With Every Breath

by Niecey Roy

  “You know what I’m talking about.” She clenched her fist on the bag, and ignored that her fingers were ice cold.

  “No. Say it.” He rocked back on his heels and crossed his arms, challenging her with brown eyes she hadn’t stopped dreaming about.

  “Damn you.” The words escaped her mouth before she could reign them in, and she hated the tremor in her voice. And it was nice that her body, her heart, her mind, took this moment to betray her—there were tears in her eyes and the familiar crunch of pain in her chest.

  “I love you.”

  A sob escaped her, and she let the peas fly. They hit him in the head. “Don’t say that to me. Ever. It’s not fair.”

  The bag fell to the floor and he gathered her into his arms. “I’m going to say it. I’ll say it for the rest of my life. I love you, Jaden Miller. I love you with every breath I take, damn it. And I’ll love you whether you love me back.”

  She wedged her hands between them and shoved at his chest, but he wouldn’t let go. “No. You can’t be here. It’s not right.” But she wanted him here. She wanted him to say these words. She shook her head. “I won’t be that person. You’re married.”

  And she was going straight to hell for loving a man who wasn’t hers to love. And he’d be right there with her for coming here and toying with her heart.

  He took her face in his hands and gently forced her to look into his eyes. It was hard to see him through the haze of tears. Why did she have to be so weak? She wasn’t supposed to cry in front of him.

  “I’m not married anymore.”

  She blinked. “But Kensie was in your house. She told me not to call you anymore.”

  “No.” His gaze searched hers as if willing her to believe him. “She shouldn’t have told you that. She and I are over. Our divorce was final last week.”

  It was too much information, the surprise of it overwhelming. For the last two weeks she’d forced herself not to think about him, forced herself to come to terms with the fact they were over, for good, finally. Now this? The back and forth gave her neck pain. And forcing him from her mind was impossible. He was in her thoughts the moment she woke in the morning, he kept her up every damn night, and when she finally did fall asleep, he invaded her dreams.

  “You shouldn’t be here.” She pinched her eyes shut. That didn’t come out right. “I mean, I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

  He hugged her and this time she let him pull her near. She pressed against him, her body limp.

  “I shouldn’t have let you go,” he said into her hair.

  “I don’t know how to do this with you,” she said against his shirt. God, she’d missed the scent of his cologne, missed his arms around her.

  “Please tell me you’re willing to try.” His voice caught, and she swallowed hard. “I know things won’t be easy. I get that our lives are different, believe me.” He eased back, and she looked up to meet his gaze. His brow furrowed. “We’ll be great together, I know it. Give us a chance, Jaden.”

  “I don’t—”

  “I can’t live without you,” he said on a resigned breath, and her heart tripped over itself. “I just...” He sighed and closed his eyes, as if struggling with the words. “I just want a chance, that’s all.”

  Relief and happiness and so many emotions she couldn’t discern swelled inside her heart. These were the words she’d dreamed of, weren’t they? The what-if that had made her hollow inside. And here he was, offering his heart, his love, his everything.

  It hit her like a tidal wave, and she expelled a breath of awe. She rose to her toes and whispered against his lips. “I love you, Cole. I always have.”

  He kissed her, and it was as natural as taking breaths of air. She hadn’t been able to admit how empty she was until this moment, and that realization brought a sense of urgency and need that roared through her.

  “Don’t let me go.” The words were a whispered sigh against his lips, and she sensed the same urgency in him. He groaned against her mouth and lifted her in his arms. He kissed her so thoroughly she was left breathless.

  “Jaden.”

  She opened her eyes, her lips swollen, her breaths heavy. “Yes?”

  “If you don’t tell me how to get to your bedroom, I’m going to rip your clothes off right here in the kitchen and make love to you on this floor.” The taut lines of his face and his clenched jaw told her he wasn’t joking, and the thought of it sent shivers of anticipation straight to her toes.

  Biting on her lower lip, she considered it. “I don’t think I can make it to the bedroom.” Staring him in the eyes, she said, “I want you inside of me. Now.”

  He dropped his mouth to hers and ravished her lips. “This,” he whispered against her mouth. “I want this with you for the rest of my life.”

  She sucked in a breath and shivered under his caress. His heartbeat faded into hers, beating in time as he loved her. There was no way she would ever let this man go. Not again. Not ever.

  EPILOGUE

  A strong gust of wind whistled through the trailer park, and swirled the snow that dusted the ground. Cole rested his head against the headrest, and the radio played Rolling Stones on low. His eyes were closed because if they were open, he’d stare at the front door of Ellie’s trailer. Closing his eyes didn’t keep him from worrying about Jaden inside, though.

  She’d been talking to her mom for about two months now. At first, their conversations were on the phone, strained and quick, with a lot of unspoken feelings. He was there for the first one, in the next room in case she needed him. When she hung up, she hadn’t wanted to talk about it, but there were tears glistening in her eyes, so he held her until she fell asleep. A weaker person might have given up after one call, but Jaden was stronger than that. She’d made her peace with the idea of reconciling with Ellie, and once she decided to do something, she followed through. He loved that about her.

  He couldn’t imagine what it was like; reuniting with someone who’d inflicted so much pain for so many years couldn’t be easy. When Jaden returned to River Bend after her last film shoot, she went to see her mom. The visit was short, and afterward she sat with a pensive, faraway look in her eyes on the drive back to Cole’s. He hadn’t let her go alone—there was no way in hell he’d let her go through something like that alone. This was the third visit. She’d been in there longer than the usual thirty minutes—a good thing, he hoped. Jaden was great at putting on a tough façade when it came to Ellie, but it didn’t mean there weren’t strained emotions tearing her apart inside.

  He was happy he could be here when she needed him—happy she’d given them a chance.

  Their lives had fallen into a comfortable rhythm now that she was finished with filming her television show. She’d been back for two weeks, and had stayed with him every night. Things were falling into place, finally. They were great together—he knew they would be.

  Turning up the radio, Cole smiled. She was great with Micky, too. There were times Cole wasn’t even allowed to play with them; Micky wanted her all to himself.

  His life was so different than it had been a year ago. He never would have imagined being this happy. A love like his parents was something he’d always hoped for, and now that he finally had it, it was hard for him to slow down and take things day by day, one step at a time. If he had his way, there’d be a ring on Jaden’s finger, and they’d be saying their vows. He chuckled—today, even, if she could find the perfect dress.

  Mia told him these things couldn’t be rushed. Okay, so her exact words had been, “There’s no way in hell you’re marrying my best friend without a properly planned wedding!” His little sister wasn’t an event planner to be messed with. He’d take things slow, even if it drove him crazy. He supposed he had forever to work with, and that should be comfort enough.

  The front door of the trailer banged open and Cole straightened in his seat. Jaden stepped out. The smile on her face relaxed him. She turned and hugged her mom, who handed her a covered pie plate bef
ore she shut the door. He shoved the driver’s door open and a blast of cold air rushed him.

  “Hey, let me get the door for you.” He shut the door and hurried around the front of the pickup.

  “Thanks.” She held up the plate. “Mom made us a pie for dinner tonight.”

  “Is that good?” In all of their conversations, she hadn’t mentioned if Ellie could cook. He opened the passenger’s door and took the pie from her so she could climb inside.

  Jaden’s soft laugh was lost in the howl of the wind. “Yes, that’s good. She didn’t ever cook much when I was growing up; she mostly burned macaroni and cheese, but she can cook an apple pie. All from scratch. It’s fantastic.”

  “That’s a relief.” He shut the door and jogged back around the pickup. His cheeks were stiff from the freezing wind by the time he sat behind the wheel. Rubbing his hands together, he glanced over at Jaden putting on her seatbelt. “Everything okay?”

  She nodded and turned the knob on the heat setting to high. “We talked about my grandparents. She’s never said much about them.”

  Cole kept his eyes on the rearview mirror as he reversed out of Ellie’s driveway. “That’s great, right?” He didn’t want to make this new development into a big deal, because he couldn’t tell how she felt about it.

  She shrugged and glanced out the passenger window. “I think so. I know there’s a lot more she hadn’t told me, but we’ll get there.”

  He shifted the pickup into drive, then reached over and took her hand. His arm rested on the console between them. “She seems to be a lot better.”

  Jaden’s smile was contemplative, but hopeful. “Yeah, she is. I agreed to go with her to family counseling. Her psychiatrist thinks it’s a good idea.”

  “Is that what you want?” He braced himself in case he offended her. “I know you want to help her, but don’t let her needs overshadow yours, Jaden.” What he left unsaid was that she’d already done so for too many years with Ellie.

  “Yes, it is what I want.” She squeezed his hand. “I think it will be good for both of us. There’s so much lost time, you know?” Jaden cocked her head in a pensive tilt. “We have a long way to go, but I don’t think either of us knows how to move forward, really. Having someone with experience to guide us will be a good thing.”

  Cole brought her hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her soft skin. “She’s lucky to have you.”

  Jaden’s lips settled into a flirty smile. “And you’re lucky to have me, too.”

  “Not as lucky as you are to have me.” He wiggled his brows at her, and she rolled her eyes with the throaty laugh that always hit him low in the belly and made him think of pillow talk.

  “So what kind of chaos do you think we’ll be walking into when we get to your house?”

  “I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s your fault if it’s bad.” He sent her a stern gaze, which she met with a nose crinkle. “You’re the one who agreed to this post-Turkey-Day-dinner. I was fine with letting that holiday go and moving on to Christmas.”

  “You try telling Mia no when she’s already made plans. Event planner, hello.” Jaden flashed an optimistic grin. “Just think, we get to eat tonight without having to cook. That’s great, right?”

  “Yes, but Mia said she’s cooking the potatoes. You know that mashed potatoes are my favorite part about any holiday.” He sounded pouty, and he was a little. What would he eat with Hillary’s gravy if Mia ruined the potatoes?

  “She’s been practicing,” Jaden said, sounding defensive.

  Cole chuckled. “Okay, I’ll give her potatoes a chance. But is there a backup?”

  Jaden poked him in the side.

  Laughing, he shrugged. “What? I’m serious.”

  Jaden grinned. “Hillary was worried too, so she made an emergency batch of mashed potatoes last night. They’re out in the shop refrigerator. If Mia’s aren’t edible, we’ll swap them out somehow. You’ll be in charge of causing a scene so that can happen.”

  “Sign me up. I’m all for saving the taters.” They turned onto his street and the house came into view. “I thought Mia was okay with missing Thanksgiving, but I guess she loves the holiday more than I thought.”

  Jaden pointed at the house. “Why are the windows open?”

  “And the front door.” Cole parked beside Mia’s car in the driveway instead of pulling down by the shop like he usually did. He threw the pickup into park. “I hope Mia didn’t start a kitchen fire.”

  Because it was a very real possibility, Jaden jumped out of the pickup to hurry to the house after him. When they reached the porch, Micky bounded out of the house, his eyes lit up with excitement. “Daddy, the house is smoky!”

  “Is there a fire truck headed this way?” Cole asked, thinking of all the things he didn’t want to have to replace because of smoke damage.

  Micky covered his mouth and giggled. “No! Trey saved us! Aunt Mia says we could have all conked out.” He patted his head twice, his eyes widening. “From smoke.”

  Cole exchanged an anxious gaze with Jaden over Micky’s head. She passed through the front door and he followed.

  Hillary and Trey stood in front of the fireplace, the wood stacked inside smoking, but no fire. Her hands were propped on her hips, and even though she was at least a foot shorter than his six foot four frame, she stared him down.

  “Hills, I don’t know why you try doing anything without me,” Trey said, a bewildered expression on his face. “I told you to wait.”

  “I’ve managed just fine for twenty-seven years without needing you to tell me how to do things.” She snatched the lighter out of his hand. “I can light a damn fire.”

  He pried the lighter from her fingers. “No, you can’t. Which is why we all almost died of smoke inhalation.”

  “Or maybe I forgot to open the flue because you were nagging at me like an old lady,” she tossed back.

  “I wasn’t nagging you. I was reminding you. It’s not my fault you never listen.” He reached for his beer and waved it in the air. “If you weren’t so busy ignoring me, you would have heard that part.”

  Hillary glared up at him. “Yes, well, I was so tired of listening to you and your girlfriend fawning all over each other, that if I didn’t tune you out, I would have died.”

  “Shelby’s not even here anymore, so I don’t know why it’s necessary for you to bring her up, period.” He took a swig of beer, and swallowed a large drink before he sent her an accusatory stare. “Thanks to you. You didn’t have to be such a bitch to her.”

  Hillary gasped and swiped the lighter from him again. “I wasn’t a bitch. She said irregardless, and that’s not a word. I thought she’d want to know for future reference." She hooked a thumb toward her chest and said, “If it were me, I would want to know that I was saying a ridiculous, made up word.”

  “Not everyone is as smart as you, Hills.” Trey made the mistake of sounding flippant, and Hillary bristled.

  “Whatever. Light the stupid fire already.” She shoved the lighter into his chest and stomped off toward the kitchen.

  “Wait, where are you going?” Trey called after her.

  “I’m going back to the kitchen to cook the food that you’re going to eat,” she said without a backward glance. “You’re welcome.”

  Trey bent to the fireplace, muttering as he shoved scraps of newspaper in between the logs. He lit the paper and nudged at the logs with the poker.

  “Everything okay?” Cole asked. He sent his friend a smirk. “Hills seems happy with you.”

  Trey looked up and shook his head. “I don’t get that woman. She’s always pissed at me.”

  Cole laughed. Trey was clueless, but Cole wasn’t about to enlighten him. The guy would figure it out someday, and if neither of them figured it out, at least they were entertaining to watch.

  Jaden shivered beside him. “It’s not smoky anymore. We should close the windows.”

  “Yeah, I’ll get on that. Watch the fire, would you?” Trey set the
poker back in the rack and left the room. He steered clear of the kitchen and went to the dining room.

  Jaden closed the front door, but left her coat on. “Well, that was fun.” She tweaked Micky’s nose. “And you helped save the day, too, I bet.”

  He gave her a serious nod. “Yup. I told Trey the house was on fire.”

  “Good for you,” Cole said. He sat on the couch with Micky in his lap. “Trey is a fireman and he knows what to do.”

  “Volunteer,” Micky corrected him, and Jaden laughed. She sank into the couch beside them.

  “So, how do you think things are going in there?” Jaden asked, pointing to the kitchen behind them without turning around. “Does it sound like they’re burning our food?”

  Micky shrugged and wiggled out of his dad’s arms. “I dunno. I want to watch Ninja Turtles, Daddy. Okay?” He raced off toward the stairs before Cole could answer.

  Jaden leaned into Cole’s side, and he stuck his arm under her knees to swing her legs over his lap. Snuggling her close under his arm, he leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth. Her lips fell open and he slid his tongue inside to touch hers, and a lick of fire shot down to his loins. It was always this way with her.

  “Maybe we should go out to the shop and make out in the Cutlass until dinner’s ready,” Jaden suggested, her words hot on his lips.

  “All I heard was make out.” He nodded toward the door. “If I carry you through that door, we’ll be gone a while. There are a few positions we haven’t tried yet in the backseat.”

  She laughed and the blue eyes he loved so much twinkled up at him. “Such a romantic.”

  He winked down at her. “Only with you, Jelly Bean.”

  She rolled her eyes, but her cheeks were flushed. She was happy, and that made him happy. There’d been a time he wondered if he’d ever find this kind of love, if he’d ever find her. Being with her was so unlike his relationship with Kensie—there was no underlying feeling of regret, no emanating resentment. When she smiled at him, her eyes lit up in a way that left no doubt she loved him, even in the moments she didn’t say it.