Afraid to Lose Her

by Syndi Powell

  Or maybe he had opened the front door and stepped out on the porch to watch her.

  She could wave, get back in her car and leave. Tell him later she’d forgotten why she stopped by. But something about April’s list made her walk around the car and up the sidewalk to Dez. He waited on the top step, not moving. She stood on the bottom step and looked up at him.

  “Did we have plans tonight?”

  She shook her head.

  “Are you okay?”

  Another shake of her head.

  “Sherri, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  She opened her mouth, but couldn’t say a word. Didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t understand the swirl of emotions that had brought her there. She closed her eyes.

  She shouldn’t be there.

  She started to leave, but Dez bolted down the steps and began to follow her. He put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. He turned her around, about to say something, when his cell phone buzzed. He sighed and slipped the phone from his back pocket. “It’s Ras. Give me a moment, then we can talk about this.” He answered the call. She watched him while he talked. He glanced at her and swore loud enough for her to hear, then hung up.

  “Problems?”

  “I have to go. Ras thinks he’s found the mole.”

  Sherri took a step toward her car. “I’m going with you.”

  “No, you’re not.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he numbered the reasons using his fingers. “You’re assigned to desk duty. You’re not armed. You’re not a hundred percent healthy, which could compromise your judgment and your reaction times.”

  “I’m fine and you know it. You need me to back the two of you up.”

  He raised one eyebrow at this. “With what gun?”

  “Your Magnum that you have locked in your safe.” She knew the code to get in if he wouldn’t get it for her, but she’d give him the chance to help her.

  He shook his head. “I can’t.”

  “Why not? We used to go into these situations every day, so what’s changed? And so help me if you say cancer.”

  His eyes focused on hers, heat filling them. “I can’t focus on the situation if I’m worried about you and your safety.”

  That heat in his eyes made her brow damp and she reached up to wipe away the moisture. “I’ll be fine. I’m trained for situations like this. Same as you.”

  “All right. But if the cap comes down on me, I’m pointing the finger at you.” He left her and returned shortly with the Magnum. He handed it to her and locked his house before going over to her car. “You drive. I’ll call Ras and tell him we’re on our way.”

  Dez barked out directions as Sherri drove them to a pier on the Detroit River that was less than a half mile from the Canadian shore. They parked near a blue sedan that belonged to Ras, but he was nowhere to be found. Sherri started to get out of the car when Dez reached over and grabbed her hand. She turned back to him and he pulled her into a quick kiss. “Just in case.”

  She found it impossible to squelch her smile. “And you say I’m the pessimistic one.”

  Quietly, they stole along the edge of a building that bordered the pier. Dez stopped and she followed suit. “What is it? What do you see?”

  He answered without turning to face her, his focus on the pier. “She’s got a gun on Ras.”

  Sherri peered around him and saw a woman holding a gun on Ras. “She’s the mole?”

  Dez whispered, “Her lover is...or was a guy named Jones. He was killed earlier this month, but she was married to a DEA agent who died in the raid. We’ve been watching her this last week, since we discovered her connection to both sides of the case. Tonight she was planning to disappear.”

  He’d obviously been busy lately. “How did you figure that out?”

  He turned to her and smiled. “It’s my job.” He turned back to watch the interaction between Ras and the woman. He tucked his gun into the back of his jeans. “I’ve got to go out there before she does something stupid like shoot my partner. You stay here and back me up.”

  Fat chance. Like she’d let him go out there without her? “I won’t stand here and do nothing, Dez.”

  “Then keep an eye out for anyone else who wants to join our party.” He stepped back and kissed her real quick again. “We need to talk later.”

  Then he left her and strode out onto the pier, his hands raised.

  * * *

  “MIRANDA.”

  She pulled Ras against her and held the gun to his temple. “Not nice, Ras,” she said. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing your partner tonight.”

  Ras grunted as she tightened her grip on his throat. “Didn’t get a chance,” he rasped.

  “Don’t do anything stupid.” Dez walked slowly toward them, not wanting to make her skittish enough to pull the trigger. “We only want to talk. You don’t have to hang on to this guilt, Miranda. You didn’t know your husband would die.”

  The woman chuckled. “Didn’t I? I only wanted to warn Omarian. I didn’t think he’d kill Steve in the process. All that blood is on my hands.”

  Dez noticed that she clenched the gun with force, and he tensed, ready to shoot if necessary.

  “After...he got scared and was going to confess. I couldn’t let him do that. He would have ruined everything I’ve worked so hard to get.”

  Things clicked into place. “You’re the one who shot him that day on the pier.”

  “I won’t go to jail. I’ll kill you and Ras before that happens.” She pointed the gun at Dez, her finger twitching on the trigger.

  Ras elbowed her in the side as Dez pulled his gun from behind him and got a shot off, hitting her in the shoulder. Something bit into his side, but he rushed forward, Sherri close behind him.

  Ras had Miranda facedown on the pier while she screamed and cursed at them. He struggled with getting the handcuffs on her. He glanced up at Dez. “Looks like you got hit.”

  Dez was confused at first, but then gingerly touched the red stain that had spread across his side.

  Sherri shouted his name as he crumpled onto the pier. She ran to him and knelt down to be close to him. “No.”

  He looked up at her. “This scene seems familiar, doesn’t it?”

  “We don’t have to take turns getting shot, you know.”

  She ripped off the corner of her shirt and shoved it into his wound. He hissed at the pressure and pain that traveled up his side. “Gently. Please.”

  She pressed harder. “I’ve got to stop the blood.”

  He could barely hear Ras on his cell phone calling the incident in because of the buzz that had started to fill his ears. He knew he only had moments left before he lost consciousness. He reached up and touched Sherri’s face. “I do love you. Always.”

  She smiled as tears slid down her cheeks and mixed with the blood left there from his fingers. “I love you, too, so don’t you dare die on me. I don’t want a new partner or best friend.”

  “Promise.”

  * * *

  APRIL MET THE ambulance outside the Emergency Room and groaned as Sherri jumped out and yelled orders to the paramedic. “Didn’t we already do this with you?”

  Sherri winced. “It’s Dez’s turn.”

  April checked Dez’s wound and listened as the paramedic reviewed her notes and they sped down the hall to a trauma room. April pointed to Sherri. “You need to go to the waiting room.”

  Sherri shook her head. “I’m staying.”

  “I need to examine him and determine the damage.”

  Dez opened one eye and peered at April. “She’s staying.”

  April raised one eyebrow and looked at Dez. “All right, Agent Hottie. She stays, but she hugs the wall or I have security escort her out of here.”

  Sherri nodded and
kept to the wall as April removed the gauze the paramedic had packed into Dez’s wound.

  “Can you take a deep breath for me?” April asked Dez.

  Dez tried, but groaned and coughed. “It hurts.”

  “Appears the bullet broke a rib or two, but you’re breathing clearly so it missed your lung.” She probed his side with her fingers. “No exit wound so we’ll have to do surgery to remove it.” She pointed to a nurse. “Call upstairs and see who’s available. I don’t want to risk infection, he’s going up to surgery now.” She peered down at Dez. “Is there anyone we need to call?”

  He looked over at Sherri. “The only one I’ll ever need is here.” He held out his hand to her, and she approached slowly and took it in hers. “You’ll be here when I get out?”

  “Always.” She kissed his hand and April left the room for a moment. “I can’t bear the thought of living without you, so you fight this and you come back to me.”

  He reached up and touched her lips with his finger. “I thought that was my line.”

  April reentered the trauma room. “They’re going to take him up now. I’ll make sure you get updates, Sherri, but it could be an hour or so.”

  Sherri bent down and kissed him softly. “Why did it take two brushes with death for us to realize that we want a life together?”

  “Maybe because we’re too hardheaded and stubborn to realize it any other way.”

  As April pushed the gurney out the door, Sherri clung to Dez’s hand until she had to let go. She stood and watched him as he disappeared down the hall and through the double doors toward surgery.

  * * *

  SHERRI PACED THE surgical waiting room and watched the clock. A little after midnight, her parents showed up. Mama opened her arms, and Sherri ran into them. “They took him in over an hour ago, and I haven’t heard anything since.”

  Mama rubbed her back. “I’m glad you called us. Dez is family.”

  Sherri hung on to her mother tightly. “He is, Mama. And now that I realize how I feel about him, am I going to lose him already? We haven’t had a chance to be together.” She let go of Mama and glanced up, thinking she’d heard a doctor come in to give them news. But the doorway remained empty.

  “Together as in friends?” Mama asked.

  Sherri offered a wobbly smile. “Together as in a couple. You knew what I meant.”

  Mama gave her a warm smile. “Needed to hear the words out loud, mija, to be sure that you had really come to understand what that man means to you.”

  “Everything, Mama. He means everything.” She wiped her eyes. “I can’t imagine another day of my life without him.”

  Mama held Sherri’s face in her hands. “I felt the same about your father. And that feeling never goes away.”

  April entered the waiting room, and Sherri rushed to hear the update on Dez. “Is he going to be okay?”

  April told them, “The last I heard they’ve removed the bullet, but they’re still trying to get the bleeding under control.”

  What if he lost too much blood? What if he died while they tried to save him? She couldn’t accept that. Wouldn’t let that thought enter her mind. She shook her head. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “Because I don’t know that answer.” April put a comforting hand on Sherri’s arm. “You need to stay strong and keep believing in him. I’ll be back if there are any more updates.”

  “Thanks, April.”

  Sherri turned back to Mama and burst into tears. Mama held her as she buried her face in her shoulder.

  * * *

  SHERRI OPENED HER eyes to find a white hospital pillow beneath her cheek and that she was resting on the bed beside Dez. She raised her head to find him watching her. “You’re awake.”

  He smiled and placed a hand on hers. “So are you. Your snores woke me up.”

  “I told you I don’t snore.”

  “Right.” He shifted his weight and groaned at the pain in his side. “Am I going to make it?”

  She’d waited impatiently for two hours, annoying everyone with her questions, she was so scared. Her parents such a blessing until he was out of surgery and in recovery.

  April had assured her that the best surgeon had been called to operate on him. But still, she hadn’t been able to rest until she’d seen him lying unconscious but alive on the hospital bed. “Two broken ribs, and the bullet lodged into some muscle in your back. You’re going to be sore for a while.” She smirked at him. “And on desk duty with me.”

  He grinned at her. “As long as I’m with you, the rest of it doesn’t matter.”

  She composed her face, and her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “Dez, I...”

  He shook his head. “You love me, Sherri. I know you do. Don’t even try to deny it.”

  “I wasn’t going to deny anything, but we have a lot to think about.” She squeezed his hand still holding hers. “This changes everything. What if...”

  “What if I got shot? What if you got cancer? What if we got separated as partners at work? These are all things that we can figure out.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Our relationship is founded on our friendship, which means we’ll be able to weather whatever life throws at us. Cancer. Bullets. Whatever. We’ll be able to survive it because we’re together. And I want to marry you as soon as I get out of this hospital.”

  She hadn’t expected a proposal. Her mouth dropped open. “Married?”

  He pulled on her hand until her face was inches from his. And even then, it wasn’t close enough. “I can’t live one more day without you.”

  “But I’m sick.”

  “All the more reason to enjoy whatever time we have, starting right now.”

  “But they’ll split us up at Border Patrol.”

  “So we’ll come home to each other every night.”

  “But...” She tried to think of a reason to say no, but found none. “Fine.”

  He raised one eyebrow at this. “A man proposes and that’s what you say? ‘Fine’?”

  She leaned closer to him. “What do you want me to say? That my love for you will never die? That it took almost losing you to make me realize that you’re the most important part of my life? That when I think about life after cancer that you are my bucket list? That it’s you I want to spend every day with?”

  He smiled, reached up and caressed her cheek. “Sounds like a good start.”

  And so she kissed him.

  EPILOGUE

  THE NURSE REMOVED the empty bag from the IV stand and turned to Sherri. “That’s the last one.”

  Sherri took a deep breath and smiled as the nurse slid the line from her port. “That’s almost the best news I’ve heard lately.”

  “What was the best, then?”

  Sherri lifted her left hand that sported a simple gold band. “That he loved me and wanted to marry me.” She folded the blanket that she’d had on her lap and put it away in her tote bag along with the book of crossword puzzles she’d been using.

  “Congratulations. On everything.”

  Sherri smiled again, then rose to her feet. She put the tote bag over her shoulder and opened the door. In the hallway, her family and friends had gathered with balloons and flowers. A loud hurrah started as she walked toward them. She covered her face with her hands. What were they all doing there? They were supposed to be meeting on the island of Belle Isle, a state park set in the middle of the Detroit River. She spotted Mama, who smiled and shrugged. “We all wanted to be here at the hospital on this last day.”

  Dez stepped forward and gave her a bouquet of sunflowers, her favorites and similar to those she’d held as they’d married the week before at City Hall. He held up his hands to quiet the group of at least two dozen
well-wishers. “Before we celebrate Sherri’s last chemotherapy appointment, I thought I’d say something to my cancer warrior.” He put a hand on her cheek and looked into her eyes. “You are my strength. My hope. My love. Just as I am yours.”

  He kissed her and her eyes fluttered closed. She breathed him in and thought she could get used to this. Hopefully she’d have fifty years or more to do so. Dez backed away then put his arm around her, and told her, “I know we said that we’d meet you at the picnic, but no one wanted to miss this last part of your journey.”

  She concentrated on the faces of those who surrounded her, not just here in this hospital, but throughout her cancer diagnosis. She loved them all. Her parents. Her brothers and their families. April. Page. Her cousins, including Mateo. She put her hand to her mouth and blew a kiss to the group. “Thank you so much.”

  She started to proceed down the hall as they cheered each step for this last walk out of the chemotherapy ward.

  The group left the cancer wing of the hospital and carpooled out to Belle Isle, where Sherri had rented a pavilion for the day. She and Mama had arrived earlier that morning to decorate the space with pink balloons, ribbons and streamers. As guests arrived, they brought covered dishes that soon filled one of the picnic tables. Mama had to get her brothers to pull over a second table just for the desserts.

  Not hungry, Sherri moved around the pavilion to thank each guest for coming. Dez sat at a picnic table talking sports with his new mentee, Marcus. He reached over and wiped some mustard off the kid’s face with a napkin. She went over to them and put her arm around Dez’s shoulders. Marcus looked up at her. “I cleaned my plate. Can I please go and play volleyball with the other kids?”

  Sherri glanced at Dez, who nodded. “And play nice.”

  “I always do.” Marcus ran to the sandpit and joined in with the other children.

  Sherri watched him go.

  Dez laughed. “That kid’s speed is always on full throttle. Does he even know the word slow?”