Ladies of Deception 02 - Misleading Lord Martineau

by Ginny Hartman

  “Of course there is, I care about you Elliot and if you’re hurting I want to be here to comfort you.”

  “Your sympathy is pointless,” he said coolly.

  Felicity flinched in surprise, one hand going shakily to her mouth “Why would you say that?”

  “Because there’s nothing for you to feel sorry about, I did this to myself, all of this—my parents death, your torture at the hands of Clinton, Edith being raised without her parents, my own blasted heartache at loosing you. All of it was my own fault, all of it!”

  Felicity shook her head, “No, how can you say that?”

  He laughed sardonically, “Don’t try to pacify me. Tell me something, if I had never ruined you would any of this have happened? If I hadn’t interceded the day Clinton had tried to assault my servant would any of this have happened? I’m the person to blame for everything. If I could’ve learned to just leave well enough alone and stay out of things that were none of my business none of this would have happened.”

  Felicity paused to think about each event he was asking her to consider. Her face fell when she realized what he was saying, what he was feeling and she reached up to put her hand on his arm, “It’s not like that Elliot, you had no idea that all of that would ensue as a result of what you did. Would you go back in time and change your decisions on either of those days? You would hate yourself more than you do now if you had refused to intervene between Clinton and your maid, think of the cost she would have paid at his hands if it hadn’t been for you.”

  “Think of the cost that you have paid because I was selfish that night in the cottage, because I didn’t respect you enough to be a real gentleman.”

  “You weren’t the only selfish one that night, I need to apologize to you for my foolish actions as well.”

  Elliot scoffed, “The only thing you should feel bad about is trusting me, I’m the only one to blame.”

  “Elliot don’t say that. I wouldn’t have trusted you if I didn’t love you. Please, you can’t let yourself take all of the blame. The past is in the past and all we can do is try to learn from it and move on.”

  He took both of her shoulders into his hands and growled, “Blast it all, I have learned from my mistakes Felicity—I’ve learned that I deserve to be miserable for what I put everyone through, especially you. I’ve learned that I deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life for everything I have caused. I caused my own parent’s deaths for crying out loud! If it wasn’t for me my parent’s would still be here, Edith would have grandparents who would love her and dote on her. Instead she has no one, not even a legal father.”

  “You forget,” she nearly screamed back at him, not caring if any of the servants were privy to their argument, “If it wasn’t for that night there would be no Edith.”

  He stepped back and shook his head sadly, “No, she would’ve been born in wedlock instead. I’ve ruined her life as well.”

  Felicity’s voice was sad as she said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  Elliot momentarily softened at the pain in her voice. He stepped forward and took her by the shoulders, “I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused everyone Felicity, especially you, but sorry isn’t enough, it doesn’t change anything. You and Edith deserve better than me.”

  Felicity’s eyes filled with horror as she pulled sharply away from his grasp, “Don’t say that Elliot, please, please don’t say that.”

  “I refuse to be the cause of any further heartache,” he said stubbornly.

  “What about Edith? Her heart will break when she learns that her father has abandoned her,” she exclaimed.

  Elliot was thoughtful for a moment, “I’ll still visit her and be in her life, but on a limited basis. It’ll be better that way.”

  Felicity hadn’t realized she had begun crying until she felt warm tears trickle down her cheeks. “What about my heart Elliot? If you leave me it’ll break into a million pieces. If you leave me I’ll—”

  He cut her off, “Hate me forever. Good, that’s what I want.”

  She shook her head sadly, “No, I could never hate you.” She felt desperate as she realized his expression was stone cold, that he wasn’t being moved by her display of emotion in the slightest. She was in a panic at the thought of losing him but felt completely helpless. Her chest was tight with bottled up emotion and she briefly closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them the real Elliot would be standing before her and not this stranger who had taken his place.

  The air was thick with tension and when she opened her eyes Elliot’s expression was the same—cold, hard, and unfeeling. Choking on a sob she did the only thing she could, she resorted to begging. “Please Elliot, don’t push me away, don’t leave me. Losing you the first time nearly killed me and I’m not sure I can live through it again.”

  “I think you’d be surprised at how resilient you are. You’ve been through a lot more than most people and you’re still here, still strong.”

  “No I’m not strong,” she cried, “I’m so, so weak. Please, you can’t do this to me.”

  Elliot thought he had completely hardened his heart and dulled his senses with brandy but staring at Felicity as she cried and begged him to not leave her was killing him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and vow that he would never leave her but all he had to do was think of all the damage he had caused in the last four years and his weakening resolve would strengthen. He knew he was causing her a great deal of pain now, but he figured it was better to cause her a small amount of pain now than a lifetime filled with heartache. He wasn’t sure if she could ever truly forgive him and it wasn’t fair for him to expect her to.

  When Elliot didn’t answer she said frantically, “Say something Elliot. Tell me that this is all a terrible mistake, tell me that you still want me.”

  “I think you should go,” Elliot said curtly, trying to hide the emotions that were attempting to peak through his bitter façade. “You’ll feel better in time and will find someone that deserves your love.”

  “I’ll never love anyone else, ever.”

  Elliot scoffed, “Don’t be dramatic, you just need time.”

  “There’s not enough time in the world to erase you from my heart. Is that what you plan on doing, moving on and finding somebody else to love?” She asked painfully, not sure that she could handle it if he told her that was his plan.

  He shook his head sadly, “No, there will never be anyone else. Please go.”

  Felicity placed one hand on the doorknob but before she turned it she looked at him one last time, trying to decipher any sort of tenderness that belied what he was telling her. There was none and she felt like her heart stopped beating. “Maybe I was wrong,” she said vehemently as she stared one last time into his ice cold eyes. “I hate you Elliot Martineau,” she said firmly before turning and leaving his house for good.

  Chapter 22

  Friday May 6th, 1814

  It had been exactly one long, painful week when Elliot finally showed up at Pierce’s townhouse unannounced. Pierce and Hope were visiting Hope’s father, Lord Brattondale, and much to his regret were not at home. Their butler came and found Felicity and Edith playing in the nursery and informed them of Elliot’s appearance and request to see them. Felicity’s first reaction was to tell the butler to inform Elliot that they weren’t interested in his company, but Edith had perked up at hearing her father’s name and was anxious to see him and Felicity was hesitant to deny her the simple joy.

  Rising to her feet, Felicity straightened her pink day dress before reaching for Edith’s hand and leading her to the parlor where Elliot was waiting. Walking into the room and seeing Elliot made Felicity furious; he looked better than she felt. His hair had recently been trimmed and his clothes were immaculately pressed but it was with some satisfaction that she noted his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and the dimple on the side of his mouth never fully formed. Good, she thought, maybe he was as miserable as her.

  He treated her with a
foreign formality as he spoke. “Lady Pemberton, I came to see if you and Edith would like to accompany me on a ride through Hyde Park.”

  Edith squealed as she tugged on Felicity’s skirts, “Please mama, can we go?”

  Felicity bent to face her daughter, “Yes sweetheart, you may go if you’d like but I’m not feeling up to it. Would you like to go see if Aunt Agatha would like to ride along with you?”

  Edith nodded at Felicity then turned to Elliot, “Don’t leave without me, I’ll be right back.” He nodded solemnly then watched as she raced from the room.

  Once Edith was gone, Elliot turned to Felicity. “Why don’t you want to come along? It’s a beautiful day.”

  “It was a beautiful day until you showed up. I have better things to do with my time than spend it in your company. Please don’t be gone long; both Edith and Aunt Agatha will need their afternoon rest.”

  “As you wish,” he said, hating the strain between them but knowing there was nothing he could do to change it. Felicity didn’t say another word to him but turned and walked out of the room.

  Elliot didn’t have to wait long for Aunt Agatha and Edith to return, bonnets in place and ready to go. He wasn’t surprised at the coolness he felt from Aunt Agatha, positive that Felicity had filled her in on his antics. He chose largely to ignore her and focus on Edith, scooping her up into his arms as he carried her out to his waiting carriage.

  “I’ve missed you poppet,” he told her as he crawled inside the carriage with her still in his arms.

  “I missed you too. Mama said we couldn’t go see you.”

  “Did she? Well it’s a good thing I came to visit then.”

  They began their ride to Hyde Park and Elliot couldn’t remember a time he enjoyed a ride more than this. Edith delighted him with her constant chatter and childlike innocence. Her joy at the simple things was contagious and Elliot felt himself really smiling for the first time since he found out about his parent’s deaths and how it was supposed to have been him who died. Aunt Agatha was polite enough to keep to herself though he could tell by her pointed look that she desperately wanted to call him out for his ill treatment of her niece. He was grateful for her silence for he wasn’t in any mood to explain himself to her.

  The ride was over much too soon but Elliot wanted to get the girls back for their rest so Felicity wouldn’t be upset with him. He had every intention to call on her in the future to spend more time with his daughter and didn’t want his first visit to leave them on bad footing.

  When they pulled up in front of Pierce’s townhouse, Elliot scooped Edith into his arms and began walking towards the door. Edith surprised him by reaching up and kissing his cheek and saying, “Can we come live with you papa?”

  He was fully aware of Aunt Agatha eyeing him skeptically waiting for his response. He didn’t know how to respond in a way that would both appease the child and deter her at the same time. He finally settled on ignoring the question and attempting to distract her, “Did you have fun today poppet?”Edith nodded eagerly. “Good, so did I. If you listen to your mama and take a good nap then I promise I’ll come see you tomorrow. Would you like that?”

  “Oh yes!” she squealed delightedly.

  “I would too.”

  Felicity met the trio at the door, anxious to get Edith back and send Elliot on his way. As they approached she reached for Edith, “Come here darling, it’s time for you to take go lie down.”

  Edith pulled back, clinging to Elliot, “I don’t want papa to go.”

  Felicity looked flustered as she said, “I know sweetheart but I’m sure he’s got lots of things to occupy his time. Come quickly and be a good girl and I’ll sing you a lullaby.”

  Edith reluctantly went to her mother but as she was switching arms she asked, “Can papa come help tuck me in?”

  Felicity tried to hide her irritation from her daughter as she looked at Elliot, not the least bit concerned if he picked up on her foul mood. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said tersely.

  Edith reached up and placed one hand on Felicity’s face, her bottom lip quivering. “But I don’t want him to go.”

  The look Felicity gave Elliot made his heart feel like it had been pricked with ice but he decided to ignore it. Stepping forward he said to Edith, “I’ll come help tuck you in but you have to promise to be a good girl and go right to sleep.” She nodded earnestly and Felicity reluctantly led him inside and up to the nursery.

  Elliot stayed back as he watched Felicity tuck Edith snuggly into bed, noticing how loving she was with their daughter. Though Felicity was clearly perturbed by his presence, she didn’t take her irritation out on Edith, instead showering her with love and adoration. It was clear to see how much she loved the child. Being a mother came so naturally to her, it was hard for him to remember that she was relatively new to motherhood.

  After she placed a kiss to Edith’s forehead she turned to leave when Edith cried out, “Mama you can’t go, you didn’t sing my song.”

  Felicity blushed at the reminder. She had hoped that Edith would forget about her promise to sing her a lullaby. “I’ll sing to you at bedtime tonight, you need to get to sleep.” Edith stuck her bottom lip out in a pout, frustrating Felicity.

  Elliot watched the scene play out before him and he couldn’t resist siding with Edith and helping goad Felicity on. “You did promise her a song.”

  Felicity shot him an icy look before turning back to the bed and sitting down on the edge, her back ramrod straight. She felt self-conscious singing to Edith with Elliot standing by. She used to love to sing and would perform quite often, but that was all a part of a different lifetime. The only person she had sung to in years was her daughter but she didn’t know how to refuse her. She ran her fingers through Edith’s soft curls as she sung her one of her favorite lullabies as she tried to ignore Elliot’s unwelcome presence.

  Elliot had to admit to himself that his reasons for encouraging her to sing were purely selfish. He hadn’t heard her sing since before her disappearance and he was curious to see if her voice was as melodic as he remembered it. She was singing so softly he had to strain to hear her but though the words were childish nonsense, her voice was angelic. He watched her gently play with Edith’s hair as she sang and he knew he’d never witnessed a more beautiful sight than the one he was witnessing right now. A lump formed in his throat as he watched the two girls he loved and his heart ached. He wanted so badly to make them apart of his everyday life but he knew they deserved so much better than what he had to offer. He’d made the last multiple years of their lives unbearable and he couldn’t stand to see anymore of their lives ruined because of him.

  When Felicity was done singing he walked over and gave Edith a kiss before him and Felicity retreated quietly from the room. They walked in silence down the stairs and to the front door before either of them spoke. Elliot was the one to break the silence. “I promised Edith I’d come visit tomorrow if that’s alright with you.”

  Felicity heaved a long sigh, “I’m not sure that’s wise, she’s already getting too attached to you.”

  “I’m her father,” he pointed out.

  “Then do as you wish,” she mumbled before turning around and walking away without another word for the second time that day.

  Chapter 23

  Saturday May 7th, 1814

  Elliot showed up at Pierce’s townhouse to visit Edith later in the day, not wanting to interrupt her afternoon rest. When the butler let him in and showed him to the parlor he was relieved to see that Felicity was not around. Edith was sitting on the settee between Hope and Pierce entertaining them with her antics. When Edith noticed him walk in she slid off the settee and ran towards him. He lifted her up in his arms and smiled.

  Turning to Pierce and Hope he said, “I can see you’re as taken with the child as I am.”

  “Yes,” Pierce said cautiously, “But we are just as taken with her mother.”

  Elliot knew they were looking for a reaction so
he purposely gave them none. Instead he turned his attention to Edith, “What would you like to do today poppet?”

  “Play with my dollies.”

  “Really?” He asked her, hoping she wasn’t serious. She nodded her head yes as he lowered her to the ground. She grabbed his hand and immediately began pulling him out of the room. Pierce and Hope looked at each other with concern, neither of them wanting to broach the subject with Elliot but neither of them liking the situation he and Felicity were in.

  Elliot let Edith chase him up the stairs towards the nursery, playfully pretending to just barely dodge her advances. She giggled in delight and the sound made him happy. The only time he seemed to feel any sort of happiness anymore was when he was with her.

  Just as the two were about to approach the nursery they heard a door shut behind them. Both of them stopped and turned their heads and watched as Felicity came out of her room, pausing in her tracks at the sight of them. She was dressed in a royal blue silk dress with her hair elaborately coiffed on top of her head, a few stray tendrils loose around her face. She had applied some rouge to her cheeks and a tinted lip salve to her lips causing them to stand out even more against her pale skin. Elliot stood gaping at the vision she made as Edith ran over to her to give her a hug.

  Felicity reached down and ruffled Edith’s hair playfully, “Oh I see your papa has come to visit. I told you he would come.” Then looking up at Elliot she said, “She was worried when I put her down for her nap that you had forgotten your promise.”

  “I never forget my promises,” he said defensively.

  “Sure,” Felicity scoffed, “Unless they are made to me.”

  Elliot stalked over to where she was standing, his body a mere couple of inches from hers, “What do you mean?”

  “Not in front of Edith,” she warned.

  Elliot squatted down next to Edith, “Darling why don’t you go set up your dolls in the nursery and I’ll join you right after I have a little talk with your mama.”