Afraid to Lose Her

by Syndi Powell

“They already did. You were eating your fourth piece of cake.”

  He grinned at her. “Third.”

  “Whatever. Now it’s our turn.” She stood and held out her hand. He sighed, wiped his mouth with a napkin, then followed her to the dance floor. They fell into the fast rhythm of the salsa. He twirled her and moved them around the floor. Dez might have been tall and solid, but he had agility and grace that most wouldn’t suspect. The music permeated the air with a rhythm that pushed them apart, then pulled them together. They held each other; they moved away. The song ended with her in his arms, him standing behind her and her hand on his cheek. Being there, like that, felt natural.

  Her heart beat quickly, and her breath came in loud gasps. He started to lead her off the dance floor, but the music changed to a soft ballad. She pulled him into her arms and their bodies started to move. He held them close, his hand on the part of her dress that opened to her bare back. The heat of his hand traveled up and down her spine. She leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Savoring this moment, she closed her eyes and followed his lead around the dance floor.

  He swallowed and she could feel the movement of his jaw. He backed away so that she had to raise her head to look at him. He licked his lips and looked down into her eyes. “Sherri, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”

  She put a finger to his mouth. “Shh. Don’t say anything. I love this song.”

  He gave a soft smile, then dipped her and brought her back up to meet him. They danced two more songs after that, then she had to beg off and return to their table. He waited until she sat down before he glanced at the bar. “I’ll go get us some ice water.”

  Sherri fanned her face and nodded. “Thanks, Dez.”

  As he left, Mateo took his seat. “What’s the deal with you two?”

  “There is no deal. How many times do we have to say we’re friends?” Dez was a close confidant, her partner. That didn’t make a deal of any sort.

  Mateo raised one eyebrow. “You sure you want to stick to that story after the entire family watched you two on the dance floor?”

  She looked down at her hands, feeling the heat in her cheeks. “It was just a dance.”

  “More like four.”

  She jerked her head up to face her cousin. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re good friends and good partners. Nothing more.”

  “You might want to check with him because I think things have changed. At least, for him.” Mateo stood and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything, cuz. I’m always here for you.”

  He nodded to Dez as he returned with two large glasses of water. Dez handed one to Sherri, who gulped about half of the contents before he had a chance to take a seat. “Thank you. I really needed that.”

  “Me, too.” He took a sip of his, then watched the people on the dance floor for a moment. “When you’re ready to go up there again, let me know. We could show some moves to this crowd.”

  They’d already shown more than she’d realized if Mateo was right. “I don’t know. I’m pretty tired.”

  “If you want to leave, I can bring the car around.” He reached out and touched her arm, and the heat from his hand seemed to scorch her skin. “You know I’d do anything you want.”

  That was the problem.

  Things had changed since she’d been diagnosed with cancer, and she hated it. She wanted everything to be like it was before, including her relationship with Dez. But the look in his eyes tonight showed that it couldn’t be the same. Wouldn’t be. If he wasn’t being overprotective of her, he looked at her with pity...and something else she was afraid to explore.

  That thought gave her a lump in her throat that she couldn’t swallow away. As much as she might want something more with Dez, now was not the time for that. Later, when she was better. Maybe. When she could think about something more than just getting through the day. Then they could talk about it. But not now.

  She just had to convince him of that.

  * * *

  SHE’D NEVER LOOKED more beautiful. Sure, her bald head made her eyes look huge in her face, but gorgeous nonetheless. Her beauty came more from within. Sweet, kind, but hard in places she needed to be. Fiery with passion. Protective of family and friends.

  She was perfect. And perfect for him, if only he could convince her to see it.

  He adjusted the shawl around her shoulders, and she turned to smile at him. Felt like an arrow to his heart. He was hopeless before her.

  He put a hand on her shoulder. “Sherri...”

  She yawned then and waved away his concern. “I guess I am ready to go. I’ll start saying goodbyes. With all my family here, it will probably take an hour before we can get out of here.” But she didn’t sound resentful of that fact, only proud.

  He watched her walk away to the table where her uncle Rico sat talking to her parents. She gave everyone hugs and laughed at something her uncle said. Then the bride, Lulu, stopped by, and more hugs and laughs. He watched her progress though the reception hall as she gave her leave.

  “She’s special.”

  Dez turned and saw Mateo watching her, as well. He nodded. “She is.”

  Mateo narrowed his eyes at him. “Don’t hurt her or you’ll answer to me.”

  “I would never hurt her. I love her too much.”

  “So that’s how it is?”

  Dez nodded and grabbed Sherri’s purse from the table. Mateo whistled. “Does she know?”

  “Not yet.” He’d hoped the moment had been right earlier, but she’d silenced him. He couldn’t be quiet much longer.

  “Be sure you know what you want from her before you say anything.”

  “I will.” He shook Mateo’s hand. “We should get breakfast next week. I’ll update you on Luke.”

  Mateo gave a nod at the name. “Has he decided what he wants to do after graduation?”

  “He leaves for the army soon.”

  Mateo smirked at him. “Well, it worked for some.”

  Sherri joined the two of them. She smiled at Mateo. “Now that Lulu is married, when will it be your turn?”

  He rolled his eyes. “You’re worse than the aunties. I’m fine on my own.”

  She took her purse from Dez. “My guess is that they already have someone lined up for you.”

  Mateo kissed her cheek. “And what about you?”

  She raised an eyebrow at this. “They know better than to mess with me.”

  “Right.” He gave her a quick, careful hug. “Good luck with that.” He shook Dez’s hand once more. “You two have a good night. And remember what I said.”

  When Sherri seemed confused about that, Dez led her out of the ballroom and down the stairs to the valet stand. “What was that?” she asked.

  He shook off her question and handed his ticket to the valet. “Are you feeling okay?”

  She looked up at him, frowning. “I’ll be better after I get some sleep. But I’m okay.”

  The valet returned with his car, and Dez opened the passenger-side door for her. She folded her long legs inside, and he shut the door and walked around to the driver’s side, tipping the valet. He got inside the car and started driving toward her apartment. Her scent floated in the air between them, honey and something that was uniquely her. Intoxicating.

  They didn’t talk on the drive home or as they walked up to her apartment. She unlocked the door and turned to face him. “Thank you for going with me tonight. I couldn’t have done this on my own.”

  “You don’t have to be alone.”

  She gave a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “Are you volunteering?”

  He took a step closer to her so that she had to tip her head back to look at him. “What if I
was?” He touched her cheek, then the curve of her top lip.

  Her lips parted as she took a step back. “Dez, what are you doing?”

  It was now or never. “Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”

  He pulled her into his arms, reveled in the taste of her, the feel of her. Then she was kissing him back, and the sweetness made him think of a fine wine.

  Suddenly, she quit kissing him and pushed away. “We have to stop.”

  His chest ached with instant disappointment. “Why?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t do this.”

  He stepped forward and cupped her cheek. “Why not? We’re friends. Best friends.”

  The tip of her tongue flitted out of her mouth and wet her top lip. “I’m going back to work next week and we can’t be partners again if we pursue this. The captain would reassign us. Is that what you want?”

  He knew she was being sensible, but the last thing he wanted in this moment was to be reasonable. He wanted to be reckless and tell her he loved her. To pursue a different future with her. “Would that be such a bad thing?”

  “Just so we can feel our oats or whatever this is? Yes. I don’t trust anyone in that office more than you. And if we risk what we already have for something more, when there’s no guarantee that it will work out, then we’ll have really lost something special. That doesn’t make any sense.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry, Dez, but I can’t agree to that right now.”

  “But don’t you feel the electricity between us? The way we fit together when we danced? Or when you kissed me back? That doesn’t come around every day.”

  She took a small step back. “The wedding is making you think things that you wouldn’t normally.”

  He gripped her by the shoulders, willing her to understand. “What’s making me think is you. I’ve loved you since I met you and you love me, too.”

  “Of course I love you.” His heart soared, but she sidestepped his embrace and went inside the apartment. “But as a friend. I can’t offer you anything more.”

  Oh.

  His hopes fell and lay on the floor at his feet. She was giving him the “let’s just be friends” speech? Maybe everything he’d been feeling had been one-sided. Maybe the intimacy that sprang up between them as they danced hadn’t been real. Just a result of the rhythm of the song that had played.

  Fool. Idiot. They were only a few of the names he called himself. He took a deep breath. “Okay. I should go.”

  She started to reach out and touch his arm, but let her hand drop short of him. “You don’t have to. We could watch a movie or something.”

  He shook his head. “Another time. I’ll see you later, Ace.”

  Then he opened the apartment door and walked out. When the door shut behind him, it felt as if he’d left something behind that he would never get back.

  And it made him want to hang his head and cry.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THE DOOR TO the Border Patrol office felt heavy as Sherri opened it and stepped inside. She had flutters in her stomach that had little to do with returning to work after eight weeks and more to do with having to face Dez. What in the world had he been thinking, kissing her like that? What scared her more was how positively she’d responded. There had been no thoughts of friendship then. Instead, her heart had wanted more of Dez, while her brain reminded her that it could never happen.

  What would she say when she saw him again? How would he act? Why did their dynamic have to change? She wanted to curse him for upsetting the status quo of their relationship, but he was Dez. He was her friend and partner. She trusted him still.

  Right?

  She went to her old desk, pulled her gun from her purse and placed the weapon in the drawer. There was no one at Dez’s desk.

  “Lopez, my office. Now.”

  She took a deep breath and then walked to her superior’s office, taking a seat across from him. “I handed all my paperwork into HR so I could return.”

  “That’s not why I called you in.” He stood and grabbed a stack of files from the top of his desk and placed them on her lap. “Welcome to your new assignment. Background checks.”

  She groaned and flipped through the top dozen files. “Cap—”

  “Desk duty like we discussed.”

  She’d hoped he’d forgotten about that. “But you need me in the field.”

  He paused and looked down at her. “I do. But I need you to be healthy more than I need you on the streets.”

  She shifted the files in her arms so they wouldn’t slip and fall to the floor. “You’re wasting my talents on this.”

  “Yep.” He stood and walked back behind his desk. She flipped through a few more folders. He pointed to the door. “We’re done here.”

  She stood, practically snapping to attention. “Thank you, sir.” She hugged the folders to her chest and returned to her desk and let them fall, covering the top of it.

  The office door opened, and Dez entered with Ras. The breath caught in her throat as Dez walked toward her, but he kept up his conversation with Ras and only gave a nod in her direction.

  Ras laughed at something Dez said, then looked Sherri up and down. “So you’re back.”

  She held out her hands to the folders littering her desk. “Assigned to background checks.”

  “Guess I’ll have to find a new desk. I borrowed yours while you were out.” Ras opened the lower desk drawer and pulled out a notepad and a half-eaten bag of chips. “Thanks for the loaner.”

  Dez held out his chair to Ras. “You can take mine. I’ll move closer to the window.”

  And farther away from her. She tried not to take it personally, and forced a smile. “Good. It’s settled, then.”

  She booted up her computer and logged in to the station with her badge number and password. It had expired and she had to change it. She chose “Dezsucks2!” and pressed Save. At least that brought a grin to her face.

  For the first half of the day, she organized the files in terms of priority, then made a timetable as to when the checks needed to be completed. She stifled a yawn as she saved the spreadsheet on her computer. Her stomach growled and she realized she hadn’t eaten since last night, beyond drinking a cup of coffee that morning. She looked up to find Dez watching her, but then he quickly started a discussion with Ras.

  Would they ever be able to go back to the way things were?

  She got her purse and stood. Ras looked up from what he’d been working on and glanced at his watch. “Going to lunch?”

  “It’s after twelve, so I figured I’d step out.”

  Ras glanced at Dez, then back at Sherri. “You want to join us? Maybe you can tell me war stories about being this guy’s partner?”

  She looked at Dez, but he didn’t acknowledge the invitation. Sherri shook her head. “Maybe another time.”

  She left without looking back. Once outside the office, she leaned against the wall and fought back the tears that threatened. She wouldn’t let him see he had hurt her.

  * * *

  RAS WAS TRYING to get his attention, but Dez kept his gaze on his computer monitor. “What was that all about?”

  Dez sighed and looked up. “Need something?”

  “An explanation. You and Sherri fighting or something?”

  Or something described it perfectly. A coolness had formed between them and he feared that it would forever alter what they once had. “Doesn’t matter. There’s a lead that I want to track down before lunch. You coming?”

  “Since I am your partner, yes.”

  Dez didn’t wait for him, but pulled his suit coat from the back of his chair and walked out of the office. He strode down the hallway and to the bank of elevators. Sherri stood there, waiting. She looked up at him and froze. He turned
left and took the stairs.

  He waited in the lobby for Ras, who had taken the elevator down with Sherri. She wouldn’t look at him, but breezed past him and out the front doors.

  Ras shook his head.

  His new partner didn’t have to understand about his old one. There were no rules that stated he had to explain himself. Problem was, he didn’t understand it himself.

  He and Ras drove toward the Detroit River and the warehouse district. Dez pulled into the parking lot of the warehouse they’d raided not three months before. All these warehouses surrounding the riverfront, why had this been the one they had raided? Something didn’t quite add up with the investigation.

  He got out of the car and walked around, looking at the buildings that surrounded them. An import-export warehouse. A nightclub. An auto parts distributor. And finally, the warehouse that was supposed to hold an electronics manufacturer. Instead, it sheltered drugs smuggled into the country from Canada.

  Ras asked, “What are we supposed to be seeing?”

  “I don’t know.” Dez moved past his partner to the pier, where he gazed out across the river at the horizon. “What do you think is the distance between us and Windsor from here?”

  “Maybe a mile? Maybe less.”

  Dez nodded and turned back to the warehouse. “Could you swim a mile across the river?”

  “I could, but I wouldn’t want to in that water. Would you?” Ras gave a shudder. “You’re thinking they’re bringing the drugs over by swimming them across?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Okay, but what does that have to do with who squealed the details about the raid?”

  “Nothing.” Dez pulled out his cell phone and took several pictures. “But it could solve part of the mystery of how the drugs are getting here. Now we need to figure out who would profit more by betraying us.”

  “That’s easy.” When he gave Ras a look, Ras continued, “Someone who didn’t want any more interference. Kill some federal agents and they’ll be investigating the shooting, rather than trying to find out how drugs are being transported.”

  Dez smiled. “Exactly.” He rubbed his belly. “Ready for lunch?” He started to walk away.