by Alexa Davis
“I don’t think it’ll be forever,” he smiled reassuringly at me. “I’ve known Annie for a while now, and I’ve never seen her so into anyone. She doesn’t let people in easily, and she did you. I know she seems mad now, but I think that’s just the hurt talking. Give her time and she’ll be back to you, I guarantee it.”
“Are you sure?” I sniffed slightly, feeling a little overwhelmed. “I just…I can’t help but feel like I’ve royally fucked it up.”
“Trust me.”
“Annie’s just such a great girl, absolutely perfect for me, and I don’t want to think about my life without her now.”
***
By the time I left Roy, I felt a little bit better. Sure, things were still really messed up, but he had me so convinced that if I just slept on it, things would look better tomorrow. He’d told me many times that she would come back around if I just gave her some space, that everything would be all right.
I had to believe that, if I didn’t want to completely fall apart.
But as I wandered into my hotel room, I let out a deep breath I hadn't even realized I was holding. It was all well and good feeling positive when I was with my friend giving me encouragement, but by myself, the dark thoughts started to take over. All of a sudden, I wasn’t sure if I could just go to sleep, knowing that Annie was so mad at me. I wanted to fix it, and I wanted to do it immediately.
I paced up and down the room, feeling wired and on edge. I felt like I wanted to do everything at once, but I didn’t know where to start. How can I fix this? What can I do to make it all better? How can I erase the pain that I inadvertently caused without going back in time?
Maybe it would have helped me if I knew more about Annie’s past and what had happened with Rae’s dad, but I didn’t, and I wasn’t in the position to ask about it. I’d been closed off from Annie, I hadn't shared all of me, so there was no way I could go about digging into her history.
Maybe if I just called her…
No, I had to do what Roy suggested. I needed to give her space. I’d already shocked her by turning up randomly once; there was no way I could do that again. She had my number; if she wanted to speak to me, she could get in contact that way. This wasn’t just about me. This was about what Annie wanted. I’d spent enough time thinking only of myself. Now I had to do what was right.
But one tiny phone call couldn’t hurt, could it? If I just phoned her up to apologize for turning up unexpectedly, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?
I toyed with my phone between my fingers, fighting between my heart and my head. Unfortunately, what I really wanted to do was starting to win out. I was slowly becoming convinced that one tiny phone call couldn’t do much damage after all.
I was only stopped from actually making that call by someone tapping on my hotel room door. I was confused, because I knew that I hadn't ordered any room service, and I was pretty sure that I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I walked to open the door anyway, just in case it was Roy who could somehow sense what I was about to do.
“I wasn’t calling her, honest,” I teased as I swung the door open, but I was soon silenced by the person standing in front of me: the brunette beauty who I’d been falling for and thinking about for a very long time now. “Annie? What are you doing here?”
She shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking shy and sad, as if she was the one who had something to feel guilty for. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted before,” she gushed quickly, almost as if she was trying to get her words out all in one go. “I was wrong. You just shocked me. I wasn’t expecting you to turn up, then you were there, saying all these things, and I didn’t know what to think.”
“How did you find out where I was staying?” I asked, totally brushing over all of her apologies. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate them. I just felt a little blown away myself to be honest. It was helping me to see that maybe things weren’t quite so simple when surprised after all. Maybe I could finally see why she’d overreacted.
“I spoke to Roy,” she admitted. “He called me to tell me that he’d just been with you. He told me how bad you felt and nudged me in the right direction. He basically told me, without actually saying it aloud, that I should have listened to you.”
“Yeah, he’s quite good at that, isn’t he?” I smiled weakly at her. “Do you…want to come in?”
Please say yes, I begged in my mind. Please come in; give me a chance.
“Okay, thank you.”
We stepped into my room and both perched awkwardly on the end of my bed. I didn’t know how to act, what I should be doing with myself, and from the way that Annie kept moving about, it seemed like she felt the same way.
“So…” I started, needing to say something. “Do you want me to tell you everything?”
“No,” she shook her head rapidly. “I think you’ve said enough. There’s a lot that I need to tell you. I never should have gone at you like that, when I’ve kept stuff back, too.”
She sighed deeply, and hung her head in shame. It made my heart go out to her. I didn’t want her to feel bad, not for anything. And I certainly didn’t want her to tell me anything under a stressful situation. “I’ve kept a lot of my past back, including what happened with Rae’s dad…”
I moved closer to her and tipped her head up to face mine with my finger under her chin. “I don’t need to hear it,” I insisted, actually meaning it.
Of course, I wanted to know everything about Annie, even the bits that weren’t so easy to discuss, but this felt like a nice moment. We were coming back together and I didn’t want that to be tainted by bad news. I wanted us to finally be just happy. “Tell me when you’re ready…or not at all, if you don’t get there.”
I kissed her lightly on her lips, feeling my heart fill up all over again. She was right for me, the only one in the world that ever had been, and I didn’t ever want to lose her again.
“Are you sure?” she gasped uncertainly. “I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I reassured her. “Things just haven’t been smooth sailing yet, but the best things in life never are.”
“Are you sure about that?” she asked, that familiar teasing tone back in her voice. “Or did you just make that up?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m just saying words,” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. “But you certainly feel worth the wait.”
“Roy told me that you like me more than anyone ever before,” she asked curiously. “Is that true? It doesn’t seem possible to me. You must have women throwing themselves at you, beautiful ones. I’m just…me.”
“You are the only woman that’s ever meant anything to me,” I told her seriously. “And whatever you think of yourself, you’re the most beautiful woman to me.” I grinned at her with love in my eyes as I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. To me, everything about her was perfect, and I wished that just for a second she could see herself through my eyes.
“Wow,” she gasped happily. “That’s something else.”
For a moment, we were both giggling happily, then something in the air changed and we were kissing like there was no tomorrow. My hands were tangled up in her hair, and hers were moving around my waist. We felt connected, together, and I never wanted that to end.
I was actually starting to believe that it might have been love.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Annie – Monday
This was different. There was something about it all that felt more…loving. As Justin’s hands moved from my hair and over my body, my heart raced, but more with emotion than lust.
I was falling for him, hard. Love was rapidly creeping over me, and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it. It was just happening.
To be honest, I didn’t even want to.
This was the happiest that I’d ever been, and although it was scary to allow myself to be so vulnerable, it was rewarding, too.
Once Justin had left and I’d been allowed to ste
w in my own temper for a while, I realized how quickly I’d reacted and it made me feel a little bad. I should have at least given him the opportunity to talk. So by the time Roy called me, I was more than ready to open up my mind.
And now, I was so glad that I had because if I hadn't, I wouldn’t find myself with him now, his arms wrapped around me, making me feel all kinds of things. I wanted him now, and I was excited to find out how things would be, knowing that now we had feelings involved. Sex with me and Justin wouldn’t be fueled by lust, but by something much deeper, instead.
He laid my back onto the sheets, his mouth exploring mine hungrily. We were kissing as if we were horny teenagers who had only just managed to get their hands on one another. It was crazy, as if we’d been apart for years, rather than weeks, but I was more than willing to go with it because it felt incredible.
“Oh God, I’ve missed you,” I groaned, as he started to tug at my clothes. “You have no idea how much.”
“Oh, I think I do,” he moaned back. “I meant what I said that I’ve been thinking about you nonstop.”
The thought of him thinking about me on his long, lonely nights in Portland had powerful bolts of desire racing down to my core. It caused me to arch my back against him, pressing my body into his. I could feel all of him, his muscles, his abs, his pulsating cock, and that turned me on so badly. My body was screaming out needily for him, but I was doing my best to behave for now. I didn’t want to rush things.
“So gorgeous,” he purred as I became increasingly naked for him.
Then his mouth was everywhere. My eyes slipped shut as I started to succumb to the sensations. He was making me feel phenomenal, just as he did every time…
Wait!
I remembered his mouth all over my clit and how wonderful that felt, and it made me want to give him the same sort of pleasure. I hadn't experienced him in my mouth yet, and the cheeky side of me really wanted to. One of the best things about being with Justin was the knowledge that I could turn such a sexy man on, so why not take that further?
With that one thought in mind, I spun Justin over until he was lying flat on the bed and sent him a seductive smile. He looked stunned that I was acting so bold, but that was exactly what I wanted. I needed him to be blown away.
I kissed down his body, exploring every inch of his skin with my lips and tongue. He was so taut, and I was almost enjoying myself so much, that I forgot where I was headed with it all. But then my mouth got nearer to where I could sense his neediness for me. I could feel the heat, the desperation coming from him, and it made my entire body tremble in anticipation. The nerves were gone and now all I felt was excitement.
My heart thundered in my chest as my lips got closer. He was standing to attention, looking as thick and impressive as ever, and it reminded me of the last time he was inside of me, giving me the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life.
God, I am glad that I’d listened to Roy. This is so much better than being miserable and by myself.
My lips touched Justin and I felt a powerful surge of happiness. The way he growled loudly as I started to open my mouth to take him in made me feel wonderful and sexier than I’d ever felt before. I wrapped my lips around him and flicked my tongue up and down his length, feeling powerful.
“Oh, fuck,” he cried out loudly, not caring if his voice was reverberating through the walls. “Fucking hell, Annie, you have no idea what you do to me.”
But I did – because he did exactly the same to me. He made me feel things that I didn’t even know I could feel.
As I took him as far down to the back of my throat as I could manage, I couldn’t picture feeling that way about anyone else. Justin had changed me; he’d opened me up, made me a better version of myself, and he was all that I would ever want.
“Annie, stop,” he eventually panted loudly, sitting up to grab hold of me. “You have to stop. I need you now.”
The serious look in his eyes, plus the desire that filled his tone, was just about the only thing that could make me stop. I was enjoying every moment of having him inside my mouth, but if he wanted to be inside of me – and he so clearly did – then who was I to argue?
I pulled my mouth away and pressed my lips hard against his, while he tugged my whole body up onto his lap. I could feel his cock teasing me, begging to enter me, and I needed him to, but for some reason he was holding back.
“I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling,” he said shakily into my mouth. “You’re so special, so amazing…”
Was he about to tell me that he loved me? Was I ready to express that emotion, too? I knew that I was feeling it, deep inside, but I wasn’t quite sure that I was ready to say it yet. That would make it more real. So I kissed him even harder instead.
After a few moments, it seemed like he could resist no longer, and he slipped inside of me, allowing me to thrust on top of him from where I was, sitting on his lap. With his arms wrapped around me, holding me close, I felt so connected to him, so bonded with him, and it brought the feelings rushing back to the surface all over again. I felt overwhelmed by it all, consumed by everything him, and it felt incredible.
Soon the waves were building, the pressure growing inside of me about ready to explode. This angle was amazing for absolutely everything – not only could we kiss and stare lovingly into one another’s eyes, but also each thrust was brushing against my clit.
“Oh God,” I moaned loudly. “Oh fuck, Justin.”
I was clinging onto him tightly, digging my nails into his back, needing something to hold on to for dear life. A hot bliss was racing through my veins, and eventually, it crashed powerfully over me, making me scream. I lost myself in the pleasure, my head falling to one side as I felt everything all at once, and in that moment, I almost said the thing I was too afraid to say.
***
Justin was snoring lightly beside me, but I was far too on edge to speak. After making love three times, I was spent physically, but mentally, I was more awake than I’d ever been.
Opening myself up to the possibility of love with this man was liberating after all that I’d been through, but terrifying, too. It meant that I would not only have to be vulnerable again, which was hard for someone who had spent the last few years being so strong, but also that I would have to tell him everything eventually. I couldn’t start something new without being totally honest about my past. It just wouldn’t be easy to reveal something that I’d been trying to push to one side for so long.
I met Rae’s dad, Billy, when I was fresh out of high school. He was a few years older than me and totally cool in my eyes, which led me to be in total awe of him.
He had a car, a real bad boy image, and he could get me into the best parties ever. For the slightly nerdy girl, who had missed out on a social life during my long and exhausting years at school, it was a dream come true. I was swept along by him, the whole time falling hard and fast, until I was too deeply in love to ever consider leaving him.
The only problem was while all of that was going on, I ignored every one of the red flags. It wasn’t until we moved in together in a crappy little apartment that things started to come to a head.
Not only was his behavior controlling and far too vicious to be considered normal, he drank too much, too. He was wasted all the time. When we were out partying and having fun, I didn’t see it, but when we were home all the time and we couldn’t pay the bills, it became apparent that booze was his one true love in life.
I did want to leave, I really wanted to be brave enough to go, but I kept remembering the good times that we’d once had and it made me want to fix him. Also, everyone had been telling me what a bad guy he was, which forced me to dig my head in the sand even further. I’d sacrificed my closeness with my family, the relationship I had with all my friends – I couldn’t allow that to be for nothing.
No, I thought I had to fix things. I needed it to work.
But it didn’t. It just got worse and worse, until eventually one night he shoved
me.
It wasn’t domestic violence in the way that I assumed, but it was enough to have me scared. He was drunk, angry, and probably not even aware that he’d done it, but it was the push that I needed. Unfortunately, that same night, I forced myself to take the test that I’d been putting off for far too long, and I passed it. I was pregnant.
That stumped me for a few days, stopped me in my tracks. I could already feel a change within me, maybe it would change him, too. I had to give him the chance, at least.
And, I thought that it had for a while. He seemed to go back to being the nice guy that I once knew. I thought that everything was going to work out.
For the whole pregnancy, and when Rae was first born, he was the best I could have hoped for, and I was glad that I’d stuck around. It made me feel like I’d been right the whole time.
But it wasn’t going to be that simple. I was never going to get that lucky, because the accident happened that altered absolutely everything. My life changed forever more, and if I truly wanted to move forwards, then I had to confront that part of my past, I had to share it with Justin so that he could understand everything about me.
I just hoped that it didn’t alter his opinion of me. I hoped that he still wanted me once he knew how my life had once been. He was forgiving, I could see that in the way he was with Garrett, but did he really need to invite more drama into his life?
I guessed that I would find out soon enough.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Justin – Tuesday
I was in love. It was flowing powerfully through my veins, making me feel lighter than air. Annie was absolutely the one, and now that we had some kind of understanding, I felt like it would all be up from here.