Journeys - SF10

by Meagher, Susan X

  Journeys

  Part One

  The 767 left the runway, lurching heavily, while the junior senator from California sat in his seat, a contented smile curving his lips. After a few minutes of climbing, the plane reached cruising altitude and he reclined his seatback, his eyes drifting to the window against which his right shoulder was nestled. His thoughts were scattered, his mind flitting from the unexpectedly wonderful meeting he had just had with his daughter to the equally surprising talk with his wife the day before.

  After a while, Jim Evans began to focus his musings, allowing the very warm feelings he had for both of the women in his family to come to the surface. What in the hell have I been doing for all of these years? he thought with an uncharacteristic leveling of self-recrimination. Why is it so damned important to always have a new woman to sleep with? What has it actually gotten me?

  He shook his head slowly, letting the reality of the cost of his habitual infidelity settle in his brain. It's taken me to the edge of divorce…it's seriously eroded my daughter's respect…and there's little doubt that I'm well known, at least at the firm, as an aging letch. He shuddered when he thought of the derisive comments he and his peers had made twenty years previously when they had discussed some of the more indiscreet partners and their serial affairs.

  You're as bad as they were, he reminded himself. Worse, really. You're the managing partner, for God's sake! How do you even know whether the women who so readily agree to your overtures are doing it because of you, or your position?

  I don't, he had to admit. The only woman in my life who ever loved me for myself was Catherine. He sighed heavily and thought of the young woman he had met 22 years before, who was far superior to him in nearly every way imaginable way. Catherine's family had money, power, prestige, and enough political muscle to run the city if that had interested anyone in the clan. She didn't want him for his potential…she didn't want him for his money…she didn't need any favors from him. No, she had just loved him-for himself. And he had repaid her genuine trust by being unfaithful time and time again. Each time she caught him, there would be a series of promises, each one readily broken as soon as the urge hit and the opportunity presented itself. And it always seemed as though the opportunity presented itself quickly. Actually, as he rose in the organization and became more visible, it seemed as if the women actually sought him out rather than the other way around. The shifting of roles had pleased him, but when he thought about it, it did seem likely that they were using him in the same way he was using them.

  His mind wandered to Kayla, and he tried to remember who had made the first overture. It was hard to pinpoint, since things had happened so quickly that it seemed as though sparks had been flying from the outset. When they met, she was a first year associate, barely 25, and fresh out of UCLA law school. She was a very attractive woman-lovely, long strawberry blonde hair and pale eyes that took on the color of the clothing she wore, appearing either blue, light green, or hazel. A little taller than Jamie, but much slighter, with a body that commanded attention. His attention had been drawn from the first day they had met, and even then he sensed a glimmer in her eye that long years of cheating had alerted him to. She radiated a receptivity that he was highly attuned to, and her frank, open appraisal of him had sent his libido into overdrive.

  His position at the firm allowed him to propose assignments for the new associates, and he had suggested that she be assigned to his deputy as an assistant. He was surprised and pleased that their working styles fit together so well, and for a time, he let the sexual tension die down while they concentrated on work alone.

  The break had come while on a trip to Brussels the previous October. His deputy, Kurt Wagner, was unable to make the trip, leaving Jim alone with Kayla for the first time. Everything was very aboveboard until the meetings were concluded, late on a Friday night. Kayla had casually mentioned that she had never been to the city, and since he was intimately familiar with it, he spontaneously asked if she would like to stay the weekend and let him play tour guide. To his amazement, she looked him right in the eye and suggested that, as an economy measure, they could save the firm several hundred dollars a night if she gave up her room and shared his. His response was unequivocal and enthusiastic, and that weekend launched the relationship that quickly grew to be an open secret in the firm. He hated the fact that word had leaked out, but he had to admit that it was largely his fault. He had a hard time suppressing his desire for the young woman, and he was sure that their peers had noticed his lingering looks and familiar touches when they were in meetings together.

  Even though the affair had begun just about a year before, things were still nearly as hot as they had been then--quite an oddity for Jim, since he had rarely pursued an ongoing association with the women he bedded. Kayla was an enthusiastic lover, skilled far beyond her years; how that education had come about never discussed between them. But Jim knew that her skills at lovemaking were not the hook that kept him connected to her. It was the odd feeling that she was a feminine mirror image of him at her age. She had the same drive; the same need to impress her superiors by doing anything that needed to be done-no complaints. He smiled as he recalled her enthusiastic suggestion that she be allowed to conduct the preliminary meetings with an important client in Japan over the Thanksgiving holidays last year. She had insisted that she merely wanted him to be able to spend the holiday with his family, but he knew that it was just a chance for her to maneuver herself into position to gain some important experience at a time when most attorneys desperately wanted some time off.

  Despite the undeniable physical attraction, Jim was fairly certain that he didn't love Kayla, and she had never expressed feelings of love for him either. As this thought occurred to him, he jerked upright in his seat, feeling a flush come over him. Love! What in the hell am I doing even thinking about loving Kayla? My God! That's the last thing she needs…and the last thing I need.

  Thinking of his last conversation with Catherine, he reminded himself, That's the woman who loves you…or did love you before you betrayed her, time and again.

  A surprising thought struck him, and as it took shape in his mind he began to grow more and more excited. I don't know why, but there was something in Catherine's voice yesterday that showed just a glimmer of affection. I know it's crazy, but I think I might still have a ghost of a chance with her. Good God, that would be great! He sighed as he leaned his seat back again and gazed out at the clear, blue sky. Everything could go back to where it was, he decided. Jamie might even begin to respect me again if I could make it right with Catherine. He shook his head ruefully as he forced himself to admit, Besides, I look like a fool running around with a 26-year-old woman. I was in college when she was born! Yes, he decided, nodding his head, I'm going to give it another try…and the only way to do that is if I sever my relationship with Kayla completely.

  The rest of the flight was spent in fierce concentration as Jim made plans to end one relationship while dreaming of resuscitating another.

  As his key slid into the lock of his hotel room, he heard a light tread scampering across the thick carpeting. The door was not yet fully open when he found his arms full of his young lover, her voluptuous body barely covered by one of his dress shirts. "Get in here and show me how much you missed me," she demanded, walking backwards as she pulled him along.

  The door closed with a quiet whisper, and as the latch clicked, her mouth tilted up and sought his out, his determination of just hours before nowhere to be found. The kiss went on for a long time, the young woman's ardor obviously unquenched during his five-day absence.

  He finally managed to pull away and slowly regained his equilibrium while finding a little space to breathe. "Wow, that was a surprising we
lcome," he said. He had given her a key, but to his knowledge she had never used it, always waiting until he was at home to visit. "Visit" was a little too weak a term, he had to admit, since the young woman had slept with him every night since they had arrived in Washington. But she had her own room in the hotel, and kept most of her things in it. Most mornings would find her struggling into running clothes, then returning to her room to shower and prepare for the day.

  "Do you mind?" she asked warily. "I uhm…wanted to give you a proper welcome." A seductive smile crept onto her face as she lifted the front of the long shirt, revealing just a neatly groomed triangle of dark red hair. "Am I dressed appropriately?"

  He blinked a few times, always slightly amazed at Kayla's frank, sexual aggression. "Yeah…uhm…that's a great outfit," he agreed, wishing he could exploit her luscious body one more time. But to his surprise, even his very shaky moral code would not permit it.

  Cocking her head slightly, Kayla gazed at him and asked, "Something's wrong, isn't it?"

  He nodded, deciding that he had to get this over with. "I uhm…I had some time to think this weekend, Kayla, and I think it's best if we stop sleeping together." Well that was harder to spit out than I thought it would be, he decided, carefully watching her face and body for a reaction.

  "Why?" she asked simply, using one of his tricks against him. He had stressed the efficacy of keeping questions as simple as possible, to goad an opponent into elaborating more fully than they had planned, and he now found himself ruing the lessons he had taught her.

  "This can't go on permanently, Kayla," he explained. "It seems to me that you're wasting your time with me when there's no future for us. You need a young man who can keep up with you," he said, giving her a fond smile.

  "Don't I satisfy you anymore?" she asked, a frown darkening her eyes to a slate gray.

  "Oh yes! Of course you do! This isn't about sex, Kayla. I just think that we both need to focus on relationships that can be permanent. This one can't." There. That's as succinct as I can make it.

  Her head cocked slightly, her eyes never leaving his. "You want to get back with your wife, don't you?" Even though her voice rose on the final words, her tone made it sound more like a statement than a question.

  Nodding slightly, embarrassed that she saw through him so easily, he said, "I don't know if that's possible, but if it is, I would like to try again."

  She shook her head a few times, then looked at him again. "Why does that mean that we can't sleep together, Jim? You can have your relationship with her and have sex with me. I don't want more than this…and, let's be honest, if your wife satisfied you, you wouldn't have started this or any of the other affairs you've had."

  His cheeks burned from the truth of her implications, but he tried to hold firm. "We've had problems, of course we have. Every married couple does, Kayla. But I want to give this a genuine try, and that can't happen if we're sleeping together. I'm very sorry to spring this on you, but I honestly think it's best for both of us in the long run."

  She shook her head briskly, her tone confident. "I disagree, Jim, but your decision is the final one." She stood up and started to walk towards the bedroom, and he stayed right where he was, watching the gentle sway of her hips as she moved. Returning a minute later with her clothing, she started to dress in front of him, taxing his determination to its limits.

  Letting the shirt drop to the floor, she started to slide a pair of panties over her hips. Feeling the fire start to burn again, he swallowed and continued with the remainder of his decision. "I uhm…I know you won't like this, Kayla, but I think it would be best if you went back to San Francisco. I'm very happy with the work you're doing here, but I think it would just be too hard for us to work together given our history."

  She felt her anger flare and was just about to fire off a few choice words, but she struggled with her emotions and regained control. Her eyes blinked slowly; her gaze fixed on the floor. "Okay. It won't look good for me, but I'll do whatever makes you happy, Jim. That's all that matters."

  "You are such a wonderful woman," he said softly, watching her hips twitch as she pulled her jeans up her sleek legs.

  "It's easy to be a wonderful woman when you're with a wonderful man," she said, coming over to the sofa and straddling his lap, her jeans gaping open. "Can I kiss you goodbye?" Her soft voice floated down to his ears as he drew in a deep breath, imprinting her alluring scent onto his brain.

  He didn't have the strength to speak, just nodding his head a few times. She settled onto his lap as her breasts crushed against his chest. Her head tilted downward and she began to kiss him, forcing him to feel all of the passion, all of the lust that enveloped them every time they were intimate. As the kiss continued, her hips began to gyrate, skimming across his groin as she felt him begin to respond. "K…Ka…Kayla," he groaned, as his hands went to her hips to guide her movements.

  "It's okay," she soothed. "I promise I'll let you go. I just need to love you one last time, Jim. Give me this…please."

  He looked up into her eyes, grown bright with desire, her hair swinging across her shoulders as she moved against him. His last bit of willpower disintegrated, and he forced himself to stay conscious of the sensations that pummeled his body, reminding himself, You might as well enjoy this, because if Catherine takes you back this is the last time you'll have sex this hot.

  Even though it was getting late and they were both emotionally drained from the visit with Jim at the airport, Jamie insisted that she had to get a little studying done for the next day. Ryan was in favor of falling into bed, even though it was just 8:00, but she decided that if Jamie could study, she could study. They went to their respective quiet spots and were engrossed in their work almost immediately.

  The concentrated effort Jamie was putting into her accounting class was paying off, and she felt like she was finally understanding, rather than just memorizing, the broad concepts behind the rules she had been following. She was feeling pretty good when she started to pack up, after noticing that it was already 9:30.

  As usual, her cell phone was clipped to her waistband, the habit so ingrained that she barely noticed the small device any longer. The muted chirping caught her by surprise, and she started when she heard it. "Hello," she said.

  "Hi, Jamie." Only two words, but she not only knew the voice, she realized that she would probably always recognize it.

  "Hi, Jack," she said, feeling her heart skip a beat. The mere sound of his voice made her a little anxious-not for any good reason that she could think of, she just uncharacteristically assumed the worst.

  "Is ah…is it okay for me to call you, Jamie? I certainly don't want to cause you any trouble."

  "Trouble?" she asked, not understanding his point.

  "Yeah…well, I assume that you're still with Ryan, and ah…I also assume she might not like you talking to me."

  Feeling more than a little perturbed at the assumption, she said, "Ryan doesn't try to control me, Jack. I can speak with whomever I wish."

  There was a silence that went on a beat longer than expected. "Okay…let me try that again." She could hear him breathe out a sigh before he gave it another stab. "I guess it's easier for me to blame her if you don't want to speak to me," he admitted, in an astounding show of self-awareness.

  As usual, she felt her defenses melt when he showed his vulnerable side. "I don't understand why you think I wouldn't want to speak to you, Jack. I thought we parted on very good terms…didn't you?"

  "Yeah," he said, letting out a breath. "I do think so. I guess I'm just feeling a little twitchy today. I have a question to ask you that's really got me spooked."

  "What is it?" she asked, unable to imagine what it could be.

  "I uhm…I want to ask Natalie to marry me, Jamie," he said in a rush, the words colliding as they tumbled out.

  She paused for just a second, consciously willing down the tiny tendril of jealousy that began to emerge. "That's wonderful, Jack. I wish you all the best."
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  "Thanks," he said softly, and she smiled as she pictured the shy blush that likely covered his features. "I uhm…appreciate that you called, Jack," she said, even though she was more puzzled than appreciative. "I take it that you haven't asked her yet."

  "No, I was going to do it at Thanksgiving," he said, confusing her even more.

  "Uhm…any particular reason that you're telling me now?" she asked, as tactfully as possible. "I mean, I appreciate it, but if I was Natalie I don't think it would sit well with me to know that you told your ex a month before you proposed."

  "Well…uhh…Jamie, of course I wanted you to know before you heard it from anyone, but that's not really why I'm calling."

  Ryan entered the room, looked at the phone, and cocked her head in question. Jamie hit the mute button and said, "Jack."

  The tall woman turned and was striding out of the room before the "ack" had been fully enunciated, only to have her fleece shirt grabbed from behind. "Stay," Jamie mouthed, tugging Ryan towards the couch.

  She gave Jamie a suspicious look, but shrugged and sat down next to her, placing a warm hand on her thigh. Jamie patted her gently, and once again focused her attention onto Jack. "Why are you calling, then?" she asked, ready to get to the bottom line.

  He cleared his throat nervously, and got to the point. "I'm having a real battle over what to do for an engagement ring, Jamie, and I thought--of all the people I know, you're the only one that I trust to give me good advice."

  "Oh," she said, completely shocked that he wanted her opinion on this question. "Well, thanks for saying so, Jack. What did you have in mind?" The image of spending the day shopping with Jack for another woman's ring flashed through her mind, and was quickly dismissed into the "when hell freezes over" category.

  "I uhm…want to give her my grandmother's ring," he said softly, flinching a little when he heard the small gasp she emitted.

  "You want to give her the ring you gave me?" she asked in a tone that was just short of incredulous.