Journeys - SF10

by Meagher, Susan X

  "Bad idea?" he asked, sounding about ten years old.

  She took a deep breath and tried counting to ten. It was his ring-that's why she had given it back to him, but the mere thought of him giving it to another woman set her teeth on edge. "Is cost a factor here, Jack? You don't have to spend a lot to get a nice ring…"

  "No!" he said vehemently. "This is about sentiment, Jamie! I thought you would understand that!"

  Ryan was observing her lover closely as she spoke to her former fiancé. There was a guarded wariness to her affect that Jamie thankfully never displayed towards her. Ryan had a suspicion that the wariness was not something that had developed after the couple broke up, recalling that she noticed a polite distance between them the few times she had seen then together. I'm so glad that you let yourself fall in love with me, baby, she thought silently as she watched the green eyes grow dark. You are not your best with him. Unconsciously, Ryan tucked her arm around her partner and pulled her to her chest, smiling when she felt some of the tension leave Jamie's body.

  "Look, Jack," the smaller woman said, obviously frustrated. "I can't read your mind here. Tell me what's up, or I can't be of any help at all."

  He sighed and said in a voice filled with hurt, "I thought you'd understand what this ring meant to me…and if you did, then Natalie would too."

  She let out a breath, feeling a little like he had punched her. Of course that ring means a lot to him, she chided herself. Jack's grandparents had been married over sixty years when his grandfather died and his grandmother had moved in with the family. She and Jack had always been close, but they grew closer still during the last years of her life. She had passed away just a few months before Jack had asked Jamie to marry him, and the most emotion the young woman ever recalled seeing from him was when he told her that he hoped they would have as good a marriage as his grandparents had had.

  "I'm sorry, Jack," she said softly. "That was very insensitive of me. I do know how much the ring meant to you." She paused for a minute, looking at the curious blue eyes that peeked over at her from under long black bangs. She pushed Ryan gently, urging her to scoot down the sofa. The tall woman did so, and Jamie lay down with her head in Ryan's lap. She grasped one of the warm hands and placed it on her head, silently asking for an always-calming head rub. As Ryan's long fingers began trailing through her hair, she sighed and continued. "Even though I'm sure Natalie would be honored by the sentiment, I honestly think that it would always bother her to know that she wasn't the first person you gave the ring to."

  His frustration was evident as he said, "But it means so much to me, Jamie! It would be like having a piece of my grandparents with us always."

  "Jack," she said, her voice even softer than it had been before, "it might also be like having a piece of me with you always. I know that you don't want that."

  "It wouldn't be like that for me," he insisted.

  "You're not the one who will wear it, Jack," she reminded him. "I know this means a lot to you, and I'm sure Natalie will wear it if she knows that. I'm just trying to be honest with you even though it's not what you want to hear."

  "Do you think I could ask her if she wanted it or if she wanted me to buy her another one?" he asked hopefully.

  "Not a good idea," Jamie declared. "If she told you to buy another, she's not good enough for you. I mean that."

  "Damn it, Jamie," he said gruffly, knowing that she was giving him her best advice, "are you sure about this?"

  "No, I can't be sure, Jack. Want another opinion?"

  "Uhm…sure, I guess. Is Mia around?"

  "No. Ryan's a woman too, Jack. She's right here. Hold on." Hitting the mute button, Jamie swiveled her head until she could meet her lover's eyes. "Would you be insulted if I gave you a family heirloom as an engagement ring if I had previously given it to Jack?"

  Ryan's sparkling blue eyes smiled at Jamie as she asked, "Is this a clever ploy to ask me to marry you?"

  She barked out a surprised laugh and said, "I think I could come up with something a little more romantic than this, Tiger. No, this is really about Jack. Would it bother you?"

  "Yes and no," Ryan said thoughtfully. "I'd like the fact that your family meant a lot to you, and that you were making me a part of that tradition. On the other hand, it would always bug me a little that you gave it to Jack first. It might remind me of him more than I would like."

  "My feelings exactly," Jamie smiled. Just before she hit the button she turned to Ryan and gave her a speculative look, her face twitching into an even bigger smile. "I really should formally ask you to marry me one of these days. It's about time I made an honest woman out of you."

  Blowing Ryan a kiss, she turned back to the phone, informing Jack, "Ryan feels like I do. Part of her would be honored to wear it, and the other part would be reminded of the other person."

  "All right," he said, sounding defeated. "I still might ask her though."

  "Jack," Jamie said, her voice still soft, but more determined, "don't try to manipulate her to get your way. That's not how to start off a marriage. Try to think of her feelings as well as your own."

  He was completely shocked by her comments and was just about to tell her off when he realized that she was right. He was trying to back Natalie into a corner so that he could get his own way, and with a shake of his head he sighed, "Okay. I get the message."

  "I do have one idea that might work for you, Jack," she said. "Why not give her the ring to hold until you have a child to pass it on to? Entrusting her with something that means a lot to you would be a nice gesture."

  "That's better than nothing, I suppose," he mumbled, still annoyed that she didn't see things his way.

  "Look, Jack," she said, "you can coerce her into doing it your way; you can have the diamond re-set; or you can ask her to hold it for your kids. Those are really the only options. I'm really not invested in which one you choose, you know."

  "Damn," he grumbled. "I call to ask you for a favor, and wind up pissing you off." He paused for a second and said, "I don't know why, but I never do that with Natalie."

  She let out a wry laugh and suggested, "Maybe that's because she's the right woman for you. Just for the record, Ryan and I don't spend much time arguing either." At the gentle ruffling of her bangs, she looked up into the pools of blue that always made her heart beat faster.

  There was a moment of silence, and then he asked, "Is Ryan still there?"

  "Uhm…yeah. Why?"

  "Can I speak with her for a minute?"

  Her eyebrows nearly disappearing under her hair, she said, "Uh…sure," and handed the phone to Ryan with a puzzled shrug of her shoulders. "He wants to talk to you."

  Ryan put the phone to her ear and said, "Hi, Jack."

  "Hi, Ryan," he said in a friendly tone. "Thanks for the advice. I think you two are right-even though I'd prefer that you saw this my way."

  "Oh, you're welcome. Congratulations on your engagement," she said, as she tried to hand the phone back.

  His voice caused her to put the phone to her ear again. "You're a lucky woman, Ryan. Jamie's one in a million."

  She chuckled mildly, and corrected him immediately. "She's one in a 38thMersenne prime, Jack."

  "Huh?" he asked, not knowing if they were talking about the same thing or not.

  "I'm a math major," she said, knowing that simple explanation covered a wealth of her eccentricities. "That's a recently discovered prime number that has over two million digits."

  "Ahh," he said, not really understanding what she was referring to, but unwilling to admit it. "It's nice to know that you know how special she is."

  "I do indeed, Jack," she said, smiling down at her partner, "I'd say that she's the most wonderful woman in the world, but that's far too small a number to convey my full appreciation of her."

  He laughed softly at this and decided, "It's probably best not to talk to you about how wonderful Jamie is when I'm about to go ring shopping for another woman, Ryan. Take care of her for…" he
bit off the "me" that had almost spilled out, and tried to cover. "Take care of her forever, Ryan," deciding that he liked the way that sounded.

  "With my last breath," she said, locking eyes with Jamie, her voice filled with confidence, as she hit the off button. Her blue eyes searched the moss green ones that looked up at her. "I'd say yes," she whispered.

  "Pardon?"

  "If you asked me to marry you, I'd say yes," she repeated, her intent gaze never leaving Jamie's.

  A wave of emotion washed over the blonde, making her breath catch for a moment. "I marry you every day," she replied, her heart bursting with feeling. "I pledge my love to you every night when I say my prayers, and I thank God for you every morning when I wake."

  "I'm thanking God for you right now," Ryan whispered as she pulled her partner into an embrace and kissed her tenderly. "All of my prayers have been answered."

  Aloysius Pender walked into his office on Monday morning and checked his schedule. "Betsy?" he called out to his secretary when he noticed his seven a.m. appointment.

  "Yes, Father?" the woman asked as she popped her head in.

  "Martin O'Flaherty called for an appointment?"

  "Yes, Father. He left a message on the machine yesterday. Is it all right that I scheduled him?"

  "Of course, of course," he said absently. "It just surprised me, that's all."

  He walked into the small kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, checking his watch as he walked back into the office. The front door opened at seven on the dot and he heard his old friend extend a greeting to Betsy. Soon his large frame filled the door, and he waited to be signaled in.

  "Will you come in here already?" Father Pender said with a warm smile. "In all these years I've never known you to be the formal sort, Marty. What's going on?"

  Martin closed the door to the office and sat down in a chair that faced the desk. "I've given it a couple of months, but it's not any better, Father," he said formally. "I'd like to ask Father Villarreal, or perhaps someone not associated with St. Philip's, to perform the ceremony for Maeve and me."

  The priest leaned back in his chair, obviously taken aback by this announcement. "After all we've been through, Marty? You're unable to forgive me for one mistake?"

  His dark head shook, his eyes devoid of their normal warmth. "You didn't harm me, Father Pender, you harmed my baby. That's not something I can forgive."

  "Will you stop with the Father Pender!" He stood up and paced behind his desk, his face growing red with anger. "For goodness sake, Marty, we've been friends for a quarter century! You haven't called me Father Pender since Brendan was in diapers!"

  "I respect you because of your position…not you yourself," he said flatly. "I don't think you'd like the names I call you in my mind."

  "I thought we settled this," he said, his voice filled with frustration. "Siobhan is perfectly cordial to me, Marty. I know she wants you to get over this. She said as much when she was here with you."

  "She's a better person than I am," the protective father growled, his anger flaring as badly as it had two months earlier.

  "She's a fine woman," the priest said, his voice growing soft as he recalled, "She's the image of her mother."

  Slightly taken aback, Martin' felt himself agreeing with the priest. "Even though they look nothing alike, she is that."

  "I'm glad she's found someone to share her life with," Father Pender said, his voice still evincing a reflective tone. "I've been worried about her these last years, Marty. I heard a lot of rumors about her behavior, and the things I heard didn't seem like something your daughter would have been caught up in."

  "What exactly do you mean by that?" Martin asked, his hackles rising.

  "I only meant that I know you would want Siobhan to find one person to love, and it didn't seem like that's what she was doing," he offered weakly.

  "That's not what you meant, and you know it," Martin spat. "I'll tell you something, Aloysius Pender…it's the ridiculous stance of this Church and the interference of a certain blabber-mouthed priest that made the child think she had to find her pleasure in brief encounters with women she hardly knew! She felt like an outcast! She was so filled with self-loathing that she was afraid to talk to me, and that child has never held anything back from me. How many more young people have to suffer the rejection of the Holy Church before you people come to your senses?"

  "Martin, please," he said. "You know that the Church's official teachings don't always square with my private beliefs, but there's only so much a parish priest can do!"

  "What are your private beliefs on the subject, Father Pender?" he asked, his eyes narrowed and intense.

  "I uhm…I think that we should, and I feel that we do, offer a warm welcome to homosexuals, Martin. There is nothing inherently sinful in being gay."

  "And…?" Martin asked, knowing there was more.

  "And…if the homosexual person chooses to live a celibate life, they should be welcomed into every level of ministry."

  "If they choose a celibate life," Martin said, the rancor dripping from his words. "And if they don't?"

  "Well, I don't think it's my job to police the members of this parish. I would never withhold the sacraments from someone like Siobhan, even though I know she is openly breaking the Church's clear rules on this topic."

  "Well, aren't you just the most open-minded person?" Martin snarled.

  "That's not fair, Martin," Father Pender said. "I don't think that Siobhan's sins are any worse than a heterosexual person who has sex outside of marriage. Someone like Conor, for instance."

  "Who's next to fall under your inquisition? Duffy? He's been neutered, I'll have you know!"

  "Martin, I meant nothing by that. I'm only pointing out that most people in our parish are in a state of sin about something. I'd imagine 90% of our parish members use birth control of some sort. Their disobedience is no better and no worse than Siobhan's."

  "So, Conor's an even bigger sinner than his sister, since he obviously has sex with women, and he's never produced a child," Martin groused, his disgust evident.

  "Technically, yes, Martin, but that's not the point. The point is that we're all sinners. Our mission isn't to point out the sin-it's to offer a path to forgiveness."

  "My child is one of the purest souls to ever walk through the doors of that church, Father Pender," Martin insisted. "She's a model of love and compassion and forgiveness. The fact that her biology leads her to love a woman in no way affects that!"

  "Of course it doesn't," the priest agreed. "Look, Martin, I think we're getting off track here. You came to talk about your wedding, and now we're on a discussion about Church teachings. I think you're confusing your anger with the Church with your anger with me. I know I made a mistake in talking about Siobhan without talking to you first. I've apologized for it. Siobhan has forgiven me. Can't we move on from there?"

  "No, I'm afraid we can't," Martin said with true regret. "I appreciate all that you've done for me and my family through the years, but I can't have you ask for God's blessing on my marriage if you can't agree that my Siobhan and her Jamie have the exact same rights to sexual pleasure that Maeve and I do."

  "I don't believe that, Martin," he said softly. "I wish I could-believe me, my life would be easier if I could-but I don't. Marriage is reserved for a man and a woman. There's no way around the teachings."

  "I appreciate your time, Father Pender," Martin said as he stood. "I'll speak to Father Villarreal about the ceremony." With that, he was gone, leaving the priest shaking his head in sorrow at having lost one of his oldest and dearest friends.

  "Hello, Catherine," the clear, lightly accented voice said in greeting. "It's Maeve Driscoll."

  "Would that be the future Maeve O'Flaherty?" Catherine asked, enjoying the teasing that was part and parcel of the O'Flaherty experience.

  "One and the same," the older woman laughed. "I have good news on that very front, Catherine. Everything is settled, I believe, and the wedding is set for N
ovember the thirteenth."

  "Excellent! That gives us plenty of time to make the few arrangements that we need."

  "What needs to be done, Catherine? I've secured the church and talked to one of my friends who is a printer about having some simple invitations done up. Shouldn't that cover it?"

  "Nearly," Catherine fibbed. "I can handle all of the details for the reception. What type of food would you like to have?"

  "Well, the lads don't care for anything too fancy-they're a meat and potatoes crowd."

  "That's not a problem," Catherine assured her. "Marta and I will work up a sample menu, and see if you and Martin agree."

  "Now, you remember that we're paying for the food, Catherine," she reminded her.

  "I do indeed, Maeve. I'm a woman of my word. Now your dress is set, but will you have attendants?"

  It took Maeve a minute to realize that she hadn't even considered the issue. "I can't believe this, Catherine, but that has slipped my mind completely." She focused for a second and said, "I'd like my boys to give me away, and if she's willing, I'd love to have Ryan stand up for me."

  "Oh, I can't imagine she wouldn't be willing," Catherine said, "but I have a feeling she doesn't have anything appropriate to wear, given what Jamie's told me about her wardrobe."

  "She has a skirt," Maeve mused. "I gave it to her for Christmas a few years ago. She wore it once, or so she told me," she laughed softly. "Ah well, I'm not going to worry about that. I love her like my own, no matter what she wears."

  Catherine was making notes, and she added one in bold print. Have Jamie find a suitable outfit for Ryan. "Well, it looks like there's just one little detail remaining," she said. "What about a honeymoon trip?"

  "Oh, I don't think we'll be able to do that, Catherine. We have so many expenses…"

  "Would you like to get away for a few days?" the younger woman persisted.

  "Well, yes, I suppose every couple wants to start their lives together away from the concerns of daily life. But we're not teenagers, Catherine. We should just get on with it."

  "I have a suggestion," Catherine said. "It set Jamie and Ryan off on the right foot, and Tommy and Annie seemed to enjoy their time there also."