Waiting for Autumn

by DeRouen, J. A.

  “You and me.”

  “Me and you.”

  “Yeah,” she whispers, watching me with trusting eyes and an open heart.

  I hope she feels this loving when I tell her where I’ve been today. We’ll need more than a couple of minutes for that conversation, so I hold off for now.

  “Check out the cool shit we bought today,” I say, getting up to grab the mountain of bags by the front door. I grab random things out of the bag and toss them on the couch. “Squirt guns … dive rings … inflatable donuts.”

  “Inflatable donuts?” She laughs as she picks up the package to inspect it.

  “Yup. Because a princess pool party isn’t complete without donuts. With sprinkles.”

  “You are such a pushover,” she says with a grin, leaning in to peck my lips.

  “Oh, and check this out. It’s a puddle jumper. It’s like old-school floaties, but better. She squealed when she saw this thing.” I hold up the contraption, and her eyes brighten. It looks like a hot mess to me.

  “I forgot hers at Aunt D’s. She loves the thing. Makes her feel like a big girl, swimming all on her own. Oh, speaking of, we should totally ask Aunt D to come to the pool party.”

  “Already done,” I say while I shove everything back in the bags.

  “Wow, I’m impressed. You’ve got this all under control.”

  “I do.” My lips meet hers as I fall onto the couch and pull her back into my lap. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? You and Aria.”

  Indecision wars behind her eyes as her hands nudge my chest. Her heart is all in, but her head can’t let go. My girlfriend says yes, but Aria’s momma still isn’t sure.

  But Aria’s dad is relentless and hopelessly in love. Not to mention, calling Autumn his girlfriend is a gross understatement and a term that in no way represents who she is to him.

  And why am I talking in the third person?

  “I don’t want to give Aria the wrong idea. What exactly is the right idea?” Her lips are back on mine before I can answer, then she pulls away again. “I mean, the message would be that we’re together. And this is happening. This is happening, right?”

  Before she leans in to kiss me again, I slide my fingers into her hair and stop her.

  “This is happening. Since the very first time I held your hand. Our first kiss. First fight. First…” I trail off and blush creeps across her cheeks. She lowers her head and giggles. “Even the years we were apart, I kept hoping. Even when it hurt too much to think about, I never could push the thought completely away. It was always happening. It was always forever.”

  Tears well up in her eyes, and she bites her lower lip. Footsteps patter down the hallway, but Autumn and I stay put.

  “Isaac wants to know what’s for supper,” Aria asks as she perches her chin on the back of the couch. Autumn shifts forward to hide her face while I pinch Aria’s nose. She giggles and swats me away.

  “What if we ordered a pizza and watched a movie?” Her eyes brighten. She hops in excitement, shaking her head the entire time.

  Then I take a chance.

  “What if … you and Mom just stayed here tonight?”

  Autumn and I hold our breaths, waiting for the verdict of a pool party princess. She taps her mouth and cocks her head to the side, thinking … thinking … thinking. Then her eyes light and a smile slides into place.

  “Let’s do that, Momma! Will you go get our mermaid tails?” When Autumn nods, Aria takes off to the back of the house for round two. “Isaac, I’m sleeping at your house and eating pizza!”

  I watch Autumn, and she watches me, both of us waiting for the bubble to pop. But it doesn’t.

  “Just like that,” Autumn whispers, throwing up her hands and giggling.

  “Damn straight. Even she knows it. You and me? We just are.” I growl as I fold her into my arms and attack her neck, making her cackle with laughter.

  She tugs my ears, pulling my face to hers, eyes full of love as she stares into mine.

  “This is happening,” she says, with complete conviction.

  “Damn right it is.”

  I kiss her lips. Her nose. Both of her cheeks.

  “Mermaid tails?”

  “Don’t even ask.”

  Chapter 40

  Present Day

  Sebastian

  Haven, LA

  “Come on, Seb. Quit playing hard to get,” she whines, pulling her shirt up her chest until I thwart her attempt, shoving the shirt back over her belly. “What do you have against boobs? Free peep show, right here.”

  “I’ve got nothing against boobs. In fact, I want your boobs against me. All the time. Swear,” I say, lifting her off my lap and placing her on the bed beside me. “But we need to talk.”

  “You’re new to this parenting thing, so let me clue you in. When the child is asleep, that’s when the magic happens.”

  I chuckle, loving the enthusiasm. Aria and Autumn are equivalent to birthday cake for no particular reason. A piñata on a Tuesday. Playing hooky in the middle of the week.

  Peep shows at bedtime.

  Shopping, pizza, and The Little Mermaid wore Aria out early tonight. She missed the ending credits, and I carried her to the spare bedroom, cheeks flushed with sleep and crocheted mermaid tail in place. Autumn ditched her tail, opting to straddle me instead.

  I’m fully on board with the plan, and I’m hoping she agrees after we talk.

  “I took a road trip today … to Prosper.” All humor drains from her face, and she watches me cautiously. She scoots away to create some space, as if preparing for what she knows I’ll say next. “To your parents’ house.”

  If looks could kill…

  “It wasn’t your place. I didn’t ask you to get involved. I didn’t want you to.” Legs swing over the side of the bed, but I catch her arm before she makes it very far. “Why couldn’t you leave well enough alone?”

  “Because it wasn’t good enough. It was nowhere near good enough.” Can’t she see that? Even through her anger, she’s got to know. “Why didn’t you tell me you were the one to cut them off and not the other way around?”

  “What difference does it make?”

  “It makes all the difference, Autumn, and you know it. That’s why you let me believe they wanted nothing to do with you and Aria.”

  She bristles at my accusation, and I know I’ve hit a nerve. I’m going about this all wrong. My intention is to heal old wounds, not pick at the scars.

  Softening my voice, I try again. “If I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that things aren’t always how they appear. So, I wanted to see for myself.” Moments pass with tense silence, so I continue. “I only spoke with your mom.”

  “He was at work, I’m sure. Glad you didn’t have to endure him,” she scoffs, head turned back to me, but eyes averted.

  Well, that’s something, at least. If she were really pissed, she’d wish for her dad’s shotgun between my eyes when the front door swung open, right? I’ll take that as a win, however small it may be.

  “He might have been at work.” I wait long enough for her to look up and meet my eyes. I want to be sure she hears every word. “Or he could have been on Elm Street, in the apartment he’s been renting since your mom kicked him out.”

  And now I’ve got her undivided attention. Her mouth falls open, her lips attempting to form words but falling short each time. She narrows her eyes to slits like she’s trying to suss out if I’m screwing with her.

  “W-what did you say?”

  “She kicked him out.”

  She shakes her head and presses her lips together, rejecting the very idea of it.

  “She would never—”

  “On his ass.”

  “Is this some alternate universe?”

  I tug her toward me, and she comes willingly this time, meeting me in the middle of the mattress.

  “I told you, things aren’t always as they seem. Do you know when she found out about your dad threatening me after the accident?
Just a couple of months ago, when you confronted both of them and told them to stay away from you and Aria.” Jaw dropped, Autumn shakes her head in total disbelief. “She didn’t know anything about it, Autumn. She thought I just took off, same as you.”

  She runs a finger along the seam of my comforter. Chews on the side of her cheek while dropping her head to the pillow. I watch as the world she thought she knew shifts beneath her shaky feet. Her eyes close as she replays years’ worth of interactions and arguments, realizing not all adversaries were real and some allies hide in plain sight.

  “She was never the same after the accident,” she whispers, emotion clogging in her throat. “She always let Dad run the show, yeah, but she pulled the reins when she felt he was getting out of hand. When needed, she had this fire that would rise up and be the voice of reason. After the accident, there was no fire left. Not even a flicker.”

  “Tragedy affects people in different ways. Some people shatter, while others rise up. I don’t know what makes one or the other happen, but it’s safe to say learning the truth relit that fire within your mom. She wants to stand up. She’s trying to reconnect the family she sees slipping through her fingers.” I slide my hand into hers and squeeze. She opens her eyes and sniffs. “She’s been calling you for months. She’s working up the courage to drive to Haven and sit on your doorstep, but she’s petrified you’ll turn her away.”

  “I wouldn’t do that. I mean, now I wouldn’t. Now that I know.” Her eyes widen, and she releases a long sigh. “I just can’t believe it, you know? Do you think it’s really over? I bet he’ll weasel his way back in.”

  “Well, she didn’t file for divorce or anything, but she seems resolute. If he can’t embrace his family as they are and let go of his anger, he can stay the hell away. Her words, not mine.”

  “He’ll try to bulldoze her like he always does.”

  “Eh, I wouldn’t count her out. He’s in therapy, if you can believe it. She insisted on it.”

  “Honestly, I can’t.”

  “Everyone deserves a second chance in life, don’t you think?” I brush a thumb over her cheek, and she leans into me, still looking doubtful but showing the tiniest crack in her resolve. “There’s good in him, too, Autumn. Even I can admit that. His anger swallowed it whole and buried it deep. But who knows? Maybe he can find his way back. It says a lot about your mother that’s she’s willing to let him try. And she’s putting you, Aria, and Brady ahead of this shit. That says a lot about her, too.”

  “Yeah,” she whispers, her mouth tipping up into a sad smile. She draws in deep, her chest and shoulders rising from the effort, then blows out long and slow, and I feel the frustration and resistance seep from her body.

  I gesture to her phone perched on the bedside table and give her an encouraging smile. “Maybe you could meet her in the middle? It’s not that late—I’m sure she’s still awake.” She eyes it warily and chews her lip. “You can’t pick the pieces you want to let go of and save some of the hurt for later. I want us to be a family, and we deserve a fresh start. So does she.”

  She lunges forward, pressing her lips to mine. Our foreheads touch, and she clenches her eyes shut. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I whisper as she rises and sits up on the edge of the bed. Running her phone through her hands, she lets out a long sigh before lighting up the screen and tapping.

  It couldn’t have rung more than once before she answers.

  “Mom?” Her voice is shaky, her shoulders hunched. She lets out a long sob, then an almost happy laugh.

  I take an extra-long time checking on Aria.

  Epilogue

  Autumn

  Present Day

  “How much time do we have?” Sebastian rasps, as his hands slide under my tank top, tweaking my nipples as his morning wood bruises my ass.

  His teeth graze the curve of my neck, and our eyes lock in the bathroom mirror. Sleepy hair, hungry eyes, and stubble scraping my skin in the most delicious way—oh yeah, I’m wet and ready.

  “Ten … maybe twenty minutes.”

  Life with a five-year-old—you sneak in sex when you can, where you can, and you make every minute count. We’re horny as newlyweds, but our flip-flop of life events makes things challenging to say the least.

  We have fun with it. Lots of fun.

  It’s the day of Aria’s pool party, and she and I haven’t slept at the apartment once since our initial slumber party at Seb’s. The only things left in the apartment are my furniture and our winter clothes. All the obsessing and overthinking about how Aria would take this transition, and her reaction to it, can be summed up in a flippant shrug.

  Mommies and daddies live togever, Momma. No big deal.

  I resisted the urge to tell her not all parents live together and took the win. If every morning could start off like this one, I’d explain family dynamics some other time.

  As Seb rips down my tank top to prop up my breasts, the last thing I’m worried about is clothes, winter or otherwise. When his hand dives into my panties, fingers sliding inside, my eyes roll back in my head.

  Boxers fall to the floor. Panties slide down my thighs. Palms hit the bathroom mirror. His hands meet mine, and our fingers intertwine as I arch into him.

  “Need to fuck you. It’s gonna be fast.”

  “You haven’t started yet?” I taunt, just as he drives into me. My head drops back to his shoulder, and I moan, because yes, right there, that’s where I need you. “I don’t care if it’s quick. I need it.”

  “I didn’t say quick. I said fast.” He bites my ear, then licks the burn. “Not the same thing.”

  Starving hands run down my arms, one stopping at my breasts and the other traveling between my legs as he pounds into me, each thrust longer and harder than the last. Root to tip, almost losing him as he pulls back, only to push in again and again. My legs turn to jelly, and I grab his neck, tug his hair, silently wishing this high would last forever.

  “Hands to the mirror, Autumn.” He wretches my fingers from his hair and slaps my hand back in place. “Hold on tight, baby.”

  It’s not a build so much as an active volcano, heated ecstasy rolling through me, a latent orgasm ready to spring to life without warning. My control holds like a hair trigger, one touch having the power to cause an eruption.

  “Soon,” he chokes out, head buried in my neck. “Soon … fuuuuuuck.”

  That dirty word … his sandpaper chin scraping my skin … his final thrust, deep and powerful, pushing me up onto my toes with the force of it, and I’m gone. I’m a ball of fiery sensation and pleasure and the only thing keeping me from melting to the floor is Seb’s arm locked around my waist.

  Cold tile stings my skin as he whips me around and plants me on the counter, our tongues sliding together as we slowly come back to reality.

  Bang, bang, bang!

  “Momma?” Bang, bang, bang! “Do you know what today is?”

  I break the kiss and drop my head to Seb’s shoulder. Hysterical giggles bubble up inside me, and I bite his shoulder to keep them inside.

  “Pool party day, poppet. Are you ready?”

  “Yes!” she cheers, then knocks again.

  “Got your swimsuit on?”

  Pause. Footsteps hauling butt out of the room and down the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief.

  “I love that little girl, but she’s the princess of all cock-blockers,” Seb mutters as he runs his hands up and down my thighs.

  “To be fair, she didn’t block the cock this time,” I laugh, holding up a finger. “Maybe just stuck a pin in the afterglow.”

  “This time being the key words there,” he chuckles before brushing his thumbs across my cheeks and meeting my eyes. “Ready for today?”

  “Yeah,” I say with a smile, eager but nervous to see my mom. We’ve been talking a lot in the past week, but this will be the first time we’ve seen each other in months. “I should ask you the same thing. This is your first attempt at party planning. All
set?”

  He leans over to turn on the shower and gives me an overconfident wink. “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

  * * *

  Sebastian

  Lexi may be the queen of mean, but she stowed the switchblades and let loose the pink glitter, all for Aria. My prickly friend has outdone herself this time.

  A sundae station armed with every confection a kid could imagine, a sandbox in the yard fully equipped with castle supplies, a giant cut-out of a shark around the diving board so the kids can jump out of its mouth … it’s so amazing. I confess to Autumn that Lexi’s the mastermind out of sheer guilt. She’s too mesmerized to care.

  “Didn’t know she had it in her,” Brady mutters as he rips off a bite of licorice. “Who knew someone with a black heart could make something this festive.”

  He dodges my greasy spatula as I try to whop him upside the head. Flipping burgers is the perfect job for me. People stop by to visit, and I keep my hands busy. Looking over the crowd of friends and family gathered, my heart is full, but my nerves are churning full force. It’s a lot to take in, especially Autumn, Aria, and her mother sitting at one of the tables, Aria perched in her grandmother’s lap, and Mrs. Norris positively beaming. All of them are grinning ear to ear.

  My girls—pockets full of sunshine.

  “Give Lexi a break. And I don’t just mean today.” He scowls, but he knows what I’m talking about. I don’t know where Brady got the bright idea to use his hacker skills to look into my friends, but he needs to cut it out. Lexi’s good people—a crunchy outer shell with a gooey center.

  I assume her center is gooey. I haven’t actually seen that part of her yet.

  “That’s a good thing you did right there.” He gestures to his mom and sister and shakes his head. “Still not sure why she didn’t tell me all of this. I would have talked to Autumn. I would have fixed it.”

  “I know you would have, man.”