you.” I was going to make him understand. I had all the confidence in the world that he wouldn’t hurt me. He closed his eyes and shook his head like I didn’t understand. I didn’t.

  “OK.” He let out a frustrating sigh. I bit my lip. “You—are littler and I—am bigger and you’ve—never done this and…I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I felt like a first grader and the story problem just made sense after being explained by the teacher. He was afraid of hurting me with his…body. I shuddered and he buried his face into my hair. I pulled his hand up and kissed it. He was worried about physically hurting me when we made love. I couldn’t argue with that one, but it also never crossed my mind. And I didn’t care. I would be fine. How bad could it hurt?

  “I think I’ll be fine,” I whispered.

  “You will be when the time is right.”

  We lay there for the longest time not talking. Just the two of us. I remember looking at the clock at 1:15 the last time. And then I must have given in to sleep.

  The sun came through the window and I squinted and glanced at the clock. It was 8:15. Zach and I had s
lept through the night on the king-size bed and hadn’t moved. He still slept. His deep breaths behind me were slow and relaxed. I limboed under his arm that held me hostage to escape from the room before others woke.

  When I freed myself, he muttered something, then rested peacefully again. I opened the door and snuck out.

  By 11:00 everyone was up, dressed and ready to go. Zach and I rode the ski lift together and I felt restricted as I sat on the bench. I was going to be too hot…I could barely move. We were headed to Coyote Butte, which meant two lifts, certainly not my favorite thing. Ali and Ryan were in the seat in front of us and Grant and Claire were behind. Now that Claire had given up on Ryan, I think she’d set her sights on Grant, which I didn’t like.

  I’d never been boarding with Zach but was relieved he was a boarder too. I’d slow down or do what I needed to keep pace with him.

  “Hey Em!” Grant yelled from behind.

  I turned around in my seat. Zach grabbed onto my arm. “Yeah?”

  “What’re ya gonna take? Diamondback or Black Bear?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Grant, she’ll kick your ass either way,” Ryan shouted from in front of us.

  “Notice how Meiers doesn’t call you Runt anymore. Guess he thinks Emma is more endearing,” Zach added. I nudged him in the ribs.

  “I was thinking of Sticks and Stones,” I responded to Grant.

  “That’s not funny,” Grant said seriously.

  “What’s Sticks and Stones?” Zach asked.

  “It’s just a tricky black.”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” His tone was concerned.

  I shrugged. “I’m not worried about it. But please understand, for Grant and me, it’s all about competition. It’s been this way for the past six years and he hasn’t beaten me yet.” He wouldn’t win either. I smiled just thinking about it. He knew it and I knew it.

  “Believe me. I like the thought of you beating him but don’t do something foolish. I’m a surfer turned snowboarder so I’m not quite as good as you. But, I’ll try and keep up.”