Love Notes

by Heather Gunter

  I turn to Tori and give her a hug. I whisper to her, “Thanks for today.” I don’t have to explain, she knows what I mean.

  I walk over to Will and give him a hug and say only this, “She feels.” He looks surprised and a little startled at first, but then I think he gets it as he hugs me back. I’m probably over stepping my boundaries, no, I know I am, but I can’t help myself. She’s my friend, my best friend and I want her happy.

  I watch her walk to her car, making sure she makes it safely inside before we turn to leave only to see Will doing the same exact thing.

  “So, where are you taking me?” I ask. The only answer I receive is a laugh and then a, “You’ll see.”

  “You know I hate surprises, right?” He looks at me with concern, “Really?”

  Then I realize I’ve never had a surprise before, or been surprised for that matter. “Actually, I’ve never had anyone surprise me with anything before, now that I think about it.”

  He just looks at me, “Well then, we will need to rectify this, because you definitely deserve surprises.”

  We sit in silence the rest of the way, not uncomfortable, far from it. I just think about him and about us and then my mind drifts to home. How different I am when I’m at home and from when I’m with Maverick. Like night and day.

  “Okay, we’re here.” I glance around and notice that we’re at his favorite spot at the lake. Even better, I see a canopy set up with a lantern hanging from it. Sitting underneath, is a blanket and basket.

  I turn and look at him, “When did you have the chance to do this?” He looks at me mischievously, “I’ve my ways, don’t you worry.”

  He gets out and comes around to my door and opens it. He leads me to the blanket and we sit down.

  “So you know Charlie, the choir program is around homecoming, right?”

  Truth be told, I never gave it much thought. I vaguely remember it being discussed, but considering I haven’t ever been to a dance before or been invited to one, it doesn’t surprise me.

  He nervously looks at me. “I would really, really love it, if you would go with me.”

  A feeling of surprise, but then giddiness takes over. There’s no thinking on my part. I throw my arms around his neck and start kissing him, while he’s chuckling at me. In between laughing he asks, “Is that a yes?”

  I spit out a yes and resume kissing him and his laughter dies away leaving him moaning into my mouth.

  How do you tell someone that you love them, without words? You show them, right? At least that’s what my brain is telling me. My heart starts to hammer in to my chest. I want to show him how much he means to me and I’m nervous as hell.

  I slowly pull back and look at him. His ocean blue eyes and his beautiful face and see only love for me, plainly written across his face. This guy that made me feel for the first time in my life, loves me.

  “I love you.” I whisper.

  I don’t give him a chance to respond back, because I resume kissing him. I start to unbutton his shirt just wanting to finally feel his chest and strong arms. I assume he’s going to stop me, but he doesn’t. He lets me, allowing me to take control.

  One sleeve slides off and then the other. I pull back, wanting to see him. I start my appraisal from the chest, that’s ripped, to his strong muscular arms. Not a trace of cockiness is visible, only desire for me. Which is a feeling, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around.

  He’s perfect. I place my hands on his chest and move them down feeling the ridges of his muscles and feel them ripple from my touch and bring them back up, feeling his muscled arms. I hear him sigh, like my touch is what he craves. I gently pull away and start to unbutton my shirt, having never done this before. I want to share this with him. “Charlie, you don’t have too.” I look up at him, “I know Mav, but I want to share this with you.”

  He looks at me intently, watching my every move. I carefully pull my shirt from the bottom of the hem and up over my head. My eyes never leaving his, until the shirt is pulled completely off. The minute it’s gone, I feel exposed, but not in a bad way. Yes, I’m nervous and I can’t help but look down at the ground afraid that he will hate what he sees. “Charlie, look at me.” he says softly.

  I came this far. I breathe out a heavy sigh and look up, directly into his eyes. There, I see no disgust, only pure heat. Heat for me.

  “Charlie, you’re so beautiful, more than I ever imagined.”

  If it’s at all possible, I love him even more.

  He gingerly comes closer and starts to kiss me, ever so softly. He kisses me like I’m a precious thing and breakable. We slowly lay on the blanket, on our side and laying chest to test, kissing sweetly and lightly touching. The feel of his skin on me is overwhelming. His hand running up and down, from my neck down to my wrist, back up to my shoulder and circling my back. I can tell he’s being careful with me, not wanting to push things too far.

  The things his hands are doing to my body, is enough to send my brain into over drive and all he’s doing, is touching my arms and back.

  Deciding to only feel and not think, I start to move his hand to my breast. I know I’m pushing him, but I want, no, I need his touch. This is the first physical experience I’ve ever had in my life. Feeling wanted and loved. I crave it. He lets me place it on me, as he starts to slowly and carefully touch me. Kissing him and this feel of him on me, makes me start kissing him harder. All of a sudden he leans up and hovers over me, careful to keep his weight off me and starts kissing me frantically. Like he’d die without me. I take one arm and wrap it around his neck and yank him down closer, skin to skin with him above me. I feel a bulge pressing into my stomach and it makes me even hotter, knowing that he wants me as much as I want him.

  He starts to move his kisses from my mouth, down to my neck and then even lower. He places small tantalizing kisses to my chest and down on my sternum and then on top of each breast. My breathing is becoming more erratic the lower he goes. The kisses continue down my stomach. Small, sweet kisses that are full of want.

  All of a sudden he pulls back and stops kissing me, panting heavily. “Charlie, the things you do and make me feel. You drive me crazy! I don’t want to move too quickly and I want us to take our time.”

  I lay there, with what I’m sure, is a beat red face, full of embarrassment. There’s so much I want to do with him and show him how I feel. But on the ground, at the lake, is certainly not the place. I can’t believe I did that, I chastise myself.

  “You know I want you, shit, you can feel how much I want ‘you’ . He says with embarrassment. “Don’t ever question that.” He takes his hand and starts to run it along my arm and up, around my neck. Feeling me. He takes a strand of my hair in between his fingers, rubbing it and looks me directly in the eyes. “I love you so damn much Charlie.”

  I can’t ever get enough of hearing those words from him. “I love you too Mav.” I whisper back.

  “I love you and you don’t have to prove it to me, ever. I need you to know that. I can feel it, in here.” He takes my hand and places it on his bare, warm chest directly where his heart is. His heart is beating so fast and knowing I did this to him, makes me feel just a little better.

  He slowly slides away and starts to put his shirt back on. I grab mine and throw it back on as well, knowing this is done for the night. As if sensing my thoughts, Maverick says, “Oh, Charlie, we aren’t done kissing tonight, not by a long shot.”

  And just like that, my mind is eased. How he knew exactly what to say, is beyond me. But he does. He knows me, maybe better than I actually know myself.

  How this guy, this incredibly sweet and honorable guy loves me, I will never know. But he does.

  We spend the rest of our evening eating, talking, laughing and stealing kisses here and there.

  To my happiness he kept his promise. He kissed me until my lips were raw and I loved every minute of it.

  Chapter 24-Charlie

  As soon as we arrive at my house, Maverick leans over, �
�Thank you for tonight and for agreeing to go to homecoming with me.” My only response, is to kiss him on the mouth really quick and open the door. When I turn to close it, I smile and wave good night.

  I know I was abrupt. But sitting in the driveway of my parents house with him, is really not a good idea. Hoping, I don’t disturb anyone and can get into the house as quietly as possible, is all I can pray for.

  I open the door and slide in. Turn around to close it and praying it doesn’t click loudly when it’s shut.

  “Where the hell have you been?” My dad yells from behind me.

  I turn around, completely startled, “I told mom I was going to the football game and that Maverick would be bringing me home.”

  I shut and lock the door, not having to worry about the noise anymore. Clearly. I walk into the house completely, walk into the light and see him standing there sneering.

  “Why does your hair look like you’ve been doing more than watching a game?”

  “Shit!” is all that runs through my brain.

  “Charlie, what? Are you whoring yourself out now, to the first boy that pays you any attention? Just wait. You give it to him and guess what’s going to happen? He’s going to leave your stupid, fat ass and dump you. You’ll be the laughing stock at your school. This is rich. What I can’t understand, is why in the hell, he would want to be with you? This baffles me. Unless, he sees you as an easy screw?”

  I quietly respond with, “It’s not like that.” my voice trembles. It’s never good to ever respond, when he’s on a rampage. I’m so stupid. I should have kept my mouth shut and just took it, like I always do.

  “What did you just say? It’s not like that? Is that what you really believe? If you truly believe that, then you are in for a major eye opener. Mark my words. He’s going to use you and spit you out. And you will only have yourself to blame. Just like your damn mother.”

  “I’m sorry?” I ask, with shaky breath, not sure I heard the last part.

  He must’ve not wanted to repeat the last part, because he acts like he doesn’t hear me. “Get out of my face and get you’re fat ass to bed. Slut.” I refuse to let him see me cry and give him the satisfaction.

  I walk quickly to my room, without running and shut and lock my door. Tears begin to fall and I fall asleep with two words being replayed in my mind over and over.

  Chapter 25-Charlie

  It’s been a month since the blowout with my dad. Things have been perfect at least where Maverick’s concerned. We have a routine and things could not be better. Maverick has practice regularly and I attend his games, cheering him on.

  Tori is the very best kick ass friend I could ever ask for. When I told her about going to homecoming with Maverick, she didn’t seem surprised at all. She was happy and elated and we spent an afternoon dress shopping together. Tori’s going dateless and we’ll just all hang together at the dance. I almost brought up the possibility of Will and Tori going together. Almost.

  We have a complete blast in choir. I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard. Not a day goes by when we practice that Maverick doesn't tell me how good I am.

  The ‘bitches’ still give me some grief, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. I still catch sneering looks and nasty comments from time to time when Tori and I walk by. Nothing is ever said, while I’m walking with Maverick, of course. That would just show how incredibly awful they truly are. Tori is always first to step in and say something, when we're passing them. She is my all-time cheerleader.

  At home things have taken a turn for the worse, as if it wasn’t bad enough before. My mom seems to be more stoic if at all possible and I really don’t know why. I’m hoping she’ll snap the hell out of it, but I'm not holding my breath.

  It’s a very lonely existence in that house–my version of hell.

  My dad has become even more degrading with his comments, especially when I told him that Maverick had asked me to homecoming. I received an all out laugh out of him and I believe it was a Carrie reference that went along with it. Every comment is always about Maverick and me. Always mean and always cutting. I would never confront him, because I think he would actually flip out. So I just deal with it. It’s become somewhat easier taking it, only because I know that I have Maverick. I don’t tell anyone what goes on, but knowing that he’s there, helps. Some days are worse than others though, and I can handle it okay most of the time. However, there are those days that I lose it, but only ever in the privacy of my own room. I refuse to let that man see me cry anymore.

  I’ve had Maverick over some and we go to the movies and dinner from time to time but the majority of our time together is actually spent at school. Between going to school, Maverick’s football and choir practice, there's not a lot of time.

  I can’t say I will ever get used to the attention that I garner from being with Maverick. I probably never will. He’s smoking hot and popular and just an overall good guy. He makes me laugh like no other, well maybe other than Tori. That chick is some serious funny.

  How is it that everything can seem to be so perfect and then all of a suddenly stop being so? In a quick blink of an eye it changes with no warning? Just when I was so incredibly happy, my world stopped being perfect.

  Chapter 26-Charlie

  It was an early evening and it had been raining on and off all day. We had hopes that the rain would let up for the game; however it had just started trickling again.

  I was following Maverick to my house to drop my Jeep off so we could ride together, when the car came out of nowhere. I never saw it coming and I know Maverick didn’t either. The car ran a red light and plowed into the driver's side of Maverick's Camaro.

  In that moment my stomach falls to the floor board and I feel paralyzed.

  Instincts quickly take over and I throw Lexie into park and run to him like a bat out of hell leaving my door hanging wide open. By the time I get to his Camaro it starts raining harder and I’m getting soaked but I don’t care.

  All of my thoughts are on Maverick. Is he okay, is he hurt and is he breathing?

  I just know I can’t lose him; I need him like the air I breath.

  I peek into his passenger side window and notice he has a huge gash on his forehead. I immediately called 911. I feel monotone while talking to the dispatcher. I keep my cool but I have the feeling, as if I’m floating outside of my body.

  I know that this doesn’t look good. His whole driver's side is dented in with the other car still firmly attached to it. There’s no movement from the inside of the other car either. I figure the other driver has to be hurt as well.

  My brain is going a hundred miles a minute. Every scenario known to man is flying through it. But then I quickly chastise myself and say, “He will be fine, because I need him and he needs me, he has to be.”

  Never, have I ever thought about that. It was true though, he needs me as much as I need him.

  I can hear the sirens and know they are almost here. Thank God, please hurry. I’m praying the whole time. Praying that God will keep him safe and everything will be okay.

  As soon as the firemen and paramedics arrive and start working, I know something is wrong. The other driver is easier to get to and he’s immediately put into the ambulance and whisked away. Maverick is still stuck in his car. The firemen has to have the other vehicle moved and use a device I have only ever seen on TV, to get his driver side door opened. I stand watching on the sidelines with tears streaming down my face and soaked to the bone. I don’t feel the cold, but I feel completely numb.

  The minute they pull Maverick out of the car, I let out the breath I don’t realize I’ve been holding. The paramedics immediately start bagging him and helping him to breathe. He isn’t conscious and I’m cared out of my mind.

  One of the fireman starts walking towards me. “Miss, you really need to get out of the rain, you will catch your death out here. You’re soaking wet.” I can’t seem to find my voice to answer him, I just stand there.

  He m
ust have pulled his heavy fireman jacket off of himself, because he places it around my shoulders. It feels like lead, it’s so heavy. I can hear him speaking to another one of his firemen. “I think she’s in shock, we need to get her to the hospital and get her checked out.”

  I don’t remember anything after that. I wake up in a hospital bed in a hospital gown with my mother and Tori sitting in a chair in the sterile smelling room.

  “Maverick, oh my gosh Maverick, how is he? I need to know now.”

  I start to climb out of the bed, when my mother rushes to my side, “No you don’t Charlie, get back in bed and I will find out for you.”

  I know this is awful but I can’t help but think, what in the hell is my mom doing here? It’s the most caring I have seen in her in a very long time, if ever.