Love Notes

by Heather Gunter

“I don’t see Saturday night being a problem, Charlie. Talk to him and let me know.” Mom says.

  I feel so happy, and no amount of negativity is going to kill this mood I’m in. At least, so I think….

  My dad chooses that exact moment to walk in the door. I wonder what’s taken him so long to come in. “Sorry,” he says. “I was on the phone with the office. I may have to go back in later.” A little anti-climactic, but I can take that.

  The exact moment we sit down to eat my mom decides to bring up Maverick coming to dinner. “We are having a guest for dinner one night this weekend. A male guest.”

  Subtle, thanks Mom.

  I see my dad’s eyes perk up.

  Holy shit on a stick. “Oh, and who is this guy?” he asks.

  I instantly start sweating profusely. My hands make their way under the table, and I’m nervously ringing them like a dish rag.

  “Well, his name is Maverick, and he’s a quarterback for the football team.” Before I can go any further, my dad starts laughing at me. I feel my cheeks start to heat up, and my stomach clenching before falling to the floor.

  “Why would a football player want to date you? Charlie, you are truly kidding yourself,” he chuckles.

  I glance at my mom for help, but she avoids all eye contact with me as she looks down at the table.

  The table. Really? I decide to speak up a little. “I don’t think I am. I really don’t. He seems to really like me.”

  My dad continues laughing, “Well Charlie, I really should say no, but you know what? That’s fine. Let’s have the boy over, and you’ll see. You will see what a ridiculous fool you really are.”

  I make a desperate plea to my mom.

  “Mom, you don’t really think this do you? Do you think I’m a joke?”

  I get nothing from her. She’s like a statue. Who does this? I know this can’t be how all parents are. They can’t. When she doesn’t answer, I stand up, deposit my plate in the kitchen and head off to my room–all the while desperately trying to hold back the tears, until I’ve made it into the safety of room.

  Chapter 18-Charlie

  My eyes are glued shut, making it even more difficult for me to wake up. I feel like I need a crow bar, just to pry them open. My thoughts instantly drift to the conversation with my parents last night, and the tears that caused my nasty crusted eyes.

  Mixed feelings fall to the pit of my stomach and I’m second guessing myself already. Everything I felt so confident about last night, now seems uncertain.

  I drag myself out of bed before anyone can scream and holler at me. I don’t need that first thing in the morning. Last night was more than enough.

  I pick out my clothes, just like I always do, mindful of my weight. Carefully I apply my makeup, taking a critical look at myself in the mirror. I’m as satisfied as I can be, looking the way I do.

  I quietly walk in to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and hope to avoid all confrontation. Unfortunately, I spot my dad sitting at the bar, in his trademark spot, coffee in hand with the newspaper. My mom is standing at the stove, in her bathrobe. I see her stiffen when she hears me, but she doesn’t turn.

  The minute I walk in, he lifts his head up from that damn paper, and smirks at me before, dropping his head back down to continue his reading. I don’t speak, I’ve already said enough.

  I grab my breakfast of choice, a bagel. I decide to grab and go–no toaster, no cream cheese. I can’t stand another minute in his house any longer then I have to be. As if he can sense my weakness, my dad decides to speak. I don’t turn around. I just stand there, waiting to hear his cut. Because I know, that’s all it ever is. I expect it. One more dig.

  “Charlie, try not to embarrass yourself with this boy today.”

  I don’t respond. I just start to walk to the front door so I can escape. I need air, and I feel like I’m suffocating. The moment I’m outside, I crouch down, head between my legs, with my hands on my knees and take a deep breath. I slowly stand up and start to walk over to Lexie.

  I think between being in that house and my feeling of what to expect when I arrive at school is weighing heavily on me. I want to believe what my dad says isn’t true. It’s the not knowing.

  How will he react when he sees me? Was this all a dream I conjured up? Deep down I know it all happened exactly as I remember in my head.

  I climb into my Jeep and close the door and start her up, placing my beloved iPod into its cradle and turn it on. The moment the music is flowing through the speakers, I start to feel a tad bit better. Breathe Me by Sia starts to play, and I take a moment just to feel. Her deep throaty voice and the words to the song have so much meaning in them and resonate inside me.

  “Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before, hurt myself again today.”

  These words touch a place inside my soul.

  I quickly glance at the clock and notice that more time has passed then I originally first thought. I sigh, and make my five minute drive to school.

  I arrive and pull into my parking spot and immediately spot Maverick waiting for me leaning up against his very cool, black 1969 Camaro. He'd told me, he and his dad restored it together, and I could tell it means a lot to him. It’s sweet. I'll give him that, and it fits him to a T. Maverick had a huge grin that spreads from ear to ear as soon as he spots my Jeep. I love how happy he looks the moment he catches sight of me.

  Seeing him waiting for me erases all of my earlier doubt. I’m still sad, but seeing him took some of my sadness away.

  I step out of Lexie as soon as I park, and my feet take me directly to him. We kind of meet in the middle. It’s as if we can’t stand to be apart, like a huge magnet is pulling us together, all of the time.

  “How’s my girl this morning?” he asks.

  Lord, that has a nice ring to it, and makes my insides to do crazy things.

  “Fine,” I say. “How do you feel about dinner with the parentals on Saturday night? Worried at all?”

  Maverick looks excited, of course I’m not. I mean, I’m excited to spend time with him, but I’m thinking more along the lines of impending doom. I decide to try and make this as light as possible and treat it as no big deal.

  Who knows, it might not be? I’m only fooling myself.

  “Haha Charlie, I’m not worried at all, didn’t you get the memo? I’m a catch.”

  “Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?” I tease.

  His joking manner stops suddenly and turns serious. “Charlie, I’m not worried because when you want to be with someone, you will do everything in your power to make it happen. I will have dinner with your parents tomorrow night, and they will love me. Do you know why?”

  All I could do was shake my head.

  “Because all it will take is to have dinner with me for one evening, to see that I am completely and utterly lost and crazy about their daughter, and that I would never, ever do anything to hurt her.”

  Little does he know the secrets I hide and want kept hidden. So I pretend.

  I couldn’t respond with words, so I showed him instead.

  “Maverick, I’m going to kiss you now.” In this moment, I don’t give a shit who sees us, and I don’t have a care in the world except the two of us.

  I gaze up at him feeling a little bit self-conscious and can tell that he knows this is huge for me. A pivotal moment for us, but especially for me. His beautiful blue eyes are on me, searing into me. I take complete control, even though I’m nervous as hell. I place my small hands on each side of his face and pull it down towards me. He lets me take full control, keeping his hands at his sides, letting me set the pace and I love every second of it.

  I start out slow, needing my feelings to be felt by him without saying any words. I want to savor this kiss. I start brushing my lips against his softly then part my lips more, letting my tongue lick his lips. He opens his mouth wider for me and lets me gain access. My tongue brushes his, and the tempo starts to get more frantic in our kiss. I swear my mouth was
made for his. He groans against my lips and that set’s me off even more. I try to remind myself that we are in the school parking lot. I slow it down and trace my tongue around his lips and end the kiss all the while rubbing his roughened cheek with my thumb.

  I lean my forehead against his, trying to control my rapidly beating heart, and try desperately to slow my breathing down.

  “Lord have mercy, what you do to me Charlie,” he says.

  I can’t help the blush that creeps up on my cheeks, and I knew he would notice, he always does. “I also love how I can make you blush,” he says.

  Instead of getting embarrassed again, I giggle and lightly smack him on the arm. “All right Mav, we better get going and quit putting on a show for the senior parking lot. I’m already the talk of the school.”

  He stops abruptly and pulls me to him. “I like putting on a show. It lets everyone know that you’re mine, and you are taken.”

  Before I can stop myself I say, “I seriously don’t think you need to worry about that. I’m not exactly a prime catch. I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about anybody trying to “steal” me away.”

  He has a disapproving look on his face when he replies, “Why do you do that?”

  “What?” I play innocent.

  “Why do you put yourself down? I hate it, and I hate to tell you, but you are completely wrong about yourself. You don’t see what I do. The guys all check you out. You’re so different from every other girl in this school, it’s such a relief. All the guys see you as a girl with a perfect body, beautiful dark blue eyes that I could look into forever and a face to match. Do me a favor Charlie, and quit talking about yourself in this way because it seriously pisses me off!”

  I stand there a little stunned. This was a first, to witness Maverick get upset. “I will try, okay? That's all I can offer right now. This is all so new to me.” I wave my arms back and forth indicating the two of us.

  What he doesn't understand, is that I still can't believe that this is real. That this guy actually likes me. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror, let alone a guy like Maverick thinking of me as pretty–more than pretty. I can't escape how I feel about myself and automatically forget everything that I’ve dealt at home, just because some hot guy shows interest in me. I’m trying, but it isn't easy and it still feels like a dream that I could wake up from, at any moment.

  He takes a step closer and finally breathes out heavily, leaning his forehead against mine. “I'm sorry if I upset you. I just hate how you see yourself. If that’s what you can offer, than that’s all that I ask. For now.”

  I quickly change the subject. “We had better go Mav.”

  Yeah, I did it. I went below the belt and used his nickname that he likes so much to help lighten the mood. The bell rings right then, and it’s time to get to class.

  Who knew? Saved by the bell.

  Chapter 19-Charlie

  Tonight is the night, and I’m scared out of my mind, but also giddy as hell at the prospect of actually being able to be a couple. We are already, but I mean the fact of being able to go out, out–like on a real date is amazing.

  I decide to use some of my pent up energy and call Tori. She’ll know exactly what to say, plus she can help decide on the perfect outfit for tonight. She’s the perfect person to ask. The girl has major style. No sooner does it start ringing when she answers with, “Charlie what are you wearing?”

  I swear this girl knows me so well already. “I was kind of hoping you could help me there, oh wise one in the fashion department.” I can hear her laughing through the phone.

  “Well seeing as how your closet content hasn’t changed since yesterday when I was over, I know we are limited.”

  Yes, Tori was able to come over for a little while to study yesterday afternoon. Only because my dad was working late, and it was school oriented. “Haha Tori, you are so funny, I forgot to laugh!”

  “All joking aside, Charlie, you have an amazing figure that I would kill for, so I would wear your charcoal gray skinny jeans, black boots and that cranberry colored off the shoulder sweater with your black tank underneath it.”

  “Now see I never would have thought of that. How do you do that?” I ask.

  She smirks into the phone, “It’s a gift I tell ya, do you feel better now?”

  “Yeah,” I respond. “How did you know I needed you to calm my nerves?”

  “Well you see,” she starts, “We’re twin sisters, separated at birth.”

  “Smart ass,” I tell her laughing.

  She accomplishes what I need her to. I’m now calm. Strike that. I’m calmer. I know what to wear, and I’m feeling so much more confident than I did before. We hang up, and before I know it, it’s about time for Maverick to arrive.

  I hear the door-bell ring, and run to answer it. I sure don’t want my dad doing it. I’m hoping against hope that he will be on his best behavior. Now don’t get me wrong, he will try and get a dig in here and there, that I know. But I just hope it will not be to the extent, that it is normally. Not with company. He would never want to tarnish his name completely.

  I see Maverick standing there looking so incredibly handsome wearing dark jeans with a long sleeved plaid shirt, with the sleeves rolled up on his arms. I notice his arms right off the bat. He has strong muscled arms that lead to an even more muscular chest. His shirt fits him snugly and hugs his perfect frame. As my gaze travels to his face, I can’t help but smile. He takes my breath away. In his hand he holds two bouquets of flowers.

  “You little charmer,” I say underneath my breath before I swing the door open.

  The minute I open the door I see his eyes widen. He starts at the bottom of my boots and makes his way up me very slowly. It almost feels like a caress. His eyes then begin to rove up to the waist of my jeans and even slower still, to my shoulders. Oh, he likes the sweater. I’m smiling and giving Tori a high five telepathically. Man, I would be lost without her. Then I hear the words that no one has ever been uttered to me before, except by him. “You are so beautiful.”

  I’m so taken aback that I quietly muster a quiet, “Thank you.” I mentally shake myself, “You don’t look so bad yourself, you know.”

  Just then my mom and dad walk up to the door, “I thought I heard the door bell,” my dad says.

  I watch my mom as she takes in Maverick’s appearance. I don’t think she expected me to be with someone so good-looking, because her eyes widen.

  My dad on the other hand is thinking, “Yep it’s a joke. Can’t wait for the punch line.”

  I can see it clearly written across his face.

  I make the introductions, and take a seat in the living room. “Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.”

  While my mom walks back into the kitchen to finish dinner, my dad then takes the opportunity to start asking about football. It’s twenty questions, but I sit there, and just take it all in and listen. Before I know it, Mom is telling us that dinner is ready.

  As we start serving ourselves, my dad takes the opportunity to say, “Charlie not too much now.” I know where this is leading, and in no way, shape, or form, is this good. “Charlie’s such a good eater Maverick, that we’re missing some of the silverware.” Dad jokes.

  I cringe and feel like I’m dying inside.

  My face has never been as red as it is in this moment. I glance down, and don’t want to ever look up again. I don’t want Maverick to think horribly of me. Since I’m sitting across from him, he’s too far away to touch me, but I do feel a foot nudge mine. I take a chance, and glance up at him. What I see isn’t pity, it’s anger. He looks as if he is ready to snap. His jaw is clenched tight, and his hands have formed a fist. They are fisted so tight that they are starting to turn white from the strain.

  I glance quickly at my mom and notice that her head is bent over, staring intently at her dinner, offering no amount of support. The normal routine for her. Why should I ever expect anything different?

  All of the sudden
Maverick, showing a crap load of restraint and looking my dad directly in the eye, quietly says, “I think Charlie is perfect just the way she is.”

  I didn’t expect him to say anything, and I think my dad is just as shocked as I am. I hear my mom clear her throat and attempt to change the subject.

  They start talking about mundane things, and I’m really not listening. I’ve lost my appetite, so I just sit there until I can finally get up. I can tell that Maverick is just humoring them with conversation, and he’s still not happy.

  He keeps stealing looks at me. I can tell he senses the change in me. I’m just biding my time until I can get up from this God forsaken table.

  Finally, dinner comes to an end. My dad makes the excuse of working in his study, which I feel so grateful for, and Mom chooses to go to bed early.