Troy

by S Kline

  My body goes rigid, and I wish I was close enough to slap him. "You know what Marcus? I don't owe you an explanation!"

  I don't realize how loud I'm speaking until the door burst open, and Troy charges in, a look of pure hatred burning in his icy eyes. My mouth drops open and my hand goes lax as he yanks the phone from my grip. He holds the phone up to his ear, flinching slightly at whatever Marcus is saying. When he speaks his voice is so calm it’s scary.

  "Don't call this number again. I do know where to find you." He hangs up and shoves my phone into his pocket.

  My eyes widen. Who does he think he is? I stand up and shove his shoulders, hard. It barely moves him, and by the look of shock on his handsome face, he has no idea why I just shoved him.

  “You can't just come in here," I shove him again, his eyes going wide. "Jerk my phone away," I shove a little harder. "And hang up on my best friend before pocketing my phone."

  This time when I try to shove him he catches my wrist in his warm grasp. It doesn't hurt but it’s enough to let me know he's in control, and he's serious.

  "Don't shove me away from you, Kace. I told you that I didn't want you talking to him."

  His words are forced out around his clenched teeth, and irritation is vibrating in the air between us.

  "You don't get to decide that!" I shout at him, and immediately regret it when Sean steps into the room to see what's going on.

  I flick my gaze between the two of them as Troy holds Sean's gaze. Sean nods his head to the door, and Troy releases me, stepping away and leaving the room. He still has my phone! I make to follow him, but I'm stopped by a firm grip on my forearm. I look up into Sean's brown-green gaze. Looking at him in this softly lit room I can see the resemblance everyone claims belongs to my father.

  "Let go of me Sean."

  He shakes his head and leads me into the room before sitting me on the bed with enough force to make me comply, but not enough to hurt me. What is with all of the manhandling? He bends down in front of me without breaking eye contact.

  "What was that about Kacie?"

  I shake my head. "I don't see how that's your concern."

  "Humor me. I just want to make sure you're okay."

  "I'm fine." I spit the words out at him harshly.

  "Clearly." He chuckles, but his humor at the situation only fuels my anger.

  "You can leave too." I cross my arms over my chest.

  "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. So if you want me to leave you better start talking."

  I huff and flop back. I don't know why he does this. Every time I have a problem, here comes Sean trying to fix things. I don't get it. I barely know him. "Why does it matter to you?"

  "It just does." His words are clipped, deliberate, and purposeful. Everything he does is with purpose. Just like every other time he's came to me trying to fix my problems, I find myself spilling everything.

  "Troy doesn't want me to be friends with Marcus."

  "I understand that."

  I sit up and my eyes narrow in disgust. "What is wrong with Marcus? What did he do that makes the two of you dislike him so much?"

  "Let's just say Marcus isn't who you think he is."

  "I don't accept that answer!"

  "Too bad, it’s the only one you're getting."

  I roll my eyes and flop back down. "You can't choose my friends and neither can Troy."

  "Why can't you just trust that Troy is doing what he believes is best for you?"

  This draws my attention and I find my head lifting to meet his concerned gaze. "If he doesn't explain it then how can I trust him?"

  "If you can't trust him then you shouldn't be with him at all."

  The thought of not having him causes me physical pain. My stomach tightens and my chest aches.

  As if Sean can read my thoughts he nods. "That's what I thought."

  "I just want to know what he thinks he's protecting me from."

  "Then you need to talk to him about it, but you need to chill the fuck out first. Troy is just as new to this relationship as you are."

  I let that sink in. He's right, and I hate that he's right. I nod and rest my arms behind my head.

  "Let him calm down. I'm sure he will be back in to apologize. You have that boy so fucking whipped."

  I try to hide the smirk his words cause, and fail miserably. I don't understand why Troy has chosen me, but I can't pretend I don't love that he has.

  "Get some sleep, kiddo." Sean stands and starts to head toward the door.

  I watch him walk away, but suddenly I'm thinking that I have somehow remained oblivious to something that’s been right in front of me my whole life. Sean Rian.

  Is it simply coincidence that he looks so much like my father? Is it simply in his nature to always check on me when he thinks I'm upset, or is there more to it? It's no secret that my father has had affairs, but if Sean is my half-brother, why would he be kept away from mamma and me? Why would he be living in a rundown house with his mamma instead of the mini-mansion we live in with my father?

  These things don't add up to me, which is why I have always ignored the lingering suspicions. However, in the light of what happened tonight, I'm not sure I can keep up the denial. There is so much of my father in Sean, not only in his looks, but his very mannerisms as well.

  I sigh and lay back once again. I listen as the wind outside picks up, aggressively shaking the windows and breezing harshly through the cracks. Thunder begins to rumble in the distance, and I wonder if that's some kind of an omen of what's to come.

  I remember Dad's sadness as he had relayed the news to us of Troy’s mother’s passing, but I had never met Troy or his mother. So even though I felt sad for them I had no idea how bad it really was for him. I didn’t meet Troy until I was twelve, and had no idea what his life was like before then.

  I shift onto my side and look at the bright green numbers on the digital alarm clock. It's just after nine in the evening. My eyelids are heavy and I yawn my exhaustion into the quiet space. The horrific events of the past few days must finally be catching up with me, because I'm having a really hard time keeping my eyes open.

  I wish I had Troy's warm arms wrapped securely around me. I want to feel the warmth of his strong body cuddling into me. He's so viral, so alive, so safe. How can I tell him about my dreams to leave this life? I know that I need to, but what will he think? He's supposed to lead this family, and he will do an amazing job of it. But this is not what I want. I want a real family. I want a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. I don't want violence, sex, and drugs to be an everyday occurrence in the lives of my children.

  Growing up in this organization is hard. I let my eyes fall to the window on the other side of the room. And why am I thinking of having a family with Troy? It's a bit soon for thoughts like that, isn't it? So why can't I stop picturing a little boy with his father’s mop of dark hair, piercing eyes, and a roguish grin? My eyelids slide closed and I'm lulled to sleep by the coming storm that's festering outside.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Troy

  We sit in a giant circle, just looking at each other. My fists are clenched tightly at my side, and I'm mentally begging Kane to say something that will piss me off so I can plow my fist through his face. Kaci's cell phone is still in my back pocket, and after ignoring it the first two times Marcus’s ringtone blared to life I finally just put it on vibrate. And wasn't that just too damn cute? Marcus had his own special little ringtone. I only knew this because Ronan had called her once and "My little Girl" played over the speaker then, making my chest tight.

  I ignored his call, figuring it best if I didn't answer his daughter's cell phone while he is already so pissed at me. I run a hand roughly through my hair, and flick my gaze between Kane, Sean, and Dylan. The woman we tied up is somewhere behind me, but I refuse to meet her heated stare, even though I can still feel its caress on my back.

  I shouldn't have gone off on Kaci like that. Regret settles low in my stom
ach as I think of our heated words earlier. I went back in there to apologize, but when I peeked into the room she was fast asleep, her chest rising and falling with her even breaths.

  I don't want to fight with her about Marcus, but how can I tell her what kind of guy he really is? Knowing what he's done would ruin the way she sees him, and I'm torn between wanting her to know, and just wanting her to trust me on this. How fucking rich is that? I want her to trust me, but I'm keeping the biggest secret of all.

  I have no idea how to even begin telling her about Addie. I can't bear the thought of her walking away from me now. What the hell would I do? Go back to pointless sex with random women to fill the void? I shake my head softly at the thought. Like that would even be possible. How could I go back to that after I've tasted heaven?

  I feel a hand clasp my shoulder and look up to be met with Dylan's concerned gaze. I just shake my head, not ready to explain the way I'm feeling. This night has gone completely to hell. Kaci is mad at me, Ronan is seriously pissed, and Ardon is planning my wedding.

  My stomach churns at the thought of my life being planned for me. My phone call with Ronan had revealed more information than I had anticipated. It was supposed to be a simple call to fill him in on our progress here, but with Addie telling the whole fucking world about our baby…

  I hold a fist tightly against my stomach as it heaves and acid rises in my throat. I confessed my feelings for Kaci to Ronan. As if he would be able to magically solve my problems with Ardon.

  Fuck. I can still hear Ronan's angry voice in my head, the deep sounds of his verbal intensity. Ronan’s anger is not a pleasant thing to experience. Like Sean, Ronan doesn't get angry easily. The only silver lining I can see on the horizon is Ronan's declaration to talk to Ardon about the wedding. Ronan understands that it will only make things worse in the long run. But what if he can't get through to him?

  Will I really be forced into a loveless marriage? What about Kaci?

  I stand quickly, my chair grinding roughly against the wooden floors with my movements, and rush outside just as the vomit pours from between my lips and paints the wildflowers under the porch.

  Once it starts I can't seem to make it stop. My gut clenches and empties its contents over and over again, until I'm leaning against the side of the cabin, sweat coating my skin, and dampening my shirt. I run a hand through my hair and it sticks up with the sweat coating the strands.

  Movement at the corner of my eye draws my gaze up to Dylan. His arms are crossed over his chest; his usually carefree expression is stern. I heave a sigh knowing there is no way to prevent this conversation. Stern Dylan is a force to be reckoned with, and he just saw me lose it. I weakly shrug my shoulder at him, not knowing what to say or how to get the words out.

  His expression doesn't change as he pulls a baggie from his back pocket. It pops open, and he lifts a joint from inside before sticking it between his lips. He closes the baggie back up, and returns it to his pocket. Next he pulls out a lighter and gently puffs until the end is burning steadily, and the scent is drifting in the breeze. It's only now I register the rain pouring onto the ground just beyond the roof of the porch.

  Dylan walks over and plops himself down next to me before pulling in another deep puff and angling his head toward me. His eyes hold my gaze as he lifts the joint from his lips and holds it out to me. I take it and puff greedily at the end. I need this escape right now. I need to let my mind relax so I can sort through the chaotic mess of thoughts residing in there.

  "Don't feed me bullshit, Troy. What has you running out here and puking all over the baby sunflowers?"

  I lift a brow and chuckle as I inhale another deep breath laced with pot. "Baby sunflowers?" I chuckle a little louder.

  "Quit avoiding and answer my question."

  I sober up at his curt tone, and pull in another puff. "Ardon is planning my wedding."

  Dylan doesn't even try to hide his shock at my statement. His mouth pops open, eyes widening, and his hands reach up to grip at his hair. "You're serious?"

  I can only nod, my stomach clenching once again.

  "Damn, Troy. I don't know what to say.”

  ”There isn't really anything you can say, D." The words come out harsher then I intend, but he doesn't comment on my current attitude. He gets it. "What about Kaci, D?"

  I have no problem letting Dylan see this vulnerable side of me. It's not the first time he's seen me this way, and it probably won't be the last. He runs his hands over his face, his mouth opening and closing as if to speak, but he remains silent. A sarcastic laugh bubbles up from my throat.

  "Fucking figures. I finally get the girl, and I'm going to lose her just as quickly." My eyes burn, and my throat constricts at the words coming from my lips. "I can't lose her, D."

  Dylan grips my shoulder, and shoves slightly until I look back up at him. "You won't man. I mean you might, for a bit, but she'll come back. She has to."

  I don't try to hold back the menacing laugh this time. "Come back to what, D? I'll be fucking married!" The anger at Ardon's demands begins to boil over the agony I feel at the thought of losing Kaci.

  "Ronan won't let that happen."

  I shake my head, unsure of what my next move should be. I did this to myself. I just had to fuck Addie. I couldn't walk away from a flashy piece of pussy. I did this. "Fuck, D!" I grip the railing in front of me so tightly that my knuckles turn white.

  Not having the answers I need Dylan chooses to remain silent beside me. Somehow he always knows when I need to just think. I finish off the joint quickly; thankful Dylan hadn't even tried to take it back from me.

  "What am I supposed to do, D?" My voice cracks with the emotion boiling inside of me. What am I supposed to do?

  "Kaci doesn’t know about any of this yet, right?" I nod in affirmative, not sure where he is going with this. "Just enjoy this time with her then."

  I lift a brow as I stare into his sincere green eyes. "This could very well be the only time you get to spend with her like this. I can't lie and say that when you get back she will stay by your side." Dylan runs a hand over his jaw and regards me.

  My chest squeezes painfully in my chest, collapsing in on itself at the thought of her. "We both know Kaci better than that, Troy. She will find out about the baby, the wedding, and she will run as far away as she can get."

  This isn't fucking helping! I think I might be sick again. Understanding the misery in my expression Dylan squeezes my shoulder slightly before he continues. "But right now, she's yours. Just let her be yours, Troy."

  The thought of her not being mine has my heart shattering in my chest, parts of it slipping away, lost forever to the only woman I will ever love.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Troy

  We stand on the porch a few minutes longer, silently watching the storm pick up its pace. The smell of rain mixes with the fresh scent of flowers that still lingers in the air. When Dylan turns to head inside I reluctantly follow. I still don't know what I'm supposed to do, but after my discussion with Dylan I feel a little more in control.

  We step inside and let the door clang loudly shut behind us. Sean lifts a brow over his narrowed gaze, and I know he's heard everything, or at least enough to catch the gist of what's going on. I flick my gaze around the room and notice both Kane and the woman have nodded off to sleep. The cuts on Kane's chest are an ugly sight, but are no longer bleeding.

  I reach deep inside myself, searching for some kind of remorse at having caused him pain, but I come up empty. There’s nothing there. I would do it again without a second’s hesitation. What kind of man does that make me? What kind of father will it make me?

  I turn my gaze back to Sean as Dylan flops down on the ratted sofa. It squeaks in protest under his weight.

  "So you’re just not going to tell her?" Sean's deep voice is even colder than usual, giving way to his disapproval of Dylan and my plan.

  I can only nod as the sudden urge to be with Kaci overwhelms me. I ignore whateve
r else is being said as Dylan and Sean start bickering with each other, and walk back toward the bedroom where I know she is sleeping.

  I open the door slowly, cursing under my breath as it creaks and groans. When I step inside I'm left with the task of trying to close it as quietly as I managed to open it. I turn to stare at Kaci's still sleeping form. The soft light from the bedside lamp casts shadows over her gorgeous face.

  There isn't a woman on this planet that comes close to being as beautiful as she is. I rub absently at my chest as I watch her. I slip off my shoes, tug my shirt over my head, and rummage through the duffle for toothpaste. Not wanting to step back out, I squeeze a small amount on my finger and rub it over my teeth and tongue.

  When I'm done I wipe the excess off on my discarded t-shirt, not caring if it stains. I leave my jeans on as I turn off the lamp and climb onto the tiny bottom bunk and snuggle into her. She molds to me perfectly and I can't resist breathing in her soft scent.

  What will I do without this? I never realized how cold my life was, but the thought of returning to it now is like a knife twisting into my soul. This girl right here, wrapped tightly against my chest, she is the only thing I need to survive. So what happens when I lose her? I'll fucking die.

  My body might still function, but it will be an empty vessel. If I consider my actions cold now, what will it be like when I lose what's left of my soul? Kaci sighs and the soft sound washes over me as she turns to snuggle into my chest.

  I love her. The thought is both cathartic and soul-shattering. I've fucked up everything. This is the woman I should be sharing my life with. I feel a warm tear roll down my cheek as I look into the face of what my future should be. A future that fate has cruelly allowed me to experience only to have it painfully yanked away.

  I can't do this to her. I can't give her anymore of me only to have her leave me. I already feel like I'm shattering inside. I let the silent tears roll down my face as I squeeze her tiny frame tightly against my chest. I have to save what I can of a heart that belongs entirely to Kaci.